Whatever your problem is, chances are I have dealt with it- either directly of indirectly- at some point in my life. I've worked as a Social Worker (with issues like mental illness, addiction, disabilities, eating disorders, etc.)
I've also taught school (to teens!)and have experience mentoring them.
In addition to that, I've lived in 4 different countries, many different cities, and worked jobs in all different fields from Software Sales to Fashion Designer.
This diverse life experience has given me knowledge on a wide variety of topics- which I hope I can put to good use here. :-)
So go ahead- ask away!
PS- I do not judge people or speak to them in a condescending way. However, I will be honest and tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Age: 34
Member Since: July 15, 2007
Answers: 181
Last Update: June 24, 2009
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DangerNerd
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i stay with my babydaddy but we not together.he broke up with me on my birthday last year cause he though i was mad cause he work that day.which was sad cause that was not true.nut he was my first or everything including virginity.but i feel like he using me.lik if i say i won't give him money he would kick me out.and othe girls he talk to they don't give him money and he respect them more then me and im the mother of his chilld.he call me stupid slow.one day he love me the next he say he can't wait till i get out his life.then i found out he guve girls money.and im working hard giving him money and he don't help me out.he not even working.and when he go out of town i let him stay at my mom place.and he let gurls pick him up over there.and he tell me oh we ain;t together.i no we not together but y u doing that.and we have sex i give him a blow job.and i found out he having unprotected sex and he laugh and says we not togetther why u geeting mad for.i mean you my first that took my virginity why he doing this to me.its lik every time i stand up 4 myself he want to kick me out or something.ploease help me (link)
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I have to be honest with you. It pains me to even read this question. My heart aches for you.
This guy is NO GOOD!!! Period. And you need to get him out of your life.
I understand that he was your first and he's also your baby's dad but there's no reason why anyone should put up with that kind of treatment.
If you keep this guy around he's just going to keep up the same crap he's doing now. You can't change people like that.
He's eating away at your self-esteem by calling you names, playing psychological games, using you for money and sex....he is a no good bum!
Be honest with yourself- what is he doing for you? From what it sounds like- nothing. Seems like you're fulfilling all of HIS needs and he could care less about yours.
Every relationship should be a two-way street. And I don't see him doing his part. He's selfish, hurtful and immature.
You are way better than this. You need to believe that!!
I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. In your heart of hearts you know this guy is no good. Maybe you just don't want to be alone? Or because he was your first & your child's dad you think you should stay with him?
I don't know because I can't read your mind. But whatever reason you're telling yourself that you should try to make this work out- you need to wake up and look at things as they REALLY ARE not what you hope they COULD BE.
Go back and read your post but read it as if someone ELSE wrote it. Imagine that a friend asked you this question. What would you tell HER? I bet you'd tell her the same thing I'm telling you now.
So my advice to you is BE A FRIEND TO YOURSELF.
Why would it NOT be ok for a friend to go through this but ok for you?
Last but not least- remember that you are a role model for your child too. Do you want your child growing up thinking this is the way women should be treated?
You are way, way better than this. Please try to believe that.
I wish you all the best.
RT
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Ok, here goes... I guess I should tell you a bit about myself, at least the basics: 17, female, and a virgin. Great, right? Now, onto the question.
