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Do I Overreact?
As a mother, it's important to me to have a good relationship with my children, but having quite a large family, I feel it's important to keep them under control to prevent absolute chaos from breaking out. I need to teach them good behaviour, good manners, and respect, not just to keep them under control, but to help them become the best people they can be.
So listen to these situations and tell me if you think I might have a bad tendency to overreact and take discipline too seriously. If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
If my identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction topay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Please give your opinions and advice. I love my kids and I want what's best for them, but I don't want them to feel like I'm some kind of a warden.
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These are very good questions. Every parent is going to react differently to these situations. I can only tell you how I would react and let you decide.
Question: If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
Answer: One theory says that discipline must be swift and just. To wait until you get home to discipline, as in spank a six year old, he may not truly understand why he is being spanked even if you are telling him. TO spank him in front of strangers is humiliating even to a six year old.
What I would do.: would rescue him, Hug him, tell him what he did was wrong and how scared he made me. Then I would tell him He has lost certain privileges such as a favorite toy or is grounded. Then when we returned home I would remind him of what he did and remove the toy or item he lost the privilege of or send him to his room if grounded.
Question:identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
Answer: Your answer could do more harm than good as it could cause them to be teased or bullied in school. You do not want to put them in this type of position for once it starts it never ends and follows them through their entire school career.
What I would do: Since this is habitual I would talk to the school principal. I would ask that they be split up and given different class schedules with different teachers. If they have different teachers, even in the same grade, they will have different assignments, different places within the curriculum that each teacher is at. There would be no way could get away with switching places. What they are doing is not unusual for identical twins, they think it's funny to gas light the teachers or other adults in this manner.
If splitting up their schedules won't fix the problem then putting them in different schools may be the best solution to this problem. I might go so far as to threaten if they don't stop one of them will be sent to Military school.
Question: If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction to pay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Answer. This is a hormonal problem caused by puberty and is not going to go away no or ever. Your solution to have the older brothers chaperone him will not work. If the 12 year old and the girl are determined to be alone they will find away to ditch the older brothers.
What I would do: I would make sure he understood our sex talk and why it is important not to have intercourse with a girl at this early age. Now this is the tricky part for it may go against you views but guaranteed the older boys are probably doing it.
HE is going into the early stages of puberty and does not really understand what his body is telling him. He has sexual tension and wants relief and for the moment he is only sure he can get it through sex.
Talk to him about masturbation. You may have to go so far as to tell him or have one of the older brothers explain to him how to do it. He needs the sexual relief masturbation will bring. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is not a sin and it will not harm him in anyway. In fact it is good for him as it does relieve the sexual tension.
In the good old days when a boy hit puberty dad would take him into town to the Bordello and that would be that. We cannot do that today so masturbation is the next best thing.
As I said in the beginning there are different parenting ideas. These are mine. You need not be a warden to be a parent. But you do need to be a parent. You are a parent first and foremost a friend second.
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Ok, im a mother of a boy too so i totally understand where your coming from but lets brake down each of these situations one by one here:
"If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?"
answer: To spank a child in public is a major thing, not only because of the people who are forced to witness what your doing, but its a humiliating experience for the child. Even if its for their own safety.
The solution there: would have been to grab him tightly by the arm, bend down to his level, look him in the eye and calmly in a serious tone, say that your trying to protect him from getting run over by a car, and that "we dont just run into the street, and if you do that again i will take you into the nearest bathroom and i will take my shoe off (point to your shoe) and i will use it on you"
This tactic Is still a scare tactic because from what you describe here you DO obviously believe in spanking and i do as well, as long as its done in the right environment like a bedroom, restroom, or somewhere that is private. This gives the child the idea that YOU are mom, and you are trying to make sure that he acts correctly in public , infront of others. ((you can also tell him that as well))
Heres the other thing, use shoes that you frequently wear when your out with them, so that all you have to do when they act up is tell them to look at your shoe, and once they see the shoe, they'll know "thats the shoe she spanked me with before, she brought it and shes ready to take it off and use it on me incase i act up" no one else will know what your talking about when your saying to your child to look at your shoe in a serious low tone. ; )
NEXT: the school situation is very serious, so i think in that situation that your well within your rights to law down the law in such a way so that the teachers cant be fooled.
Let them know this will go on for as long as it has to until they act right.
Last: This is a tough one because some boys just easily become friends with females and this can result in them being more confident when their older and its ok to encourage them to HAVE female friends so long as they know there are boundaries. As long as he knows that "you cant just touch girls, and that just talking is ok then i wouldnt over react too much to that. But keeping the door open when shes over would be the best idea here. He is getting to that age now, he is curious and all hes going to do is try to find ways to go behind your back instead of being compliant so you might as well just make sure theres an open dialog and that he can come to you if he needs advice (because who knows where ELSE he might look to for that) and that keeping the door open isnt for him its for the girls safety because girls can sometimes fib or say something happened that DIDNT for some reason and you just want to make sure some girl doesnt claim rape on him and get him in trouble with the law. MAKE IT CLEAR that you do the things you do because you love him and you want to make sure no one tries to pull anything on him. (same with the other kids too)
What ever you do try to stay calm, control your emotions and hear them out first if their trying to explain themselves. THEN do the correcting you feel needs to be done. I totally understand the need to "whoop ass" when kids get out of control, believe me its one i struggle with often, lol.
the shoe method though and the tight squeeze on an arm accompanied with a stern look in the eye in a serious low tone with the possible threat of being taken to the bathroom for a spanking has worked for me and quiet a few of my friends WELL.
It just sounds like your tired and whatever your doing isnt working, so its time to try something new.
good luck ; )
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