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about

I'm Jack/Jamie.

I'm 28 years old. I graduated from Michigan State University with my Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. GO GREEN! Now I'm a high school chemistry teacher in New York City living with my husband in a small studio apartment we pay way too much money for.

I've been on this site for 14 years as of March 23, 2020.
You may have seen me as CuxMiBeckNow7, but I've since shortened my name.

my forum
My FAQ

Here is my Recommended Columnist of the Decade for the 2020s:
Laura!

--Jack

advice

Okay i am going into high school next year and my friends are starting to drink and smoke. i cont want to but i know i will not be invited anywhere if i don't. i know this seems like simple, say no, but the only way to keep my friends is to drink or lose them. i know it seems like these friends suck, and they do but i cant change groups. like idk, but idk i don't want to. i just don't want to sink to that level. if you are a teen, you know what this is. you cant just be like "no I'm not drinking" I'm only 13. I'm turning 14 soon but...what do i do?

If YOU do not want to smoke/drink/etc., then DON'T. These people ARE NOT your friends if they won't be your friend unless you adhere to their standards. Friends accept their friends for who they are- and they certainly DON'T get mad when they won't be their drinking buddies. That's WRONG.

Tell them no, and if they won't be your friend, GOOD, because these are not people you should be friends with.

Although you said you won't be able to make any new friends, I'm CERTAIN that you're wrong ;].

Join a club or sports team. You'll meet new people and they can become some of your greatest friends. Trust me. I joined drama, and I've got some of the best friends you can imagine ;].

--Jack
(16/m)

I live in a country where the drinking age is 16 for low alcoholic drinks (so under 15% I think, or 10%)
I'm 15 and a half.

During the holidays I've been going to some bars, with some good friends,and I've had maybe one or two beers. I get served anywhere I go, but if I don't get drunk(I already have a high tolerance level) but just drink one or two drinks...would that be ok?
Or is that considered as wrong and immature?
And by the way, my friends aren't making me drink, we've all drank before, no one has made the others drink or anything like that.
We respect each others choices, and there's people in our group that don't drink.

I'm just wondering what it would seem like for others?

Like the person below said, it's not legally alright. To me, it isn't morally right either. But I don't control you, and I can't possibly expect you to adhere to my standards.

Besides the legal issue, if it's alright with you to do this morally, then you do what you wish.

I'm sure you could wait a few more months until you're 16, that way you could do what you wanted without breaking the law, you know? ;]

--Jack
(16/m)

So im asian and my parents are quite old fashioned, i have an older brother and i feel that my parents just take his side and believe whatever he says just because he is older than me, we have a 7 year age gap! he is SO rude and he is dating a girl from a different race, which is SO bad as you know. We are hindus. And so, now i don't know what to do. Sometimes, when my brother and i fight, he goes and tells my parents before i do about it, and so they hear HIS story first, and so when I try and tell my story, they either don't listen or, they just have a way to change it! and make it like it's my fault! sometimes i just REALLY hate my life, because it just is SO unfair! i HATE it!! it makes me cry SO frequently! and i am SO hurt by this! dont I have some sort of right?! and i can't talk about hman rights and that stuff, because they sort of don't believe in it, plus we aren't in the US, where it is important or anything. So now what do i do?! there is like NO justice! i think they just support my brother because he is older and all that jazz!! what about me?!
HELP!! :(

Try talking to your parents outside of a situation where you're trying to tell them your side of a story. Obviously when he's not around.

Tell them that you feel it's unfair that they automatically believe his side of the story. Tell them that you may not always be right, but you think they should at least listen to what you have to say.

Approach them in a mature matter and in a way that shows you aren't complaining, but rather that you're questioning why they don't at least listen to your side.

--Jack
(16/m)

okay, so you know how there are those people who word things in different ways? like instead of saying, "lets sit down." they say, "lets pop a squat" or instead of saying, "lets leave" they say, "lets ditch this popsicle stand" anyways, what are some other fun phrases that i could use in my everyday life? anyone have any?

I don't have any specific ones, but you could try adopting the lingo of your favorite decade, without going over the top, you know?

