ohitscassidy's advice column | ohitscassidy's Advice About Love Life

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Q: My boyfriend and I had an agreement that he would be allowed to put it in my butt if I was allowed to insert a toy into his... Well, he held up his end of the bargain... AND LIKED IT.

Is he gay?

ha, not necessarily theres some weird spot in a guys ass that if touched is like touching a girls clitoris. If it turns into a regular thing, if it was my boyfriend.. i would start to question it as well.

Q: i've been with my current boyfriend for 8 months. i love him, there's no doubt in that.

my ex boyfriend, i was with him for a short while, but he was my first serious boyfriend. i got over him last year. but recently, we've become better friends. and because of that, i've been having dreams about him and i, alone, kissing, etc.

and i think that's because last year when we broke up, he never gave me complete reason why. he just shut the door on me. we didn't talk for 8 months last year.

in my dreams, i'm just kissing him, showing him who i am, i'm the same girl he fell for. but i'm never in a relationship with him in my dreams or when i think about it.

could this be because i needed closure?

yes it could be i actually had the same problem only we dated for a year and a half and randomly said it wasnt working and then i was dating a guy for 8 months and i to actually started dreaming about the other guy and i actually ended up getting back with him and im still with him for almost another year lol. but i felt every day that i need closure to why he broke up with me, i felt like it wasn't far and everything. so maybe you should ask him since your talking just casually be like so what ever happened with us? tell him your just wondering because he wasn't clear trust me you will feel so much better if he tells you.

Q: Around a year ago, I took a class called the JROTC. basically in that class we dont do nothing , our class just chill and talk for the rest or the period. And i been noticing that a boy liked me in that class named Felix. But i didnt wanted to go out with him at the time because he was a freshmen and i was a sophmore. So i just ignored him and stuff.One day in class for some reason the teacher started switching seats and i end up sitting next to Felix. Felix was soo sweet and nice to me i could help it i started liking him. So when he both got a little bit close to each other the class was already saying that we were going out and we weren't we was just talking. So on Valentines Day, Felix told me that he really loved me and that he promised me that we would get married and i was soo shocked because i also had the same feelings as he did. So we started hold hands in the hallway and he would always kiss me everytime he took me to class.It was really sweet.He would give me butterflies everytime i see him. The next day, something bad happend to Felix, my principle and the secerity guard found weed in Felix's pockets and they locked him up fot 4 weeks. When i found this out i was shocked. The whole time tha t he was locked up people kept on going up to me saying different stories about what happened that day. What really happened was that his cousin told Felix to hold hold the bag of weed until lunch time and Felix refused by his cousin told him again to hold it for him until lunch starts na d just took it and put it in his pockets. As Felix was walking to the bathroom, Im guessing that the secerity guard smelled the weed that in his pocket and thought that, that was his and it wasnt. But anyways when Felix got out of Juvie, he couldnt go back to school because of problem that happen so his mom though that Felix should go to New York to live. When Felix told me that i was crushed. I kept on asking him " how is our relationship is going to work if your all the way in new york and im in massachusetts.?" He just told me that he still going to keep that promise that he told me about us getting marry and kids together. We started talking hours in the phone everydaym when he left. Ever since he left, i wanted to remain single until Felix comes back and that was next year, over the summer. Now Felix and I are in our final years of high school( Seniors ) and we still be talking. Basically we been talking for 2 years and we havent gone out yet. We also talk alot thru myspace and as i see his comment... THERE ALL GIRLS! Calling him cutie and babez and commenting his pics calling him sexy and stuff. Im just thinking he just playing on me or im i going overboard.? I want to ask about that but i dont want him to think that im jealous or something. What should i do?

okay, first you need to ask felix what he wants to do, if he wants to be friends, or take it farther.. it sounds like you want to make it work, but the distance is a problem you need to decide if its to much of a problem and go from there, you were only a sophomore when he told you he wanted to marry you and have kids? chances are you were only 15 or 16.. you have your WHOLE life ahead of you, you don't have to settle on this one guy in my opinion you should date around your senior year and find out if felix really is the guy for you, and he should do the same.. if he hasn't already and if you decided that he is the one for you then tell him that, tell him you want to be with him in a relationship. If you guys arn't in a relationship.. and hes talking to other girls its hard because you can't really say anything you can tell him that it upsets you.. but you can't really tell him to stop. its up to you do.. just do what ever your heart is telling you to do, don't let someone else make this decision for you guys.

