I was married once. She was a pretty girl and seemed great at the time, so for a brief period of time, I gave up my rambling life playing in punk bands and writing for music zines while traveling to settle down. She cheated and left and I was alone. A few years later, I fell in love with my bass player and now we tour together and have the best adventures so I have both the girl of my dreams and my musical life.
The truth is, life rarely turns out the way we plan. But it has a strange way of coming together. Maybe that wasnt the job for you, maybe your destined for better things, or maybe you got a better job coming right around the corner. The simple fact is. Your time will come.
If I were a buddhist I would say "What a great opportunity for you"
Life rarely turns out the we think it will. Sometimes it turns out better.

You should leave it alone.
When you break up with someone that you invested your feelings in, you will often go through a mild form of the 5 stages of grief:
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
It's not like someone died, but the loss of someone is still there. Also some stages are stronger than others, pretty much you just said that you went through the anger stage, I would say that you are at the bargaining part right now, where you are telling yourself that you can just "be friends" because let's admit it... right now you are remembering pretty good things and not too many bad things. The best way to get over it is to remember all the reasons you broke up in the first place, if you keep a diary, read that part only. Ask your best friend who you complained to to remind you of everything you're forgetting, you'll breeze through depression easy too.
If you got him, you can get another.

If you are still in school, enroll in music theory right away. And take choir. It doesn't sound glamorous at all, but these courses will teach you music the right way, will help you find your range, and how to use your voice the right way, you can hurt your voice if you sing wrong too much.
In the meantime, get a piano, keyboard or a piano app on your phone and look up playing scales on youtube. Once you do that, try singing the scales while playing them. This will train your voice to match the pitch. Also sing with your headphones on you your favorite songs and record it with another device, you will quickly learn how easy people go off pitch.
My advice is, some people are lucky and they break in to music. It's like winning the lottery. I am a musician, and it's hard, but for me it's my art and I would have it no other way. Singing is a great dream, but it takes hours. Literally hours of hard dedicated work. You're lucky you are still young and in school, enrolling in a choir program, talking to your teacher about studying privately can earn you scholarships and other things. Once you are learned, it's really up to you what to decide.

Young love is always more intense because you're young and having first brush experiences with everything. It's like the first time I saw the movie "Scream". It was a packed theater and everyone was jumping yelling and screaming. Now, a billion sequels later and too many showings on daytime TV, I don't pay it much mind.
The truth is, you have matured enough to know you should have stayed single, and there is nothing wrong with the dude you have now. You may feel a little less "rush" because of what I just said or maybe because there is less conflict with him in your normal life. My advice is (and it's probably way different) that you are 20 years old. When I was 20 I was awesome (still am) I played in a band, went to different cities, really chased my passion. Along the way, I met a lot of girls, dated a few and kept moving with myself in mind. Now, after a few bumps along the way, I am where I want to be and it's awesome.
I think people are afraid to be alone. There is a freedom in being single. Is it lonely? If you let it be. The truth is love... real love will come when you don't worry about it. When you are confident in yourself that's when you are open to someone who is attracted for you for who you are, not just if you're single and have some shit in common.
You can date (you're still young I recommend it so you can find what you like.) You can even have a boyfriend if you want to give someone the title. You don't have to feel the need to settle down though just because. When you give someone the title of being your boyfriend, it means you're giving them your loyalty, love isn't necessarily always in the mix. It doesn't always have to be. I say it's ok to be a little selfish. Better to discover what you want than regret it later.

Stegosaurus duh.

The things he sees happening to people is probably going to jail. In most states, a 21 year old and 17 year old involved in a relationship is usually a jail sentence if they decide to *ahem* consummate the relationship. I know that's not the answer you're looking for, but I couldn't answer your question without pointing that out.
In all actuality, you can't force someone to "be ready" he either is or isn't. If I were you, I'd be glad he is at least honest on what he says, a lot of people wouldn't be and just use you physically. Maybe he just likes someone to talk to. Or... he could be stringing you along. In which case, it's only up to you if you want to keep talking to him. Don't feel bad about feeling duped. Everyone has been strung along at some point. I saw it on "How I met Your Mother" so I know it's a fact

If he approaces you he has to be the one to exit. It should be like a Black Ops mission (he'll know what I mean). Same to you if you are the approacher. It's in and out because I guarantee you he is just as nervous. It should go like this:

Guy: Hi
Girl: Hello!
Guy: so I was wondering maybe we can do something Friday.
Girl: I am totally free Friday what did you have in mind?
Guy: Oh I dont know how about (insert movie/dinner/walk/coffee combo here)?
Girl: that sounds cool. You have my number right?
Guy: Yeah
Girl: ok call me after work/school/etc and I'll give you my address.
Guy: cool.
Girl see ya then

-graceful yet excited exit-

It's tough, and I'm going to give you an answer that these kids arent.

I was married once. I had a family and a wife and she cheated.
I have someone in my life now. I will never go back to that chick... ever. That being said, I simply cannot erase what was in my life for those few years.