Etc.

Or you could try adopting the lingo of a certain state or region of the country...

--Jack
(16/m)

female

hi its unhappychik and me nd my bf are goin bak out (we went out 4 yrz ago)and it seems like things r goin well until he told me that he wanted 2 hav sex wit me,i kinda want 2 but im worried about wat will happen.idk i really wanna buy a purity ring...not jus 4 him but bcuz i dont wanna lose it 2 the wrong person at mii age.im not sayin after i get it nd hav sex its not gonna b the wrong person(hopefully not)but hey wat do i do?
ps-duz any1 kno where i can get 1 frum?
~unhappychik~

You're hesitant about having sex with him, and that means you aren't ready, at least in my eyes.

Buying a purity ring means that you're saving yourself either for marriage or for the right person. Since you're hesitant about your boyfriend, he isn't the right person, at least not yet.

I say save yourself for marriage or for when you're with the person you'll be spending your life with. Most people who lose their virginity at a young age often regret it, and that's not something you want.

Try that search =].

--Jack
(16/m)

I am a separated 35 year old female in love with my 36 year old high school sweetheart, whom is going through a divorce. We had not seen or spoken to each other since September of 2000. In May of this year we finally got in touch only to find that we are still very much in love with each other. We both have children with our spouses and have a long difficult road ahead in closing the chapters in our marriages. We don't know how to "just be friends" and allow each other the space and time to settle our lives. We have tried. No matter what we discuss about not talking or not seeing each other, it's almost unbearable and virtually impossible to stay away. The good thing is that we live about 3 hours away from each other. But that has not managed to keep us apart either. Is there a right or healthy way to do this?

So you're still married? And he is too?

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543789

Take a look at that- it's similar to your situation, so I hope you don't mind me just copying my answer from before:

If kids are involved, I would not do this. Kids going through a divorce end up emotionally scarred. It just is never good for the kids unless they were abused by one of the parents or something.

Was the marriage with your husband happy before this guy came back? Like Brandi said, if it was, it really isn't worth it to end your marriage to start another, just because some guy from high school came around doesn't mean you should drop what you already have for him.

But if you're honestly unhappy with your marriage right now, and it has NOTHING to do with this old flame, then I would say go for it. I am pretty much against divorce, but it's not my life, so I can't really hold you to my standards.

--Jack
(16/m)

hi I like this 20 year old guy and he likes me I'm 16 in october. I really like him and he likes me. he is scared of what people will think if we date and the law my parents his ect ect ect. what I need to know is what can I say to him to make him ask me to be his girlfriend. thank you

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=511553

From there:

Age is just a number. Tell him that. Think about it. What are your parents ages? Chances are that they are about 2 or 3 years different. My mom is 45 and my dad is 46- they're close- but let's pretend my dad is a 9th grader- well my mom would be an 8th grader. Is it weird that they're married? No. So does the situation change because they're younger? No. And if someone or anyone thinks that- they are just a bubbling idiot and they deserve to be smacked across the face. Only kidding. =D. But seriously, it isn't weird. If both of you are fine with it- then who CARES what the heck other people think? I certainly don't care that you're dating a 7th grader- age is just a number, again, and its only odd if you're a 9th grader dating a 45 year old man. =D.

--Jack
(16/m)

haha, hi.
um i was just wondering where you live?
and i don't mean like your address, like not in a creepy way at all.
you're just reallly cute and i wanted to see if you lived anywhere near me.(:

Haha thanks?

I live in the Mid-west of the United States. I hope you'll understand why I won't tell you even the state.

If you want to chat anymore, check out my forum- the link is on my column.

--Jack
(16/m)

Ok i am going into my first year of middle school (school starts is like 30 days), and i am going to be around alot more people. I want anyones advice on going to middle school. Like any stories you may have, anything i shouldnt do,ways to get more popular,ect. ANYONES advice is greatly apprieciated and i do rate. Thanx in advance =)

If you're going into middle school now, that means you're likely only 12 years old, but I'm not sure. Please let me know your age =].

