Whatever your problem is, chances are I have dealt with it- either directly of indirectly- at some point in my life. I've worked as a Social Worker (with issues like mental illness, addiction, disabilities, eating disorders, etc.)
I've also taught school (to teens!)and have experience mentoring them.
In addition to that, I've lived in 4 different countries, many different cities, and worked jobs in all different fields from Software Sales to Fashion Designer.
This diverse life experience has given me knowledge on a wide variety of topics- which I hope I can put to good use here. :-)
So go ahead- ask away!
PS- I do not judge people or speak to them in a condescending way. However, I will be honest and tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Age: 34
Member Since: July 15, 2007
Answers: 181
Last Update: June 24, 2009
Visitors: 12811
Main Categories:
Mental health
Love Life
General Sex Questions
View All
Favorite Columnists
DangerNerd
|
| |
I am from South Africa
I am suffering depression and over dosing on tablets by the name of PAX-5. This is due to mcertain circumstances. I need help but cant afford anything. please help (link)
|
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've been there and I know how tough it is.
A couple of questions:
1. Are you SURE there is absolutely nowhere to get help there if you don't have the money? There aren't any suicide hotlines to call in emergency? No clinics or counselors who help low income people at all? I'm thinking that there's go to be SOMETHING.
2. Is there anyone who might know more about the resources in your area that can help? A school counselor, teacher, for example? Or even a any wise adult that you can trust to help you look for something? (I know it's hard to search on your own when you are that depressed, so try to get someone on your side).
3. You said this was related to a certain circumstance? You need to remove yourself from that situation- or get help for it if it's hurting you that badly. (I know it's easier said than done but make this a priority).
LAST BUT NOT LEAST- Always remember this acronym:
HALT !!
While it doesn't cure your depression it can at least help prevent things from getting to a more dangerous level.
HALT stands for not letting yourself get too:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Those things will make your depression worse.
But try to get some kind of help. I feel for you and wish you all the best.
RT
|
My question:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlmICTTlERMizmD.IXus9ODsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090521142519AAgNJlh
:( Please answerrr here or there. (link)
|
Whoa! That was one long rant! I can really sense your frustration and I'm sure it's hard for you right now- as it is for all teens. (Trust me even the ones you think having everything going for them have pains too)...
Anway- listen, you've got to be strong and take the reigns here. You're letting your life run YOU instead of you running your life!
You're waiting for something to happen or 'hoping' it will happen when you need to go out and MAKE things happen.
I know that sounds easier than it is but you can do it! Find some other interests. There have to be other things that you like besides volleyball and music. What other kinds of hobbies can you do? Are there any clubs at school or in your town that interest you? If not, you can start one of your own.
How about classes- like sports, art, intruments, anything?!!
There has to be something! Everyone has got their own unique talents and interests. You just need to find yours and get out there- get involved!
I KNOW that it is hard. Us older people have all been there and most of us would never want to go back. You're at an age when you're trying to find out who you are, a lot is changing and you're unsure of yourself. That's normal.
But you need some confidence. Find some things that you like and you are good at. If one thing doesn't work out, just laugh it off and try something else. But don't give up! There's something for everyone. You'll find it. I promise. Keep your head up. And just get out there and do things, talk to people.
If they act like a jerk to you then that's THEIR problem. If they don't, well, see if you have something in common and you just might have a new friend.
|
14/f
Ok if you looked at the title, obviously, its about cutting. I cut myself. I've been cutting since the beginning of 8th grade. I'm in 9th now. I stopped off and on in 8th grade and I only did my wrists. I stopped for awhile after that cause my friends saw and they sorta helped me.
Then beginning of freshman year I started again. I have stuff going on so I'm doing this for no reason. I think you would know that though.
Then I stopped for a couple months and I started cutting my ankles since no one saw there. Then a couple months I've been cutting myself everyday. I got really bad on this. I started cutting my ankles, waits, wrists, legs, arms, shoulders, and mostly my thighs. I know I should stop but I don't know how. It does make me feel better and it helps me get through the day. I'm 14 and ruining myself. What should I do?
