about

I'm a qualified colour therapist and I'm doing a course in psychotherapy and councelling. i have the letters SNHS after my name which means i have a diploma from The School of Natual Health Sciences.
I have life experience in mental health, agoraphobia,bullying,parents divorce.


advice

18/f
I met a guy through online dating a few weeks back. We really hit it off. He only lives a few miles away from me and shares almost all of the same interests. He also seems extremely sweet! He said that he wants to take me out on a date, and I really want to go. Now, the dating site I met him on does background checks. Obviously he's not a psycho because they let him through. We've also skyped multiple times, so I know he's actually a real person. However, I have a problem. For the time being, I live with my parents instead of in a dorm (for various private family reasons). Because I'm at home, I'm basically under a microscope. My parents are very open, liberal, and accepting- but they're also very nosy. I have no idea how to breech the topic that I met a guy online and want to date him! I don't know how comfortable they'd be with that. I'm an only child, so they're pretty protective. How do I tell them??? Of course I'd be super careful. I'd let them meet him and make sure they think he's "sane." I's also go on dates with him in public places and avoid situations where I could get into trouble. But, as far as I can tell, he's normal and sweet. How do I tell them?

You know, I wouldn't tell them.

I met my now Fiance online, his family still don't know how we met (and we've been together for 7 years), I think they just think it was through a mutual friend.

If you really like him, arrange to meet him in a public place like a bar, somewhere with alot of people, (and don't go onto anywhere private afterwards, like his home.) and tell a friend where you are, what time you'll be meeting him, his name, profile details, when to expect you back etc (you can call when you are safe home).
(make sure someone knows, just to be safe).

Then after 3 or 4 dates if you think it's going somewhere you can tell your parents you've met someone. You don't have to give exact details if you don't feel comfortable yet.

[view]

What are some cute names to call your boyfriend, that are not simple like babe,baby,love,honey,hun. Something Unique?

How about something animal-y?

Such as Big bear for him, and little bear for you?

My fiance and I call eachother Moose

[view]

Do you think its normal to want attention from the opposite sex when your in a relationship? nope, not flirting or any of that, just notice the fact that they seem to like you and you like that but you dont do anything unloyal, you barely talk to them or stand around them cause you know its wrong, isnt this just something you cant ignore and cant help but feel you like it? what do you think?

it's absolutely normal. If someone finds you attractive, it's such a confidence booster.
You're not doing anything wrong, no ones being unfaithful

[view]

My boyfriend and I are sexually active and we both like sex a lot haha but I'm kind of into experimenting. He's just happy with whatever I guess, because we talk and are very open about stuff, but he doesn't really have any things he wants to try. Like when I asked him, he said "I love sex already, it couldn't be any better". But the thing is, I kind of want to have rough sex...I'm not sure why but I think that would be a major turn on for me. But I don't really know how to explain to him what I want...like if I said "I want rough sex" he'd probably ask me what exactly I meant by that and I don't really know what to say haha. So basically, how should I explain this to him? And also, if you're a guy, would it be a turn on for you? I know everyone's different but I'd like some other people's opinions :) thanks!

You don't have to explain it to him, When your having sex it doesn't have to be just slow or rough, it can start slow and then get harder and rougher.

While your making love, just keep moaning so he knows your enjoying it, and through the moans just whisper to him "harder, faster..." and pull him close until it feels right.

Then after, while you are still cuddled up in bed, tell him your really liked him new technique and you'd like to try that again.

[view]

so on the 20th its gonna be my birthday and one of my guy friend whats to have birthday sex and really i dont care cause were more like friends with benifits but we never had sex but he wants to on my birthday and i dont mind its just he has a girlfriend but he really dont like her and it sounds mean but i hate that b***h and me i dont believe that anybody should cheat on anybody but because i hate her so much i really actually for once dont care so should i sleep with him cause i do like him hes so nice and mad cute but im kinda torn between if i should or shouldnt

If I were you, then i wouldn't.
Your virginity is something precious, you can only lose it once, then it's gone forever. Which is why you should wait until you find the right person.

People who lose their virginitys to boyfriends/girlfriends ect when they are in love dont tend to regret it.

People who lose theirs to someone who they arent in love with, a friend, someone casual usually end up regretting it when they eventually do find that special someone.