Last year there was a guy in a couple of my classes that we're going to call "Aaron." He was a year older than me but I was in his classes because I am on a more advanced track. Well, Aaron sat in my little group during math class along with his other friend, "John." I had known John from before so we all got along really well. It wasn't soon before I started to really like Aaron. Besides celebrities, he was the only guy I had ever felt sexually attracted to. It was apparent he liked me too. As the months progressed, we started being more open with each other and joking about sex. One day when we were sitting in Spanish (our table was WAY in the back), we got on the topic of boobs somehow. I made a comment like "I don't get why guys like boobs, they're just big bags of fat!" to which he retorted, "Well, if you were a guy and saw your chest, you'd be attracted to them too." With that, he cupped my boob. I was kinda shocked! I mean, we were in the middle of the classroom! Part of me thought it was strange and the other part was in heaven! It felt really good and I completely trusted him. This continued on and we made out a few times. One day, we were eating lunch and he told me to meet him up at his locker in ten minutes. We each got locker passes and I follwed him up shortly after he left. I was really happy. His locker was located by a guy's bathroom. He told me to follow him inside. I was REALLY scared to go in. The big taboo, you know? But I was so enamored that I followed him in. He asked if I would give him a blowjob. He did not pressure me and asked very sweetly, making sure I was ok. Let me tell you, I've never wanted to do anything more in my life. I was so ready for it, but in a bathroom? No. It felt so wrong. It was then that our male science teacher walked in. We were shouted at but in the end we didn't get into too much trouble. After that Aaron became a recluse. I don't know if it was because he was embarrassed, angry, or scared, but he stopped talking to me. It really hurt me and I gave up the hopes of ever being with him.
Skip to the end of this year:
We eventually made up, but he still didn't really talk to me. It wasn't until a week ago I actually spoke to him for more than two minutes. We were confined to the auditorium, setting up amps for an assembly later that day. We talked, but we didn't mention the year before or anything sexual.
Later that day, Aaron sent me a message on facebook asking if I would give him a blowjob.
I really didn't know what to say. This was really unexpected and I wasn't prepared at all. I decided in my mind that I still really wanted to do it. I liked him a lot, and this was basically for my pleasure as much as his. He wants me to do it behind our stage, in a loft that holds all the costumes after school. It's hard to find the time, but I really want to!
So here are my questions:
1) Am I really wrong to do this?
2) Should I lie to my parents so I can do this?
3) At school?!
4) How can we find the time?
Thanks for everything and I'm sorry this thing is so LONG! I'm hyped on Caribou right now and my fingers just keep going!
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This guy obviously gets turned on by sexual acts in public places. This is a kind of fetish for some people- you know like some men like feet or whatever? Well- he likes the RISK of doing it in public.
But that he's trying to drag you into his fantasies in SCHOOL nonetheless is probably not a good idea.
There's a good chance you can get caught (which for him is the turn-on) but still, can you imagine what would happen then?
Not only would your parents freak- you'd be embarassed- but then I'm sure word would get out at school too and you'd be the butt of many jokes because you let yourself be taken in by him.
So save yourself all that and just you don't think messing around at school is a good idea. If he doesn't understand then he's being a selfish jerk and you deserve better.
HTH.
RT
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Ok I met a girl about a month ago and she's really cool we talk everyday and we've hung out with each other I think I might like her but her last break up was really bad and she's pretty much like I'm done with guys but I'm willing to wait but how will I know when the time is right? (link)
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Just be her friend in the meantime. She probably could use one right now if she just had a bad breakup.
And most good relationships start out with being good friends first anyway.
So start there and then down the line if you both feel you want it to be something more (you'll know), then you'll already be halfway thee.
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thankyou for ansawing my qustion.
although iam still finding it hard after all these years to come to terms with not being with this
lady.i do see her around from time to time where i try to be polite towards her. as i was walking away from her she was telling the person she was with what we used to get up to which they were both laughing at me. i didnt relise someone who i cared so much about could be so cruel. she was making fun about my weight so i turned round and tryed to point out that when she was slightly overweight when she was with me to which she was hevier than iam now at that point she just continued to laugh at me.all i was doing was trying to be sival towards her.how can i deal with these insults if i bump into her in the streets in the future. (link)
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Here's how you deal with it: be PROUD of the fact that you are a person of strong, upstanding character who has taken the high road while she has chosen to take the low road.
Have you ever seen that comedian Ron White's show "you can't fix stupid"? He talks about how if you're fat you can lose weight, if your nose is crooked you can fix it, etc.- but you can't fix stupid!! ha ha! (He was referring to an ex of his who was stupid and that there was no cure for that).
Anyway- my point in telling you that is that is that there are some things that are much more important than looks. Having a good heart is much more important. You just need someone who can see that in you and appreciate it.