Lastly, I want to know if anyone else has ever gone through this here. And if they were around my age. And if I'm crazy.
My parents never knew about this. But I had a bad influence on my younger brother. He did it once and my parents found out but they didn't really do anything. But its weird how you'll do it to yourself but you start crying when someone else you know does it. Like my friends have done it before and I found out after I started doing it to myself last year.
Thanks, please help. (link)
|
The question you should be asking yourself is how come you can't feel the same way for yourself that you do for others?
You mentioned that you cried when someone else did it. I'm sure your parents would feel the same way about you.
The other responder is right- you need to find out what is behind this and get some help. Talk with your parents if you can. If not, at least a counselor at school.
I've cut before but haven't done it in years. I did it before when I felt "stuck" in a painful and hopeless situation.
I had one counselor that gave me a pretty good tip though- get some big rubberbands and put them around your wrist. When you have the urge to cut pop them. It'll sting! Just like the sting you get when you cut.
HTH
|
16/f
ok sooo... im starting to think theres something wrong with me. i have a very hard time showing emotions. no one would ever really be able to tell because i am always acting so happy and loud and hyper. but this is kind of an over animated version of me.
i kind of act like im really emotional but really im not, i just act how i have seen other people act but i do it 10X more. im truthful 2 my ex boyfriend about how i dont care about much and he said maybe i am emotionally detatched or something. i know i definately dont know myself at all either.
we'll be like watching a movie about 3 year olds in romania that weigh 2 pounds and are beaten n stuff n it wont phase me whatsoever. everyone else in my class was crying and i just sat with a shocked look on my face because thats what i see other people do. like at times i dont know what emotion im supposed to be feeling. but i didnt care at all. this happens alot and i hardly ever talk to my parents and even though they yell at me about how i ignore them n stuff, it still doesnt phase me at all. sometimes im irratable and sometimes im really happy. but at other times i dont care at all and i have a hard time showing remorse. i dont really know whats wrong with me and no one except my ex understands how i feel and how i just dont care.
anyone know whats wrong with me? (link)
|
You answered this question yourself. Though you probably didn't even realize it.
Two things that you said stood out to me:
1. "i dont know what emotion im supposed to be feeling."
2. "i am always acting so happy"
The key here is that you said you don't know how you are "supposed to" feel. And that you "act happy".
I think- like most people your age- you may not be sure at how you are "supposed to" act, or maybe worried about how you want to be perceived so you are trying (maybe too hard) to either connect / disconnect from your OWN, true emotions in order to do what is "right".
I also see a hint of a "people pleaser" in you. Maybe that's why you "act happy". Everyone likes to be around a happy person so you put on that act. The problem there though is that you please everyone but yourself!
My advice: just be confident enough to be yourself!
That doesn't mean that if you're feeling down you act like a downer ALL THE TIME, but try to let the real you come out. People do like happy people but they like people that are GENUINE too! :)
HTH
|
almost 15/f
I go to a boarding school, I just got here like 2 days ago...
and the thing is- i'm already feeling homesick. Everyone here already knows eachother and I'm practically the only freshman!
I'm not preppy or shallow or anything but EVERYONE ELSE IS!!!! that's what makes me so uncomfortable with the people here.
any advice about how to not feel homesick is appreciated.
all the guys here are gay, but the ones who aren't gay are taken.
:( (link)
|
That doesn't sound like a lot of fun! But don't worry, it will get better. You sound like you're a little more mature then some of the other kids there (i.e.- not being shallow..) so maybe that's part of the problem. It's just a matter of you finding some like-minded people. One way to do this is to start your own club. If there's something you're interested in - art, the environment, animals, whatever- find some other people that are interested in this and start your own thing. I did it when I was in h.s. and it was probably the only thing that saved me from going crazy. I met some great people and we had something to focus on other then the trivial things that teens normally worry about- something that really matters!
Sometimes writing helps too- like a journal or poetry. You can get the feelings out and once you do sometimes when you see it on paper you realize it's not as big of a deal as you thought...or you may find out that you're worried about something different that you thought.
