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cheated on
17/f
I was dating my boyfriend for about a year and half when he cheated on me. He didn't just kiss another girl or hang out with her but he had sex with her at a party after we had had a fight. He didn't even tell me and i had to find out from the girl herself. She didn't even know i was hius girlfriend and she asked me to give him his ring back.( the ring was a promise ring we gave to eachother awhile ago) up until this happened i thought i could spend the rest of my life with him. I haven't talked to him since but he is always with my brothers. I just don't know if he went so far that i should throw away everything we had. Where is the line of going to far to be forgiven? Do i just give up and say let's be friends?
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I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. You are in a tough situation, if you feel that you can work through it together and have a healthy relationship again, by all means, go for it. If you can't live with knowing that he had sex with another girl, and know for a fact that you can never forgive him, then forget it and be friends.
If you decide to try again, its important to talk about what happend and set rules for what is okay and what is not okay in the relationship. It will take time to rebuild the trust you once had, but it is possible to do so. Also be sure to tell him that if he does it again you will be done, and that is it.
Be prepared for a lot of negative feelings coming from your friends and famliy, they don't mean to, but they often try to sway your opinion on things. They really just hate to see you upset.
But just know that sometimes no matter how hard both of people try, things are just never the same as they once were. If after a period of time you still can't trust him or move on from what happend, then it is time to end the relationship and just be friends.
On the other hand, things may return to how they used to be, or even better.
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I think it would be best to hear his side of the story. Don't tell him what you know, just ask if he would (or did) ever cheat on you. Give him a chance to be honest. If he lies to you, which he most likely will, it would most definitely be a good idea to consider maybe taking a break in your relationship. If your fights cause him to do such drastic things, your relationship won't last very long anyway.
Talk to him about it. Stay calm. Things will work out in the end.
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is your boyfriend on this site at all? i got te exact same question [cept it was a guy] not too long ago.
i would have him make it up to you and then decide if you want him back... let him beg and plead and do stuff to show he cares and cut off all ties with that girl he cheated with.
i'm not great with drawing the line... i hate cheating but sometimes its ok to take them back. it's really up to you. i know that isnt an exact yes or no answer but it varies. if you need help with the pors and cons or something let me know, i'll listen and put in my 2 cents. <3
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first off did you even talk to him about it? If so its one thing if he dates someone, but when he gives somebody else what he gave you that's the limit. He found something new.He cheated on you now,u keep him, in a while he'll cheat again. I can tell you still care about him by you talking to me. You can forgive him, but not what he did and move on. If you think he's not the type to take it personally, then go ahead and take it to the friends level.
I ain't gonna lie, but tell you the truth. Maybe you and him were not meant. Has he been callin' with the sorry's lately? as usual.
And another thing Are you sure the girl didn't know cause girls will try to snitch to the girlfriend, act innocent, so they can't be rumored as a slut, girls think smart, just as smart as you are questioning his truth to you.
Peace, homegirl
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hm.
try talking to him and get his side of the story.
tell him that you really don't know what to do and if you should trust him.
get his reactions and thoughts.
talking things out in person helps alot.
i wouldn't rush into throwing everything away all of a sudden.
OR you could do it carrie underwood style and trash his car to death. just kidding ;)
good luck. if you need more help message me =]
Jess
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Honestly- I take zero tolerance with cheating. Its wrong, immoral, and my personal stance is "once a cheater, always a cheater" and I will stand by that forever.
I think that he crossed the line the minute he agreed to have sex with this girl. He CHEATED on you.
C-H-E-A-T-E-D!
So if you want to still be friends- go right ahead, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Personally- I wouldn't even continue contact with this guy anymore. He isn't worth it.
However- if you want it to continue go right ahead.
--Jack
(15/m)
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Hunny im sorry he did this to you. i'm the type of person that believes cheating is not okay in any relationship because once they do it they will most likely do it again. If you believe that in your heart that you can forgive him then you should give him another chance but i don't think he will be faithful. He had sex with this girl if he was sorry and felt bad then he would have told you and would be begging you to forgive him and keep him around. When promised rings are givin to eachother that means you are supposed to be faithful to eachother. This guy does not deserve you i would atleast take a break from him. yea you can keep a friendship with him but don't trust this guy with your heart.
Any questions just ask.
kim
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You poor thing, you must really love him a lot if you're even considering forgiving him (especially after the promise ring he gave away). I mean, he might try to deny having sex with her, but the fact that she had the ring says that there was SOMETHING definitely going on.
