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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I recently started talking to someone who is charming, intelligent, motivated and relatively good looking. He is about 2 and a half years younger than me, but judging from the last times we spoke, he seems more mature than most men his age. At the moment, he has a very impressive job, while currently still in college, at not even 23 years old, he is the head of finance at his friend’s brewery startup.
During one of our previous conversations, he told me things that I really needed to hear and I doubt that he knew how badly I needed to hear those things. He told me that he thinks that I am smarter than the people who I am working with on a project for my finance class, and that he notices that I am a very hard worker.
My best friend, a married 31 year-old male, believes that he likes me. The new interesting man has sent some flirtatious gestures my way, like he smiled at me when I said hello to him, and winked at me when I stood on the line to talk to one of my thesis advisors. Realistically, a man like him… I am thinking to myself, either has a girlfriend or does not want one.
At the same time, I have a long-term boyfriend of five years but I think that I am more secure with him than anything else. I feel semi neglected by him, he NEVER class me, he DOES NOT pay proper attention to me.
By that I mean, since we live in different states, and we are both students, we do not always get to see each other. So, he will sit on the computer and play video games, instead of touching me... which aggravates the shit out of me.
The last time I was down there he touched me maybe like two days out of the entire week I was down there, after not seeing me for two months previously. I feel like he definitely loves me, and does not want me to go anywhere, but I am starting to feel really taken for granted. Also, I see someone who does not care about his future as much as I care about mine.
With as long as we have been together, unless I am 100 percent sure about wanting to marry him, I am starting to feel like we should break up. However, I do not want to make a mistake, I want to see him again before I do anything, and breaking up with someone over the phone is tacky.
What should I do about this situation? Should I go with my gut, which is visit my boyfriend, make sure that I am 100 percent certain that I no longer feel passion for him, and then get to know the other guy as a friend?
I think that I like this other guy as a person, so even if we are both interested in each other I do not want to make a mistake move too fast and lose out on his friendship at the very least. The thing that really sucks is that my boyfriend and I are both graduating college next month, and I really do not want to screw up his last semester, but at the same time… is there ever a good time to break up with someone?
First stay away from the married man, the last thing you want is to break up a happy marriage.
As for your current boyfriend the saying that, "Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder," is not always true. It is possible that he does love you but is no longer in love with you as you may no longer be in love with him but still love him. That is the confusing side of love. Loving someone but not being in love with someone is most easily explained in the example. You can love a brother or sister but not be in love with a brother or sister. This is where you may be with your current boyfriend. Only you can decide this issue and is something you need to give some thought to.
Understandably braking up with your boyfriend at this time could ruin his last few months of college especially if he is still in love with you. Given that you are both in your last few months a little over 8 weeks I would say. If breaking up with him is your decision you could easily wait until the end of the school year. Given the distance between you and all the work and activities surrounding the end of school it is easy to stay apart. At the same time you could get to know the younger guy a bit better.
While this may sound like cheating I wouldn't go that far if your intentions are to break up with your boyfriend. I would even go so far as to say he may be in the same predicament having met someone at school that seems like a better fit for him. He too may be waiting until the end of the school year to break up so as not to harm you last few weeks of school.
Long distance romances rarely workout. Something usually comes between the two and it usually is a third person. My advice is to follow you best judgment and your heart.
(Rating: 5) Great advice. However, I am sorry if I confused you, but I never mentioned my married best friend being in love with me... I meant to imply that he thinks that this guy who I am interested in is starting to like me. If I thought that he had feelings for me like that, where he was starting to think about cheating on his wife, I would probably distance myself from him.