My guess is that things will get better soon though.so just hang in there.
|
|
hello. I know that how i see myself and think of myself is never great. I want to feel better about myself, because i feel like whatever i have on the inside isnt ever good enough. Why do i think like this?? How can i feel more confidant about who i am? Or feel better about myself? You get what i mean right? i think i have low self esteem or low confidence.. and i dont want to look in the mirror anymore and feel this anymore. I want to be a better person. i know that im not ugly, i know that im a pretty girl.. but its whos underneath thats all broken i think and just lost. (link)
|
It's hard to say because there can be many reasons for feeling like this. Some reasons include: 1. you have too high standards or too high expectations of yourself 2. You have negative or overly critical people around you and you are internalizing some of what they say. 3. You have a history of physical / mental / emotional abuse. 4. You are just going through a transitional phase and trying to find your place, where you shine.
There are other reasons, but these are some of the most common. Ask yourself if any of these fit you. As I'm sure you know, it usually easier to solve the problem if you know the CAUSE. But you can still help yourself even if you don't know the cause.
One way is to treat yourself as you would someone else. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves then we are on others. What would you tell a friend who wrote you the same post that you're writing here? My guess is that you would be easier on them then you are on yourself. So treat yourself as you do others. In other words, learn to be a friend to YOURSELF.
|
|
I'm not gonna be your average 14 year old girl and ask why my life sucks. I know why. It's my fault I pushed people away and made them mad. I talked shit. That's why he doesn't like me that's why everyone hates. I'm a loser and I know it. I was just gonna ask should I end it all so I won't have to deal? I really need help. I'm not trying anymore. I can't even get an ugly guy to talk to me because I"m ugly and stupid and I basically don't fit in with just about anyone. (link)
|
Please go and re-read your post, but pretend that it's a post that someone ELSE wrote.
What would you say to that person?
I think you're being way OVERLY CRITICAL of yourself. And you need to starting caring about yourself or no one else will. How do you do that? Do what I suggested. Read your post and see how awful you are treating yourself. Then maybe you will take some pity on this poor person who's beating herself up and learn to be your own friend. Then other friends will come too.
|
|
Yeah. So I'm over life if I don't get a boyfriend by the time I'm 16 because everyone I know got a boyfriend by the time they were 16. I want to find my true love. i want a guy to stay with me forever not just while we're having sex. Forever! So, am I ever going to find my true love??? or is this just not real. I really need to know.. (link)
|
You can't summon love or command it to come or even put a deadline on it, as much as we would all like to at times.
I feel your longing, but the best thing you can do if you really do want love is to focus on being a confidant, happy, person who is pleasant to be around. That's what attracts people more than anything else. Then it will come, I promise.
And don't worry yourself about the forever thing yet, forever at your age is one in a zillion. If you want a serious, loving and committed relationship, then good, but forever is hard to find even for adults who are going through all the transitions people go through at your age.
|
|
What are some ways you can relax yourself from being too stressed out? (link)
|
When you really get to the root of the stress you will usually find out that what you're stressed about is not near as big as you built it up to be.
So ask yourself what am I stressed about? And why? What am I afraid will happen? How likely is this to ACTUALLY happen? Keep asking questions like this until you get to the bottom of it. Of course, there are some real reasons to be stressed and some stress is healthy, it's what keeps us going. But if you're OVER stressed then find out why and if all this stress is needed. If you conclude that the world is NOT going to end if this doesn't get done or that doesn't happen, then simply decide not to worry about this or that. Part of de-stressing is making a CONSCIOUS DECISION to do so. Tell yourself (of course, if it's not an urgent matter) 'I refuse to be stressed about this"
If that doesn't work, take a hot bubble bath with candles lit. =)
|
|
I'm so stressed out. School just started and I'm already not understanding any of it. I'm trying to get everything turned in and be all perfect but it's not working out. Does anybody know how to deal with stuff that pisses you off and stresses you out to the point where you don't want to get out of bed and face the day? (link)
|
You sound very stressed and maybe even a little depressed. These things affect your concentration, memory and other things.
So no wonder you're having trouble at school!