If you bump into her in the future you just smile. Stand up straight, walk proud, and smile- because you have something to smile about.
PS- Here's a good quote for you too:
"No one can ever make you feel inferior without your consent"
- Eleanor Roosevelt
That means people can only hurt you if you give them that power. You decide to assign that kind of power to them or not.
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Ok so my friend has just been dumped by her boyfriend after 20 months of bing together (im a guy 17 shes 17) shes my best friend but i jsut dont know how to give her advice :( i really want to make her think that life goes on she will eventually get over himn even though its going to be hard as hell, i was talking to her today she was in tears of course and much like every guy with a crying girl we have no fucking clue what to do or say, i really want to help her even if its the tiniest bit but i dont know how :( how do i give her advice? what should i keep in mind? how i do stay levl headed and not make my self so awkwardly uncomfortable when girls are like this. thanks for you time and effort and interest in my question (link)
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You DO know what to say you just don't know it.
Fact is, you already said it.
The best thing to do is be speak from your heart. Tell her what you just said here- feel bad, would like to help but don't know how, not sure if you could say anything that will make her feel better because the truth is that it will hurt for a while but she'll eventually feel better...
You said it all already! Just tell her that. The truth works wonders. She'll be happy enough just to see that you care- and anyway, sometimes just LISTENING helps.
You don't always have to have the answer.
RT
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Hello,
My ex-boyfriend (I think so, I do not consider that we are actually in a "relation" any longer) We still see each other,but things are very cold...while we were together we planned a vacation very far away...and we will go shortly (Im actually not so happy about it, but everything has been paid).
We were together for the first time over a year ago, he left and I didn't wait for him- I started another relationship (meanwhile he was always sending me SMS and trying to get to see me...never accepted) until few months ago, Then my problems started :( he was so nice until one day he told me that he's son was born few days ago (now 2 months old) I honestly wasn't so surprise. I accepted and supported him (the mom doesn't let him see the kid)
All more or less fine, until one day in a lunch with friends, somebody started making comments and after few cups of wine I lost it and told him that I was tired of all the situation, that he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start being a father and taking responsibilities and stop feeling sorry of the whole situation.(that woman for some reason didn't want to marry him) After all that Drama at the lunch he called me names and tells me I am all sorts of horrible things. I don't think that is acceptable in the slightest, but I guess I DO, because I'm still with him, right? I have this state of mind that I am not all of the bad things he tells me I am, unless I stay with him... then I feel as if I have become those awful things. Which makes me feel like I deserve to hear everything he has to dish out. After all, why should he respect me when I don't even respect myself? Isn't that true?
I feel and Im afraid that I like him because he treats me bad? can that be possible? He's 40 and Im 30, I should know better than this? I was very when I was very young and I left my husband for mistreatment, but with him I just stand there listen and that's all I do!!! why?, then ofcourse when I come home I cry and ask myself what am I doing?
Thing is, I wouldn't stand for this behavior from anyone but him, and that is a fact I am sure of! I was taught manners, and I know the importance of respect. So why am I still with him?
He really just has a poor attitude. He is only mean to me when he loses his cool, but he is everything I've ever dreamed of when his temper is straight.
I feel like the most disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human being for admitting this, but..... I feel like I have nothing better to run to... and I really HATE being alone :(
He always has bad comments about my job, friend, my salary EVERYTHING! If he has nothing good to say about me, why is he still around?
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First off- do NOT feel bad for admitting that you have a problem. There is no shame in that. Many people are in bad situations that they never get out of because they CAN'T admit that they have a problem.
So be proud of yourself for recognizing that something is wrong.
Now, the hard part...you KNOW something is wrong, but are you willing to DO something about it?
My advice to you is that you need to:
a) Not worry about being alone. Maybe you NEED to be alone for a while until you can build back up your self-esteem, self-respect and get yourself on a better path. It may seem comforting to have someone around, but the reality is these guys are only bringing you DOWN. You'd do better on your own.
b) You need to dump this guy. At a minimum, he is emotionally abusive. And you are way too good for this guy. And don't worry about the vacation. See if you can sell it to someone or something. But get rid of this guy.
c) Try to find some counseling or even get some self-help books, whatever to find out why you have a pattern of getting with men that treat you like dirt. Why is your self-respect so low? You need to get to the root of the problem and deal with it.