It depends on how much you value your virginity and sex, if you think it's not really a big deal and you arent looking for a relationship then maybe...
but have a good think about it and dont do anything you think you may regret.

[view]

15 year old female

alrite so one of my best guy friends is transferring out of my h.s. and he never told me, not once. we shared secrets and were really close. he told me everything and never lied, so i thought he would share this too, but he never did. one of my other friends told me and was shocked that i didn't know. was he ever planning on telling me he was transferring or did he think i wouldn't notice? should i try and talk to him about this? PLEASE HELP!!!
thanks :)

Yes, you have to talk to him about this before he goes because he is the only person that can give you the answers you need.
No one here or non of your friends can tell you why he didn't say anything to you, or if he was ever going to tell you.
It could be that he thought you knew already from other friends, or he doesn't want to make a big deal about it.
Either way, just talk to him about it, not in an angry way because its not personal, just in a casual way.
You'll regret it and be always wondering if you don't find the answers you need x

[view]

I really need to get out of this relationship before I hurt my boyfriend and do somthing to him ill regret we don't even talk soo this is wierd for me how do I tell him its over but without beeing harsh
im a 13 year-old girl

If you two don't talk much then he may not even be upset if you break up, he may be feeling just a wierd about the relationship as you do.

Please don't do as the last person said, ie write him a note or get a friend to do it for you. I got my friend to break up with someone for me when i was your age (we didnt speak either cos i didnt like him that much) and it really hurt him.

So, ask to talk to him on his own, sit down and just tell him that you would like to just go (back) to being being friends again as you don't feel that the relationship between you is working and it just doesnt feel right.

That way, he knows it's the relationship thats not feeling right, and that it's nothing to do with him as a person.

good luck :-)

[view]

k this mite come off as a lil weird, but i was just thinking about you know, how everyone says having sex on your period is disgusting and all .. well what if your saving yourself till marriage but your on your period your wedding night!! how AWFUL that would be =( like do you plan your wedding around your period?? wat if your early or smthn .. planning that far ahead being early or late a few times could mess it all up .. that would just be awful!! how are you supposed to make sure that doesnt happen??

Your Doctor can give you the pill which will stop your period.
It's very common for women to go to the doctors and ask for it to be stopped when they are getting married so they aren't on for their honeymoon.

[view]

How do i set limits on lending someone money? My ex-boyfriend and best friend is a great guy (wonderful) but he borrows money frequently. He will borrow money weekly if he thinks I have any cash.

He borrows large and small amounts; he simply asks for whatever amount he thinks (or discovers) I have and that he needs. I often forget all the 10 20 30 dollar loans so sometimes he pays money back and sometimes he does not. He currently owes me over a thousand.

He got really angry when I once asked him to sign a repayment agreement, so thats not an option. He expresses frustration if I try to give him a check rather than cash. I always try to avoid talking about money with him, but if i do or if he knows I have purchased any item for more than twenty bucks, he will comment that I must be doing okay financially and can he borrow money?

I did borrow money from him once about five years ago when I was unemployed and ill; he said it was a gift, but I decided we could take it off what he owed me from a year earlier. (this infuriated him- he wanted it to be a gift.)

I want to maintain our friendship because i enjoy his companionship. However, last week i lent him another five hundred and he wanted even more... it is too stressful. I told him I dont want to loan him anymore money. Today he called for another hundred.

I am a single mom with three college age kids. My 17 year old is still at home, and I spend more on my friend than i do on my daughter... this borrowing has got to stop. how can i set limits??

How can you not see that this guy is using you?

You may enjoy his companionship but he's not a friend, he may be nice to you and have a good old chat and a giggle with you, of course he does because if he didn't then whereelse will he get the money?

He's asking you over and over again and for large amount because you always give in. The more you give him money it's just a green light to him to ask again because he always gets it. HE IS USING YOU!
Don't set any boudries except $0. Do not give him any money, if he notices you have something new then tell you it's because you saved for it and now you've spent up. WHat you are buying is for yourself and your 3 children and at the moment you are putting this user before your family.

Tell him enough is enough, you are not bailing him out anymore, if you wants money then tell him to earn it like any other person would and if he get's angry and decides to no longer be your friend, well then that's proof of how he has been using you all along.
If he was a friend he would not be putting you under this kind of pressure and upsetting you.