I also noticed that you mentioned being 'all perfect', could this part of the cause of the stress? Are you putting too high expectations on yourself? Don't aim to be perfect, just aim to be your best. Sometimes if you try TOO hard it ends up backfiring on you! So lighten up a bit, don't be so hard on yourself.
If you're having problems doing this talk to your school counselor. He / she should have some good techniques / suggestions for you.
=)
|
|
How do you learn not to care? Like..I try not to..yet in the end I care about things I really don't want to. How do I let go friends I don't want anymore and make my life hell....I'm really confused. Can someone help me?! (link)
|
I've struggled with this before myself so I know how you feel. This answer is not to NOT care at all though. That will just make you a cold, hard, self-centered, and unpleasant person to be around- which I don't think you want to do!
So here's the trick, do things in MODERATION. It's not just a black or white issue, like you care too much or you don't care at all. Find a comfortable middle ground. Set limits! Otherwise you will just burn yourself out.
And second, make sure that you are caring for yourself first. That's #1, then you take care of other people.
Third, these things should be a give and take. It sounds like you're doing much more giving than taking. If your friends don't help you out when you're in need but always call for your help when they need it then that's not a great friendship. It should be a two-way street.
hope this helps. =)
|
|
Lately I've just been feeling terrible. I don't even know - lost and miserable and like I can't turn to anyone with any of this. There's nothing really wrong with my life. I just can't stop crying. (link)
|
When that happens it's usually one of three things: 1. Depression 2.Hormones 3.Drugs
You didn't give your age, so I don't know if the hormones are coming into play or if you are near your menstral cycle, which can also play a part. I have had some friends that get EXTREMELY depressed around this time and often have crying spells, even for no reason.
If you are not doing any drugs (even prescription meds which can have different effects on different people) then I'm guessing that your problem is either #1 or #2, or a combination of both.
So, now that you know what it most likely is, I suggest going to your family doctor if you can. If not, start with a therapist or school counselor. www.nami.org has a hotline where you can talk to people and get referrals for services related to mental health. They also have a lot of helpful information.
If you're of school age, keep in mind too that everyone is experiencing a lot of anxiety about going back to school and that can play a part too. So it may not be 'clinical depression', it may just be a result of current circumstances- if that's the case, it will get better. You don't necessarily need meds or anything just to get past the circumstances that are causing it.
|
(I know this is long, but it's a problem i've dealt with for such a long time and i'm just looking for relief)
For about half my life, about seven years, I've had severe anxiety. Panic attacks, feeling short of breath, paranoia, just feeling very anxious in general and feeling like someone with metal gloves is holding onto my lungs.
I've been on and off zoloft, taken Xanex in emergency situations where I felt like I needed to be taken to the hospital, i've had therapy and go to an alternative school and everything along those lines, but I can't seem to feel better; my anxiety just won't go away.
Now, my Mom's always been pretty 'spiritual' I guess you could say, and she believes in souls, heaven, angels, things like that. Well, i'm a twin, but my mom was supposed to have triplets. She ended up getting a reduction for whatever reason that i've never really been told.
But anyway, my mom always thought that I could tell that the baby was killed, and that I was aware of it, and somehow it's affected me. My Dad's never really been a big believer of that kind of stuff, and he's always just thought I was working myself up too much. Which i'd frankly much rather believe.
But last night when I made the analogy to my Dad of someone grabbing my lungs, he said he thought he knew what was wrong with me.
So today he comes up to me, with my Mom's mindset, and says that he thinks that when the baby was killed, somehow it's soul went into mine, and now it's trying to get out. So he want to take me to some specialist.
I'm not sure what to believe, because i've always thought this stuff was crap. So what i'm asking is:
1) Do you think that could really happen?
2) What else might be done to cure my anxiety?
and 3) Just, what should I do?
(link)
|
You poor thing! I think I would be anxious too if I were told that my triplet's ghost that was 'killed' was somehow haunting me!
