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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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BACKGROUND:I met this guy on tinder(wow ik so romantic) in November and we hit it off, similar interests, taste in music, quirky sense of humor. Went on our first date in January. He goes to a military college so we can only hang on the weekends but we text through the week(both of us sending 20txts at a time), snapchat, etc. Our relationship has never been defined, neither have felt the need to but it's been going great. To a degree casual as both of us still get on tinder but both of us have said we like the other and neither of us have gone out with anyone else from the app. On our dates We always end up laughing and talking about our ambitions, lives, everything. We always seem to make many plans for future dates based on random conversations we have or things we see.
This weekend we were supposed to go walk around art museums, stay in a hotel, just have a nice weekend together. It was getting close to Saturday and I hadn’t heard from him since Thursday so I texted him asking when he wanted to go. 1am I got a response telling me he recently found out his dad has cancer and that he needs time to process the news. No details and it was very stiff and polite considering the very lighthearted guy he is. I responded that I understood, that I was here if he needed me to be, and that I was sorry for the emotions and pain he was facing. I don’t know how much space to give, if he doesn’t contact me whether or not I should try to reach out. Honestly I’m wondering whether or not to expect him to end things. I really don't want this to happen as he is a really special and important person to me. Honestly everything about the situation is depressing me because there are so many things we talked about doing and it was starting to get more serious. Basically I'm looking for any ssort of perspective. If age matters he's 20, I'm 18
most Cancers are a treatable disease when caught early. My wife is a Breast Cancer survivor and we are convinced that attitude is 90% of the cure. Part of a good attitude is having good support.
Our friends, family and coworkers let us have a day or two to adjust to the news then the did not allow us to sit around and wallow in self-pity. Your BF needs your support just as much as his dad needs the support of his son to help beat this disease.
Of course at the moment neither of us know what the diagnoses is. But even with the worst diagnoses the doctors have been proven wrong and the cancer has reacted well to the treatment. Here again it is the attitude of the patient and the support system they have around them that makes the difference.
My suggestion is this. Reach out to your BF. GO visit him let him know you are there and he can lean on you. GO with him to visit his dad and while visiting don't be a guest be helpful. Help his mom with whatever she is doing. If his dad needs any type of care help your BF care for him and give his mom a break. Being a caregiver is very draining for the care giver. Both your BF and his mom will appreciate you help and you BF when he takes the time to realize it will also know how much you care for him and his family.
Right now he is in shock. Just the word cancer can send shockwave through us. This is probably where your boyfriend is at now, devastated and in shock. He really needs a shoulder to cry on which he can't do at a Military academy. If it is possible for you to go to him that is what I suggest. Don't wait for him to ask you to come to him.
(Rating: 5) Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I reached out to him and just got back a positive response today. I'm so happy for you and your wife and thank you for spreading the advice to me. We can only hope for as good a result.