Q: i'm 18 years old and i'm a virgin. i've been seeing this guy for a while and we have done everything except sex. i have done everything except sex with other guys before too, but now i want to actually go further. the only thing is that i'm sure sure if he knows im a virgin or not and i think that is something he should know. i just don't know how to bring up that topic without it being awkward. do you have any ideas of how to bring it up to him? i don't want to just blurt it out ya know? thanks!

if you have done everything but sex with this guy you should feel comfortable with just saying it.. just casually be like i have a random question, are you a virgin? and if he says no just be like oh, i am.. or something like that hes going to like the fact that your a virgin.. trust me guys are turned on by that kind of thing.. he'll like it. dont be embarrassed or anything.. like i said hes going to like it. and if you can't say that to him then your not ready to have sex with him, sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but its the truth.

Q: there is this boy that i really like at my schooland he knows i like him due to my friends telling him but i dont really mind tbh it was just a crush at first but now i dont just fancy him i love him but i am scared to tell him how i feel incase he just laughes at me and when i speek to him on msn he never replys what should i do ??

13/f

don't just come out and say I LOVE YOU, your going to come off as obsessive.. you need to give him space tell him YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, MORE THAN A FRIEND. then.. as hard as it is leave it alone stop talking to him for a few days let him take it all in.. this is something YOU need to tell him not your friends. Give him room and let him make his mind up what he wants, you said he doesn't replay to you? he might already think your obsessive so you know just don't talk to him for a couple days.

Then after a few days try talking to him and ask what he thinks about you having stronger feelings for him. If he says i only see you as a friend you NEED to except that. leave him alone for awhile and then try talking to him again as a friend, not as a lover.

Chances are you think your in love but in fact, when you get a little older your not going to even remember this guy, it happens to all of us including me i remember when i always said i loved this guy when i was 13 and i look back now and just laugh because you really will find out what love really is. there are plenty of guys out there if this one doesn't like you back so don't stress it! you'll find someone sooner than you probably think.

good luck! (sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear)

Q: im meeting the guy i like today. i havent seen him in 3 months and he goes to a different school than me. what should i say to him?

just talk to him casually, ask him how he's been, what he's been up to you know just random conversation starters, ask him how school is if you know his parents ext ask about them he'll probably bring up conversation to, so just play it casual and go with the flow

Q: i like 4 guys.the 1st is nice smart and sweet.the 2nd is nice sweet smart and funny.the third is funny,fun 2 b around.the 4th is nice sweet funny&fun 2 b around.i no the 1st and 4th likes me. the 2nd &3rd seems like they like me.which one should i choose?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

well i would choose the fourth one only because he was all of the things you mentioned, nice, sweet funny, fun to be around and he liked you. thats only my opinion choose whoever you think is right for you not what other people think.

goodluck!

Q: hey my name is katie.okay so this question isnt really about me...its about my friend sara. sara is going out with this guy named josh.and they are sooo cute together. theyve been going out for a year and a half now. josh really loves her. but i was talking to sara the other day and she said that she might have a crush on this other guy matt. the thing is..matt is one of her ex boyfriends from like 2 years ago. but she isnt totally sure if she does like matt. she just said that shes starting to get a crush on him. sara doesnt wanna say anything to josh because she doesnt want to lose her relationship with him..but she doesnt know if she wants to go out with matt.
helpppp!

sara needs to make a decision quick, the sooner, the easier it will be. you said this was saras ex? maybe she needs to re evaluate why he is her ex there not going out for a reason, so .. she needs to think about that. nobody should leave the guy they love for someone they like, its not worth it in the end. is she even sure if matt likes her back? if not it could just be a bad situation. i don't know the story behind this matt kid, so im probably not much of a help i just think she needs to remember why they broke up in the first place.

