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changing who I am
God, I have a real problem. When I first came to Jr. High last year I was myself 100%. I didn't give a care what people thought about me, or who my friends were. Then in the middle I started changing my looks and the way I talked, and I found myself ditching my old friends (who were kind of geeky) to be friends with newer and more popular ones. And it worked! Some of the popular people hang out with me now. But I feel really bad now. Now that im friends w/ the popular kids, I feel like I dont even need my old friends. I even LIKE my new friends more than my old ones. So tell me... am I a total selfesh jerk for ditching my friends? And am I weird for changing myself?
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Can you watch Love Don't Cost A Thing. I think their similar situations. You can tell me how it's going to end.
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It's good to be yourself but it's also ok to change. All people change whether they realize it or not. It's normal and nothing to feel bad about. But if your changing who you are to be liked by others, than it's not ok. If you like your new friends, continue being friends with them. But don't let them change who you are. And don't forget that you can be friends with the new friends but still keep the old.
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Although you probably shouldnt have ditched your friends...its not that bad, as long as you really like your new friends then its fine b/c there is nothing wrong with wanted some change in your life. And as long as you like the changes you made to yourself- then i think that you are just growing up and there is absolutly nothing wrong with that.
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Your not a total selfish jerk for doing that!You just wanted some change....there's nothing wrong with that.The "ditchng your friends part" is not being a selfish jerk either.I do,however,think that you should have a talk with your old friends.Just tell them you wanted some change,and you did it!Don't be suprised if they don't listen to you at first.They'll come around.
-Lady M♥
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Hey,
I read your problem and i understand what your going through and what your trying to say, so first of all, i am goint to start off by answering these questions for you.
YOu are most definitely not wrong, in changing yourself, because we all come to a certain stage in our lives, when we feel that we need to change,be different, meet new people, make new friends and change a bit of our life style,because a change is always what helps us go on with our lives without misery or depression.So i agree with you on that one.
On the other hand, i won't tell you that you are a total selfish jerk for ditching your friends, but i am simply can tell you that you were wrong in doing that action, because i have answered alot of questions about people moving on with their lives and making new friends and ditching their old ones, but i have never agreed with them. Because its actually kind of mean, that when you come to a whole new school where you don't know anyone, and then these old friends are sweet enough to be your friends and hang out with you and do more of that, so you could just ditch them later on and call them geeky friends. And don't get me wrong, i am not trying to say that you are a jerk or selfish or anything, but i am just trying to make you consider how they feel when they see you standing with the popular people when you should be with them, and they are not stupid, they know that these popular kids are much better than them and that anyone would want to be with them, but they probably feel really hurt and that since your popular now, you treat them as if you were better than them.
Look, i know that its such a great feeling to be there standing with populat kids, having fun, fooling around and all these really cool stuff, and you can do that, its great and i am happy for you. In the sametime, i am not telling you to stick with your old friends and be really best friends with them and stuff, but just don't put it like that" i am ditching them", no why would you? is it because you don't have time to hang out with them anymore. That still doesn't mean that you can call them and ask about them and mabye stand with them once a while, it wouldn't hurt anyone and if you do this, don't worry, your new friends won't make fun of me.So live your life, and have fun and make millions of friends,so what? its no one's right to stop you from making new friends, but just try to equalize the time you spend with everyone, and just because you make new friends, that doesn't mean you have to completely ditch everyone, just be reasonable and fair. You are a good person and you deserve to be having lots of friends and enjoying your time.so goodluck and try to consider what i said and if there are any further questions, please be free to contact me.
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No, you're not weird! I did it too...I felt kind of bad though because I left my old friends behind, but I guess it was for the best. I mean most people eventually grow out of their younger self. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself--but don't totally ignore your old friends. At least wave or say 'hi' to your old friends when you see them in the hallway. Also, you said " I feel like I dont even need my old friends. I even LIKE my new friends more than my old ones." So you see, at least you're happy :] Everything works out.