Here's how it is, your husband has kids with this lady. You can't ask him to put the mother of his kids out in the street. (Well you can, but that makes you look like the bad guy)

I'm sure the two of you have had multiple talks about it. I'm sure it's not easy. But you have to be aware of what you got in life.

I would set definite ground rules. I would request that you get to handle the employees (If you have stake in the business... or maybe suggest you get a third party to manage her because it is a conflict of interest for him.) If she has stolen money, she should be prosecuted, but beware he probably wont put the mother of his children out for criminal charges.

After setting ground rules, I would not stay away from family functions. You are the Matriarch now. It is your family too. You can't let anyone win and you cannot show weakness. HE married you for a reason. Remind him of that, If he says he still loves her, move on, but dont jump to conclusions. She broke a line of trust and his heart. HE probably would never let that happen again.

You need to give her 1/4 to 1/2 the time she was with him for healing time... so if she was with him for a year... you need to give her 3 months to six months.
Sounds crazy huh? It is.. but the heart is fragile. Even if she does go out with another dude in this time they will be a "rebound" and wont last more then a few weeks. Humans do weird things to cope. But it sounds like she is on this "being alone right now kick" even though it sucks for you because you like her and you realize you are being selfish (trust me dude I have been there totally.) I think it's in your best interest to wait it out. Talk to her. Sounds like thats what she needs. Beware of the friend zone. You don't want to be to far in it that you can't come out of it. It's a delicate dance... It sucks but you also don't want to get too close no matter how tempting it is.
My advice? Check on her every few weeks. Tell her when she looks sad, that you notice and you were just checking to see if she was alright. Respect her distance. And in a month or so, remind her that you are interested in her, and you are hoping that her heart is healed because you like her, but you only want to see her happy. This IS the truth right? If you say it and mean it.. that's more than that last dude could ever do for her.
Good luck man.

no.. but it may make you popular...

I wouldn't transfer if I were you.. here's why.

1. You already have a good setup, friends, and you are comfortable in your surroundings. This is important because let's face it... college is hard. You need to be in an ideal setup just to get through it.

2. I'm glad you said you wont make a choice based around a dude.. here's why...
Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. You will see him less which means you will have more time to concentrate on your studies and when you do get to see him, you two will be happy to spend any amount of time with each other it is more sacred and fights are less. This means you will also be more communicative. As emails, texts and IM's will be more important between the two of you.

Here's the truth. If it's meant to be, it'll happen no matter what. I'm sure you are tired of hearing that. But you don't want to screw with your future just because it's going well. I actually threw away a good shot at a good school over a chick once. Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't.

It sucks because seeing an ex is just reopening an old wound.

I always tell people to make a list of things you want to do and start doing them. This means you will discover more about yourself. And quite frankly when you do meet a new person, you're going to wish for some time to yourself from time to time.

Guess what you're single! That means you don't have to feel guilty for flirting, you can go out with friends without checking in, and basically be free.

Why am I telling you to do things for yourself? When you do, you see that missing someone is just really missing the idea of someone. When you melted inside you really only missed the familiarity and safety that person gave you, you don't miss the fighting and the real life complacency. Being single has liberated you to be awesome and rediscover yourself. Life is too short to be worried about an ex. Not when a gal like you has the world at her fingertips.
PS there is no greater revenge than living well. When people see a liberated happy person... that's attractive

The answer is a sucky one because you are still thinking about the ex so much.

First: I can't discredit you. The heart wants what the heart wants. If it's affecting everything around you, it's obvious you got it bad and that ain't good right?
I know all about heartache. It's not just the heart, it's everything that hurts as you deal with anxiety you can't explain.

Second: I can tell you this. Time really does heal all wounds. It may not seem like it, but you got to deal with the bad and dealing with it, will make you stronger for the next great love of your life.

My answer is this:
It's obvious you and your ex probably will never get back together. I know this sicks to hear. You probably don't want to, but it's the truth. If he's already got another girl, he's living miles away, and he hasn't given you an answer other than "talking as friends"... well darlin' it's pretty clear this isn't a wise use of your energy.

Vice versa, this new dude sounds cool, but you are also having doubts. It sounds like you could like him well enough, but you dont have the history you do with your ex. My thought is that you are still in rebound mode having bounced around and still having relationship issues.

Here's what I think you should do honestly:
Take that two months before you turn 18... and spend some time being you.
Check it... it sounds like you're a fox. People obviously want to date you. Never worry about finding someone or being alone. You got him, you can get another.
What you want to do is take advantage of this limbo period. You can go out with your gals, stay out late and not have to report to anyone. Eat what you want, do what you want, and flirt with who you want. You can take up a hobby, go on a roadtrip this weekend, and be free.
Why am I telling you this? The more time you spend being free and happy is time you come to decide what you really like. Like record stores? You can probably meet somone cool there. Book stores? People who read are sexy (I know I am) and the truth is... when you do get tied down with another ball and chain, you will actually start craving those little moments of freedom again.

