My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
Answers: 798
Last Update: February 17, 2009
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okay please dont judge me im begginnggg you..
but im 14 gonna be 15 in like 8 days.
but me n my boyfriend of 3 years have had sex b4.
and this last time we had it he didnt wear a condom.
i took a test and it showed up positive.
i took one about 3 weeks ago.
i took another one just last week and that one also said positive.
i have no i dea what to do.
my byfriend and i both want to keep it.
but have no idea how to tell our parents.
pleasee tell me something to doo. (link)
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I am not judging you because the deed has been done.
Here is my advice:
Go to a doctor and have the pregnancy confirmed. Listen to his/her advice because they will be able to refer you on to a pregnancy service for teenagers. They will give you all the information you need on making a very huge decision about yours and the baby's future.
Once you have established a definite pregnancy and have discussed your options with a professional, then is the time to tell your parents.
If you decide to keep the baby they will all probably be hugely disappointed. However, look to the future and hold onto that vision. Your parents will most likely melt at the sight of their new grandchild.
If my own daughter were to fall pregnant at 14, yes I would be very angry and upset, it is a natural reaction to my daughter growing up too early. I would listen to her wishes and support her the very best I could, but I would be disappointed all the same.
Please don't try to hide the situation because you need a lot of support.
Have faith in yourselves and the fact that your parents do love you and only want the best. Ride out the storm that will surely come and know that it will not last forever. Every day that passes by is another day closer to being an adult and you will get through this.
I wish you all the very best and very good luck.
In answer to your recent question - the answer is yes I would.
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As far as the topic of breast feeding goes, is it really better to do that instead of feeing your baby formula? Does breast milk have any advantages besides beind cost free?
Is it true that breast feeding helps a mother lose pregnancy weight? Is it also true that breast feeding makes your breasts sag? (link)
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To answer your last two questions first:
It is true that breastfeeding does help a mother lose weight and yes it can make your breasts sag eventually.
There are advantages to breastfeeding in that it is convenient, always on tap, the right temperature and free. However, I found it extremely painful and very difficult to do. If you get the right support (which I didn't) you can feed successfully. I fed my three children each for about 3 weeks until I couldn't do it any more then put them onto formula. I didn't find it inconvenient to bottle feed them and they didn't suffer any adverse reactions. They are all slim, healthy adults now and don't appear to have had any problems bonding with me. It did give their Dad a chance to help out too and to feel the closeness feeding a baby by bottle can bring.
Hope my opinions on this help you out. All the best.
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I am 42 and I just recently got married to a woman I have known my entire life but we both got married to other people shortly after high school. She has three teenage daughters Sam is 19 Meagan is 18 and Audree is 16. Their father left them shortly after my wife had her youngest daughter and so she has raised them all by herself. They have always been pretty affluent because my wife's family has quite a bit of money and she is a magazine editor. She lets the girls get away with murder and they get everything rthey could possibly even dream of wanting. I have a very big issue with this since my three sons (19 18 aand 17) are expected to follow very strict rules. I was in the army for several years and my children are expected to abide by my rules or face the consequences.
