Hey!
I live in Canada and I'm teen. I've been through a lot of stuff with my friends over the last few years and I always try to give my insight into their problems (sometimes even when they don't really want it lol).
I've realized that over time I have accumulated a lot of questions about moving on, so if you have a question about that, lay it on me!!
I don't think that ratings matter, and that you should choose someone to trust your question with, that will answer it with care, but show you what the world really is and wont sugar coat it.
I hope you guys find my advice helps, hope to talk soon!! :D
Angie
E-mail: princess_in_pink723@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Age: 16
MSN: princess_in_pink723@hotmail.com
Member Since: September 9, 2006
Answers: 465
Last Update: February 20, 2010
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Okay so i have this friend that moved last year...i was happy because she turned out to really mean like once this girl was crying because she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and i was trying to comfort her and she goes "Did YOUR father ever push you sister down the stairs? MINE DID, THAT is something to be sad about"
The entire school hated her...and we were glad when she left...but she didn't know that. So know she wants to go the same high school as me and most of the people that hate her...and I've been telling them that they don't...now i don't know what to do. If i become enemies with her she will devote her life to making sure i suffer.
HELP!!!! (link)
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Hey!
I've been partially in this situation before. I had a friend exactly like that before. to my relief she moved away in the eighth grade. a few years later, she started asking me if people still asked about her, if I was still her friend or if some of my friends hated her. I kept telling her that I didnt know, and that I just wanted to conflicts between us to end. we dont really talk anymore, but I don't have to worry about her coming back. I couldnt imagine what you're going through right now.
I would suggest, talking to her (if you can) and telling her that you just want to make things between you and her as comfortable as possible, without conflict and anger and stuff. tell her that she has hurt you in the past and that you want to put all of that past you (even if you dont) and that you just want to try and respect each other.
Try not to become "enemies" with her. just try to avoid her. if you have to talk to her, just exchange pleasantries, and be overly nice. If she does take this offensively and start going after you, ignore it (as hard as that may be in highschool erg...) and remember, at least you're a good person. a lot of the people who know her will know what shes like and with girls like her, people will quickly begin to realise what shes like and they'll understand that its not you. If she makes you choose sides, or associates you as her with enemies, tell her that you don't hate her (even if you do) but that there have been times in the past that you can't forget as much as you wish you could.
I hope thats enough advice to get you through this, but if she does decide to go to highschool with you and you need more specific advice let me know, I have an idea what you're going through and I can probably help. Good luck, and I hope I helpped,
Love ya,
angie91
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ok so in the past couple of months ive tried to make friends by talking to them and having a conversation, and its generally working. however, once i find that this person might be considering me as "more than an acquaintance", i like freak out and cant handle the..pressure? like i feel that i wont live up to their standards of what they want me to be. and i know someone's gonna say "dont worry, blah, all you can do is be a friend" but like i have standards for friendship too..number 1, they have to make me laugh. and if a person doesnt make me geniunely laugh, then i feel like im forcing myself to be interested in them and i hate the feeling of..a superficial friendship? idk.
and the more i try to be closer to people the more i resent the person. like i feel like i cant talk to people about my problems, my life always has to be peachy. people frequently describe me as "[my name here]? oh she's always such a happy person!" but inside im really not, its only bc i cant bring myself to share my problems, because..i guess im afraid i'll get hurt or the person will think wow this girl is really uncool, she has so many problems. NOTE, when i say problems, i dont mean stuff like "omg i left my hw @ home" i mean like "when he said that it really hurt my feelings"..i guess that means i have problems talking about my feelings. i CANT bring myself to do it! i actually have tried several times with diff people, and i always find that after trying to talk about stuff like that w/ someone the person always treats me DIFFERENT. like with pity, or contempt, or a sense of awkwardness. they wont treat me NORMAL! and its just depressing..and it hurts..and i guess thats why i feel i cant talk to anyone without being persistently asked, not even my close friends or family, and even after that i'll only talk if im under pressure to talk, so i dont make it seem like it is coming up out of nowhere.
advicenators is the only place i can write this because im anonymous and ill never talk to you guys again, so i cant be hurt.
ugh..
advice is appreciated..thanks for reading. (link)
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Hey!
I think you have social anxiety. A lot of people have it to some extent, but you seem to have it a fair bit. They say that anxiety is a healthy thing UNTIL it prevents you from leading a healthy life. In your case it is preventing you from making friends. This is just a guess though, I'm not qualified to diagnose you with it or anything, but its something to think about, and possible research, or talk to your doctor about.
I think that you need to learn how to become more comfortable with talking to people about issues in your life (You are very much like me, I am very happy on the outside, and a while back I was depressed. I confided in my best friend and she was completely totally shocked because she didnt even think that it was possible that I could be upset about something). Try and learn to confide in people. I know this something that is easier said than done, but here is what I would suggest. Everyday, find something small that is something you wouldnt normally say to someone, and try and find someone to talk to about it. Confiding in someone is a universal sign that you want to reach out to someone. I know you say that you can't bring yourself to do it, but you can. I believe in you, all you need to do is set your heart on it. And dont think that I am being a hypocrit, or that I don't understand. I do, believe me, I do, but I also know that facing your fears or anxiety takes effort, and a good mind set. You can do it.
You're putting on an act by acting happy all of the time, you need to break though it. That will take a lot of work, but baby steps okay? I know that there is fear of rejection or being treated differently, but what is actually going on is that you are waiting for them to treat you differently, so you see it happen, you pick it out, when there is a possibility that they actually arent doing that at all. Theres a chance of course that they are, but I think you're just really picking up on it.
It may seem impossible but you can face your fears. if you're not sure how, let me know and I can give you some more advice.
I am wondering if you are in touch with your own feelings. I think that if you arent, then maybe you should start writing down things, like a journal. Try and get really in touch with your feelings. if you are in touch with your own feelings then you are more likely to show them more.
