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Severe anxiety - what's the cause?
(I know this is long, but it's a problem i've dealt with for such a long time and i'm just looking for relief)
For about half my life, about seven years, I've had severe anxiety. Panic attacks, feeling short of breath, paranoia, just feeling very anxious in general and feeling like someone with metal gloves is holding onto my lungs.
I've been on and off zoloft, taken Xanex in emergency situations where I felt like I needed to be taken to the hospital, i've had therapy and go to an alternative school and everything along those lines, but I can't seem to feel better; my anxiety just won't go away.
Now, my Mom's always been pretty 'spiritual' I guess you could say, and she believes in souls, heaven, angels, things like that. Well, i'm a twin, but my mom was supposed to have triplets. She ended up getting a reduction for whatever reason that i've never really been told.
But anyway, my mom always thought that I could tell that the baby was killed, and that I was aware of it, and somehow it's affected me. My Dad's never really been a big believer of that kind of stuff, and he's always just thought I was working myself up too much. Which i'd frankly much rather believe.
But last night when I made the analogy to my Dad of someone grabbing my lungs, he said he thought he knew what was wrong with me.
So today he comes up to me, with my Mom's mindset, and says that he thinks that when the baby was killed, somehow it's soul went into mine, and now it's trying to get out. So he want to take me to some specialist.
I'm not sure what to believe, because i've always thought this stuff was crap. So what i'm asking is:
1) Do you think that could really happen?
2) What else might be done to cure my anxiety?
and 3) Just, what should I do?
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You poor thing! I think I would be anxious too if I were told that my triplet's ghost that was 'killed' was somehow haunting me!
Even if you did have some kind of soul connection with your triplet who passed on I would think that he / she would have nothing but love for you He / she would have no reason to harbor bad feelings or ill will towards YOU because YOU didn't do anything wrong. If anything, he / she would be angry at your parents or whomever 'killed' them- so maybe your parents are putting their guilt or bad feelings about this on YOU?
I think you should see a therapist but don't let your parents pick a kooky one that is going to subscribe to this junk that they're feeDing you.
That's not healthy, and it's enough to make anyone feel nuts!
I'm sure there are probably other causes of this anxiety too, but only a professional therapist can help you get to the root of it.
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well i have had anxiety sinci i was 5 not as bad as yours but im on lexapro and it works, i was on zoloft but it didnt work. my cousin had a twin that died at birth and my cousin often is depressed and all that kind of stuff. i think it could happen, what your parents say but it could also be that because you were with the twin for 9 monthsyou guys shared a special bond and now that shes not here a part of you is lost without her without you knowing it. try lexapro its pretty good and go to where your parents want you to go, it cant really hurt
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I am sorry that you are suffering this way. I don't know if I can help, because it took many years for you to get this way, and you have been this way for a long time, but here goes.
Often when women get pregnant with multiple fetuses, doctors recommend that one or more of the fetuses be destroyed. Because it increases the chances of the remaining fetuses going full term. It is not uncommon. It happens all the time. HOW they perform the procedure (I believe from my research) is that they inject the fetus that they don't want to come to term with a saline solution and it dies, and is absorbed by the mothers body. This could have freaked out your mom. And she has been freaked out about it all these years. She is harbouring guilt feelings about the fetus that she did not bring to term, but she was given the best medical advice at the time. She could have lost all three of you. This has happened to other couples and instead of carrying around the guilt and memory of the fetuses that they could not bring to term, they obsess about it constantly and fail to enjoy and nuture the babies that they did have.....meaning, you and your twin.
Your parents have some serious problems and they have placed them on you. And now your life is compromised and they have placed their anxiety into you. They raised you with fear instead of confidence, and are letting old memories haunt them. This is not how other couples, who have been in this situation have handled this situation. Sure every mother who looses a fetus to miscarriage or some other method, will occasionaly wonder "what if". But they don't obsess about it.
There method has really complicated their lives and your life. It really is sad.
Honey, you are not possessed by the triplet who didn't survive. That is not possible. That child's spirit is not in you, and it doesn't hate you and is NOT trying to harm you. Your parents have done enough of that.
The feelings that you get inside, of your lungs being grabbed, and stuff like that....is the adrenalin that is pumping through your system because of the tricks that your mind is playing on you causing anxiety. It is the same feeling that any person would feel if they were in a dark alley and suddenly confronted with a sinister character pointing a gun at them. Your freeze, your breath gets stuck in your lungs....your eyes open wide, and the adrenalin starts pumping......this adrenalin rush is preparing your body to "fight" or "flight".
So that confrontation is a REAL threat. That is how your body reacts to REAL threats. Your anxiety is causing your mind to creat threats that are not there, but your body reacts the same way by pumping adrenalin.
Let me be blunt. the sooner you get away from this family the better you will be. It could takes years of therapy to grow out of the feelings of anxiety that your parents have placed on you. Because they have had years to instill it into you. Therapy is a good idea, but you have to be honest and blunt. Your goal should be to get OFF of the medication, once you understand, how your body reacts to anxiety, and how you can learn to UNLEARN the anxious feelings. I know I make it sound simple, and it is not. It will be hard work. But you are young and can have a chance at a normal life. Remeber some day you will be an adult and on your own. You can choose to live a better life Try to work towards that goal. Even if slowly at first.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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