The girls however are completely out of control, especially the youngest one, Audree. My wife and i both agreed on a curfew for the all six kids when they moved in. She convinced me to change the curfew of my sons to be midnight for all of the kids. I agreed but with hesitation. Like always before my kids have always gotten here on time or before their curfew while her daughters completely disregard the rules. For example, Audree was late for curfew 4 times out of the 7 days last week. My wife didn't even talk to her about it. When i confronted her al she said was "She is only 16. I think we should just let her live her life." I found out the other day that her girls have never been grounded, never had acurfew, and are very open about teh fact that they go to parties and drink. Sam has gotten in 4 accidents since she has lived here, and Meagan has her boyrfriend over all the time without supervision, all things i dont tolerate from my own kids. Audree came home in tears the other night because she got a ticket for driving 19 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! My wife just hugged her and tried to calm ehr down the entire night and i never heard a single word about the ticket, which i had to pay for sicne none of her kids have jobs. I almost feel as if she is condoning this outrageous behavior since she never repremands her kids. I don't know how to explain to my kids about thsi double standard in our house but i feel like i can't interfere quite yet with her disiplining (or lack there of)since i am not their real father and have only been in their lives for 3 years. I just don't know how much more of this disrepect i can take from them. They are beautiful girlsand i love them like my own. I wish i could treat them this way though. I feel like i owe it to them to lay down the law and punsih them for things like curfew and partying and bad grades but i dont know if it will just put more stress on our relationship that could eventually cause tension between my wife and I. How should i handle this? (link)
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You are in a very difficult position and I can understand your frustration regarding this. However, they are her daughters and it will be difficult to change a lifetime of upbringing. You really need to have a talk with your wife and then call a family conference and try and work out some ground rules for all of you. Listen to the children have their say and then they must listen to you and your wife. Explain how uncomfortable you are feeling because of these double standards and then suggest a few ways in which you could all work together on this. It is also highly likely that it won't go down well with your step-daughters and at 19 and 18,the oldest girls may well ignore you completely as they are now classed as young adults. The youngest however, should learn to respect a few rules. Please don't start laying down the law because that will not help at all. It would be better if you could explain why there are rules in place - for instance if they are late - you could be forgiven for thinking they had had an accident or been assaulted and needed help and if they were over curfew then you had good reason to go looking for them to offer help. But because it is a frequent occurence, should the worst happen, you would not be aware that something was wrong and wouldn't go looking to help out. You need to handle this all with kid gloves and try using a little psychology to help them understand your point of view. The biggest hurdle I think is getting your wife to agree to some major changes. If you present a united front change will happen, albeit slowly. Don't allow the girls to play you off against each other once you have agreed to the rules. I wish you all the very best with this problem and hope that I have been of some help.
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Ive been having a cramp like feeling for about a week now. My boobs hurt off and on, My lower back hurts all the time. and after i eat i get a sick feeling and im having lots of dieriah. Ive had a loss of appetite am i pregnant? (link)
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If you did have unprotected sex, or perhaps a condom split, then it is quite possible you are pregnant. It would be better for you to have a word with the doctor about all of your symptoms and get them sorted out. If you are pregnant, the doctor will be able to help you sort out where you go from here. Good luck.
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my 15 month old son keeps bittind me and wont stop. ive tried rubbing his gums and give him meds to help with the teeth pain. but everytime i smack him when he bits and say no he just laughs at me and does it again. how can i get him to stop? (link)
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It is very tempting to bite your child back or smack him, but that only tends to enforce the need for attention by being bad.
When he bites you again try crying very hard and telling him he hurt you badly. Say that you love him very much but you don't like that he bites you. If he is sorry make a big fuss about forgiving him and tell him that you love it very much when he doesn't bite.
I know it sounds a bit crazy but it might be worth a try. If you praise the good and try to ignore the bad, it does work quite well.
Obviously he may just be in pain and bites you because you comfort him. Tell him it's wrong every time, but please try not to smack him.
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im 14 i lost my fist born over the summer and im pregnant again it broke my heart when my daughter died i refuse to get an abortion what can i do (link)
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Believe that you are doing what is right for you. I agree that you really are very young to be having a child, but you are pregnant and must now deal with the consequences.
It is really difficult to relax during pregnancy when you have already suffered a miscarriage. You just have to hope that all will be well this time. If it happens again, then there is nothing you can do about it. It will be awful, I know I lost two babies, but I went on to have two beautiful daughters. Life does work itself out eventually.
You need to take care of yourself and the best way to do that is trust the medical profession to help you. Listen to their advice and make sure you attend every check up.
I hope that your pregnancy progresses well this time. Take care.
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okay im 19 and pregnant. the thing is i dont know who the father is bc i sort of go drunk one night & slept with my friend's sisters boyfriend. but the week before i slept with my friend's best friend which he knows about that one but not about his sisters boyfriend! i dont know what to do! any advice please!? (link)
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Firstly, I suggest that you take a deep breath and relax. Nothing is ever that bad that you can't get through it.
The next thing to do is to decide on whether you want to continue with the pregnancy. If you do, sit down and write a plan of action taking into consideration what you are doing with your life now, how you are going to pay for everything, who you need to tell first (ie. parents) and anything else that you consider appropriate to your circumstances.
If you decide that continuing with your pregnancy is not good for you right now, then you need to see a professional like your doctor to discuss a termination. They will be able to take you through the whole procedure of getting an abortion and you will also be offered the chance to talk it through with someone.