Q: what does bj and hj mean?

a bj, is usually a blow job and a hj is a hand job.

a blow job is when a female (or i guess could be male) sucks a guys penis.

and a hand job is when a female.. or male.. jacks a guy off

Q: what if your boyfriend stops calling like he use to when you first started out and hes moody and standoffish and bites your hrad off all the time and he acts like he doesnt want to talk to you or be arond you and he doesnt want you to touch him sometimes an d you think hes cheating because he comes with excuses to not want to be around you or do anything togehter

there could be 3 things going on

1. Is that your over reacting and he thinks you are suffocating him with to much attention and just wants some alone time ( witch isn't the case if your not the crazy jealous wanting to know what your boyfriend is doing at every waking moment, witch im sure your not )

2. is that he is either wanting to brake up with you but is having a hard time doing it because he doesn't want to hurt you.

3. he is cheating on you, in witch you can do better than that anyways.. even if he isn't cheating by the way you describe this guy.. you can do better.

goodluck

Q: i just told my boyfriend that I've been with for a year and three months that i made out with my ex who he hates and he broke up with me he took me back but still doesn't know how he can ever trust me again what should i do?
i was with him yesterday and we were having a great time and then he just got all down
i hate the fact that i cheated on him and i know he would never do it to me
i don't know why i did it
i don't have any feelings for my ex anymore i lost those feelings when i broke up with him
please help me?

im going through this two, with my boyfriend so i know were your boyfriend is coming from on this hes hurt, and crushed that your trust barrier was broken, all he needs is time, reasure him that it will never happen again any time he feels down. and in time he will come around

Q: What are good sex positions?

personally i like doggystyle the best
and sideways

Q: So, I got linked to this site and I'm basically on the last thread of my sanity, and thought ,"Hey why not." The bottom line is I cheated on my girlfriend. It was a terrible situation, where we weren't together, but turned into more of a blackmail when I got back with her, "If you don't sleep with me again I'll tell." After a few times of destroying my morals even more, I put an end to it, and sure enough, my girlfriend was told about what I had done. I have been with many chicks, had many heartbreaks, but this is one I can not leave behind. I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life, unlike a lot of people who ask advice on here. I have exhausted a lot of time and effort into trying to find resolution with us for months (and I know she's still in between on the idea of giving me another chance), and I would give anything in the world to obtain it. What should I do? A lot of things I read on here about cheaters are very close-minded, and leave no cushion for the human error, or even the possibility of an honest change. Please help.

tell her what you have told us, relationships are based on trust.. what you need to do is come clean tell her everything that happened and why it happened and how your going to change it and make sure it never happens again, ever. then give her time, she'll need to take everything in. let her have time to think, just like you had in a few days come back to her and sit down and talk, talk about what youve been thinking about and how you want nothing more then to be with her and her only, make her feel like you care about her.

Q: I like 4 guys..A LOT! One guy is really athletic, good looking, nice, and we have soo much in common. Also, his sibling said he had a crush on me. The other guy is nice, not that good looking, but funny and fun to b around. The third guy I havent seen for a long time but he's funny, athletic, hot, and we share the same hobbies. The fourth guy lives in a totally different place and sometimes he writes letters to me. He said that I'm pretty, he's really hot, atheltic, kind, nice, and sweet. I like them all...WHICH ONE SHOULD I CHOOSE?! or should I just let them all go and pick someone else?

it sounds like number four wouldn't work, only because he lives far away, long distance relationships are hard to keep going.

guy number two, i wouldn't pick him you should like the way your boyfriends looks.

the third guy, you said you haven't seen him in a long time.. that would be a turn off for me, i like to see my guy all the time.

so if i were you i would pick number one!