Even if you did have some kind of soul connection with your triplet who passed on I would think that he / she would have nothing but love for you He / she would have no reason to harbor bad feelings or ill will towards YOU because YOU didn't do anything wrong. If anything, he / she would be angry at your parents or whomever 'killed' them- so maybe your parents are putting their guilt or bad feelings about this on YOU?
I think you should see a therapist but don't let your parents pick a kooky one that is going to subscribe to this junk that they're feeDing you.
That's not healthy, and it's enough to make anyone feel nuts!
I'm sure there are probably other causes of this anxiety too, but only a professional therapist can help you get to the root of it.
|
15/f
I always feel like I'm being watched(stalked)...and I think my house maybe haunted! Especially at night..in my room there's this china doll above on a shelf and I always have a feeling like it's gonna move..you know..like it's possesed...I don't know why I feel like this and I want it to stop! (link)
|
This stuff is pretty normal. epecially at your age. It may be annoying but I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary or anything to be too concerned about.
Unless you start hallucinating or having voices telling you to do things or something of that sort then I think you're fine. If it gets to the point of being an obsesssion where it's interfering dramatically with your life or ability to function then I'd worry.
But from what you described I think it's just normal teenage stuff. =)
|
|
my friend is in real trouble she is 14 doing drugs, drinking, smoking and sleeping around and i have just found out that she wants to overdose. But she won't tell me why, I've asked her and i keep trying to help her. I told her to let her mum no why she wants to overdose or see the school counciler because she won't tell me why.Everytime I try to help her she tells me to f up and that she hates me. and all of my other friends keep telling me to leave her alone, so they have all turned on me. All im trying to do is help her before she does something stupid what do i do? (link)
|
Your friend sounds like she's really in a bad state and she's either is not willing or not capable to help herself. So that means that someone does need to step in and see that she gets help, especially if she could be a danger to herself.
You need to tell her parents. If they don't take it seriously or want to get her the help that she needs then speak with the school counselor. And if you think she could be in immediate danger of overdosing or attempting suicide- call the police. It's very hard to do something like that but in a case like this you are better safe then sorry.
Whatever you do, don't try to solve this problem yourselves. Your friend needs professional help. She may be angry at you for doing this but if she would do the same thing for a friend in that position. And people in that kind of condition, especially doing drugs, are not in a rational state of mind. Their thinking is distorted, so don't worry about whether she says she hates you- just do what you can to get her professional help.
|
|
okay so i started cutting myself in 8th grade and now im going into 10th. half the time i dont even know why i cut. i just get the worst urges and if i dont cut the urges just keep getting worse and worse. i really want to stop but i just cant. i hate that i cut myself but it seems like theres no way i can ever stop. and no im not doing it for attention. please help. (link)
|
Here's a trick that can help: put a rubberband around your wrist. When you get the urge to cut, snap the rubberband and it will sting you.
You get some of the same painful release as you do in cutting but without causing serious damage or scars.
|
I dislike who I am, and want to reinvent myself. I know I can do it! The only problem is I'm not sure who I want to become, I know who I DON'T want to be, but not exactly what I should focus on, you know?
My biggest priority is to become an HONEST person because I have lied so much in my life and ended up in the worst situations (WHOEVER READS THIS - NEVER LIE - ITS NOT WORTH IT - I MESSED UP MY LIFE AND LOST SO MUCH - PLEASE LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE, especially don't lie about your past experiences to boys! they'll eventually know what you have/havn't done!!) so I'm coming up with ways to make sure I don't lie, or tell the truth when I do. And I thought I was making life EASIER by lying - but boy is life so much better now that I tell the truth!!
But now I need other goals to focus on, other qualities I want.. can you help me on what they could be and how to reach them??
Thank youu! (link)
|
Good for You!! Glad to hear that you want to make some positive changes in your life. And I think your first goal is a great one.
Here's another one I would focus on: make it a goal to be a person with a POSITIVE outlook on life. Try to avoid anything negative- talking bad about others, negative people, negative thoughts.
It's amazing what can be accomplished just with a positive attitude! You will also attract people who are more positive in nature themselves. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative try to turn it around into a positive. You will be like a ray of sunshine for everyone around you and I guarantee that you will like this 'new you'.