As for who the father is, if you decide to keep the baby, you will need to have a paternity test after the birth. Depending on how you feel about the father and whether they want a relationship with you, only you can decide how and when to tell either of them.
I hope that this gives you a starting point from which to work. I wish you all the very best for the future whatever it brings. Good luck.
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ummmm well im a 15/f and i think that i may be pregnant and i know for sure that if i am and i tell the daddy he's going to say it not his(he's a bitch). Now normally i dont believe in abortion but i dont kno wat to do i mean my mom would be mad but she would help me but i dont know if im ready! they said that i can have it and take care of it, get an abortion, or adoption but i dont want to kill the baby or give it to someone els! im very confused! if i am how or should i tell the father??? should i keep it??? plz help me i dont know wat i should do!!! (link)
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I am sorry to read that you are stuck in such an awful position. I think you should talk to planned parenthood and ask them for the advice you need. They will have people trained in helping young girls make the decision that is right for them at that particular time of their life.
It is good that you feel your Mum will support you in whatever decision you make and if, as you say, the father will deny it is his, then there is no point in telling him until you have made your decision.
As a starting point, why not write down all the pros and cons of having this baby - seeing it all down in black and white may help. You need to consider your age, your family circumstances, any ambitions you may have, the help that you will receive - anything that will have an impact on your life.
If you decide that having a baby is not right for you right now, then, hard as it might be, you will have to consider abortion.
I hope that I have been of some help. I wish you all the very best and hope that whatever happens, you will be happy. Take care.
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Im 17/f.
I live with my stepdad and have since i was 2 years old. Well ever single he finds a way to critize me. Like he'll say kim you going to take shower you stink. And i just got out of the damn shower he was just sleeping and came downstairs and decide to be a smartass because he didnt know i had taken a shower. Or if i wash my clothes. He goes you are causing my bill to go up when you wash and dry your damn clothes. He says i alwasy loook fake because i wear foundation and eyeliner and you cant even tell i have it on. If i buy a drink at work so i can drink it at home he tells me that i need to drink slim fast instead of vitamin water or sobe drink. He calls me a whore & ho because i wear thongs ( i dont let the world know that i wear them ) He picks me up from work and i usually work till 9pm. If im not out by 9:02 he bitches at me when i get in the car. ( i cant help what time i get off )
There is so much more. But those are the basics,
Im so sick of this shit. He treats me like crap but when i tell him to shut his mouth he calls me a stupid teenager and i think i know everything.
Please help me
(link)
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Where is your Mum in all this? Is there another adult you can talk to about how you can handle this bully? Would there be a chance of moving in with another member of your family? Could you find another way of getting home?
What I would like to suggest is that you start a plan of action now that you can implement when you are 18 and can leave home. Try opening a bank account and put in as much money as you can save to put down a deposit on a small bedsit or something. Find out all you can about living alone and the best areas to live in.
Your stepfather sounds like he has serious emotional issues, but that gives him no reason to take it out on you. Try to ignore a lot of what he says because it sounds like he gets a kick out of hurting you.
You are not in an easy position and my heart goes out to you. Nothing lasts forever and your life will get better as you get older. I wish you all the very best. Good luck.
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Hey i am 13/f and i am pregnant my baby is due in a week. No im not a slut or anything i would have kept my virginity until i was married but i was raped by my older sisters ex boyfriend. And I dont believe in abortion... my family is 100% supportive of this pregnancy and any decision i make. I just dont know if i wanna give him or her up for adoption. I really love the baby and i want whats best and i know that would to be with me because we have a good family and we have enough money to support the baby but i dont know if i will see the baby's dad in him or her and if it will scar me... I know its not the baby's fault. But anyway I could use support oh and baby names could help too! idk if its a boy or girl but i like names like nevaeh (nuh vey uh its heaven spelled backwards) and savannah and jayden, cayden, and skyler... anything else???
please help!!! (link)
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I am so sorry to hear that you have found yourself in this awful mess and I am glad that you have support around you.
Yes I can understand that you may think you will not love your child because of how it was conceived, but you will most certainly fall in love with your baby when you actually see it and hold it in your arms.
In my own opinion, I would not be able to give up a baby for adoption - I would be constantly worried that they were not happy or being cared for properly. It would also hurt me badly knowing someone else was bringing up a part of me.