You also need to start expressing your feelings, as difficult as it may be. If you aer angry, try and show it a bit, I'm still working on that one too, but if you try to express your feelings to other, it is more likely that that will come out as compassion.
High standards when it comes to friends is a good thing, but if someone is reaching out to you, don't reject them okay? That wouldnt be how you would want to be treated right? So maybe they can't be your best friend if they can't make you laugh, but maybe they can still be a good person to spend time with.
There is a lot of information to cover here, and I just touched on a lot of it, if you need more specific information or even just more guidance. I'm here for you, most of this stuff, I have gone through/am going through currently, so I understand, and I'm not going to judge you.
I know you can get through this, its just a matter of setting realistic goals and trying to get through them. I wanna wish you good luck, and I hope I helpped. Lots of love!
Angie91
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should i take it to the next level is my question.
so i have been talking with this guy online and on the phone.we recently just went rollerbladding in a group.i know he likes me and i know he knows that i like him.what do i do? does he ask me or do i ask him? he wants to hang out sometime this week and he is the one that asked .not me.do i say sure we can hang out or not? (link)
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Hey!
If you want to hang out with him (build a relationship) then you definitely should. he put himself out there and asked you out, so if you think that you could see yourself hanging out with him, then you should definitely say yes.
I can't tell you whether or not to go out with this guy, because I don't know him, and I don't know you, but if there is something holding you beck presently, then you need to listen to your heart. Maybe, somewhere deep down inside, theres something telling you not to, and thats why you asked this question. if that sound sort of on the ball, then maybe you need to think about this for a bit.
So should you take it to the next level? well thats up to you babe, you need to find out how you feel about him, you're the only one who can answer this question, but if you like him, and he likes you, well that sounds like a pretty good start! Good luck and I hope I helped! love ya!
Angie91
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im a really outgoing person. ive had a hard time finding good friends. like i talk to a ton of people in school but none are "good" friends that would make sure i have something to do on the weekend (normally i do but ya know) so how can i get them to be good friends, the ones who you have sleepovers with and tell anything to and get in trouble for talking in class. (link)
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Hey!
Being outgoing is a really great trait that a lot of people wish they had so you're really lucky. I think you need to first of all, not stress about all of this. You will make close friends, but a relationship takes time. what you need to do is make an effort. reach out to people. if someone looks like they are struggling with something, run over to them and try and help them out. Compliment people and try to strike up conversations with a lot of people on a regular basis.
When someone that you could see being a good friend signs on (msn or whatever you use ont he internet) message them (not the moment they sign on, that can get annoying) and try and strike up a good conversation.
Invite people to do things with you, if you need to go to the mall to get a new shirt, ask one of the people you know fairly well to go with you. Invite a group of people to go out to dinner with you. I met one of my best friends at a lunch with some of my other friends. they invited her along even though I wasnt a good friend of hers. but once we started talking and laughing, we became the best of friends.
remember, don't judge a book by its cover, you never know who your best friend will be, so you have to get to know a lot of people.
I met one of my really good friends, in my science class. she and I laughed over how messed up the teacher is, and we worked on projects together. Study buddies make great friends. if you sit by someone in a class that you could see being a really good friend, try and reach out to them. talking to them a lot will help to build the relationship.
Try and join a few activities after school (or if you are already in some, reach out to people there). if you are in things that you enjoy, then chances are you will meet people who share your interests. the more interests you have in common, the more likely you will make the best of friends.
I hope this helps, but let me know if you need some more ideas, I've got plenty more. Good luck! You'll find some great buds, I know it. Love ya!
Angie91
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Im18/f and my cousin is 17/f.My cousin and i have been best friends like foreverr and in the past few years shes been kinda mean to mee. not really treating me like a good friend. but ive always forgiven her. And shes always the one who gets the guys and alwayss flirts with them and i have never had a bf beforee. Shes more outgoing and im kinda shyy. but this passed december she gave this guy my phone number for his friend and me and his friend started talking and we started to like each otherr. and i was so happy becasue i actually thought that i would get a bf and then on christmas when she was over my house she asked me for his phone number and i gave it to her. and she texted him and they started talkng and the three of us hung out at her house one dayy. and i kind of noticed that maybe they like each otherr. then he asked me why i told his friend why i liked him just as a friedn and i said that i want to be just friends for noww cause i felt like i didnt know him that well yett. so then he started talking to my cousin and he told me that he liked herr and then i found out that she liked him and now they are going outt. and one time she talked about me to my other cousin who im reallly close with and she said some mean stufff. and now the guyy is such an asshole all of a sudden.i mean i dont like him anymore or anything but it just pisses me off that they both got what they wanted. and i didnt do anything to either of themm. and me and my cousin havent talked or anything in like a month.
what should i doo? please hellppp. (link)
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Hey!
This has happened to me before. Friends can be jerks sometimes. but the funny thing is, they sometimes don't even seem to know that they are doing it.
First of all lets talk about the guy, because thats easier. He's an idiot. he didnt realise that you are a totally awesome girl that he could be with. Guys tend not to be patient, and they go for the girl that is quicker, rather than the girl that is sweet and sensitive. It sucks, but it isnt always going to be liek that. Someday soon, you will meet a great guy, and he's going to be willing to take things slowly. So do me a favour, dont worry about this jerk, because you giving him a second thought(good or bad) is just like giving those guys more power. They do it to girls all the time, and it really should stop, but its not going to stop by you paying any attention to it.
Now for your friend/cousin. Okay, well there are two ways to deal with this. One, you can give up on the friendship and never talk to her again, or two, you can be a good person and step up to try and fix it.
For the first one, well it's pretty self explanitory. She treats you badly, whats the point of having a person like that in your life?
