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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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My mom has a victim mentality. She never accepts responsibility for her behavior and lies to make it seem like she is the victim and someone else is the perpetrator. Anytime I try to offer help, even if its watching a video or to go see a shrink, she'll say we are criticizing or attacking her. When she is backed into a corner where a normal person would have to admit fault, she'll get angry and storm out, or say "DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!" Or she'll say "don't yell at me." (even if nobody even raised their voice, let alone yell). Anything and everything we try is met with hostility or she'll play the victim, saying we're attacking her. She uses her victim mentality to manipulate us into doing what she wants or she'll throw a tantrum, if the tantrum doesn't work, she'll go more extreme like cutting herself or try to stab herself. She has heart problems, so now she'll say she's sick or has chest pain. So we all go running to help, and predictably, she'll refuse help and refuse to go to the hospital or call an ambulance and blame us for "doing this to her". Even if its something as dumb as that we made her wait 10 minutes at the buffet while we finished eating.
She has childhood trauma so I'm guessing that that's where it started. She is a combination of hubris and self-loathing and instantly goes into victim mode anytime she doesn't agree with what is happening or if she disagrees with you. She can be rather evil at times.
She has admitted herself that what happened to her as a child might be affecting the way she acts and thinks. Then I suggest a shrink, she'll make excuses or blame others for why she can't, or she'll just get mad and throw a tantrum. (Or she might realize that getting help would mean not getting the attention she gets now through her tantrums and drama. So she refuses.)
What I'm gonna try to do is try to remove the excuses as to why she says she won't go to a shrink and try to find a way to get her to go.
Any advice would be appreciated. Even if you don't have anything to add, thanks to all the advicenators who spend their time on here helping people.
In the instances I'm talking about she cannot turn the medics away until they are sure she okay and not a threat to herself or others. You would be calling from your home. Because you are not on premise with her the fee an police must make sure it is safe for them to leave her waiting for you. If it is determined she needs hospital care the medics can ask the police to take her into protective custody SO they can transport.
Most fire departments do not charge unless they transport. Tough love means telling her what the rules are.f what your role will be in the future as well as siblings & other relatives. Then make sure everyone does what they should
If momcalls saying she is having heart problems. Yes respond to her call but call 911 first. The first response unit is the closest engine or truck company and the should be on scene within 4 to 8 minutes There job is to stabilize & care for the patient while waiting for the ambulance.
More lives are saved because today's paramedics can start the Sam treatments the hospital would use. The difference is they are started much sooner and because of it lives are saved.
Trying to force or trick your mom into seeing a shrink will not work. She will not get the benefit of any treatment while she is not accepting that she has a problem or problems in you mothers case.
Besides the problems you wrote about there is one problem you may not be seeing. I believe when you take into account all of the other problems what results is that they are causing Clinical Depression.
While I am not a doctor I have had clinical depression and I know how it works. The depression is not only the result of the other problems it is the problem that binds the rest together. In order to cure the clinical depression you first have to accept the fact that you have this illness.
Without accepting the fact that you are depressed all the therapy is not going to be of much help. Moist people have to hit bottom before accepting they need help/ Your mom is probably someone who needs to hit bottom before asking for or accepting help.
What you can do is stop enabling her. Don't run every time she calls. Explain to mom that you have your own life and family and cannot come running ever time she calls. Also tell her that you are an adult now and will not accept being spoken to as she has.
Next time she calls and says she is sick and needs help. Do not go running over instead call 911 and have them respond. It's tough love but love she needs to be shown. These call and everything else you write about are calls for attention. By running to her you are enabling this behavior,
(Rating: 5) We can't just ignore her because she has a heart condition and yes that really is real. We can't call 911 anyway because she'll turn them away then she'll blame us for not listening and for costing her $. We end up being the bad guy. She does have depression (she says that to us, her kids, she is lower than a dog), but as a victim, she will not admit she has a problem and says the WE are the problem. I remember she did go to a shrink once. He must have told her that she needs to take responsibility for her behavior and happiness because she said she got criticized and attacked, (like she does with us). So she never went back. She'll only talk to priests (which always take her side). She's a doozy. Thanks for you input.