You may feel better about it all if you could go for some counselling. Ask your doctor if there is any possibility of arranging for you to talk this through with someone not connected to your family.
I love the name Nevaeh, it has got a really lovely sound to it. I am not very good at suggesting names for new babies because I think the Mum has to look at the baby to see what would suit them. Anyway here are a few suggestions:-
Sorrell
Larkin
Aoife (pronounced Eefa)
Candra or Kandra
Destiny
I wish you all the very best for the future as a new family. Hold your head up high and be proud that you are going to be a mum.
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im going to be sixteen in 3 weeks.
ive been wit h my boyfriend(17) a long time. and well you know were teens we party and drink. one night it got outta hand and we had sexual intercourse, the condom broke.
here are the signs that im pregnant::
firm breast.
moody.
bloated.
hungry.
frequent urination.
cramps.
spotting.
im really scared because i havent gotten my period yet either.
what should i do.
(link)
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Okay, well the first thing is to establish that you are definitely pregnant. You can do this by buying a pregnancy testing kit or by going to the doctors. (Don't worry about confidentiality because the Dr cannot say anything to your parents).
Once you have established you are pregnant, you need to decide whether you are to keep the baby or whether you need to take the morning after pill to abort the fetus. Your doctor will be able to prescribe it or you may be able to buy it at the chemists.
If you decide to keep the baby you then need to tell your parents so that you have their support.
I know it will not be easy but you cannot hide something like this.
If you are not pregnant then you seriously need to sort out a double form of contraception. You need to continue using a condom but you also need to use the pill or something similar. Again, the doctor will be able to help you out with that.
I wish you all the very best. Take care.
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When I first found out I was pregnant, My boyfriend and I automatically started coming up with girl names. As I got further along, everyone just knew that I was having a baby girl. My boyfriend wanted a boy over a girl because he says that they have more attitudes, but he kept saying girl names. Well, when I went for my ultrasound at the end of my 19th week, the lady that did it seemed crazy. First, when she pulled out the leg part on the table that I was suppose to lay on, she pulled it all the way out and it fell. She started laughing like she was nuts. Anyway, she asked us if we wanted to know the gender and we said yea, then she said it was a boy real fast, and that was that. The thing that made me feel like their could be a big chance that she could had made a mistake is that she found out the sex a little too fast but she acted like she couldn't find my baby's head!!!!! Her excuse was that the baby was moving alot. It took her about 10 to 15 minutes just to get a wierd angle picture of it and give it to us. When I showed my doctor my ultrasound picture, she said "why did she even give you this?" So basically, she really had me confused. So do you think I should believe her completly about my baby's gender when she couldn't even find the head?!!!!! (link)
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How confusing for you. I think that you should ask to be referred for another ultrasound and explain why to your GP. Ultrasounds are usually correct in professional hands but nothing is guaranteed to be 100%. Wait until you have been scanned again before deciding on any names. Whatever gender it turns out to be you will love it just the same. Good luck for your future together as a new family.
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i know people are prob getting sick of these kinda questions but w/e
how would you react/do if you found out that your 16 year old daughter that you had alot of trust with told you she was pregnant.you guys were not really that close but didnt really fight or anything. (please be realistic!)
** only answers this if you are acually old enough to have a child aka like 25 or older (it can be a guy or girl) (link)
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I am a mother of two girls. At first I think I would be desperately disappointed that at 16 they were either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I would also feel angry and upset but once those feelings had been aired I think I would try and talk to her about her options. They need to know how very difficult it would be to raise a child themselves especially at such a young age. I should imagine that they would be frightened of just about everyone and everything in that situation. Finally, once all the shock was out of the way and decisions had been made - (1) If they were keeping the baby I would want to support them both emotionally or (2) hold her hand if the decision was a termination or adoption. Although personally I would not allow a grandchild of mine to be adopted if there was a chance of keeping it. Every girl and family are different. Any parent will lose their rag but they love you and only want the best. Good luck with any decisions you make.
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how to help teen daughter not to raise her voice to unacceptable levels when we talk. (link)
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I have found over the years that if I keep my voice low and calm and maintain as much eye contact as possible, my teenager would start reacting in the same way. Alternatively, I have also walked away and told them that when they are ready to treat me with respect, then I will treat them in the say way. Failing that - yell louder!!
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