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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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Hey there. I'm a 21 year old female and I have struggled with bulimia off and on for about 4 years. It started when I got to college and used it as a way to deal with stress. I was dating a guy at the time and he was the only one who realized that I had a problem because I was mostly bulimic with anorexic periods mixed in so it was pretty easy to hide and I got very good at it. Leaning on my boyfriend and only my boyfriend made me very dependent on him. I should have seeked help much earlier on but refused to admit that it was a real problem until after we broke up. In a way I think this issue was part of our breakup. I have never been in counseling but I confused in my doctor and he will often put me on a very mild dose of Prozac when I'm going through a stressful time because my bulimia only really surfaces when I am stressed out even though I work out every day and do other stress management practices, I suffer from pretty intense anxiety and I really like the months that I'm on the Prozac but don't like being dependent on medicine. I'm not sure all of this is relevant. I suppose I just don't want to get any responses that urge counseling or other suggestions related to the bulimia because it is not really what I'm asking here.
My problem is I have been with my current boyfriend for quite some time now and he is the love of my life. But I keep these issues from him. Granted, the majority of our relationship I have had it under control and been completely free of bingeing and purging. I have been starting to struggle recently and have told my two closest friends and discussed starting on the medication again. And I feel guilty. Like I'm lying to him by not telling him what's going on. It's a deeply personal issue and I am so scared to tell him and have it ruin our relationship like the last one. And I know I know, if it's truly meant to be he should be able to work with me/support me blah blah I know this... But it's so difficult to work up the courage to tell him. It's the worst thing about myself and I don't talk about it anyone, ever, anymore besides my doctor or to let my friends know I'm back on medication (my doctor said this is a safe thing to do for antidepressants). I guess I'm asking if this is something that I truly need to tell him... and if it is, how? Because I physically don't feel able.
Any suggestions appreciated.
The simple answer is yes.
The why of the answer is this. If he loves you as much as you love him then he will be understanding and standby you. Remember if you are going to be life partners part of the contract of marriage is in sickness and health.
If you love someone you stand by them. You have to meet their help halfway at the very least. Being dependent on someone for staying healthy is not a proper corrective action. Going on and off Prozac is also not helping you get better. You finally hit bottom with the last breakup and asked your doctor for help. Now you have to take the next step to get control over the anxiety that bring on these bought of bulimia for this is not good for you either.
I believe the next step is not to tell your boyfriend right now but you will have to tell him eventually. The next step is to find a doctor who deals with eating disorders. This will probably be a doctor of psychiatry who will treat you for the anxiety and recommend you meet with a psychologist to find out why you suffer anxiety attacks. These attacks are triggered by something. In therapy with a psychologist you can work to find out what that triggers is. Once you find out what the trigger is you can manage it.
I can say this with a great deal of certainty as I have been there. I too suffered from anxiety attacks which through me into a deep depression. Working with a psychiatrist and psychologist I was able to learn what the cause or trigger was and I now recognize the trigger and manage it better. I no longer need to Cymbalta I was taking for depression.
As much as you do not want to hear about doctors and medication or therapy sessions this is what you need to do if you want to rid yourself of this problem. Once you have made the commitment to getting better then you tell your boyfriend.
Making the commitment will only take a few days or weeks to find the right professionals to help you. Once you start you can ask the psychologist when it would be right to tell you boyfriend. Your psychologist may even suggest you ask your boyfriend to come to a therapy session so that he or she can help you explain the problem to him.
In one sense I have been where you are. I have had the scars so to speak which are now long gone. Please trust me when I say you need to do this to get better you can't do it on your own.
(Rating: 5) Thank you for sharing your story, I know that's not easy to do. And thank you for all the advice,information, and encouragement, I am truly so grateful!