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Resolution with my ex?
So, I got linked to this site and I'm basically on the last thread of my sanity, and thought ,"Hey why not." The bottom line is I cheated on my girlfriend. It was a terrible situation, where we weren't together, but turned into more of a blackmail when I got back with her, "If you don't sleep with me again I'll tell." After a few times of destroying my morals even more, I put an end to it, and sure enough, my girlfriend was told about what I had done. I have been with many chicks, had many heartbreaks, but this is one I can not leave behind. I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life, unlike a lot of people who ask advice on here. I have exhausted a lot of time and effort into trying to find resolution with us for months (and I know she's still in between on the idea of giving me another chance), and I would give anything in the world to obtain it. What should I do? A lot of things I read on here about cheaters are very close-minded, and leave no cushion for the human error, or even the possibility of an honest change. Please help.
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You sound sincere in understanding that you made a mistake and are honestly sorry for it. Whether your girlfriend believes it or not is another story.
Maybe I am close-minded, though I like to think I am not. I have been in a relationship for 4 years, and if my boyfriend cheated on me, whether it was once or a thousand times, I don't know if I could find it in my heart to forgive him. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes, and if I was cheated on, I don't think our relationship would ever be the same. There aren't many things in this world that could keep me from being with my boyfriend, but cheating would.
Perhaps your girlfriend's views are different from mine though. Many of my friends have been cheated on and have learned to forgive, or look past it. Whichever way you look at it. Some of their boyfriend's have been sincere and never cheated again, while others continue to cheat and have no intentions of changing. (why my friend's stay with those type of guys i'll never know).
If you are hoenstly sorry and have no plans to ever hurt her like that again, then don't give up on her. She's going to need plenty of time to think things through before she decides to come back to you. If you jump back into the relationship too soon, she may feel as if you owe her something, and relationships just don't work like that. So let her have some time on her own, and when she's ready to talk to you, then you can try to get her back.
Explain to her how much she means to you, and tell her you know you messed up. (you did, big time). Let her know that you were blackmailed, but that you also know that's not an excuse. Just tell her you were scared of losing her, and tell her she means the world to you. Let her know that you will wait for her, and when she's ready to talk to you, to let you know. Don't overcrowd her or seem desperate. That will just push her further away. Just make sure she knows you love her, you are sorry, you will never mess up again, and that you will give her all the time she needs to make a decision.
Good luck!
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It's true that a lot of girls follow the 'Once a cheater, always a cheater.' rule. But it's a good sign that your ex is at least trying to decide whether or not she should give you a second chance.
The first thing you need to do is not make excuses for cheating on her. Don't say, "Well, she said I had to have sex with her again or she'd tell you that I did it once!!" Do you even realise how awful that sounds?
You need to admit to her that you did it, that you shouldn't have done it, that after you did it once, you should have told her, and that you should have never done it more than once. I'm guessing you've already tried these things, so you need to do something much bigger and nicer that she'll remember and will really open her eyes up.
You should surprise her with something really nice. No, you shouldn't try to buy her love, but dinner at a nice restaurant followed by a romantic walk along a beach, lake, or in a park would be nice. It would also give you a chance to talk.
You, of course, know her unimaginably better than I do so you know what she likes and dislikes. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and do something having to do with that. The first place you went on a date, an inside story, or something that you know she's always really loved will work wonders.
You're going to really have to work your ass off to prove to her that you really are sorry and that it will never happen again. Write down how you feel about her and memorise that so you can tell her in pretty little cleaned up sentences. You don't want to just babble about what happened and how bad you feel. Your conversation needs to have strong aim and direction. If you need help planning that, you can inbox me.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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tell her what you have told us, relationships are based on trust.. what you need to do is come clean tell her everything that happened and why it happened and how your going to change it and make sure it never happens again, ever. then give her time, she'll need to take everything in. let her have time to think, just like you had in a few days come back to her and sit down and talk, talk about what youve been thinking about and how you want nothing more then to be with her and her only, make her feel like you care about her.
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