|
2 (or more) opposing groups of friends.
16/f sophomore.
hello :D
okay, well here's my problem. i don't have one PARTICULAR group of friends and my friends are all split in different groups. i, myself, am mixed in all of them. so as you can tell, it's very confusing. and well, most of my friends don't get along with eachother and they talk bad about one another. most of them aren't even friends. but i'm their mutual friend, so their problems with eachother pass through me. and i have to side with people. like for group projects and stuff. and i don't know WHO to side with sometimes. what kind of judgement should one use in this case.....like for instance. friend a, friend b and me were going to the library to do some research. they both hate eachother and talk behind eachother's back to ME and they expect me to choose who i want to go with tomorrow.
i can't do that. i like them both.
ahh, help please?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
heyy :)
i really feel your pain i have had the same problems for a while now. The hardest part of this situation is that you have to decide what to say to who. When i am in this situation i try to stay out of the middle which is very hard. But basically the more said to each one the worse it gets. I would try explaining to each side of your friends that you are not going to be the one in the middle anymore and make sure they understand it. I really hope everything gets better :)
]
Hey!
I am in the EXACT same position.I hate that my friends all think that they can bad mouth one another in front of me. I hate that they dont see the position that they are putting me in.
I remember for my sweet sixteenth last year I had to invited three distinct groups of friends and I was worried that it would be a disaster, I almost thought about having two separate parties, but my best friend talked some sense into me. They have to learn how to treat other people and if they are asses at my party, then they arent real friends. So I sat most of my friends down one on one to talk to them. I told them how I felt, that it was embarrassing for me when they would do things to my other friends, that it hurt my feelings when they were like that. They often said that they didnt even know they were doing it (I think thats crap.. but you never know). My party ran fairly smoothly and there were only a few small incidents. I gave my friends a stern look and told them that they had to be nice or they had to get out. they all love me though so that was all it took. tell your friends that if they want to be your friend they have to realise that they have to share you and that involves being nice.
as far as tomorrow, tell them that you cant choose between your friends and if they are making you choose then they arent really very good friends. it may come as a smack in the face to them, and they may be alittle pissed for a bit but they treat you unfairly. its been almost a year since my sweet sixteenth and I still have issues, I have accepted that they will never be best friends, but they try to respect me and get along. So I do my part to spread my time with them out equal, and dont force my friends on one another. you can spend on day with A and another with B, dont try to force them both to be together, but tell them that if they have a problem with the other maybe they should tell the other person not you, because dissing people doesnt fly around you. Then stick to your word and dont let it happen. if A disses b to your face, get up and leave. its durastic, but it will work. eventually. I've been there, and liek I said, there is stil some progress to be made, but slowly it will get better, let me know if you need anymore advice! I hope I helped,
Love ya,
angie91
]
oh, i hate these situations. they're really tough. the next time one of your friends talks bad about another one, just say, "look, you know that i'm friends with ______, and i don't appreciate that you're talking bad about them." there have been a few times when some of my good friends were fighting and they kept talking bad about each other through me... and i just refused to take a side. i made it clear that it's not any of my business, and that i don't want to hear somebody talk bad about somebody else. when you feel like you have to side with one set of friends- don't. you shouldn't have to choose, and if they are trying to make you choose, then just make it crystal clear that you like both groups the same and that you can't choose. in a group project situation, go join a completely random group. you don't even have to know them that well, but your friends will get the message. as for the library thing, you've got a couple of choices, and none of them involves actually choosing which friend to go with. you can go with them both at the same time and say, "look guys, you really just need to get over this because it's getting old and it's making me not want to be friends with you." or, you can call them both and say, "if you guys can't get along, then i'm going to the library by myself." both of those really get the point across. hopefully your whole situation will get better. i hope i helped :)
]
More Questions: |