If you suffered abuse as a child or something that could be a reason. And if you don't confront it and adopt some healthier approaches you will continue with the same pattern over and over.
You are way better than this! And you need to believe that. The change starts with YOU. You're absolutely right- no one will respect you if you don't respect yourself.
You can do it. Best of luck to you.
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I have been in a relationship with my partner for 2 years.
I love him very much, but I feel hes not paying me enough attention, which I feel has lead me into the big mistake I made 2 days ago.
I have been flirting with his best mate for quite some time, even though I don't really know him, now regardless of what anybody thinks of me, its NOT like me atall, I have never cheated on a partner before and have never even had the urge too, but for the last year, me and my boyfriends relationship has been very rocky, & I feel we have grown very distant, and its almost like I hate him being around, but miss him when hes not.
He has been neglecting me in many ways, however if I tease him or get naked, suddenly he perks up & is all ears & eyes for me...
Basically things went a little too far with his best friend two days ago.
I had a miscarriage just over a week ago, and my partner didnt want a baby, but due to the fact it happened, eventually he agreed to stick by me, but all the stress, turned a threatened miscarriage into a full on miscarriage, and since then I have been very very down.
I turned to his best mate because my partner didn't care that the baby was gone, he was almost happy! and things went from a cuddle to me playing with him.
I regret it but then again, I still feel the need to do it again! Inside I kind of know that if my partner was giving me the love and attention I deserve as his girlfriend, then I would not have any need to go elsewhere. This is a dangerous game and I am very nervous as his mate still comes over ALL the time. I don't know what to do now, I do not want to lose my partner, but I don't wanna lose his best mate as my mate...has anyone else been in this situation? I really need to know where to go next with this one. Thanks (link)
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First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That's a tragic thing to go through. And whether either of you wanted the child or not is irrelevant, it's still not a pleasant situation and he should have been there for you.
The fact that your partner wasn't there for you at a time like that is terrible. He does not seem to be meeting your emotional needs at all.
And to be perfectly frank, you don't seem happy with him. It sounds more like you are just so used to him being around- and I think you want someone around- but maybe not him.
What you did with the friend was probably not the best decision and I understand your guilt / regret. But don't beat yourself up about it. I think you just really needed some emotional support and you weren't getting it.
But what's done is done. You need to try to move forward and get to a place where you can really be fulfilled- and I don't mean just sexually.
That might mean finding someone who can be a true friend as well as a sexual partner.
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when is it considered not being a " virgan " r u still a virgan if only the girl has an orgasim and not the boy ? do both people have to finnish to have sex ? or is it if one person does ur both not virgans haha im confused :/ please help me figure out if i am still a virgan haha :] (link)
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sorry, i was sick so that's why I couldn't answer sooner. Once you have sexual penetration you are no longer a virgin, regardless of who orgasms or not. PS- oral sex and touching like fingering is generally not considered sex (losing your virginity). Hope this clears it up.
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okay well, its long... but basic form is fast...
josh is my current boy, brandon is my x-boy.
in basic form: josh skrewed some girl while going out with me and i have him admitting it on recording but i havnt said anything to him yet, and brandons step dad wants to do everything he can to mess my life up and upset me and my family. and now that brandons coming back i dont know what to do... help please! please. brandons coming back into my life again in a week.
in long form:
josh and i have always had a thing but had never gone out. brandon and i had gone out, and we where going out untill brandon got locked up. at first it was okay, we sent eachother letters, but then we couldnt anymore. so i broke up with him. i loved brandon so much he ment everything to me. i thought he was the one, the one i was gunna marry. anyways, josh started making moves on me while brandon was locked up, somehow he wone me over even though i voued to stay with brandon. i started going out with josh and it was awesome. we have been going out since january. now brandon is getting out in about a week, im so skrewed because im still head over heals for him. he had my friend that got out on a pass from being locked up call me and tell me that brandons still in love with me. (and im still oviously in love with him)
but get this...