I'm going to tell you something of what I learned from my girlfriends in college. There were some who let guys get away with a lot of crap and you know what? They then would keep attracting the SAME KIND OF GUY over and over again. Once they stopped respecting themselves and setting limits of what they found acceptable in a relationship then the guys picked up on this and that's all they could attract.
They'd ask me all the time 'how do you always get such good guys and we get jerks?" and I said it's because I make it known from day 1 what's ok and what's not. And they know that if they screw up they are out the door! No ifs, ands or buts! I'ts like once guys think you're easy then they just come to you for sex. Well, this is the same type of thing.
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to SET A STANDARD. If you don't then other people will do it for you.
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If he cheated on you like that, he's gone way too far and you have nothing together. This will sound harsh, but a guy who does that doesn't really want you, and you certainly don't deserve a jerk like that. The girl obviously want shim for herself, that's why she asked you to give his ring back. And really, she deserves him. Maybe she didn't know he had a girlfriend, but she wasn't going out with him either.
You need to move on from this guy, he's no good for you. I don't even recommend being friends with him, he will probably try to make you feel guilty. Ask him why he did it. If he was drunk or has a really valid excuse (being on drugs, not "my cat died") then you could consider giving him a second chance. But there are tons of great guys out there that won't do that to you, and you deserve one of them.
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I am sorry for your troubles dear. Men can be awful.
That line that you mentioned, about crossing...... only you know where that line is. And that line could be one place today, with your boyfriend, and someplace else years from now, with a husband and the father of your children.
Only you know what your values are, and how important those values are to you.
What do you know about this guy? What do you think about what he did? Is this out of the ordinary for him, like "out of character". Or now that you have caught him in the act, does it seem like, "yeah.....I am not surprised!"
I know you are hurt honey, and you are confused. You want to hate him, and you can't believe what he did, and you want him to hurt as much as you do. I don't blame you.
YOu need to give this some time. You need to really think about what your feelings are for him. Is it in you to forgive him. Is he even asking for forgiveness ?Do you believe him when he says it? In time can you trust him again, or will you always have doubts? Let me say this, if you think he is sincere when he says he is sorry and he would never do it again, and you do take him back, then you have to let it go. That doesn't mean that you have to trust him completely either. At least not right away. But if you plan to have a life together and be a family trust is very important. If you take him back he has to earn your trust all over again. If he is not willing to work for it, then don't take him back. When he says he is sorry, if you do not think he is sincere, then don't go back. He needs to be sorry about how bad he hurt you. Not sorry for himself.
Cheating sucks honey, I wouldn't tolerate it. But if you can believe that he has learned his lesson, and had admitted his mistake, and you are sure he won't do it again, then he may have grown emotionally and may turn out to be a better man for it. And a better partner. He has to be willing to see, see for real, how much he hurt you. He has to see the raw emotion, and he has to feel it, and think that what an ass he was, and if he can face that and change, then maybe there is a very good chance that he won't do it again.
But when all is said and done, you have to decide what is best for you. What is in your heart. And you don't have to make the decision soon. It is ok to take your time. Think about it. This is an important, and not to be taken lightly. Don't let lonliness or anger get in the way of seeing him for what he is, and for what potential he has.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you both
Michele
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Honestly, any guy that you should be spending the rest of your life with would never ever have sex with another girl just because you two were in a fight. I'm not saying that he's not sorry or that he doesn't regret what he did, but at the same time can you really trust this guy now that you know what he did when you got in a fight? I know that if a guy did that to me all trust would be broken and it depends on how easily you trust people, but for me gaining that trust back would be nearly impossible. Especially because he made you give him the promise ring back. That should tell you something, but you're still very young to know who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You've got years to figure that out and when the right guy does come along he won't cheat on you instead he'll do everything he can to get back on your good side when you two are fighting. I think that you really should consider breaking things off with this guy and just being friends because he did cross the line. I'd say if he made out then that could be forgiven, maybe even oral, but sex? no way. Someone who would do that to you is not worth it. There are a million other guys out there and not to mention the one that you are meant to be with. Give it time, who you think you're meant to be with isn't always right. Trust me, you'll meet someone even better. =)
HopeIHelped;
WiNTEROMANCEx
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He has definitely stepped way, way, way over the line here. He's probably cheated on you longer than you think. Likely, he has cheated like this on other girls before you and will after you. Get on with the rest of your life.