THESE ARE MY OPINIONS THOUGH, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART =]

goodluck!

Q: This question is for guys:

What do you find sexier; a girl in a lacy bra and thong set or a girl dressed only in one of your tshirts. Just wondering.

my boyfriend is standing over my shoulder and he says " in one of my shirts"

Q: i am 14 years old and i am a girl my name is alicia.ok i went out with this guy,like for 2 weeks,he dumped me i felt down and deppressed i hated life..i got over it and like messed up stuff around his neiborhood like i wrote NO ANTHONYS ALLOWED.and stuff like that,i felt bad but i was too mad to relise.then like 4 months later my friend asked him if he hates me and he said no we talked online randomly for a week,then we just stopped communicating.now i still like love him and he is always on my mind.i was to stop thinking about him and stay single...but i want to be his friend too like sooo much..he barley notices me and i think he is mad at me cause i went on my friends sn and IM'd him and was talking and he found out and he gott pissed off.hes ok now i guess..but how do i get him to notice me and like me or be my friend

THANKS! ^.^ sincerly,alicia

well, try not to do anything that upsets him.. like writing no annthonys allowed, and Iming him on other peoples screen names. give him some space to think about what he wants, be yourself talk to him on your own screen name, dont sound obssesive though because that can scare him away. you said you guys dated for only 2 weeks, and your saying your in love with him?
you may be, but chances are this is just a crush, there are plenty of guys out there so if this one doesnt like you as much as you like him then he isnt worth it, just move on i know thats better said than done but trust me once you met another guy, youll forget about this one, its how teenage love goes.

goodluck

Q: I'm a fourteen year old girl with a rather large problem. I met this sixteen year old guy at one of my softball games. We exchanged numbers and what not, and talked non stop for the first week. I opened up to him about my past which isn't often that I do that. I told him trust was everything to me. Well things got serious, and it seemed like everything was perfect. Until he went back up north. He texted me and told me we couldn't talk anymore and that was it. His younger brother ended up texting me and telling me he had a girlfriend and thats why he said we had to stop talking. So three days later, he randomly texted me and said he wanted to talk so I listened. He basically just apoligized for lying, and said he still wanted to be friends. With my hurt feelings, I said sure and asked why he lied to me. He told me I changed his feelings about everything and that he would break up with her. A week has gone by, and nothing. i don't want to be pushy but I'm getting sick of this. Should I confront him about it? Or just stop talking to him, because after all he did lie. I need help!

-Volleygurl21

if i were you, i would only wait maybe a few more days after that, if he really did like you and ment what he said he WOULD have broken up with his girlfriend buy now, so chances are he was just trying to make you happy

