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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Should I stay or go back to my hometown?
Some details on me: I am a 24 year-old male recent college grad who just moved away from my hometown: a small town in California to a big city on the East Coast. I got a job here and in the several months I have been here, I've adjusted well and am making good money. I've also made friends and truly admire the city I live in which is something I never felt in California. In fact, I moved away from California is because I simply hated it. Now, I am 100 percent happy with where I live, my job, my financial situation, and life is good.
Here is the problem...
My father back in California has been battling cancer for a while. During the time I was living at home, he was actually doing well and has been stable. However, just when I started to adjust to my new life in this city, my dad started to get worse, and I am not there. He still has on-and-off days, but to put it simply, the possibility of him getting better again or possibly dying is a complete mystery at this point.
My dad lives in his house with roommates. My mom still lives in the same town as him, but they are not married and also don't even like each other. I have an older sister who also moved away to a different state the same time that I did.
Ever since my dad had this dip in his condition, I have been feeling extremely guilty for moving away and I am at a crossroads with no clue what to do. It looks like I have to choose 1 of 2 options.
1: Stay in this city that I love, keep working and making money, keep doing what makes me happy while leaving my sick dad back at home, not knowing how his condition will turn out, while still flying back home to see him every few months and holidays.
or
2: Quit my job and my life that I adjusted to here, and pick up all my stuff and move back home and not make money (Since I hate California so much I've already agreed I wouldn't work there), and see my dad more often. (as well as my mom)
I have no idea what to do. I feel so guilty about moving away while my dad is sick at home. I have mentioned to my dad the idea of moving back home, but he told me that I should stay in my current city and keep doing what makes me happy. He says that he would feel selfish if he made me move back home, knowing that I would be unhappy. But at the same time, it doesn't change the fact that I feel guilty. Should I be feeling like this?
What should I do?
I would say do as your dad has told you and stay where you are. As cold as this sounds there is really not much you can do for him. This is really a case of what will be will be with you or without you.
Talk with your sister and make plans for both of you to visit as often as you financially can and to space your visits so there is as little time as possible between your visit and hers.
Southwest Airlines frequent flyer program allows for quick building of points toward free tickets. You say you live near a big city on the east coast. Southwest services most of the major airports on the east coast with non-stop and direct service to the West Coast major airports. Flying Tuesday or Wednesday and on the earliest or latest flights will get you the lowest air fares.
You and your sister should also look into Hospice care for your father and in home care until it is time for him to go into Hospice care. You can take a week or two of vacation to set up meals on wheels, visiting nurse services and talk with the counting services for the elderly and see what other services they can provide for your dad. Then when you visit you can make sure he is receiving these services.
Talk with your employer and see if they will allow you the occasional three day weekend to visit your dad. Leave Thursday after work and take the redeye back on Sunday or the latest flight you can that allows you to be in the office on time Monday. Book far enough in advance and you will be surprised at how low a getaway fare can be.
(Rating: 5) Thank you so much. This is really hard.
I have already a few dates scheduled to go back home. This thanksgiving, Christmas, in March for my cousin's wedding, and in June.
It's just so hard to choose between what makes me happy and what would make him happy..