this person that called me also let me listen to a recording of my current boy, josh when he was drunk and he admitted skrewing my friend sara! and he said that he would do it again. i havnt said anything to him yet but oh my is he going to get hell. and my parents dont like him because hes not white (im white.) No matter what, i still love josh because i gave it up to him and that means that much more. its hard for me to believe he did another girl because hes always checking if im messing around with other guys.
and brandon, his dad called my parents and tried to skrew up my life by telling them terrible lies about me and saying that brandon didnt want anything to do with me although it isnt true. but my parents dont like brandon either because hes been locked up.
i dont know what to do. i loved brandon, he ment everything to me. when he got locked up i cried evey day for about 4 or 5 months. i cried all day long- just randomly durring school, durring cheer and when i got home. finally josh fixed that hole for me, i mean its not like he replaced brandon, he could never do that but, he helped me forget and keep living my life. i started being so happy with josh too! and now this. this is so messed up its rediculous.
i need to know what to do about brandon and josh. also i need to know what to do about sara.
i was thinking just to doubble check everything i should go up to sara in school and be like, i know you did my boyfirend sara, i thought we where friends. well you have about 5 minutes to tell me everything and say your sorry before i never want to talk to you again and lable you the whore who did my boyfriend... orr i was thinking about going to josh's mom and asking her what to do. even though shes my boys mom she would tell me straight up.
i am trying to tell you everything i can so i can get the best answer.
help please, please.
im so sorry this is long too. (link)
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This is a pretty crappy situation, but you need to ask yourself how you got there. I think that's even MORE important then figuring out how to get out of what you're in. Because honestly, it sounds like you're dating the same guy over and over again. And your 'friend' doesn't sound that great either.
You need to find some better people to hang out with and start making some better choices or you will keep finding yourself in the same situations. Figure out what kind of person YOU want to be first- in other words, what are your values? Your priorities in life? What's most important to you? To be an honest person? A caring person?...etc.
Then only surround yourself with people who have the same values. It's hard to find good people, but it's way better to have one or 2 real friends then to have 10 not so good friends, or worse. Same thing with guys, it's better to be on your own and wait to find a decent guy then to be with a jerk who will just cause you grief.
Don't bother with this kind of people anymore. You deserve better.
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Ok heres the thing I am almost eighteen and Im so shy that I can hardly or never have been able to talk to a guy without hittin a beamer basically. This is due to embarrassment for them incase anyone sees them talkin to a girl that looks like me.
To describe me I have a button nose, I am big boned my hair never stays straight long and I hate myself infact the only thing I like about myself is my eyes but guys dont fall for eyes do they?
I know this will prob sound sad to most but I need tips any tips you can give on how to be a little less shy and insecure.
Thanks for any help you can give.
soz its long.
lxx (link)
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see my answer that I just gave for the question above you. same thing works here. =)
If you can't find it contact me.
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how do i act like im over my ex when i see him at school? because i always look down when i see him and stuff so how do i act around my ex boyfriend and how? and im not over him yet and i dont want him to know that im not over him yet please help? (link)
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If you're having problems faking it, then think of someone like in a movie or something that acts the way you want to act and imitate them.
Sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from your feelings, but if you're acting (pretending) to be someone else for a few moments, then you're no longer you, are you? You're someone else!
PS_ I wouldn't recommend this ALL THE TIME, but everyone once in a while, it won't do any harm. And it works!
=)
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17/f
I was dating my boyfriend for about a year and half when he cheated on me. He didn't just kiss another girl or hang out with her but he had sex with her at a party after we had had a fight. He didn't even tell me and i had to find out from the girl herself. She didn't even know i was hius girlfriend and she asked me to give him his ring back.( the ring was a promise ring we gave to eachother awhile ago) up until this happened i thought i could spend the rest of my life with him. I haven't talked to him since but he is always with my brothers. I just don't know if he went so far that i should throw away everything we had. Where is the line of going to far to be forgiven? Do i just give up and say let's be friends? (link)
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You poor thing, you must really love him a lot if you're even considering forgiving him (especially after the promise ring he gave away). I mean, he might try to deny having sex with her, but the fact that she had the ring says that there was SOMETHING definitely going on.