PLEASE don't give him money, if he calls you on the phone then tell him that your not giving him anymore, end of! And if he starts getting moody and asks you again, just hang up.
If he asks you at your door then shut the door in his face (or tell him to leave if he's in your home).

You need to put your family first.

[view]

is it okay for a 19 year old to date a 24 year old? just curious to everyone's opinions :) thanks!

That's absolutely fine and perfectly normal.

[view]

i stay with my babydaddy but we not together.he broke up with me on my birthday last year cause he though i was mad cause he work that day.which was sad cause that was not true.nut he was my first or everything including virginity.but i feel like he using me.lik if i say i won\'t give him money he would kick me out.and othe girls he talk to they don\'t give him money and he respect them more then me and im the mother of his chilld.he call me stupid slow.one day he love me the next he say he can\'t wait till i get out his life.then i found out he guve girls money.and im working hard giving him money and he don\'t help me out.he not even working.and when he go out of town i let him stay at my mom place.and he let gurls pick him up over there.and he tell me oh we ain;t together.i no we not together but y u doing that.and we have sex i give him a blow job.and i found out he having unprotected sex and he laugh and says we not togetther why u geeting mad for.i mean you my first that took my virginity why he doing this to me.its lik every time i stand up 4 myself he want to kick me out or something.please help me

I think deep down you know what to do, let him go. It hurts so bad because you love him but he doesn't feel the same way.

You are right to feel used, he's getting money from you and sex without having to comit.

Thats not what you want, no one would. You're in a horrible situation but you have the power the get out of it, get one over on him by letting go and moving on with your life.
No matter how hard that is to do, think how sweet that revenge will be when you cut off his sex and money supply, when he see's that you can make it on your own, that you don't need him, and when you eventually meet a nice guy who will take care of you and give you the respect you deserve.

In all honestly, get out of his life, cut all ties with him. Do not contact him, do not take his calls, do not give him money and do not give him sex!

Take care xxx

[view]

hey im 18/f and planning on moving out of my parents house and my boyfriend and I are going to get an apartment. we've been dating for about 6 months. I really do love him. but as june gets closer (which is when I plan to move out) my parents are supportive. but today I went through my head all the what-ifs. I started thinking that maybe my boyfriend isn't the one and maybe I should play the field and maybe this and that. he believes were going to be together for a really long time. I thought that to but now im doubting myself. is this normal to think this?

It's completely normal to have those kind of doubts, i went through the same thing when i moved out of home to live with my boyfriend of 7 months.
I even kept some things at my mums house incase we split up and i needed to move back in with her, but were still together 4 years later.

[view]

I would like to know if you would date someone online and then eventually meet them? As for me, There's a couple different issues to this matter. Here in my area, there aren't a lot of nice girls around here, but when I'm online, I find someone who is nice and hot, but they live too far away. It's probabily someone I wouldn't meet either way. What are your opinions on this matter?

I have strong views on this subject because I have met 2 serious boyfriends via the internet.

The first, we dated ove rthe internet and phone before we met, which sounds so geeky and i wouldnt recomend that again but we had every intention of meeting.
We met, in public which is very improtant, it was kind of a wierd date because we arranged to meet on a mini break, it meant my family had a holiday and got to meet him too and we spent the days together and then i slept in my familys acomodation without him.
That was best for us as my mum had his mobile number so we kept in touch and she knew where we were at all times.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we fell in love and were engaged for 2 years.
We split but that was for health reasons.

I met my current boyfriend on www.love.lycos.co.uk, (which is where my mum met her new husband too ;-)) we didnt date over the net, we became friends first in real life, and fell in love. We live together now and have been together for 3 and a half years.

So yes, it can work out beautifuly, but that doesnt mean you wont meet horrible people too and people who say they are something they're not, but that can also happen if you meet someone in a pub or a library, theres always risks whatever the situation.

I wouldnt recomemd Internet dating" tho, ie where you are boyf and girlf before you've even met in person, it can be a horrible suprise when you meet up if you dont like your new girlfriend.
Dont forget, if you do meet up, do it in a public place, for the first few dates atleast, and make sure you tell someone where you are going, who you are going with, and let them know you are safe.

Good luck :-) xxx

[view]

my name is ashley. my x-bf hates me because i got pregnet after we already broke up.and now hes going out with one of my friend..and he doesnt believe me that im pregnet even though i showed him the pictures from the doctors..what can i do to get him to belive im pregnet?

i need advice,
ashley

If he won't believe you when you've shown him proof from the doctors then i doubt theres anything you can say to convince him, wait a couple of months until you start showing, he'll believe you then.