I can tell by your post that you're alreay on our way there, so just keep heading in that direction.
=)
|
ok, so the last few weeks i've been feeling like total shit. i'm fed up with numerous things and i dont know how to control my anger. I'm trying to lose weight for the new school year, but i get so "blah" that i overeat and lose control. I'm really mad at my image..for example, i think im ugly and fat. [even though im not, i sometimes have low points in my mood and i think im so ugly // fat that no one wants to be my friend and etc.] i have so many more like.."mood" problems, that they wont fit in this question. i think all of this crap has to do with some sort of wierd mental illness, but my parents dont believe me. i dont know what to do! pleaseeee,please help me.
thanks. (link)
|
If this is something that persists for a long time or gets more severe then I might worry. But given that you are still young and going through a lot of changes, the new shchool year is starting, etc. - it's prettty normal to feel the way that you do.
Everybody starts to get nervous, insecure, and has these types of moods at your age. Trust me, I remember those days. I also taught teenagers for a few years and EVERYONE goes through the same thing.
So just remember that. When you look around and start feeling self-conscious about something- like looking fat or am I wearing the right outfit, who will be my friend, etc., remember that everyone else is thinking the exact same thing that you are!!!
Some just fake it better than others! Some are all cool on the outside, but believe me, they have the same insecurities too. You know that deodorant commercial- "never let 'em see you sweat"? Well, that's what you have to do. Just fake it. Be confident like you don't have a care in the world and everything will be just fine. That's what attracts people- the confidence.
=)
|
ive neverbeen high
but i think im gonna try it soon
and dont tell me not too :]
but im just afraid im gonna get addicted to it
because if i did and my praents found out
id be dead. hah
but my friend has done it before
and the first time she did she said her throat burned but it was fun
and she also said if you get high and like youre not doing anything you get tired and it wears off
any other things? (link)
|
I'm not going to tell you not to do it, that's your choice, but I will tell you some things that you might want to be aware of before trying this stuff.
1. Drugs (even 'light' drugs like pot) are often laced with other things. When a drug dealer or maker has a weak batch that they know won't sell at premium price they try to 'spice it up' to get top dollar by adding other drugs and even POSIONS to it- like rat poision. Sometimes they add embalming fluid (the chemicals used to preserve a dead body- they get it through the back door in funeral homes).
I'M NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP to scare you, it's the truth. I used to be aocial worker and had to take trainings and work with people involved in drugs- so I know about this stuff. So every time you use a drug you're taking a big risk.
Pot is not what it used to be in your parent's time. Nowadays it can be laced with almost anything. And the dealers don't give a crap if someome dies from taking it, they just want to make a buck.
I know someone who got laced pot and ending up hearing Satan talking to her! She went nuts! It scared her so bad that she almost killed herself and had to go to a psych ward. (true story)
2. Becoming addicted may be the least of your worries! Some drugs (even pot) can lead to psychosis and even serious mental illness like schizophrenia. A recent study showed pot smokers to be up to 600% more likely to acquire a serious mental illness.
Is it worth it to get high a few times to risk hearing voices the rest of your life, hallucinations, delusions, and being mentally impaired?
Again, it's your choice, but given the risks, I think you should think long and hard before you consider going down that road.
|
|
i'm a cutter. at least i used to be. i stopped once i started going out with my boyfriend. he's helped. he's also my first boyfriend. we've been going out for three and a half months. i really care about him, but i think that the only reason i stopped cutting was because of him, and that i might start again. i don't know what to do. i don't want to cut now, but a few times in the past few weeks i've wanted to. i don't know if i've honestly gotten any better or if it's just a temporary thing. it's just the only thing that has ever helped. therapy and pills never did anything. (link)
|
I would still try the therapy- and try to find out the reason for the cutting. There is usually something behind that that needs to be addressed.
Meanwhile, here's a trick to try next time you get the urge: get a big, thick rubberband and put it around your wrist. Snap it a few times. You will get a painful sting that can help give you that 'release' that you're looking for, but without causing any real damage to yourself.
It works!
|
|