I'm going to tell you something of what I learned from my girlfriends in college. There were some who let guys get away with a lot of crap and you know what? They then would keep attracting the SAME KIND OF GUY over and over again. Once they stopped respecting themselves and setting limits of what they found acceptable in a relationship then the guys picked up on this and that's all they could attract.
They'd ask me all the time 'how do you always get such good guys and we get jerks?" and I said it's because I make it known from day 1 what's ok and what's not. And they know that if they screw up they are out the door! No ifs, ands or buts! I'ts like once guys think you're easy then they just come to you for sex. Well, this is the same type of thing.
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to SET A STANDARD. If you don't then other people will do it for you.
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14/f
I'm seriously way too horny all the time. I've been this way since I turned 13 and I don't know what I can do about it. Is it because I masturbate to orgasm so frequently? 4x a day or every 12 hours. It distracts me from being normal. Like I'll be watching a movie or trying to do something social, and all of a sudden i feel my pussy throbbing and i get goosebumps all over my body and my clit feels enflamed. and my mind fills with sexual fantasies that I can't get rid of. I also get horny every time I sit down. And then I have to start riding the seam. Whenever I'm alone i start touching myself even if i'm not really masturbating at the time.
Random things can trigger this response, like i'll get super horny looking at a woman or girl... Or a man. teen-middle age. And I have random sexual thoughts about every 4 seconds i'd say. I've talked to my mom about this but she doesn't help she's just like "YOU'RE SUCH A WEIRDO. TAKE A FRIGGIN COLD SHOWER!" But cold showers don't help me they just make me hornier because of the temperature difference.
Do I have a problem with my libido? What can I do about it? This seriously distracts me from normal daily things that I have to do.
also- i'm going to a boarding school next year where i'll have a roommate and the bathroom in the dorm is like a public bathroom with stalls and stuff, not a 1-person one. How can I continue masturbating every day? I use a sonicare toothbrush and it's kind of loud.
any advice appreciated. (link)
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You are a teenager, your hormones are raging, you discovered something new that feels great- so this is normal.
Don't worry, it will start to wear off. It's like when you find a new song that you love and play it over and over, then it loses some of its appeal. You still like it but only listen to it every once in a while.
As for the dorm, that will be kind of hard because you don't want someone to find out and be embarassed. Even though I'm sure they do it too, some kids can be cruel. So try to keep this under wraps. Use your fingers quietly and try to just do it when no one is around.
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ok theres this guy austin whos a total player and never stays with a girl more than a few weeks. once he even told my bf to break up with me and find some "fresh meat" (grrrrr!). so it was really surprising when austin stayed with this girl ashley for 6 months. but anyway, he just broke up with her. he told my bf that the reason he broke up is cuz he just doesnt want a gf and wants to concentrate on sports, and how hard it was to break up with her. well that was 2 days ago, and he's already telling this new girl that she's hot and asking her to hang out. obviously the real reason he dumped ashley is for this new girl. so im just wondering, why he would tell my bf that? i mean, i can see him saying that to ashleys friends, so ashley wouldnt feel bad, but why would he lie to his one of his buddies about it? im just curious cuz it doesnt make sense, especailly with this guy.
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This guy is a self-centered jerk who's not capable of considering anyone else's feelings but his own. So who CARES why he said what he said. Don't waste even one second of your life trying to figure this guy out. It's not worth it.
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i've been dating this guy, let's call him delicino (his last name), and we've been on and off for 3 years. we were together for 2 years then we decidd to end up, but have gotten back together 2 times afte rthat and one of those times are right now. it's a secretive relationship and he's my brother's best friend and my best friends brother. my best friend knows about it and we're pretty sure my brother knows too. We only see each other when he stays the night over here and when i'm over at his house. everytime he's over though and we're left alone, he always trys to get me to take off my clothes or something along the lines of that and i tell him no every single time, but he still trys again and the next time he's over. it gets so annoying to me and he's over at my house now and i'm 100% sure he'll try it again. i want to break the relationship off, but im not sure if i want to. it's hard giving him up for the fact that when ever i see him, it brings back memories and me being the person i am gets back together with him. i've told myself not to and that the last time we were together was the last time, but i'm back with him again. i'm confused. i din't know if i should stay with him or not. i have on and off feelings for him too. (link)
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First off, why is this a 'secretive' relationship? Is he seeing someone else? Your parents won't approve? What?
Second, the guy doesn't respect your wishes and continuously tries to push you sexually to do something that you don't want to do. So why do you want to be with him? I see that you have a history, but there are plenty of other guys out there. Don't think that you have to stay with him just because there's a history there.
You didn't state your age, but I can guess that you are pretty young. Listen, take it from someone who's older- do not get yourself in the habit of being with guys who don't respect you 100% and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Start now, while you are young, chosing the right kind of guys to be with- and you will save yourself a lot of trouble and a lot of heartache in the long run.
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17/female
i have this "best friend" who we have hooked up with being "friends with benifits" on and off for the past 6 months.
once it's started does "fwb" last forever after that?
i would really just rather be his really good friend that we know everything about eachother but it just seems like every now and then he just wants his booty call, and of course he gets it.
what is the best way through all of this without losing him as my best friend? (link)
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You have every right to change your mind. You should never have to feel like you have to do something that you don't really want to do.
So just be honest and tell him that you'd rather continue just as friends. And if he is your friend he will understand.
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Well im like madly in love with my friends boyfriend. Theyve only been going out for like 5 days, but ive liked him since the beginning of the year. And so two weeks ago right after he broke up with his girlfriend i told him i liked him and that i was going to ask him out, but i knew he would say no, because he just broke up with his girlfriend, and i kinda had a hunch that he sorta of liked shannon. And he said he kinda did, but that didnt mean he liked me, and that he promised he wouldnt go out with her. And so i was all happy. But he never talked to me about it again. And so finally i was just like is it because you dont like me and hes like no i really like you i just have to think about stuff. BUT HE TOLD SHANNON THE EXACT SAME THING. And hes not that kind of person. And i yelled at him, and im really mad at him right now, but i cant get him off my mind, and everytime i think about him and shannon together, i start crying, because it just doesnt feel right. And dont tell me to just stop liking him. Its not that easy. And i dont care if you say im not in love, because i am, i cant stop thinking about him and ive never felt like this with a guy before. Hes really not the kind of person to be like that, and he just didnt stop and think, and i cried myself to sleep last night because i cant stop thinking about him, and i love him sooooo much, and hes so sweet, and i just dont know what to do. (link)
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This guy either:
a) doesn't know what he wants
b) does know and is playing games
c) is not interested in you in that way and doesn't have the heart to tell you knowing your feeelings for him, so he's making excuses.
EITHER WAY, I'm sorry to tell you, there's not a lot that you can do about it. Love has to be a 2-way street. If he loves you, he will pursue you, but he needs to make this decision on his own and in his own time.
If you make any attempts to nudge him you will just push him away. Not to mention, that you will probably also lose a friend in the process.
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I'm coming onto the 1 year anniversary of my fiancee's death. She was 27, but after 1 year, I still can't get over her. I had waited almost 30 years for someone like her, and she was the love of my life. I'm a wreck, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal? What can I do? (link)
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You already have some great answers, so I don't have much to add.
But, just so that you know, anniversaries can be very hard for any tragic / traumatic event. So chances are, you are feeling even worse with the anniversary coming around. This is normal.
But things will not be this hard forever, they will start to slowly get better. Hang in there, I know that it's hard, but she wouldn't want you to be in pain. She would want you to be happy. Try thinking of that when times are really bad. It might help alleviate some of what you are going through.
Sorry I can't give you any better advice, but there is no magic answer for this type of thing.
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