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January 1, 2006Answers:
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FernGully
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advice
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and I thought it was what I really wanted to do. But now today I missed him sooo much and I wanted to get back together with him. This was my first realy boyfriend. Will the feeling pass? What should I do to get rid of it?
Don't think about how much you miss him (I'm sure it's hard but try your best), think instead about why you broke up with him and whether you really want to be with him or you are just worried about how he feels or fearing your own loneliness and/or the feeling of 'starting from scratch'.
There is nothing wrong with caring about someone that you love/use to love, but running back to the familiar isn't the way to do it, especially if that's not what you want. Trust me, if the guy loved you too he's probably hurt right now and the last thing he needs is to be hurt more by you going back to him only to do it again.
If you think you've made a mistake take the time to make sure that you have before you jump to that conclusion. Also, taking the time to question this gives him time to question it himself. (The last thing you need is to decide you want him back only to have him later decide that he doesn’t feel the way he though he did about you anymore.)
No matter what you should take some time apart; hang out with friends, maybe even see new people, but make sure to give some of that time to yourself to decide what 'you want'. Only then can you decide whether you should get back together with him or not, based on whether you believe you can have what you want with him or not, which sounds like you can't, since you made the decision to break up with him, which I'm sorry to hear especially since it's sounds like you really loved him, but it happens. Regardless, it’s best you both take some time apart no matter what you decide.
"I restore myself when I'm alone."
-Marilyn Monroe
Like I said before, make some time for yourself and don't feel pressured to be with someone else (if you don’t feel ready) and if you want to be with someone else, make sure you're happy with yourself first before you dive in. Family, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends can all help you be happy, but only you can make yourself happy. Don't believe that someone new will make you happy, but feel free to believe you can be happy with someone else and don't get the two confused with each other.
Best of luck to you.
(15/f)
There this guy I've know for a couple of year. We recently switched from our old school for a more advanced program at another school(He was the only other person I knew who transfered and vice versa)We're pretty close friends, so a lot of people were under the impression we were going out, and by a lot, I mean practically everyone we know.
Question 1: What's a good way to answer when people say stuff like "How long have you guys been going out for?" or "You guys make such a cute couple!"... It's incredibly ackward to respond to those o_O Especially since he has somewhat of a fanclub within the female population.
I don't blame them for getting the wrong impression though. For example today at lunch, he was practically sprawled over me while reading a book, and I was reading over his shoulder. And he has nicknames for me that he uses constantly. And many other reasons... The thing is I actually like this guy, and have for quite some time. But he keeps on sending me mixed messages about whether he likes me or not. He switches from staring into my eyes for no particular reason to avoiding me.
Question 2: Any ways of finding out if he likes me in that way, without being too blatantly obvious of course because I AM friends with this guy.
Good grief, this is a rather long question. Thanks in advance :D
Maybe he's not sure whether he likes you or not and/or more likely he doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship (/friendship) you guys already have.
By that I mean It's tough to be friends if you two were to break up, (because a majority of break ups aren't mutal, at least one person feels hurt from it). I'm not saying it's impossible to do, just that it's hard and maybe he doesn't want to worry about taking such a risk with such a close friend.
As for confronting him/ asking him that question, be easing going about it/ don't be awkward. The last thing you need is him worried that his answer will affect what you two already have.
Last but not least, it sounds like even though you like this guy, you are also content being 'just friends' with him which really is great because that not only eases the pressure off him, but you as well. This doesn't sound like an ultimatum so remember not to make it sound like one.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. It was great at first. We agrue all the time now and he gets on nerves all the time. Every little thing he does gets on my nerves. I love him and i want to be with him but i am not sure what is going on, He says that its just me, and he thinks that nothing is wrong with our relationship. Please help me.
Guys have learned time and time again that trying to second guess/ analysis their girlfriends actions is a dangerous and foolish thing to do, (I know this first hand since it has gotten me in trouble in the past when I misinterpret it). So what your boyfriend might be trying to do is 'wait it out' in the way that he feels his input would only start more arguments and frustrations, so he hopes that you can work it out on your own, (which works sometimes, but at this point I sort of doubt it from the way you speak of it)
I suggest that if you haven't already, confront him with your worries and fears, (don't wait until you feel it's too late to deal with).
I figure whether you have talked to him about it or not, that you feel like a giant jerk for how you feel right now about things, especially if your boyfriend still loves you and you love him and feel that bring it up with him will makes things worse.
Well stop that.
Nothing will be done to possibly help the situation if you feel too guilty to be honest about how you feel to him. Right now I think he's either aware that it is that serious and is trying his best not to push you to make any rash decisions you might regret later or he is unaware of how much this truly bothers you.
I'm not going to lie, if he loves you as much as you love him, (which is still quite a bit, since you're reaching out for strangers suggestions to make this relationship work), that this is going to hurt him if he knows how serious you're taking it.
So sit down, or go for a walk, etc and talk to him about it, start a dialogue about it. Be honest about how you feel even if you know it will hurt him and for that very reason make sure that he knows you still love him because otherwise he'll think this is some half-assed break up.
Just talk to him about it. You can ask as many people as you want for help but in the end you have to realize this is a relationship you're trying to keep, which involves two people and not just you and you need to share your concerns with him and brainstorm with him some solutions.
My final advice is not to try to fix things on your own and don't end it thinking everything will magically fix itself and you can start off where you left off. Come to terms with him and how you're feeling and both of you need to come up with some possible solutions that you can both try to make this work out.
I wish I knew what exactly what things he does that get on nerves are, (which would make this answer much more proactive and I probably could come up with some more useful suggestions). At the very least, just make sure to let him know and give him at least one suggestion or two on what he can do to solve the problem.
If you really love the guy don't give up on you and him being happy together, try your best to work things out before worrying about the last resort.
Best of luck to the both of you.
PS
(If you come up with an actually solution to this that keeps you guys together (and not just for the sake of it) let me know so I can pass it on to my now what seems ex-girlfriend who is going through something similar.)
Also take a look at http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0916.html
& http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/3078.html
Ok, I'll start off by saying I'm in college and I've only really had one real relationship in college that lasted about 6 months. There's this girl across the room in class that I think keeps looking at me and I think is really cute and nice, but we never seem to make eye contact (we have a couple times though). She doesn't have facebook or myspace, so I cant tell if she has a boyfriend or not and I'm too shy to just go up and talk to her. I found out though that she's graduating in May (I'm here for another year), so I have 2 problems; I dont really know what to say to her or how to approach her. And time is of the essence, because I really want to talk to her before she leaves to see if something comes of it. How can I just go up and approach her?
Don't worry about it too much, worst case scenario, she tells you that she's not interest in doing anything with you, (which almost always beats the "what if" that you'll be thinking about later).
Don't wait for the right moment, it won't happen, make the opportunity yourself. Don't come on to strong either, it sounds like this girl may like you, but even with that said, I doubt she wants her first conversation with you or whatever to be about how much you like her. (If she's interested there will be plenty of time later to tell her that you think she's cute and nice).
Not all girls, but most of them will know whether or not you like them anyways based on your actions/ whether of not you're giving them some attention compared to no attention. I've personally found time and time again that words can be overkill on top of that underlying layer that most guys (me included) can't usually see.
Ask her if she wants to hang out, (and by that I also suggest, that you suggest a place/event and maybe even the time if you can)
(That doesn't mean that she can't suggest something different of course, but at least have a suggestion in case she says "sure, what do you want to do?" or something similar and you're left on the spot with no ideas.)
The main thing to remember is to try your best not to worry about whether she is interest in you (as a friend or something more) when you ask her, (being nervous isn't a very flattering trait).
I'm not going to give you the whole 'life's too short' speech, but realize that life can seem much longer (and not in the good way) if you let your regrets and "what if"s pile up.
You sound like a good guy which can be a definite plus for you in most cases, but only after you get past the barriers and walls you throw up at yourself. Don't worry about what she'll think of you if you ask her and she says 'no' etc; instead, think about how she thinks of you, if she thinks you might like her but don't have the courage to ask her even to just hang out.
Don't be a pessimist.
Realize that you're taking a chance either way, and that you have a better odd of her at the very least hanging out with you if you ask her, than if you do nothing and wonder 'what if'.
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Winston Churchill.
Im 20 years old, im engaged and getting married this july. and im a virgin. i am TERRIFIED of the thought of having sex. my fiance says he will respect my feelings, but it just really scares me. i dont kno what to do. i love him so much, and the idea of sex, like connecting with someone because you love them so much is nice. but im terrified of the what happens. i know that probably sounds ridiculous to a lot of people, but i could really use some advice.
Thanx
It sounds like you have a fear of sex which has really no backing/reason, which like your subject title suggests it's probably a phobia. First off, I'm sure you already are, but be thankful you have such an understanding boyfriend/fiance. As for the sex thing, the more you worry about it the more you're working yourself up about it; try not to worry about it, and if you can't stop worrying about it, maybe you should talk to a professional about it or if the idea of spending some money in therapy etc, at the very least I suggest you should send this question to http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/ who probably can come up with a better/ more qualified answer than me and possible quite a few other people. Good luck and I hope you guys have a good wedding.
i have some pictures on my computer that i was to get rid of completly. i deleted them and then emptied my recycle bin. does that mean there completly gone? if not how do i delete them?
Nope, it's possible to recover using certain file recovery programs.
From now on try using a File Shredder program for files you want to be as perminatly deleted as possible.
A decent free one can be found at:
http://www.scar5.com/
Try using Restoration to make sure the files you've already deleted are deleted for good/as much as possible:
http://www.snapfiles.com/download/dlrestoration.html
Hi. My name is Whitney.
I need to know of a FREE DOWNLOADABLE photo editor that blurs or smears only certain sections of photos.
Any come to mind?
ABOUT GIMP:
http://gimp.org/about/introduction.html
DOWNLOAD GIMP:
http://gimp.org/windows/
NOTE: you'll need to download
-The GIMP for Windows
-GTK+ 2 Runtime Environment
GIMP TUTORIALS:
http://gimp.org/tutorials/
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22GIMP+%2B+tutorials%22&btnG=Google+Search&meta=
what are some good comebacks to say when someone calls you a lez/bi and your not.. like theress a rumor going around saying that im a lez/bi (and yes it does get to me alot but i dont show it) like what would i say?
First, I would probably agree with xoiiloveyou143xo an ignore them. If you can't though, these are my suggestions:
If it's a GUY:
"Just because I'm not interested in you doesn't mean I'm a lesbian/bi-sexual, it just means I have standards."
If it's a GIRL:
"I'm sorry, but I'm not a lesbian/bi-sexual and accusing me of being one won't change that, so you can stop hoping that I like you back, because I just don't feel that way about you or any other girls for that mattter."
my friends always make plans to go places like the mall the arcade the movies etc. and they never invite me. i dont think they do it on purpose but when they are planning whos going to go they never ask me if i want to go and they know i never have anything to do. i hate it and when i ask them if they want to go with me they never want to go. i hate not being included it really bugs me and stuff.. for example today my 3 bestfriends are all having a girls day out today of course no one asked me if i wanted to go and i tried hinting that i was bored and wished i had something to do and they dont get it. i dont want to be left out anymore i always talk to them and say ya know what how come im never invited and they say oh sorry we will include you from now on and the next time they go somewhere they invite me but then they forget again. i tried just hanging out with other friends instead but the same things happen with them. its like im not loved by my frineds.... they will talk to me in school but they have their other friends. i only have 1 friend that i hang out with alot but shes so annoying and i avoid her sometimes and im wondering if my other friends think im annoying and thats why they ignore me. i hate this soooo much noone wants to hang out with me. im not shy or anything i dont understand why my friends would rather hang out with their other friends. :(
"i tried hinting that i was bored and wished i had something to do"
They might actually get the 'hinting thing' and think, "Why doesn't she just ask?".
They might also wonder why you seem to get upset when you’re not invited but you never actually ask them if you can come.
Personally I find the whole, "well I'm bored and have nothing to do", as being a complaint which sounds like it‘s directed at them (since you‘re telling them) and makes you sound moody and whinny/ needy.
Why don't you just ask them straight out?
Example, "That sounds like fun, mind if I come?".
Show that you’re interested in what they’re doing and that you want to come.
Also, another great idea is for YOU to suggest/ plan something to do with them. It shows that you are truly interested in hanging out with them and gives your friends the perception "she wants (/is allowing) us to hang out with her", instead of the "ugh, she it doing the whole 'hinting thing' and is trying to tell us she wants to tag along'.
Be assertive, ask them if they want to do stuff and have some suggestions and when you know they have plans tell them straight out that you're available and you'd like/love to go (show some positive interest).
...and if that doesn't work, then maybe they really aren't your friends. I don't know them so it's hard to say. Try what I said, if it doesn't help maybe you should question why you refer to them as your 'friends'.
Good Luck.
how do i set a picture as my backround on myspace... instead of a layout ?
http://www.impliedbydesign.com/articles/adding-a-myspace-background-with-css.html
Hope that link covers your question.
I really just got into editing my photos.
The first program I had was Microsoft Picture It, but I want to move on to better and bigger things.
Is there a way I can get any photoshop program for free? My mom doesn't really support me in my photography-decisions and she wont pay.
It doesn't have to be a really good version, just one that works for a fast-working beginner.
ABOUT GIMP:
http://gimp.org/about/introduction.html
DOWNLOAD GIMP:
http://gimp.org/windows/
NOTE: you'll need to download
-The GIMP for Windows
-GTK+ 2 Runtime Environment
GIMP TUTORIALS:
http://gimp.org/tutorials/
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22GIMP+%2B+tutorials%22&btnG=Google+Search&meta=
I am so frusturated today. I'm usually giving advice, but right now I don't have any for myself. I have been best friends with this one girl for 2 years and I'm really close with both her and her daughter, but she is constantly using me and lying to me. Finally I got fed up of her and called her to tell her she only cares about her self and then hung up. Does this diserve an apolgie? I don't plan on giving one, but I wanted to know what everyone else thought.
Nope, friends who constantly use you and/or lie to you aren't really your friends.
Maybe they were at one point, but they aren't when they're doing those things.
If you really feel that you were too harsh, then apologize, but only after she apologizes for her actions.
After all, why should you apologize for speaking honestly to them?
My advice is:
If you had said it behind her back, you should probably apologize (at least for not confronting them first).
If you said it to her face, apologize only if you didn't mean it.
well theres this boy i like and my best friend knew him before me but never talked to him or anything. she said he was ugly but after i said he was cute and that i liked him she said it to and she starts flirting with him and kissin him on the cheek when im standing right there. He wants us to blow him but take turns. Have one of us blow him while the other one makes out with him then switch. my {best} friend is all like "ya lets do it sexy" and stuff like that and im soo freakin mad cuz she knew i liked him alot!! i told her about this and she just said that im makin a big deal out of nothing and that hes mine. what do you guys think am i overreacting or should i be mad? i mean would you want your best friend making out and givin bj's to the boy you like?
Sounds like you want a monogamous relationship with this guy, which personally I see nothing wrong with; I wouldn't want to share my girlfriend with any of my friends or anyone for that matter.
The problem is your crush doesn't seem to want to have a monogamous relationship with you, especially since he's suggested he wants both you and your friend. Now if you are ok with that so be it, but if you were ok with sharing your crush you wouldn't be questioning whether you're overacting or not.
So, the answer is you're reacting how you see fit, which in this case means you don't want to share him.
My advice is to look for someone else to crush on who shares your one-on-one relationship philosophy.
I met a new friend a few months ago. He's pretty cool but we are pretty much exact opposites. He can be really moody sometimes and takes things out on other people. He wallows in self pity and always complains about how life isn't worth it. Then he gets irritated by me whenever I have a different opinion and express it.
I've tried talking about this with him and it isn't working.
I really can't afford to lose him as a friend though even though he isn't much of a friend sometimes.
Still, I can't afford to lose him since he knows way too much about me.
And he is really fun to talk to when he's not in one of his moods.
Any advice on how to deal with him? Besides for talking it out, which I've tried numerous times?
Punch him in his face.
But seriously, I think everyone has a friend like that/ or at least did at one point. Unfortunately like most forms of depression it's pretty much a personal inner war with themselves. It doesn't really matter what you say (unless you're helping him rip on himself), because it's all about how he feel about/ see himself.
My advice is to first try cheering him up by hanging out with him etc.
(Note: If you're a girl that you think he could potentially like and you don't feel the same way about him, don't lay it on too thick because he will be much more moody if he likes you and you turn him down. At the same time, don't go on like a pity-date with him; it may temporarily make him feel better, but he won't change.)
If the whole spending time with him and/or cheering him up and looking at the positives of his life does work, try judging the negatives of his life. Example, say he's upset or moody about people not calling him to hang out, ask him whether or not he would call somebody up if they were in an upset mood, or find out if he's been try to call anybody himself.
If all else fails, try the tough love approach and maybe spend some time apart. Sometimes moody people use their friends as their outlet for their complaints and are ever-so slightly content being the the #1 winner of the #1 loser award among their friends.
Anyways it's really late/early here I wouldn't be surprised if none of this makes any sense to you (/or me if i re-read it later)
So I'll just end this by giving the simplest advice on this matter.
NEVER give sympathy or pity to his causes, it just fuels the fire.
(while it's not much better, it is better to be apathetic than to be sympathetic to their woes.)
Best thing to do:
Skip the sympathy and go right to try to help him find a solution to his problem(s).
If he doesn't want your help then there is nothing you can do.
...but punch him in his face.
There's this guy from my clique who likes to irritate me. But anyway, he makes fun of everyone. I'm rather close to him as in like I can talk to him. Both of us belong to the same clique and I guess i can talk to him pretty well as compared to the rest in my clique.
Recently, he kept criticising bout me. Whenever he knows a guy is interested in me, he'd be like "What?! He has really bad taste". There's this other guy who was interested in me and he happens to know that guy as well. So he was telling me "Ya, anyway, he has really bad taste. His favourite girls from the FHM magazine are all not nice."
And he likes to put me down, saying for eg "everyone in our class is quite pretty.. except for ___(my name)"
And when i just randomly told him that someone said i look like one of the girls from a pop group,(the girl is a tomboy) he'd say "ya , people say that you look like the ugly lesbian part of her right?"
And I'd be like OK FINE! just what the hell is your problem. Can someone tell me just what the heck is he doing cos he's really pissing me off a lot. And it's not like he's so handsome ok! He's not handsome at all! And I'll be like yeah what right do you have to criticise people's appearance.
A) He likes you and is trying to either scare away any potential competition and/or trying to compensate for some insecurities he has/may have.
(for example, his physical appearance.)
B) He see's you as like a younger sister and believes he's keeping away guys that would just hurt you/ that are 'no good for you'.
(at least in his eyes)
c1) He hates you and just loves to make you miserable.
c2) He's jealous, because no one has shown any interest in him.
(more of a girl trait, but I’m sure there are some guys who can/do have it too)
d) ...he thinks he's hilarious.
(this could be very possible, especially if you have any friends who laugh at his remarks that have to do with you.
e) ...you're a lesbian man like-looking girl in denial.
(you're probably not, but I figured I should try to cover most of the angles. When in doubt, ask a friend that you think will be honest and/or blunt with you.)
what are the signs when someone like a girl especialy isnot telling you the whole truth? is there a way to tell?
What I've found with most girls is that the lengthier the excuse (/the more effort put into it), the more likely it's true.
Exceptions being:
- same excuse used often
- a lot of pauses/ um's, ah's and err's, etc.
(I can't really give a specific answer to such a broad question)
ok im really annyoyed right now.. i think i have a virus on my computer.
heres how it started:
i went to myspace layouts site and like a popup came up and i exed it out then my computer started freezing so i restarted it and then i saw an icon on my desktop it was like play poker for $10K and i deleted it then there was another one like FREE GAS (it came up right after i delted the poker one)and then internet explorer looks weird now. it says like mirar and there are tabs that say "dunham. baseball. job seekers. investing." but they change every time and now all i get are pop ups when im on AIM and they never came before.
so i was wondering do i have a virus? and if i do, how do i get rid of it?
thankss
Another good program is SpywareBlaster
(http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.html)
But it's usage is more about prevention than fixing.
I think Krupple pretty much covered anything else I could think of. What I can add on though, is like Krupple said, switching to using Mozilla's Firefox browsers is a big help and so are some of the freeware extensions that you can download for it.
Examples:
NoScript
https://addons.mozilla.org/firefox/722/
Adblock Plus
https://addons.mozilla.org/firefox/1865/
Adblock Filterset.G Updater
https://addons.mozilla.org/firefox/1136/
(Note: These Firefox extensions are great for preventing adware and spyware from getting on your computer. As far as getting rid of it (once you have some) goes, try using some, (if not all) of the programs that Krupple suggested (especially Spybot Search & Destroy).
I hope I was helpful as well.
how much does paint shop pro cost, and where can you buy it?
http://store.corel.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?promocode=0&storeId=10001¤cy=USD&jspStoreDir=CorelUS&partNumber=OL_PSP10&catalogId=10103&ddkey=SetCurrencyPreference
Item Price(USD)
Corel Paint Shop Pro X Full $79.00
I figure you don't want to purchase it from the company's site though, so as far as retail outlets are concerned, in all honesty I don't know.
What I do know is that it's pretty available at most retail stores that have their own computer/ software section. Examples include: BestBuy, Staples (Business Depot)and even Wal-Mart (according to their site). Most of the retail outlets sell it for approximately $100 though.
Hope I was helpful.
me and my boyfriend get along great we hav alot of similar interests but we only really talk about his stuff when were chatting on the computer... i embaress myself around him like randomly start talking to myself...dnt ask me why... i just got nervous. anyways i dont want him to lose interest in me he told me today on msn that he wanted a girl that could "explain" herself, and not be shy around him. im afraid that if stop being shy that i will do something stupid and scare him off. does anyone have any ideas how to keep a converstation going without any awkward silences or weird moments... or what i should talk to him about....
thank-you.. i really apreaciate it
xoox
ill rate 5
[Short answer]
Sounds like your boyfriend wants to know the real you or move on to find a girl who has the courage to risk making a fool of herself in front of him.
If you do scare him off it will be because you said too much, too soon, or much more likely, you two aren't as compatible as you think.
If you stay together eventually all that is to be known, will be known about the both of you to each other; so why wait to find out whether or not he will love you for who you are?
[Longer answer/Continue]
Talk. Speak your mind. If there are any awkward silences, make him deal with them, not you. Right now he’s told you not to be shy towards him. While it’s not always true, in a case like this I think, “The best defense is a good offense”.
Be yourself. Be relaxed enough to be able to joke around with him and tell him to “explain” himself to you more and if there are any awkward silences just ask him something like, “don’t be so shy with me, you’re creating awkward silences.
The main thing is to be relaxed and have fun, if it ends up that he is too uptight and gets so flustered when you do something foolish that he ends your relationship with him, so be it. If not today, that will be the case eventually, so why wait to find out later? I mean, if you continue to be shy with him, he’ll be on his way anyways, he’s hinted that to you already with, “he told me today on msn that he wanted a girl that could "explain" herself, and not be shy around him”.
If you feel the need to hide your true self from him, than how can you think it will work out? The longer you wait, the more he’ll either fear you have some crazy dark secrets, or the more he’ll get bored with your shyness, etc.
It’s alright to be shy at the start of a relationship, I can understand you don’t want to come on too strongly, especially in case the feeling isn’t mutual/ just not there yet for your boyfriend, but at this point he wants to know you, trust him to decide whether or not he thinks you’re too foolish for him. Who knows, maybe he’ll find your silly/weird habits fun or cute.
He’s knocking on your door, either let him in or let him go and if you do invite him in, let him leave if he wants, whether he’s allowed to stay or not is up to you.
Hope things work out for you.
is it worth it to ask a guy out if he may befriend you afterwards for odd feelings? i like him, and i can just be friends, but i'm scared to make a fool of myself.help!
Think of it this way, you'll feel like a fool later when you realize you were scared of making a fool of yourself.
I'm not going to lie to you, if you make a fool of yourself, yeah, you're going to feel foolish, but you'll get over it in time.
On the other hand, if you don't do anything, you'll feel foolish anyways and always regret not doing anything.
I’ll leave you now with two famous quotes that you should keep in mind.
"The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity."
- Winston Churchill
"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it."
- Albert Camus