I cannot fathom why you would still want to be his friend. He's bad news and you cannot afford to have him around to inflict even more misery and pain. Tell your brother how you feel and what he did to you too. Maybe he will pick his friends more selectively and give this jerk a piece of his mind about you.
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well me being a semi christian
i say you can always forgive but damn he did go too far
bur if after you had a fight idk maybe people can do really crazy things when they're all crowded with emotions
i think its a choice you should make but it would be terrible just to throw it all away
why dont u just pull him aside and talk everything over??
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Its not you giving up. If he promised his love for you,which means that he loves you a lot, he wouldn't have done that. If i were you, i would deffinitly set him straight, and tell him how much it hurt you that he did that. Just because you guys had a fight, doesnt make it right to off and have sex with someone. I know you love him, but what if he does this again? what will your reason be next time to keep him around? If I were you, i'd take a break, or break up with him, let him know what he's missing. As for him hanging out with your brothers, and not even talking to you about it...thats just stupid, he's being immature by not talking to you about it, when you clearly know. Hope I helped! I'm online most of the time if you need more advice. MusicChick42891 or email me.
-Brina
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Edit
I just wanted to move the conversation outside the realm of the public.
Ill say this. He obviously cares about you, and he fucked up. He wants you back badly. From all the information I have, he was upset and drunk and made a mistake. From some perspectives that would make this more forgivable, as its not like he fell in love with someone else or even really neccesarily cared about her.
I have no idea if that makes a difference to you or not.
As to where the line is, only you can know that. Its something for you to think about.
If you want to talk any further about it, send me a private question. I give better advice with more feedback from you.
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Hey!
Heres the thing. There is a line, but its very faint, and it is inside you. you are the only one who can see. What you have to do is think back to the day it happened and think of how crappy you felt. Then think about it happening again. Because chances are, if he did it once, he may do it again. and if he does then it's YOUR fault, because you knew the consequences and you went for it again anyway.
He hurt you. If its something you can get over, then you know it. But if you keep setting yourself up to get hurt then you wont see the millions of guys out there who wont cheat on you.
I'm not telling you to move on and find someone else, but I'm also not telling you not to. This is your decision, and if you wanna be with him again, then go for it. But dont think of it as throwing away everything you had, because he already threw it away. If you go back to him you're just gathering up all the old peices and trying to glue them back together.
You do need to do something to get over this. And that would probably consist of talking to him. But first you need to figure out your own question.
I'm sorry I couldnt answer it for you, but its one of those things you have to figure out on your own. Good luck, and I hope i helped.
Love ya,
Angie91
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He crossed the line. Hanging out with a girl or even kissing a girl is betrayal, but having sex with someone?? That's completely dishonest & disloyal. Why would you want to persue dating someone who has done that to you?? Promise ring or not, he took advantage of you & the relationship you guys had. He even let his "fling" tell you. He doesn't really sound like he's acting like a man. That's extremely immature. If you believe its love or not, he did something completely unfaithful & should only deserve a second chance as friends, if that. You can't date someone who did that to you. It may be hurtful now, but how would you feel if you trusted him again & he did the same thing?? What would make him change his ways?? There are tons of guys out there who cheat, but there are also tons of guys out there who don't. Why not date someone then?? You might believe that you love him, but he must not share those feelings with you. You don't cheat on someone you love, especially if its sex. Talk to him about it. Since he hangs out with your brothers, you might want to consider being at least friends, but you most likely would not want to get back into a relationship with him. You'll learn a lot from your experience with this & grow more as a person. It may be painful now, but you'll eventually get over it. You could always date around.
-hope that helped!♥
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personally i would nott forgive and forget, thats hurtful
some people can just get over it, but i wouldn't be able to do that
remember, its not just kissing, its sex
if he cared about you veryyy much, than he wouldnt have done anyhting to hurt youu
thats what i personally think, but you have to ask yourself if you could over look something like this
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I don't know what the answer to your question is. That is up to you to decide what is right for you.
The best I can tell you is that you need to give yourself some time to sort out your feelings. You can't decide something like this with anger and hurt in your heart.
Give it a while to get over the negative emotions and then maybe you can better decide weather you should stick it out or move on.
ygs-29/f
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I THINK HE DID. But don't freak out and say that he doesn't know what to do and needed someone to tell him what to do. I gave him advice but w/e he says, I didn't put any of the words in his mouth w/e he says comes from the heart! not from me.
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