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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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As a mother, it's important to me to have a good relationship with my children, but having quite a large family, I feel it's important to keep them under control to prevent absolute chaos from breaking out. I need to teach them good behaviour, good manners, and respect, not just to keep them under control, but to help them become the best people they can be.
So listen to these situations and tell me if you think I might have a bad tendency to overreact and take discipline too seriously. If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
If my identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction topay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Please give your opinions and advice. I love my kids and I want what's best for them, but I don't want them to feel like I'm some kind of a warden.
These are very good questions. Every parent is going to react differently to these situations. I can only tell you how I would react and let you decide.
Question: If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
Answer: One theory says that discipline must be swift and just. To wait until you get home to discipline, as in spank a six year old, he may not truly understand why he is being spanked even if you are telling him. TO spank him in front of strangers is humiliating even to a six year old.
What I would do.: would rescue him, Hug him, tell him what he did was wrong and how scared he made me. Then I would tell him He has lost certain privileges such as a favorite toy or is grounded. Then when we returned home I would remind him of what he did and remove the toy or item he lost the privilege of or send him to his room if grounded.
Question:identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
Answer: Your answer could do more harm than good as it could cause them to be teased or bullied in school. You do not want to put them in this type of position for once it starts it never ends and follows them through their entire school career.
What I would do: Since this is habitual I would talk to the school principal. I would ask that they be split up and given different class schedules with different teachers. If they have different teachers, even in the same grade, they will have different assignments, different places within the curriculum that each teacher is at. There would be no way could get away with switching places. What they are doing is not unusual for identical twins, they think it's funny to gas light the teachers or other adults in this manner.
If splitting up their schedules won't fix the problem then putting them in different schools may be the best solution to this problem. I might go so far as to threaten if they don't stop one of them will be sent to Military school.
Question: If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction to pay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Answer. This is a hormonal problem caused by puberty and is not going to go away no or ever. Your solution to have the older brothers chaperone him will not work. If the 12 year old and the girl are determined to be alone they will find away to ditch the older brothers.
What I would do: I would make sure he understood our sex talk and why it is important not to have intercourse with a girl at this early age. Now this is the tricky part for it may go against you views but guaranteed the older boys are probably doing it.
HE is going into the early stages of puberty and does not really understand what his body is telling him. He has sexual tension and wants relief and for the moment he is only sure he can get it through sex.
Talk to him about masturbation. You may have to go so far as to tell him or have one of the older brothers explain to him how to do it. He needs the sexual relief masturbation will bring. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is not a sin and it will not harm him in anyway. In fact it is good for him as it does relieve the sexual tension.
In the good old days when a boy hit puberty dad would take him into town to the Bordello and that would be that. We cannot do that today so masturbation is the next best thing.
As I said in the beginning there are different parenting ideas. These are mine. You need not be a warden to be a parent. But you do need to be a parent. You are a parent first and foremost a friend second.
(Rating: 5) Thank you very much for your great advice. I really appreciate the help and am glad that you've helped me find more effective ways of handling these problems. Thanks again and God Bless.