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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am 16 years old and have known my romantic partner (age 17) for about a year, and almost 4 months of that year we have been dating, all the time before then we were close friends who would lowkey flirt with each other from the very beginning. We were immediately extremely compatible in both friendship and then with our romantic relationship, and have both been there for each other through the very best of times and the very worst of times. (And i do mean the very worst; we've each talked the other down from suicide at least once now)
Although we have never had a fight, we've discussed fighting, and how we both are when we fight or argue with someone, and talked about how to handle it when it happens one day, bc we both know and accept that of course one day we are going to fight or argue.
Although 4 months seems so short, i feel like i've known them my whole life, as if there was never a time we weren't dating, and they have expressed the same feelings to me.
Our relationship is extremely open (communication-wise, it is not a polyamory deal) and has always been so healthy, we've made compromises and sacrifices and we know that one day we will get married. We have discussed this on several occasions, that after we are both graduated from high school, sometime after that we'll be getting married. We are both very committed to the relationship and know we are in love, and i know that people change from their teen years throughout their adult years, but we're both so committed and willing to make sacrifices for the other and so open with our feelings that i know it will work out, because we'll both be able to talk things through if/when they start to get rocky in later years.
We currently wear promise rings.
Tonight we discussed engagement, and the fact that there is no age requirement to get engaged, so technically we could get engaged. We've both expressed many times before that we wish we could be engaged, that we both want to propose so badly. They basically implied tonight that they want to pop the question, or vise versa, sometime in the near future.
My question is, is this too fast, is it too soon? I'm perfectly happy with the pace things are moving at, people can meet their true loves and know it at younger ages after all, but a comment a girl made about "Promise rings at 3 months?!!" last month got me worried that maybe it is too early?? I personally feel more than ready and i know they do also, but....I don't know, i'm questioning my feelings now bc of what others might say/think? (Also yeah, i know, i should talk to them about this, i know i should and i will, but i also wanted to hear what others have to say about this) Will add information as needed if there are any questions or misunderstandings, i appreciate any and all advice and opinions!!
You both are very young and most likely still in high school. So I have to say "What is the rush?" Meaning if this is a true love and not a high school romance it will be a lasting romance. You don't have to be engaged to be in a committed relationship.
As to high school romances; I know one or two couples from my high school days, way back in the dark ages, that have stood the test of time. They have had children and now are enjoying there grandchildren. DO they have any regrets for marrying as young as they did? Some for it was really tough those first few years and they learned as life went on how much it hurt them financially to skip college.
I also know several couples who married for the wrong reason such as to keep the guy out of the draft then they compounded that mistake by having children when the draft changed the rules. At some point all but one of these marriages ended. Most tried to wait until the children were adults, 18 years old. For them life was well horrible with constant fighting and different addictions in some cases.
I'm not saying this will be you and your boyfriend in either instance. Statistically the younger you marry the more change the marriage will end in divorce. Why does this happen. In some cases one of the people finds a way to get their education either by one supporting the other while the other goes to school or through night course. In this case they grow apart intellectually. But for the most part life for young marrieds is hard and there is constant fighting over bills and if there is children there are a lot of bills that come with raising a child.
Now getting back to the present and why the rush. Do you want to go to college? Does he want to go to college. You should both go to college as in todays world a high school diploma does not guarantee a good job.
If you truly love each other and this relationship is meant to be it will stand the separation of two different colleges if that is what happens. If this is just a high school romance then you will both find other partners and that is okay two because this is what this time of your life is all about.
The love you two feel for each other today is very real and I would never try to tell you otherwise. My parents and your grandparents might refer to your relationship as puppy love or first love and I have vivid memories even today of them saying that and how it hurt.
My advice is to slow down. Enjoy what you two have today. If this is the real deal it will still be the real deal in six years when you two have finished your education.
One other thing make sure he truly loves you for boys his age confuse up the definition of love and lust. They will say they love you but what they really mean is they lust for you. Once they get their pleasure from you its thanks for the buggy ride and their off to find another girl to conquer. This may not be your boyfriend but make sure before you commit to him.
(Rating: 4) Thank you very much for the advice! I appreciate everything you have to say and will certainly keep it all in mind.