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...just not ready


Question Posted Monday October 11 2004, 10:07 pm

My boyfriend is very experienced sexually. He's 16 and I'm 15. We've been going out for a while now but have broken up a couple times before. The most important thing is though, is that we love eachother to death. He wants to go farther than what I'm comfortable with right now. I've always been a good girl and haven't done anything really 'sexual' with a guy. He wants to finger me, which I know deep down I am not ready for. How do I tell him this without sounding like a scared little girl or sounding dumb? All my friends have done these things with guys, but I do not want to give into pressure like that.

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ticklemepink1407 answered Monday December 27 2004, 10:08 pm:
if ur not ready say NO and if he is like "what bitch?" then dumb his perv ass... good luck! lol but no really say no if youre not comfortable and if he doent respect you enough then he is not good enough for you... just because you dont have sex doesnt mean you are a "good girl" there are lots of other things that are just as good with out gettin pregnant! -:kate:-

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veganvinegarpunk answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 11:15 pm:
tell him ur not ready and that if he cant respect that u cant b together. tell him ir would mak things akward in ur relationship

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Miss_ashtonkutcher answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 8:29 pm:
TELL HIM I DONT FELL CONFETABAL AND SLOW IT DOWN

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gymcutiepie01 answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 7:33 pm:
well it would be soooo cool if u were the only virgin between you and your friends. you would be unique and you would be more respected. if you are not ready then dont give in. if you are comfterable enough to have sex with a guy then use a condum and just wait till ur ready. hope this helped. good luck!!

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*-LyL-RyAh-* answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 3:45 pm:
I understand that you are just not ready so you could tell him that straight out. Just say do you think we could wait I'm not ready to do that stuff really, or you could tell him that you have your period but really that excuse only works for a bout a month. Not trying to pressure you or anything but getting fingered really isn't all too bad. It actually could bring you to closer. The first time that happened to me was woah a long time ago, now im 17, but I was kinda scared and kept making excuses why i couldn't then finally i gave up and really it isn't as bad as you think.-Hope I helped!

Much <3 Love
RyaH

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BehindBluEyes892 answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 3:33 pm:
tell him that you're not ready yet.
if he cant except that, then maybe he's not the right guy for you.
i know that sounds kind of...depressing, and it probably is..but really, if he cant except the fact that you dont want to be pressured and ur not ready for that, then maybe you shouldnt be dating him. but tell him how you feel, and talk about this with him and see what he says and just try to explain that ur not quite ready yet and you want to wait.

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SoNuLiCiOuSsS answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 3:28 pm:
A lot of people like to brag & say they've done things... especially boiz when they really havent... you need to do whats rite for you and what ur comfortable with... if your not comfortable with doing stuff... than dont... that doesnt mean ur a little girl... plenty of girls save themselves... if he really loves you he'll respect that your not ready...

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lil_angel answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 2:54 pm:
if he likes you hell wait till youre ready to move on. if he gets mad dump him hes not worth it .

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EnchantedSage answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 1:43 pm:
I commend you for not wanting to give in to the pressure to do what all of your friends have done and what you boyfriend wants. That kind of resolve is rare at your age.


I think that you should state your feelings to your boyfriend just as simply as you stated them in your question. Tell him you are just not comfortable with it right now. Assure him that it has nothing to do with him or your love for him, but you are just not ready yet. You can also let him know that pressuring you is not going to get you ready any faster and that you will let him know if and when you want to try anything sexual.


As far as worrying about "sounding like a scared little girl or sounding dumb", if your boyfriend truly loves you then, no matter how frustrated he is physically, he will not belittle you and make you feel this way. Further, if your friends really care about you, they might tease you a little about your lack of experience, but ultimately, they should respect your decision to NOT be sexually active, just as you are respecting their decicions to BE sexually active.


You have the rest of your life to engage in sexual activity and it's very important to your emotional health that you proceed on your own internal timetable and not to follow anyone else's. Best of luck to you.


Kind wishes,

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swtbabygurlxox answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 9:28 am:
dont let your bf pressure u into sumthing your not ready ofr and explain that to him

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xtroubleturk69x answered Tuesday October 12 2004, 7:00 am:
say no, it's what smart kids say to sex or in your case fingering...tell him you're not ready if he really loves you, he'll understand

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pinkygrl336 answered Monday October 11 2004, 10:51 pm:
Hey, first of all i just want to tell you that no matter what everyone else does or thinks..you dont have to be like them.You need to be straight up honest with your guy and tell him how you feel.You are getting to the age now, when sexual stuff is cool, but that doesnt mean that everyone is ready for it and that it is for everyone.If he really loves you, then he will understand how you feel, and will wait for you till you feel ready. Just be honest with him and tell him the truth..he will understand if he cares.Good luck!! -Jess

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Draak answered Monday October 11 2004, 10:46 pm:
Don't give into the pressure. If he loves you as much as you say he does then he will respect your wishes and wait until your are ready. If he pressures you more after you talk to him about it, and I do suggest that you tell him how you are feeling uncomfortable about it, then he isn't worth being your boyfriend or even your friend. Love should be given and taken unconditionally, which means you shouldn't have to give into things that make you uncomfortable.

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xxAdviceGirlxx answered Monday October 11 2004, 10:39 pm:
Well you have to tell him the truth. Tell him you're just not ready for that. I mean, you don't wanna do something you don't feel comfortable with. If he breaks up with you because you don't wanna have sex, he's so not worth it. Hope I helped. !~*Steph*~!

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xokaylanicoleox answered Monday October 11 2004, 10:36 pm:
well just tell him you arent ready for anything .. but ill tell you honestly ive done more with guys just bc i wanted to not bc of peer pressure and im still a good girl .. ppl still think of me as that bc its not like i go do that with every guy i want to do that with but you will eventually want to or want to just try it out and it will be ok until then just tell him you arent ready to do anything more yet and ask him for a little bit of time. but dont make him wait too long he might get annoyed. hope i helped! -kayla

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