[view]

Ok. I'm in my early 30's. I'm a single father. My mother is recently widowed. I own and operate a multi-location company. I also manage a handful of celebrity clients as well. So I guess you could say I have alot on my plate. Given I'm an earner alot of people outside of myself call on me for financial support. I'm in a different city everyweek and I spend my days working in my offices and my nights at the studio or scheduled functions with my clients. Recently the woman I love and wish to spend my life with came her for advice on our relationship and to my dismay perfect strangers who have met me have passed judgement on me. Allow me to explain. I met this woman about 4 years ago and at that time I was knee deep in work as usual and I was coming out of failing relationship but for some reason God decided to bring this woman my way. She's beautiful, sexy, smart, determined, loving, caring and did I mention beautiful? Nevertheless we met and instantly hit it off. I actually felt so comfortable with her that I took my daughter along with me on our first date. To me I had nothing to hide and I wanted her to know exactly who I am. My breakup drug on...like some relationships do and I found myself in the middle of a love triangle. On top of that I had infidelity issues. Yes I said it. I'm not here to lie to you. She also had her friends too. So the poor you is not what it seems. Most importantly the first love of her life seem to always be a compared me and I didnt seem to measure up to him. She loved to party. Party all the time til I had to ask her to slow down. On top of that she ran with a crew of serial seducing ladies who had relationships with some of my friends and clients. We had fun. Alot fun. So to me it was what it was. We loved hanging out but we never talked of the future. Anyways enough about that. The other relationship is finally over. It has been for awhile. I'm not saying it was right or wrong but I am being honest. My biggest problem is people tend to comment on the very same thing that they themselves have been through. Life's not a scripted journey. Every chapter is different. Moving on. Did I mention I run with entertainers and athletes? So that means woman are throwing themselves at you from every angle and because of this I find myself in some sticky situations to say the least. I've learned that I love her. That came to me like a dead weight dropped on my head. I love her deeply. The problem is she cant let go of the past and I cant change the past. If I could I would in a heartbeat because I'm ready to move on with my life. My mother and father were married 54 years when my father died so I tend to think that theyre relationship was a successful one. So thats who I look to for advice and what I found is that even my father had his ways. No ones perfect. But for everyone to say "Once a cheater always a cheater" is not fair. Love doesnt give you a heads up and most men dont get it til its too late. I've since then changed my ways. I stay out the club. I only go out with her. I keep the female traffic off my phone. Basically I'm at a place where I just want to be with her. However, since I'm really busy she takes that as cheating and I dont think thats fair. For example she may call me or text me and I'll respond clearly that I'm in a production meeting or with an attorney or maybe even in rehearsal for a show. Once I say that she begins to ask me a series of questions that I cant answer at the time since our atty is $425.00 an hour. But then she goes into a tantrum and turns me and evil towards me and I just dont think thats fair. I dont deal with any other women. She hasnt heard about me being around any women for quite some time now but she still wont let the past be the past and I love her. Deeply. We both discussed counseling but my issue was I felt that we should pay 50/50 so we both have vested interest in the sessions but that never happen. Normally when she tells her side and they get around to my side people come to a split decision for lack of better words. Now with the response from this site coupled with the past against my fight she's decided to leave me? Are you guys happy now? I mean you've never met me. Dont know my struggle. Most of you sound like you've had your own struggle with the opposite sex. What makes you an expert? I love her. Now she's gone away from me and I dont know what to do about it. I am not cheating on her. I asked her to take the next step and move in together and/or get married. I have no problem with committment to her. I admit. I was wrong in the beginning. But thats not where we are now. I've stepped up and changed my ways. I'm not the evil person she lead you out to believe. I want her back. I miss her. I need her to understand that I've grown. My life has changed. Yes people do make changes. They dont change completely but people make changes. Have you never made a mistake or had a regret on an something you did? I ask you. Is my relationship salvagable? Is their way for her to see that I'm here for her? I would never hurt her again. She mean to much to me. Can you help me? Thanks.

