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I think I need help!
Hello,
My ex-boyfriend (I think so, I do not consider that we are actually in a "relation" any longer) We still see each other,but things are very cold...while we were together we planned a vacation very far away...and we will go shortly (Im actually not so happy about it, but everything has been paid).
We were together for the first time over a year ago, he left and I didn't wait for him- I started another relationship (meanwhile he was always sending me SMS and trying to get to see me...never accepted) until few months ago, Then my problems started :( he was so nice until one day he told me that he's son was born few days ago (now 2 months old) I honestly wasn't so surprise. I accepted and supported him (the mom doesn't let him see the kid)
All more or less fine, until one day in a lunch with friends, somebody started making comments and after few cups of wine I lost it and told him that I was tired of all the situation, that he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start being a father and taking responsibilities and stop feeling sorry of the whole situation.(that woman for some reason didn't want to marry him) After all that Drama at the lunch he called me names and tells me I am all sorts of horrible things. I don't think that is acceptable in the slightest, but I guess I DO, because I'm still with him, right? I have this state of mind that I am not all of the bad things he tells me I am, unless I stay with him... then I feel as if I have become those awful things. Which makes me feel like I deserve to hear everything he has to dish out. After all, why should he respect me when I don't even respect myself? Isn't that true?
I feel and Im afraid that I like him because he treats me bad? can that be possible? He's 40 and Im 30, I should know better than this? I was very when I was very young and I left my husband for mistreatment, but with him I just stand there listen and that's all I do!!! why?, then ofcourse when I come home I cry and ask myself what am I doing?
Thing is, I wouldn't stand for this behavior from anyone but him, and that is a fact I am sure of! I was taught manners, and I know the importance of respect. So why am I still with him?
He really just has a poor attitude. He is only mean to me when he loses his cool, but he is everything I've ever dreamed of when his temper is straight.
I feel like the most disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human being for admitting this, but..... I feel like I have nothing better to run to... and I really HATE being alone :(
He always has bad comments about my job, friend, my salary EVERYTHING! If he has nothing good to say about me, why is he still around?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off- do NOT feel bad for admitting that you have a problem. There is no shame in that. Many people are in bad situations that they never get out of because they CAN'T admit that they have a problem.
So be proud of yourself for recognizing that something is wrong.
Now, the hard part...you KNOW something is wrong, but are you willing to DO something about it?
My advice to you is that you need to:
a) Not worry about being alone. Maybe you NEED to be alone for a while until you can build back up your self-esteem, self-respect and get yourself on a better path. It may seem comforting to have someone around, but the reality is these guys are only bringing you DOWN. You'd do better on your own.
b) You need to dump this guy. At a minimum, he is emotionally abusive. And you are way too good for this guy. And don't worry about the vacation. See if you can sell it to someone or something. But get rid of this guy.
c) Try to find some counseling or even get some self-help books, whatever to find out why you have a pattern of getting with men that treat you like dirt. Why is your self-respect so low? You need to get to the root of the problem and deal with it.
If you suffered abuse as a child or something that could be a reason. And if you don't confront it and adopt some healthier approaches you will continue with the same pattern over and over.
You are way better than this! And you need to believe that. The change starts with YOU. You're absolutely right- no one will respect you if you don't respect yourself.
You can do it. Best of luck to you.
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