In the end, it's your life. I cant tell you who to fall for.. only you know know that. But I can tell you, the sooner you heal the sooner you will find the next great adventure, and trust me, no matter how great you think that one was, there's always another adventure waiting.

How about...
"hey 'name of mutual friend' asked me if you and I were like an exclusive thing. Weird huh? I didn't really know how to answer her. I told her I was really having fun hanging out... Has anyone asked you something like that?"

That may open up dialog, you can use a kill shot to seal the deal along the lines of... "the truth is, I like the time we've been spending. I appreciate the way you have been fitting in to the rest of the things I have going on, I would like to keep doing what we do, in an exclusive way if you would too."

Then he can respond. You have to be ready for whatever comes. He may not want a relationship. In which you can tell him you are fine with how you have been continuing. (or maybe your not and you want the title)

Whatever you do make sure he's not on a rebound. Those never end well and you may just want to keep on seeing him without the title until he gets it together.

Short quick fix answer... if you have been doing the same thing over and over with him, switch something up, add something and make that the main focus point for that session.

longer answer
I'm a dude. You should totally just ask him. Seriously when a lady friend asks me and opens up that convo... thats almost an aphrodisiac in itself. The truth is, guys are guys. The stereotype for us is that we are very sight oriented and this is true. We like just about anything that goes with that subject, but to really find out, pay attention to what he's paying attention to, and definitely bring it up when the two of you are alone. You'd be surprised how that will be his favorite conversation.

Bear with me this may start off weird:

I fell in love with Star Wars when I was 5. There was something about it that just captured my imagination. Seriously... I love that movie. L-O-V-E. So much that I actually kicked a girl out of my apartment when I showed it to her and she said it was dumb. (It was the "magical" 3rd date, and I knew if she didn't validate my obsession with the movie we wouldn't last)

Why am I telling you this? I believe you can fall in love with something at a young age. Love is a feeling, the strongest one we have. You know from dealing with a broken heart how much it can actually physically hurt you. The Trojan War was fought over a woman, and any story worth telling involves love of some sort.

I am also telling you my ridiculous admiration for SW because those movies captured my imagination as a kid. They always made me feel like I can be better than I was. Hopefully that is what he makes you feel like. There is a point when "love" goes from being physical to being an everyday thing. When you get comfortable with someone, that's when the lovey doveyness leaves and the real comes out.
It seems to me that the two of you can probably make it. You've been apart for awhile, you have a cute story... But you'll have to work at it to make it last. I think you should date him when you are "legal" (gee that sounds creepy) and I wish you well...
I would wait on the marriage thing. Go to college, and live life with him, decide what you really want to be when you "grow up" then when you graduate and you are "grown up" then you know the two of you have stood through every test.

As for me. I'm still waiting for that doe eyed senorita who will watch Star Wars movies and dance to the Ramones with me in my living room.

Good luck.

I dont think there is ever a "right" time. Personally... no one is ever ready, even when they are married and have already graduated college.
This is because kids change EVERYTHING.

I guess that's what you need to look at.

I am not in your boat, so let me tell you what I would do.

I would finish up that degree. I would then take some time to spend with my lady. I would do all the things we wanted to do.. vacation, travel, go to concerts, out with friends... because the moment Timmy Jr. comes, that party stops and it's play dates and birthday parties. There's nothing wrong with that, I just want to make sure I have lots of quality adventures with my chick before we add a mini me.

I've answered this question before and it has never changed...
Trust me doll, He'll be happy just to get there. As long as it's not crazy out of control (and even then.. if he's anywhere close to your age and all the parts work... he won't complain).
It's natural to be concerned about your looks in all areas but trust me, we're dudes. We are visceral beings. It's a lot of work convincing a girl we are cool enough to take her pants off, we're not going to spend the remainder of the night critiquing it.

Look it's not that nothing he says is good enough. It's he isn't good enough.

It sucks breaking up. I dig it. Being alone after you've been with someone takes getting used to, especially when they keep bugging you or trying to turn the tables on you.

There comes a time though, when you start thinking about yourself. You have a right to decide what job you want to work in, what college you want to go to, who your friends are... and especially who you wake up to.

If your dude is a non functioning drunk (some of us are charming when we drink) and had a problem being faithful to you, it sounds like this is not much to think on.

Be happy you are through with him. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Make a list of everything he has ever done wrong, every big fight you had. Take it out and read it whenever you have to get in the right mindframe to deal with it.
Your strong. You can do it.

Maybe it's because you're a regular customer and she thinks you're a cool dude... and maybe there are a couple of other waitresses there who have made some comments about that cool dude who eats there.

Just a thought.

How would I have handled it? Well as a single dude, my policy is it doesn't hurt to see what's on the menu... ask her to show you today's specials.

Anytime anyone wants to introduce you to a gal, you should always say something to the effect of "Sure... I like making friends". There... no pressure.

Full time Jerk. Part time writer, adventurer.

I get drunk and answer your questions with the cold truth.

It saves lives.

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