Q: So back in June, i hooked up with this boy my age that i just met that night. He goes to a different school, but we know the same people and had heard of each other before. We were all drinking at this one kid's house, and we were kinda meant to hook up cause everyone else there had someone to hook up with so it just happened. But we talked a lot and hooked up a lot and even a little more, like he gave me a hickey. And i'm PRETTY sure he asked for my number, but I don't completely remember. We were talking about hanging out and stuff, and he acted like he really liked me that night. The only issue is, he never talked to me again. It really hurt me for some reason, because I have this problem that whenever i hook up with someone I become attached to them for a little. But when I tell my friends that I'm upset he never texted me or said anything to me and we never hung out, they just say 'who cares, it's just a random hookup'. Like no one thinks its a big deal to hook up with someone and never talk to them again, but personally I hate that. It's the worst feeling ever. He sseemed like such a nice and mature guy and everyone said he was, but I just don't get what I did wrong. I was thinking into it a lot, and I was thinking maybe I gave him the wrong idea because he was trying to do more with me and i told him I didn't want too and he was like 'sorry, sorry'. and then we just went to sleep. And then i got up to go to the bathroom and instead of laying back down with him i layed on a different couch. And my one friend was saying this might have made him feel like I did'nt like him or something, but really I wasn't even thinking about it like it wasn't a big deal at all. And now to make matters worse, he is back with his ex-girlfriend. They were done for about 2 months before I hooked up with him, and the reason I knew it was okay was that my friend hooked up with him the weekend before me. I feel completely used and I just think that he is one of those boys who just wants to get some whenever he can, considering he hooked up with my friend the weekend before when they were drunk, so now i just feel like shit. And i've decided never to hook up with a random person again unless I know they will talk to me after. And he told his ex-girlfriend that he hooked up with me because she wanted to know everyone he had hooked up with since they broke up. Now i just feel like one of those girls who hook up with people's ex's as a rebound, and i NEVER wanted to be that girl. I"m the type of girl who's all about playing hard to get and not being needy to boys and being independant. I mean i don't really feel that way, but I try my hardest to act that way in front of guys. So something like this has never happened to me and idk what to do. I can't stop thinking about it even though i should of forgotten about him a WHILE ago, because he obviously never thought about me again. the thing that pisses me off SO much is that i'm the type of girl who is not easy at all, and guys know that. I've worked so hard on making that my image and living up too it, because for some reason my worst fear is being 'easy' or a 'slut'. so, i play hard to get , sometimes i even come off as a bitchy to guys, because i am so afraid of being used or getting attached. And i don't get it, it's like this guy for example, his girlfriend is SUCH whore, she is the biggest slut i've ever met literally and i'm NOT just saying that, i mean she probably has diseases. and i am not at ALL, guys know that if they want ANYTHING physically from me they have to actually like me, except this night was an exception.i KNEW it was a bad idea to let my guard down for once. but of course, all i would do is make out with him because i would never do anything more with a random guy..

the problem is, you even said it.. the word hook up it usually always means doing stuff with no attachment and its usually only for one night,all though people can hook up all the time.. but not date, usually it means one night though. I know this isn't what you want to hear but the sad truth is he probably was using you, guys are scumbags.. and well they do this kind of thing.. you said he got back with his Ex? he probably still had feelings for her even when he did stuff with you thats probably the big reason why he didn't call you or anything after he was probably wanting to get back with his ex, and doesn't want it to look like he did anything with any other girl so his girlfriend would take him back. You said you guys were kinda "meant" to hook up since everyone who was there was doing it.. he probably felt obligated and horny at the same time.. some guys are like that, they don't care about girls feelings only there own they don't understand that this kind of thing bothers us. I would say to just forget about him, i know thats easier said then done, i to am trying to forget about someone and it is verrrrrry hard but.. he obviously doesn't care about you or your feelings witch means he isn't worth it in the long run.

i know this isn't what you probably wanted to hear, but its more than likely the truth sorry, and things WILL get better like the old saying .. 'theres plenty of fish in the sea'

good luck!

Q: Hey, my names Laura. I'm 16, And the love of my life is leaving for college next month... :/ Please don't say i'm young and that i will find someone else, i think this boy is my everything.

His name is Ryan, hes 18. We have been together since Late august. We went from september untill may, then we broke up. We continued to be "together" but without the label of being boyfriend/girlfriend. He took my virginity, so he was my first. he was here for everything, he was the first boyfriend that didn't abuse me, use me, or fuck me over.

I'm really, REALLY scared. I'm terrified. He is going to college about 6 hours away. I have never felt more upset in my life whenever i think about him leaving. He only can come home once every 10 weeks. I know I'm going to have to deal with what is coming at me, but I really dont want too. Just whenever I think about him leaving, I start crying. I don't want him to leave, he cant. I need him.

I really don't know what to do, I don't know how to tell him that I REALLY need him, I'm the kinda girl that likes to talk about more serious stuff online, I'm shy. I choke on my words upfront, and if I talk about this with him, I'll cry. I dont want to cry infront of him. But I want him to know that Im upset.. I've been playing it cool for the last couple months, so has he. We both know were really upset inside.