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omg it is totally jerky of you.because you used to be with them and you left them for the popular kids.at least still talk to your old freinds.because what goes around comes around and one day you will have freinds that you like that will leave you out for even more popular people
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There is nothing wrong with having different interests than your old friends and growing in another direction. Nothing is stopping you from loving your old friends for who they are and accepting that, but it doesn’t mean you have to spend time w/them if you don't enjoy the things they do and you prefer other activities or even other people. Whatever you do at least stay friendly w/your old friends. What I mean by that is say "hi" to them in the halls when you see them, tell them you like the sweater they are wearing (if you mean it), and be kind to them. Don't act as if they don't exist. But you don't have to hang out w/them if you don't enjoy their company anymore and there is nothing wrong with that. Your path in life is yours to take. Don't let guilt tie you down. Guilt is a fear based emotion and it only clouds your judgment. A lot of people make truly bad decisions based on guilt. Your lower level of like for your old friends could be mingled w/your feeling of guilt over your transition into other interests. A lot of times when guilt comes into a situation we become irritated w/anyone or anything that brings that feeling of guilt up in us. We perceive that we like the situation or someone less as a result. Let the guilt go and you will see that you still like your old friends, but that still doesn't mean you have to hang out w/them. Enjoy your new found interests and don't let those nasty negative feelings like guilt bog you down.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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You're not weird for changing yourself or your looks, but in middle school, a lot of kids go through changes to see who they really are. I've changed my look, my friends but not on purpose and I'm sure you didn't really mean to do that. I'm not going to call you a jerk but it was rude what you did. Before all the popularity, those "geeky" friends were there for you when you didn't have popular friends. You might of lost touch with your old friends and maybe you were never like them, but you should apologize how you treated them. Just because they aren't popular doesn't mean you shouldn't be friends still. Just don't feel guilty. You are who you are and you're going to go through a lot of changes but just pay attention on not hurting others around you.
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Its not weird. But, it is a little bit wrong. You changed yourself so you could be cool and youre old friends already liked you for who you were, not how you dress or even talk. And also, ask yourself if you would want youre friends to do this to you. It's like youre saying, your better than them.
But, in the end usually people go back to their original friends, because they are the true friends. And that is all you need. Ones that wont stab you in the back.
good luck
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Hun, your popular friends have just found out about you. What happened before when you were still with your self-proclaimed 'geeky' friends? They were too busy paying attention to themselves, let alone pay attention to you. Your 'geeky' friends were the ones that were with you in the beginning.
Changes happen every day. Everyone changes, even though they say that they'll stay the same way that they are for the rest of their lives. To tell you the truth, you were a little bit rude. I'm sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear. I'm being honest.
If you really want to stay 'popular', then go ahead. But, think about your old friends. I'm not trying to bombard you with guilt. What will happen when your popular friends dump you? Don't say that it will never happen, that you will remain 'friends forever' with them. Half of the time, you don't. Your friends will be the ones there for you till the very end. Think about it.
Hope I helped!
♥ SiMA
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The same thing happened to me before, and now I am just how I used to be! My advice to you is to talk to your old friends, preferably your old best friend.
You are not a total selfish jerk, you are just going through changes. But, talking different and acting different isn't the way to go, because that means your new friends probably don't like you for who you are, but for who your pretending to be! As far as changing your looks, that isn't bad, if you like your new look then keep it!
Once you talk to your old friends, you might decide you would rather just go back to the way things used to be. Or you might decide to keep things the way they are now. I think your easiest way is to keep hanging out with your new friends if you feel you are doing the right thing, while still spending time with your old ones. Remember, your old friends can stay new!
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Its not weird but ask yourself this..do you like the idea that the popular kids are friends with you because you channnged who you are? your old friends..the geeky friends..were friends with you because they liked YOU. If this changed person is who you really are..then its fine because people change.
hope this helped
-melissa
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