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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I'm 25 my boyfriend is 23. We have officially been dating for a month now. I've never been the touchy feely kind of person. My ex boyfriend would never hold my hand, kiss me in front of others or anything like that. barely would hug me. So i was kind of used to no affection.
Well now my current boyfriend always wants to be touching me. If we're watching tv he always wants to hold my hand or lay on me. I feel a little smothered. Sometimes I back off a little and he's like "youre mean" I dont know how to approach this. I do like him - I like kissing him. But sometimes the touching and constant contact can be too much. He knows I'm not really like that - I've told him before. But if hes touching me or something he's like you never touch me or why dont you touch me more.
Can someone help me with this situation?
I can only base my advice on what you write. Had you written what you wrote in the rating I might have given different advice. Next time you write us take the time to give us everything concerning your problem. There is no limit on space.
I won't say your wrong to not want to be touched. What is a bit strange for your boyfriend is part of romance is snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. Then moving on to making out, yes even at your age, and eventually to have sex. It's a process all males are familiar with.
IF you won't let him snuggle with you then how do you move to the making out stage and into the sex stage. This is for him the normal process of a relationship. Without it he sees red flags and he is stuck for how to build a relationship with you.
For the sake of argument let's say you have jumped past the first two stages and gone right to having sex. While this is very enjoyable I'm sure, he is still confused He may be thinking are we building a relationship her or are we sex buddies.
There may be a deep seated reason why you don't like to be touched. One possibility is as a small child you may have been molested in some manner and it is in a repressed memory.
You might want to give yourself the opportunity to find out the why of your reasons behind not liking to be touched. This could be done in therapy with a psychologist.
If your working you company may have included with your health insurance and EAP program. If so contact the EAP coordinator and have them put you in touch with a therapist. Generally the program will pay for a certain amount of visits. IF you need more visits then they will pay for. Your health insurance most likely has a mental health benefit to assist with the cost.
As I said there is nothing wrong with not liking to be touched. Just unusual in a romantic situation.
(Rating: 2) It has nothing to do with a psychological problem? It's not that I'm afraid to be touch, sometimes its just too much that he needs to calm it down. Nothing deeper