I have a therapist and we talk about him sometimes, whenever she brings up his name and mentions him leaving for school, I choke up, and start crying. I cant speak, words dont come out. I cry for the entire session. My life will be misriable without him. and everyone knows it..

The other night he was telling me (via text) that he can only come home once every 10 weeks and cant do anything about it. I was at the car dealer getting a car, I had to walk away from my family and cry in the bathroom, I couldn't hold it in. I was misriable from just hearing that news.

Ryan and I hang out every day, have sleepovers almost every other night, we really cant live without eachother. I've helped him through alot and he has picked me up when I thought everything was ending (being abused for 8 months in my last relationship, and giving up) he gave me hope.. he made me into the person that i always wished to be, a girl who is in love.

I know it was my mistake to begin liking him knowing he was leaving for school in a year. You cant beat love.

Can someone please help me? I feel like im dying, I dont know what to do without him... Please.

well, let me start off by saying your not alone i was in the same situation. i was also 16 and my boyfriend was almost 19, he left for college so far he had to take a plane im not sure on the exact hours, it was what he wanted and it made him happy, we dated for 2 years and he took my virginity well. so i know what your going through it was horrible when my boyfriend left i cried all the time like you, it is probably one of the worst feelings having the love of your life just leave, but you cant think of it that way i learned not to he isn't leaving to get away from you, he's leaving to gain more knowledge so he can get a good job and provide for the TWO of you, if you plan on marring him or whatever. thats how you have to look at it otherwise even though its not true, i know for me i felt like he was leaving ME but he wasn't leaving anyone he was just trying to make it so we can have a better life, buy going to school. unfortantly we had some problems even before my boyfriend left, im 17 now and i still talk to him but we arn't wearing the title of going out, we date other people and i have been in a realation ship and so has my boyfriend but we tell each other everything, and when he comes home we plan on getting back together, at this moment though we thought it was best to see other people from the distance and it has been working for us, but jealousy is a big issue we had to overcome so think about that. you CAN make it work, by emails and text and even calling at night it helps, everytime i get an email from my guy i like cry because im so happy.. it will work out, just remember he isn't gone forever he will be back

Q: Okay so I had a problem with two boys earlier that alot of people gave me advice on. I took a short break from talking to two boys that I cared so much about so that I could decide which one I wanted to be with. When I decided I needed only Jason in my life I waited a couple days then I was going to go hang out with himat his house. (turns out I shoulda called first) Well when I got there his mom told me he was in his room and I could just go in. when I came in the guy I had cared so much for and spent the last six months with was kissing his new "girlfreind" how suprising this all was concidering just 8 days ago he was with me. Anyways I pretty much acted like i could care less and everything was all fine. So when I left his house I guess I was very on the reboundish, when I ran into matt. This is jasons best freind, a guys that hits on me everytime I see him but also talks down on me at times > he's the total player type. So anyways we were talking and when he put his arms around my waist it just felt so great to be touched that I couldnt stop him, same when he kissed me I wanted to kiss him back and I did many times. The thing is I knew when I didnt have sex with him immediately he was going to tell me to leave. I expected it because I know him and how he treats girls, but if I expected it why did it hurt so much? Why did I care? And when he told me he wanted me to leave he said it in this sweet little way and then said but will I see you later? outloud I said no but in my heart I yelled yes. I dont like him never have but why do I want to see him so badly again, and why is all this crap happening to me? please help me

you probably wanted it because for those few minutes, he made you feel god after having your heart broken. it sounds like both these kids are losers and you can do better. if i was you i would block both of them out of your life and move on, go hang out with your friends go to a movie, to the mall, a game any where to get your mind off of these to, and you never know you could meet a new guy doing these things. remember the old saying theres plenty of fish in the see.

goodluck.