For the second one, though you hate the way she treats you, she is you cousin/friend and you love her, she just hurt you really badly. You need closure. you need to tell her what happened, tell her why you are upset, tell her that she can't do that to you. But you also need to forgive her. you need to be the big person. tell her she screwed up, but you want to try and make amends. she may not treat that well, but then revert back to the first option. if she doenst care enough about your friendship to try and change, well then she isnt worth worrying about. maybe she is just being immature, and if thats the case, then she will grow up and realise that she was an idiot. It will happen eventually, but you can never predict when it will be.
If everything works out and she makes an attempt to change, but quickly reverts back, gently tell her what she is doing, and if that doesnt work, then again, see choice one. you have to remember how awesome you are. She is lucky to have you, and if she can't see that, then its not worth it. it just isnt worth it. I know you want to try and fix things, and hopefully this time it can be fixed, but sometimes it just isnt meant to be. it'll be really sad it that is the case, but just remember what a great person you are you don't need her to make you that great person, and you definitely don't need her bringing you down.
I've been through this before and I know its tough, but you'll get through this, don't worry okay? Good luck. And I hope I helped! Love ya,
angie91
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sorry angie i havent been on here for a while alots been going on. for starters me and my boyfriend are doing very good since the last time i talked to you about what was happening. we worked everything out and were good. he left to the navy on 02/11 hes in boot camp right now in illinois. and hes not allow to talk on the phone or anything. the last time we spoke was on the 02/13 for like 30 secs. because thats all the time they gave him, and now i wont here from him until 2 weeks from now. i really sad because we had everything good and i really MISS him ALOT!!! = [ i didnt know it would be this hard but it is, and the plans that we talked about previously before he left he still wants to go ahead with them when he gets back. what i wanna do is move to pensacola to take up a police academy and college and become a cop and my best friend since 6th grade lives up there and when we were in middle school her dad and my mom were really good friends and she use to live with me and her dad said if i come up there i can stay there rent free. but the only problem is my mom is trying to stop me from going. i told her everythings set, my mom just doesnt want to let me go and i hate that she keeps holding on to me telling me im not going i can stay with here and take up the academy but i dnt i wanna move i want to start my life the way i want to. with my boyfriend whos also going to be in pensacola as part of his boot camp and hes going to pick to be stationed in jacksonville. i really want to get out of my house. and i really think im going to do!!! (link)
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Hey!
First of all, I'm really sorry, I know that you asked me this a long time ago, but I've just been soo busy lately.
Okay, so I have a few small pieces of advice for you. The first thing is, I need to picture something. You sound like an optimist, which is really great, its soo much better to be an optimist than a pesimist. However, once in a while, you need to look at the situation from a different point of view. Think about your life in a worst case senario type of view for a minute. Think of what will happen if you move to Pensacola (Or jacksonville? Sorry I'm canadian, I have no idea where we're talking, it's probably like really well known, lol my guess would probably be really off of where it really is :P). What if you can't get into the police academy? what happens if you and your boyfriend break up (Eek.)? What happens if you can't get a job as a police officer in jacksonville (?)? What if you for some reason can't stay at the friend's parent's house? What happens if you need to start paying rent and you don't have enough money? what if your boyfriend isnt able to be stationed in jacksonville? These are just a few of many of the things that could potentially happen. And your mother is probably thinking of all of these things. You have to understand, she cares about you, and it may seem that she just wants to keep you in her watch, to ruin your life, but she wants you to stay because she thinks thats whats best for you. What you need to do, is think of all of the answers to those questions and many more. then give the answers to your mom. Tell her to be patient and respectful. Tell her that you arent trying to do this to go against her, that this is your dream. then explain it all to her and see what she says. she may not take it well, but you have your life thought out, (Once you plan for all of the possibilities that is) so its really up to you.
Making a choice like this is a really big decision, so you can't treat it lightly. Over think everything!!!
As far as you and your boyfriend. I dont know if you can email or write him, but what I would do, is I would write an email to him everyday (Even if you can't send it). My best friend went away for a while and I really missed her, so every day I wrote an email to her. They were massive and long and just talked about my day and what was going on in my life. The stuff I would tell her if she was with me. i still managed to send them to her, but I doubt that she read them all, there were a lot. It was just a way to keep her closer to me while she was gone. So basically even if you can't talk to him everyday, you can still pretend that you are talking to him. It sounds kind of lame, but trust me, it works.
I hope that answers your question, keep me posted okay? I promise I'll get back to you faster next time. Good luck, love ya lots!
Angie91
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16/f sophomore.
hello :D
okay, well here's my problem. i don't have one PARTICULAR group of friends and my friends are all split in different groups. i, myself, am mixed in all of them. so as you can tell, it's very confusing. and well, most of my friends don't get along with eachother and they talk bad about one another. most of them aren't even friends. but i'm their mutual friend, so their problems with eachother pass through me. and i have to side with people. like for group projects and stuff. and i don't know WHO to side with sometimes. what kind of judgement should one use in this case.....like for instance. friend a, friend b and me were going to the library to do some research. they both hate eachother and talk behind eachother's back to ME and they expect me to choose who i want to go with tomorrow.
i can't do that. i like them both.
ahh, help please? (link)
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Hey!
I am in the EXACT same position.I hate that my friends all think that they can bad mouth one another in front of me. I hate that they dont see the position that they are putting me in.