To be honest with you, i wouldnt know how to answer this question, but if i reject it then it will be deleted off the forum. So your best bet is to place it in the main forum and get opinions from a few people.
I'm really sorry i couldnt help xxx

[view]

okay so one day this guy txted me out of the blue and weve been txting each other everyday ever since and he says hes 13 likes soccer like me and it seems like we have alot in common but weve never actually met in person or even talked on the phone just txting but dont know how to tell if hes telling the truth or not and i really want to meet him in person but what if hes not who he says he is thanx ahead of time 13/f

he sounds like a "groomer", someone who gets kids to believe they are a child themselves and will make you have feelings for them before asking to meet.
You need to stop all contact with this person, dont even text him to say your cutting contact or that you dont trust him, just ignore him no matter what he says.

Please dont put yourself in danger, you are ok now but these men are sneaky and will try and make you fall for them, they prey on young children like yourself.

[view]

welll, boys have been giving me more attetion i guess and i have no idea how to flirt or talk to them. i dont get nervous, but i just dont have anything to say. like on IM the convo is always the basic, hey. whatsup. nothing, you?. and thats it. what do i talk abouttt and how to i flirt?

Be your self. It is important that you don't act differently around your guy because he will see right through it and think you are fake.

Be happy. If you smile you will look more approachable and friendly. He wont want to be with someone who looks unhappy all the time. Also when your with your mates and he's with his, flash him a nice flirty smile.

Give him compliments. Guys get insecure about themselves just as much as us girls so he'll love it when you boost his confidence now and then.

Find out what kinda stuff he is into. Then do some secret research on it. he'll think its cool that you like the same cool band as him or his fave movie. Don't go overboard though, if you have Everything in common with him it'll soon get boring.

Laugh at his jokes, even the bad ones. not hysterically though or he might twig what you're up to.

When you are chatting to him, gently touch him on the arm in a sweet flirty way.


[view]

ok so today me and my boyfriend had sex and we didnt have proctection but we cant get it because none of our friends know and we arent going to go and buy them ourselves so he just takes it out before he feels like he is going to finnish, well today he said he didnt feel it until 10 seconds before he finnished and he pulled out and about 8 second after he finnished. i freaked out of course but he said he could feel when he pre cums so i dont know if i should believe him or what. ALso, what are the first signs of being pregnant ?

If your not mature enough to buy condoms then you are certainly not mature enough to have sex!

You need to get yourself to the chemist today and ask them about emercency contraception, 24 hour pill, as this will reduce your chance of getting pregnant, but it has to be the day you had sex.

Why does it matter if your friends dont know your having sex, why dies that stop you buying condoms?
They're going to know anyway when you have a baby bump!

This tells you the first signs of pregancy but if you are sensible enough to act today then you might be lucky and not get that far

http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/m/mother/first-signs-pregnancy.html

[view]

tips on how u do it?

Be your self. It is important that you don't act differently around your guy because he will see right through it and think you are fake.

Be happy. If you smile you will look more approachable and friendly. He wont want to be with someone who looks unhappy all the time. Also when your with your mates and he's with his, flash him a nice flirty smile.

Give him compliments. Guys get insecure about themselves just as much as us girls so he'll love it when you boost his confidence now and then.

Find out what kinda stuff he is into. Then do some secret research on it. he'll think its cool that you like the same cool band as him or his fave movie. Don't go overboard though, if you have Everything in common with him it'll soon get boring.

Laugh at his jokes, even the bad ones. not hysterically though or he might twig what you're up to.

When you are chatting to him, gently touch him on the arm in a sweet flirty way.


[view]

Well I'm four months pregnant, and me and my babys daddy arent together, he doesn't believe this baby is his he tells me to screw myself and to find the real baby father. The thing is hes the only one who I've slept with unpertected in the last 6 months. So I know its his. But I got back with my ex boyfriend who I was with before four almost a year before we got into some stuff. We got back together before I found out I was pregnant. I told him I was pregnant he told me he'd step up and help me raise it as his own. Hes in Long Creek (Jail) until January 3rd and I'm due January 27. Well anyways my question is, do you think I should let him step up and raise this baby as his own. Please let me know what you think.

If your in love with eachother, and you know that he will always be their for you and your child then it would be an amazing thing for him to do.
If he has a habbit of being unreliable though, i wouldn't bother.
You don't want your child to be wondering where "daddy" is, if this man decides it's all too much raising a child, especially one that isn't is. You have to think about what is best for your child in all this.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker