adviceman49's advice column

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hi,

I might be a bit old for this site. I don't know. I use to come here in my childhood.

I have a personal question and need advice.

I grew up a foster child and from a dysfunctional family.

From the three families, I think I was raised well over all and turned out pretty decent. I'm an introvert so I'd say I'm good at reading people and have a good gauge for what people think.

Throughout my years since childhood I've made friends and lost those friends. Not entire loss for some; some just have grown apart.

I had in my opinion some very close connections. Some of those people wouldn't as much have me as a Facebook friend now.

How could I have been so close at one point in my life and they not care or wonder about me now?

How do you have close connections with people and not want to maintain them later on like family?

Was their interpretation of the friendship lacking love?

I sincerely don't get it.

I loved my friends. Genuinely did and do. My heart doesn't change in that regard. I don't believe in superficial relationships.

Maybe I don't do friendship right?

Sometimes I feel it could be my reputation.

Not that I'm into anything bad, albeit I have had some bad roads at one time.

I see some of those friends with only attractive people as their Facebook friends. I have scars and less wealth. My lip is sort of disfiguring, although some say I only notice it. I can't afford the masks they put on their faces or the adornments they put on their bodies.

Maybe my way of thinking is it like as that last sentence?

Could it be my lack of family or friends that makes people not want to add anything to my low status of relationships? Or in my culture popular psychology is presented with false truths about people when it comes to their lack of relationships? For example, she has no friends therefore something is wrong with her?

For the record, I do have somewhat friends. We'd be closer if I had transportation. I some friends that hold lower status. I guess maybe people have bias to that so I don't take pictures with my lower status friends. I know that sounds bad and it is. There's a secondary reason. I don't want the whole reflection that I'm like them because some of them are sort of into something I don't do. Like I said, I don't really do anything bad.

Am I right? People only care about people if they first meet their standards when it comes to the surface?

Is the world like a rating system like on the show Dark Mirror season 3?

Is maybe my score too low so people wouldn't even considering engaging with me?

I have always had rejection issues. Maybe that, too, has something to do with it.

What should I do? What should I change?

You have asked a variety of questions on the same topic. You are in part over analyzing the question. The key word in your question is childhood. Childhood friends, friends made in high school are just that. When we all graduate from high school we all tend to go our separate ways. Many of us go off to colleges in different parts of the Country. Some of us join the military and a few stay home and co to the local community college while a few try to find work and remain as they were in high school.

For those who have gone off to college or the military the saying; “You can never go home again,” is very appropriate. When you leave home your world expands. Just leaving high school causes your world to expand. The problem is you expand in different directions and no longer have anything in common. You make new friend who have nothing in common with your old friends.

When I finished high school my parents could not afford college for me. The military draft was still active and the Vietnam War was on. I joined the Air Force and went to college on base after my work shift. I would come home on leave during the holidays when my friends would be home and they were different. I was forced to grow up much faster than them. I was seeing things they would never see or ever deal with. Even after my hitch was up I came home and joined the fire service. Here again I had to deal with things no one should ever have to deal with. Those of my friends that were still living in the area could understand why I did what I did and I could not understand where they were coming form. We drifted apart eventually I moved to another state which had better paying opportunities in my chosen career.

To sum up it is not you; it is not them it is just life.

[view]

(Rating: 5) That you for your insight. You're right.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>