I remember for my sweet sixteenth last year I had to invited three distinct groups of friends and I was worried that it would be a disaster, I almost thought about having two separate parties, but my best friend talked some sense into me. They have to learn how to treat other people and if they are asses at my party, then they arent real friends. So I sat most of my friends down one on one to talk to them. I told them how I felt, that it was embarrassing for me when they would do things to my other friends, that it hurt my feelings when they were like that. They often said that they didnt even know they were doing it (I think thats crap.. but you never know). My party ran fairly smoothly and there were only a few small incidents. I gave my friends a stern look and told them that they had to be nice or they had to get out. they all love me though so that was all it took. tell your friends that if they want to be your friend they have to realise that they have to share you and that involves being nice.
as far as tomorrow, tell them that you cant choose between your friends and if they are making you choose then they arent really very good friends. it may come as a smack in the face to them, and they may be alittle pissed for a bit but they treat you unfairly. its been almost a year since my sweet sixteenth and I still have issues, I have accepted that they will never be best friends, but they try to respect me and get along. So I do my part to spread my time with them out equal, and dont force my friends on one another. you can spend on day with A and another with B, dont try to force them both to be together, but tell them that if they have a problem with the other maybe they should tell the other person not you, because dissing people doesnt fly around you. Then stick to your word and dont let it happen. if A disses b to your face, get up and leave. its durastic, but it will work. eventually. I've been there, and liek I said, there is stil some progress to be made, but slowly it will get better, let me know if you need anymore advice! I hope I helped,
Love ya,
angie91
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i dont know what shes doing but this friend of mine has many crushes and wants me to go out with them/one of them and its weird. another friend said she probably wants to jump in on it sometime or something. im not sure whats going on.. (link)
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Hey!
It's hard to say why she's doing it, it is probably a lot more than trying to cause drama (or as your friend said "She probably wants to jump in on it") But it could be. In order to protect yourself, I'd just say, I dont have the same taste in guys or something and tell her that if she wants to go out with them then she sould do it herself, not ask you to do it for her. If your firm with her, hopefulyl she wont do it again, but if she does, let me know and maybe we can figure something, but dont over think this until you've tried telling her no and stuff. If you tell her you dont want to then she should listen, if not then there is something more going on and if you go into more detail maybe I can help more!
Hope I helped a little, love ya,
Angie91
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Okay so today I lost ALL of my friends. We were in this big group/clique. They hung out today so I asked them why I wasn't included. They said I was boring and I don't talk much and they don't have any inside jokes with me so they said I can't be friends with them anymore. I can't let this happen with any other people because at home I'm not boring but then when I'm around people from school I'm shy and boring. How do I NOT become boring?! I never seem to make inside jokes with people and it annoys me! Please help. I don't wana be boring or shy because it made me lose ALL my friends. (link)
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Hey!
Well first of all, in my opinion your friends are jerks if they ditched you because you're not perfect! I'm sure you're a totally awesome person, so dont let them get you down.
It's great to try and improve yourself every once in a while, but dont do it for the wrong reasons. Dont tell yourself that you're boring, so you should change so people will like you. Tell yourself, you're shy and you need to be more outgoing so that it will benifit yourself. Sure maybe being less shy will make more people like you, but that shouldnt be your ultimate goal.
The next thing i, inside jokes are awesome, but dont let it get to you, inside jokes arent something you can plits something that just happens, so my advice would probably be to go out and find friendswho love you for who you are as you are, and then try and make the best of their friendship. Try and be outgoing by joining new things and learning to spread your wings and fly aittle. Plus joining new things will help you tmake new friends. Sometimes, you'll make friends with people that you would never expect to be friends with, but that can turn into the best friendship you will ever experience.
And lastly, boring? I'm sure you arent boring, but if you find that you are bored, yourself, attimes, then maybe you should try and get some new hobbies. People cant call you boring wheyou went skydiving last week!
The fact that you care enough to ask us how to change yourself for your friends, isa huge deal. You love your friends so much and thats one amazing quality about you, and whether or not you become the most popular girl at school or not, keep that inside always, because being a great friend is the most important thing.
Good luck, and always remember, the day I have to chane myself for someone else, is the day I lose alittle peice of my own self, but the day that I change something abot self to make myself better, will ultimately turn out one of the happiest days of your life :).
Hope I helped babe,
Love ya,
Angie91
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i have a friend and it is her birthday soon, but she hasn't even invited me and her party is tomorrow. :[ im really bummed out because we are friends.. its gonna be a really big party and it kinda hurts my feelings... what do to not feel so left out? :[[ (link)
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hey!
When my friend didnt invite me to her birthday, my other friend got really upset and wouldnt stop talking about how she wasnt invited, and I just told her to chill. WE went to a movie with a bunch of friends and I forget when the day even was because we spent the entire time having fun. And the most important thing is to not hold a grudge. Invite her to your party and forget about all the past focus on tha future, and thats what you need to do for tomorrow, plan something, and when ever you find yourself thinking about how someone else is having more fun at your friends party remember that you wont be invited to all the parties so it's important to focus on the fun you're having now in the present and not what you're not doing with your friends. If you focus your entire life on things that you're not included in, then life will feel really sucky, but if you live life in the present and think about the fun you're having, it'll all be okay.
Feel better, there will always be otehr parties. Hopefully you find something awesome to do tomorrow instead and if not, watch a movie at home and just think that next time you'll be included. Hope I helped, love ya,
angie91
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okay, so i dont go to your school and i dont know you but i saw you give really good advice.. so my best friend in the world i really popular, so am i... but i never feel as good as her, and i always feel like people are trying to take her away from me... people say like youre obsessed w/ her, she says i'm not but i wonder if she thinks i am or something, and i dont know how to not be worried, i dont want to be annoying to her or anything, but i'm really unsure of how to like be her best friend and not be scared that people are gonna take her away from me.. please just help! (link)
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Hey!
Well thanks for the complitment, I don't if I'm that good at giving advice, but I try hard to help people.
I've never been in your situation before, but I can understand how you feel. Sometimes people feel that way and they don't even know why, like it's just a worry they have for no real reason, but sometimes there is a real reason. So the first thing to do I guess would be to figure out what that reason is, if there is one. Like have you lost friends in the past, and so that gives you the fear that you will lose more friends? Because if it's something that is liek underlying and in your subconcious, then it may be harder to get over than you would think.
If it's not that big of a deal, then just start by when you're hanging out with multiple friends and your best friend, try and branch off and talk mostly to the other friends, like don't igonre your friend just try and talk to other people.
Then you have to stop feeling liek she's better than you. Thats a tough one, it's more of a self confidence issue, you just need to know that you are an awesome person, and yeah shes awesome too, but you're better and you know it. Don't go by how many friends you have or how great your relationships are with all these people, just go by yourself, and how great you are.
Remember, that if she is a really great friend, she isnt going to let people take her away from you, and if she does, shes not as great of a friend as you would think. I think that it's all about how you think about the siuation, if you just try and focus on the now, and try and stop obsessing (which I know can be hard, I have major OCD) about what may or may not happen, then you will have a better quality of life. If you're worried about losing this friend then branch out and meet new people make more than one best friend, then you always have a back up plan, and your friend will be feeling the way you feel rather than the other way around, if those don't work let me know and I'll try and think of some other ways to help you solve this problem.
Thank you for asking me your question, I'm glad I look like that type of person, because I strive so hard to be that way and it's good that you noticed. I hope I answered your question, but if I didn't feel free to ask another. Good luck and remember you're an awesome person, and friendships don't make you who you are, they only shape the person you'll become.
Love ya,
Angie91
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I read your response to that one girl about being confident and stuff.
i totally agree with you about doing it foryourself.
i no this is kind of random.
but i really would like to change myself and be able to not care so much of what others think of me. i want to be able to have good relationships and branch out, and its hard because i am very quiet. i try try try to not care what people think of me... but its like i freeze in social situations. some people say its my nature... and thats its because im an introvert, but im sure theres some ways to over come shyness becuase it sucks.
anyways i read what you put about you knowing how to be all out going and stuff... so do you think you could give me some hints.
thnak you so much. (link)
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hey!
Yeah I can totally help you out. I was hoping that question would either show that girl that she can't let others change the way she acts and is around other people, or that it would catch someone else's eye.
I'm an introvert as well, and there are a lot of times where I have this problem.
people say, justdon't care what people think, but when they arent introverts themselves, they don't realize how hard it is. SOme people say it's because I'm uptight and I care too much about relationships with other people, and I agree, but thats not all of it.
I think that no matter how hard you try you will always be shy, but the only way to get over it, even just alittle bit is by not letting it control your life. I think that you should try and go to a summer camp or something by yourself. Go to make new people, because one of the only ways to over come shyness is to be forced to not be shy. If you have to go up to other people then you have to not be shy. That experience could be the best experience of your life or it could be the worst. For me, it was the worst. I went into it worrying that it was going to be bad and I was going to have a horrible time and I did. I didnt make any new friends and creepy people I hated followed me around. I was a bitch to everyone and it was just an experience I regret. But one of the reasons I regret it, was I didnt try to make friends hard enough. I didnt talk to new people and over come the shyness. I defeated the purpose, so if you can do the opposite of what I did, it will help. Because the skills you learn will transfer to back at school or other parts of life.
I don't know if you do this, but I will walk down the hall and see someone I know and duck out of the situation or pretend not to see them so I can avoid the confrontation. I don't know why I do it, but if you do it, heres how to stop, when you feel nervous about seeing someone think of three things to say to them such as I love that shirt or how was your weekend. And then you can't be afraid to talk to them. Don't pretend not to see people because that can send off the message that you are snobby and stuck up.
Think of the worst that can happen. What you say something weird and they all laugh? They're laughing because you're funny. Maybe it was an accident, but maybe they don't know that. If they laugh smile and try to get someone else to say something.
If the worst that could happen is they don't get your joke, don't tell jokes, say something ironic that happened last night or add an interesting fact to the conversation.
Try to smile a lot and nodd along, if you arent adding something to the conversation at least you are trying to face your shyness fear, and sometimes the group needs a quiet one.
I think self confidence is an issue for you, so I think you should do a couple of things about that, first, you should try and tell yourself everyday something different that is good about you, liek I look awesome in this shirt or my eyes are so pretty.
And then set goals to improve yourself. Don't take these too far though. Like examples could be:"I want to get better abs." and then try and set three ways to fix this. but don't take it too far, liek I said. Don't become anorexic on me, or anything. And if you notice yourself feeling like the goal is for other people. Quit. Stop doing it. No mater how much you want it, if you're dieting to get a boyfriend quit dieting. Even if it's important to you too, it's not worth it.
Everyday people with low self confidence go out there and worry about what other people think, this is something they have to get over. And they will eventually, but if you continue to do things for the wrong reasons, then you go back instead of forward.
Love yourself, thats the most important thing, if you're alwyas trying to change it you wont go anywhere.
Relationships take time. Build on them everyday and you'll get more. People always say, I wish I was close enough to her to go to her house on weekends. Start by saying hi every morning, move into asking for her email address incase you have a question about an assignment or something, more up to calling her to ask her something. Move up to inviting her to the mall with your friends. Move up to inviting her over sometime. It takes time, and no one said it was easy, just be patient. And remember 4 good friendships are better than 100 okay friendships.
This takes a lot of work, and I know I didnt give you a lot of tips but try those and then get back to me, if you need some more I can help you out. Hopefully this works, because you deleted your question before I could answer it. I hope I helpped, and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask. Love ya,
Angie91
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well my problem here is that my best buddy is cheating on his girlfriend.I talk to her, I mean we are schoolmates and we talk right, but I dont know what to do because I know my buddy is cheating on her but I dont know whether to tell her or not because if i tell her my buddy is gonna get mad but if I dont and she finds out, she'll be mad at me...I dont wanna lose any of them what should I do??... (link)
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hey!
Well you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, either way its going to suck. You just have to look at the situation through the girls eyes. If someone was cheating on you, would you want to know? Probably yeah. So I would suggest telling her, yeah your buddy is going to get pissed off because you ratted him out, but he is doing something wrong. So why should he expect you to cover for him?
Though, on the other hand you're not actually covering for him, you're just not telling her, so basically if you go out of your way to tell her then you are being mean.
So here's what I would do, go up to him and ask him why he's cheating on her, and if he really thinks that cheating is going to get him anywhere. Ask him if he really needs to leading the girl on and lying to her, and that you think he should tell her. If he decides that he doesnt want to believe you and wants to keep going the way things are, then he's being a jerk, and he deserves to get caught. Talk to the girl, and ask her to not tell him it was you who told, but if it slipps out you'll understand.
This situation is tough, and you can choose to sit and watch her get hurt, and it's inevitable, she will get hurt, but if she gets hurt when someone is being kind to her, isnt that better? I can't tell you that answer to that one, you know the answer, you just haveto figure out what it is.
Good luck, and I hope I helpped, thankfully your friends have someone awesome liek you who cares,
Love ya,
Angie91
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how do i get people to like me more? i don't want to change myself, but, can you give me steps to being, well, confident, happy and friendly? (basically, outgoing) i just want steps, or something along those lines. (for some reason, i'm better at learning things when they're in steps,lists.) anyways, thanks for the help (link)
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hey!
You know what, you definitely wont like my answer. But I think I should give it to you anyway.
You were right on the first thing. You can't change yourself, and people will like you for who you are. So you need to get that straight first. I admire the fact that you want to make yourself a better person, but you're doing it for the wrong reasons. I know the answer to your question and I can give you steps to being confident and happy and friendly and outgoing because I am all of those things, but I am them because I like myself the way I am, and if someone doesnt like me, they don't like me. I have to live with it. I'm not going to have more friends by being more outgoing. I'm not going to have better friends because I'm more confident.
I'd truely be happy to help you, but I don't think that I should tell you all of these things so that you can change yourself "to get people to like" you.
Let me know if you want to better yourself, for yourself and not for people.
I know I didn't help your question, but I think that when you look back on your life, you will realize that if you make the changes for yourself you will already be happier and more confident because you're doing it for yourself and not that guy you want to like you or that girl who looks popular. I'm really sorry, and I debated answering this question because this was my answer, but I can help you (really I can) I just want you to know that you shoulcnt change yourself for others, only for yourself.
Lots of love,
Angie91
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so i have this friend named alicen. and i consider her my best friend. however, she doesnt think im hers. how do i get her to think im her best friend? Pleaseee help this is so important to me. Thanks. (link)
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hey!
I think that best friends are a hard situation. Like I have a lot of great friends, and I don't think I have one best friend (so I'm like alicen). But you do, so you think she's your best friend, but she doesn't have to be your best friend and you don't have to be hers. So basically I'm saying, you can't force her to choose you as her best friend, you jsut have to let her decide on her own, if you continue to be an awesome friend and care for her the way that she cares for you and sometimes even more. You're going to have a lot of best friends in your life and even more great friends, so if you continue to be awesome and friendly, someone will have you as their best friend. Maybe it will be alicen, maybe it wont. Good luck, love ya,
Angie91
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This guy has been going out with his girlfriend for a long time. I just moved to a different city a couple months ago,and i made a lot of friends, including him. he's like one of my best friends, nad i hug him like everyday. i'm not the one who'd mess around with another girl's boyfriend, ecspecially when she's one of my friends. that's against my morals. but recently, his hands have been wandering around where i feel is inappropriate since he has a girlfriend. he'll try to touch my butt, or he'll hug me a little too close(i can feel some things that i shouldn't if you know what i mean...). i tell him to stop or will push him away, but he keeps doing it. he even asked me out when he's still going out with his girlfriend! should i tell his girlfriend that she needs to watch him a little more closely? i don't want her to think that i'm trying to break them up, because she's knows that we're real close friends, and i don't want to seem jealous. (link)
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Hey!
I think that you need to sit him down one day and tell him that you like being his friend but you have morals and you dont think that he should eb flirting with you so much when hes dating her. Tell him that absolutely nothing will ever happen between the two of you while he's dating her. Tell him the exact things that you dont like him doing like touching your butt, and tell him that the more he does it, the more he loses you and if he wants you to still be his friend then he needs to smarten up and see that he can't have two girls.
Don't tell the girlfriend, theres no point in that, it'll just make her nervous and feel like she has to watch him 24/7 and that if she doesnt shes going to lose him. If he continues to act the way he does around you, then stop letting him. If he puts his hand on your butt slap him in the face. Then when that scene gets created that obviously will if you start slapping him in the face, word will get out to her. If he hugs you too closely push him off. Just do what you can, pretend hes that sick perverted kid that you dont want to get too close to.
This is a tough situation because hes your friend, but sometimes guys wander, and if he's wandering already, the relationship probably doesnt have much longer, so hopefully this wont happen for too long. Good luck, andI hoep I helped love ya,
Angie91
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im so effin pissed at my parents. like really really really pissed. i even feel myself getting mad.. and i just came from crying my eyes out in my room. anyway, my parents for some retarded reason will not let me go to any of my friend's sleepovers. i've only slept over at my cousins' houses but my parents were there too.. so it wasnt really like you know.. "girls night with friends". and in 4th grade my friend had a sleepover.. and i couldnt go because my parents didnt like the idea. that sucked because i rarely get to see her in the year and she was one of my besties. and now im 13 in 7th grade and its the SAME THING!! my friends 13th bday party is a sleepover, and well i guess i could also go home and NOT sleep over there, but its also the date of some meeting my family goes too. its optional for me and my siblings though, so i dont wanna do go i can go to my friend's party. BUT NOOOO my parents wont let me. she lives like less than 10 mins away from me, near my middle school so it wont be that hard to find either. and i dont understand why they cant drop me there before and then like pick me up when they get back from their meeting, or have my friend's mom drive me home, since my other aunt stays home at my house too. BUT NOOO we cant have that either, parents. i even asked them.. i ask them occasioanlly and they just say their own STUPID reason which is "we dont believe in sleepovers". how GAY is that???? im sorry that im overreacting here but i just feel like cursing really badly and screaming. it makes no sense!!! whos parents "dont belive in sleepovers?" NOBODIES! except MINE! im african, like my parents directly came from cameroon, so i guess they werent used to doing stuff like that at their house. but like they even got to have pets.. a cat and dog, and here we arent even allowed to have a hamster because they dont think we can care for a little thing! (and i dont like fish). anyway, what could be the reason why my parents dont like sleepovers? is it the same with you? do you know anyone who has the same situation? can you think of a way how i can still go, because i told her that i could because i assumed my parents would just let me go this time because ive been acting pretty good this week and even tidied my room without them yelling at me and etc. i even thought that it was cause they didnt trust people who werent like their race.. like white people which my friend is.. but i havent even had sleepovers with my other african friends, so its nor that. or they think that the parents will rape us. oh my freakin god. there are several other girls at the party.. im sure someone will notice if somethings up. and i dont think every flippin person in this world is a sex offender.. and even if some are.. like why cant i just go to the party??? my mom said it wasnt because of that either.. and i asked her WHAT HER REASON WAS! i asked my dad too and he AGREES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FAMILY??? WHY CANT THEY JUST LET ME GO TO THE EFFIN PARTY FOR ONCE!! I CANT LIVE MY LIFE NOT GOING TO ANY SLEEPOVER TILL IM LIKE OUT OF COLLEGE?? WTF I'LL BE IN WORK BY THEN!!!!!! THATS NOT THE SAME AS A "GIRLS NIGHT OUT" AND IM FED UP WITH MISSING FRIENDS SLEEPOVERS ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS NOT LETTING ME GO FOR NO EFFIN REASON!!!! (link)
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Hey!
Well, this is an interesting situation. I actually know a lot of people who are affected by this rule, so just know you arent the only person who has strict parents.
Heres what I know from experience works to an extend. If you stay nice and calm and think of all of the points you want to make, and then make them in a way that doesnt make you sound like you take them for granted, you might get them to budge a bit.
You need to tell them that you understand their rule (even if you don't) and you want to abide by it, that you respect them and their rules. But you feel that you should be aloud to go to the party for a little while during the evening. See what they say to that. If they say no, then try and act calmly when the next one comes up.
If you are aloud to go for the evening. Ask the person hosting, if she can announce before the party that anyone who wants to go home can leave at a certain time, and that way you wont be the only one leaving at that time. Ask hosts in the future to have parties earlier in the evening, like starting at 4 or 5 and that way you still get to spend a lot of time with your friends.
When you're at the [arties dont talk about how you arent aloud to sleep over as if it were a big deal. Pretend you want to go home, and tell them that you hope they have fun, but you had a great time in the length of time you were there.
As far as hosting your own party. Ask youre parents if they will let you have a party that goes until 11 or 12 or something, and that everyone can go home but you can accomplish the same stuff as if you were sleeping over. Tell everyone to come in jamies and slippers. Tell them to bring pillows and make up and all of the other things you use at a sleep over. Watch scary movies or whatever, and then at midnight they can go home.
One day when there arent any sleepovers in the near future, ask your parents why they dont let you have sleepovers. Ask them to explain it to you, not just give you a "just cause" kinda of answer. Try not to object to what they say, just ask nicely and you can figure out why they see sleepovers that way and try to go around those details.
This whole situation is about how you handle yourself, if you go into it with a bad attitude you'll come out with less.
I know you're upset, and thats totally okay, and you need to blow off steam, but I think that if you use less CAPS LOCKS it might be easier for us to read. :)
I know this is tough, but sleepovers are only like a 1/8 out of all the parties you'll have in your life, so yeah it sucks sometimes to be left out, but there will be millions of great times during the day. So if your parents are impossible to sway, life will go on, it'll just be a little duller. :(
I hope I helpped answer your question let me know if you need more help, love ya,
Angie91
Also not to be mean to the person below me, but I think that if you try her suggestions, they might work, but I think that they will probably not and a calm approach to the situation will make you seem more mature, and it will help to show your parents that you are ready for this type of situation.
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15/f, this girl who i've known since 6th grade had a sweet 16 last night. We became pretty good friends in 7th grade, and we have an inside joke. Now, I'm in 9th grade (she turned 16 because she's asian and her parents kept her back a year so she could learn the language better or something lol) so now, I have science class with her, and I'll talk to her occassionally. I've always been nice to her and everything. But she didn't invited me too her Sweet 16. Yet she invited people she just met this year. And yeah, maybe she's become good friends with them, but still. I'm pissed!! Idk, maybe she thought if she invited me, she'd have to invite my 2 best friends, but she didn't want to because she's not as close to them. And then that'd start a whole drama thing. But it wouldn't. UGHH! I'm mad. Should I say something to her or would that be too bitchy? And do I have a right to be mad?Thanks! (link)
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hey!
This is tough, you just have to know that she probably didnt do it on purpose and that it was probably about how many people she could invite, or maybe she doesnt feel that same bond of friendship as you do. Basically, no you shouldnt talk to her, it's her party and she has the right to invite whomever she wants. If you are a good friend, you wont hold a grudge and she knows that. In life you arent going to get invited to ever party, you arent going to get every thing you want, because life sucks sometimes.
Yeah your pissed off, and thats okay, if you still havnt cooled down in a couple of weeks then talk it out, but reall ythat would make you sound bad, because one day you'll learn that you cant be invited to everything, and you just have to get over it. That comes with time. Some of my friends still don't understand that.
The next time you hear about a party you're not invited to, find something else to do, and then when someone brings it up later you can say oh I was watching this super funny movie or whatever.
As far as the science class thing. She probably wasnt saying it so you would over hear, she probably was just talking and didnt realize you could hear. The downfalls of evesdropping I guess.
So, it's okay to be mad, but you just have to realize that she probably didnt do it intentionally, and if she did then shes not worth worrying about. Good luck, and I hope I helpped, love ya,
Angie91
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My best friend since 1st grade hates my b/f of one year. and vice versa. It's so bad that they literally can't be around each other for more then 5 seconds w/out getting in a big fight. My friend gets mad and wants me to dump him but my b/f is usually very sweet and I'm crazy about him. I hate that they fight and don't know what to do because sometimes he is at fault and other times it's her. I've basically stopped defending either of them and neither are happy about it but I'm so confused. My friend is strong and idependant so she never stops but my b/f is an idiot on this issue and doesn't listen when I tell him to back off. What do I do?! (link)
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Hey!
Well this is a tough situation. So heres what you need to do, you need to start with your friend and tell her that you are in love (or whatever) with your boyfriend. Tell her how much he means to you and that you know she doesnt like him, but sometimes in life there are people that we have to deal with that we dont like. Tell her that there is a side of him that she doesnt see. Tell her that you care about what she thinks, and if she has input (such as soething that she feels is important for you to know about him) that she is welcome to give it to you, but she has to be respectful of him and you. Tell her that you love her, and you are never going to let him come between the two of you, and that you will always be friends, its just that you cant deal with what stress she is putting on you. Tell her that both her and him mean a tremendous amount to you, and that you are so troubled by the fact that they cant get along. Tell her that if she really loves you she will try and see what you see, and at least try and make an effort to be kind to the boy you like so much.
Then go to the boy. Tell him that you love him (or if not, that you love being with him or whatever) and that you arent going to breakup with him. Tell him that the two of you just need to talk about the relationship he has with your friend. Tell him that she has her faults but he also has his, and by pointing out her faults to you it just hurts you. Tell him its not funny, and its also not fair. The reason your friend is upset is because (most likely) she fears she is going to lose you to so creepy guy she hates. So by him enforcing that fact it just makes her hurt more. SO tell him that, and tell him that you arent going to choose one or the other, because thats too hard, but instead you want them to see the stress they are putting on you. Tell him that with every mean or negative insult type thing he says about your friend, he is really just stabbing you, of course not directly, but it just hurts you more with every thing he says.
Tell them both that you trust them to be the bigger man, and to take this into their own hands. Then see which one listens. The next time their in a room together, either a) neither of them will do anything, there will just be tension or b) one of them will do something to agrrivate the other. Then call that person aside. Tell them that they disrespected what you asked them to do, and by doing that, they put your relationship in jeopardy. Tell them that you love them, and the only way that your relationship will work, is if THEIR relationship works. Yeah this will probably piss them off, but then you take the other one and leave. Leave the room, leave the party, whatever, just leave. It shows that you care about them, and you thank them for not being the first one to crack. Then later, call the one who inniciated the fight and explain that you left because of their actions, and they have to realize that their actions have consequences now. And yeah there will be times when you will be alone with them, but sometimes there will be times when the three of you have to be together and because you are adult enough to have a boyfriend, you are adult enough to handle situations, therefore, so are they.
You need to know that this is not your fault okay? There is nothing you did to make this situation like this, and I know, because I've been on the best friend side of this situation, actually, I AM on that side of the situation. I really dislike my friends boyfriend, but not long ago I realized that I was really hurting my friend and I still cant be around him because he scares me and stuff, but I still try to be there for her. And eventually they will have revelations too, and realize what they are doing to each other and you. So no matter how hard it is now, it will get better. only time will change things, with a little guidence from you. One thing to remember is, if you're getting pissed off, leave. Theres no point trying to deal with them when you're frustrated you'll just hurt one of them.
Good luck, and I hope I helpped.
Love ya,
Angie91
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A lot of people ask for me for help i always willing to listen to what they have to say and help then whenever but the only thing is in not good at advices and comfort/cheering up my friends i deeply care about they're problems but i dont know wat to say to them even though i try my best and comfort/cheering up/giving advice and it feels like im making them sadder and i even blame myself at times for i coundt help my friends also i feel useless friend all the time and sad so how to be a great advice giver?
and can someone make a quote about this? thank tou so much (link)
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Hey,
Um I don't know what you mean about a quote but, I'll try and answer the question anyway.
I don't know how you become a good advice giver, I think I just listen to what people have to say and then comment on my own life as you can see from this question lmao. Um as far as cheering people up I just take my own experiences and tell them that I got over it, and it turned out to be better than I ever thought it would, and sometimes god does things for a reason. Tell them that tomorrow is a new day and that one day they'l look back at this and laugh. Point out the good things in their life the sun is shining and you dont need a bf because you are so strong and you could handle it anyway. Compliment them like crazy. That usually helps.
You came to the right site for this, you can read other peoples advice and see how they respond to people questions. And you can practice giving advice to people and that way you can get even better.
You arent useless, and you wanna know how i can tell? Because people keep coming to you for advice, if they came to you once and then never came back then you'd know something is wrong, but even if that is the case, you care enough abou tthem to wish you could do better so even if you arent the best at advice, you are still a really sweet person who cares about their friend.
I think that you are a great advice person, you just have made a mistake or two and if you keep trying you'll get better. I've grown since I came to this site, and I'm sure you will too. Good luck, and who knows maybe one day you'll end up answering my question. hope I helped,
Love ya,
Angie91
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