Middle school is not as hard as people let on. Don't act like you own the school- no one wants that.

Getting popular doesn't mean you have to change yourself. In fact, it has little to with anything but your personality.

Joining a few clubs and whatnot is the best way to get friends and become "popular". Just make yourself likable by being polite to everyone and actually listening to what they have to say. In other words, if you're going to talk to someone, CARE about what they are saying.

If you're nice to everyone and you truly make an effort, you can become "popular", though the connotations of that are sometimes not the best thing.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Popular

That might help you a bit.

What's your age? That might help me help you better. =]

--Jack
(16/m)

I searched for them on youtube and they dont work, like there is no sound for them. I want to show them to my friend but i cant because their not on youtube! can you help me find them somewhere else?

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1582814&vid=103686

Let me know if that's not it. I'll keep searching if that's the case.

--Jack
(16/m)

I recorded a *.mpg* video on my laptop and edited on Windows Movie Maker and now it wont upload to
my YouTube accout.
It says, "Failed (invalid file format)

So my question is how can I change the file format so it'll upload to my youtube account?

-thnxnadv!
-Nancy!

Go to http://www.zamzar.com.

Upload the file. Then select the format to convert to [YouTube has a list of what file types they accept. Try mp4.]

Then enter your email address, and it will send the file to you.

When you get the file, save it, and then try to upload it again on YouTube.

--Jack
(16/m)

Hey!

Well, I've been trying to get a different background on my Advice column from Photo
bucket, for 2 day's now and I don't understand
what I did wrong this is what I did,
I found the background, and copied the URL
for the website's and blogs. Than, I go to
my column settings and pasted the URL. Than
I checked out my column and nothing happened! :/
Does anyone know what I did wrong?

Can someone please tell me what to do.

Thanks for any answers!

What was the URL you copied?

When you view the picture, make sure it's the "Direct Link - Layout Pages" one, not any of the others. Just copying the URL of the page of the picture won't do anything.

If you've tried that, and it still doesn't work, there may be something wrong with your computer. Contact DN [DangerNerd] at

dangernerd@gmail.com or find his column here:

http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=DangerNerd

If he doesn't want me giving out that information, I'm sorry, and I'll delete it.

--Jack
(16/m)

Well since I moved to riverside me and my bestfriend don't see eachother alot! And it's a weird freindship now. And she's always pressuring me about when can she come out. And my mom keeps telling me she doesn't know. Is our freindship worth keeping??

Yes. If you are best friends, distance should mean nothing. I have a friend who lives in Chicago, IL and I live near Detroit, MI. We're best friends and yet we still keep contact.

My point is, you don't have to hang out all of the time to keep a friendship. You can hang out every once in awhile, when both of you are able to.

Things like web-cams, IM, email, texting, phone calls, written letters, etc. are what can keep a friendship going when you can't have face-to-face conversation.

Please tell your friend that your mother is the one who would have to take you, I'm assuming, and she can't just take you over her house whenever. Gas is expensive and I'm assuming it's over an hour's trip. Let her know that you'll let her know when you're available to hang out.

--Jack
(16/m)

i break out alot, and i ALWAYS have pimples on my face. it's usually on my forehead, and i have bangs that go across my face. i never get to wear my bangs up, for i don't want people to see my acne.

i have used a variety of acne products, and havn't seen much of an improvement. i've used clean&clear fomaing facial cleanser, oxy daily cleansing pads, clearasil acne treament cream, and rareminerals blemish therapy. (i do not use them all at once. i know using more than one treatment can dry the skin and cause more breakouts.)

if anyone has any product suggestions, please tell me. and please don't recommend proactiv. i don't want to purchase any expensive products. the rareminerals blemish therapy was $20 or a tinytiny thing. and it did NOT work.

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=507367

From there:

Hey. I know this sounds weird, odd, strange, etc., but what I'm about to say to you ACTUALLY works:

Get some lemon juice. You got the lemon juice? Alright- now take the lemon juice- and take a Q-tip and dab some lemon juice onto your zit with the lemon juice. Just a thin layer- not the whole bottle, silly! =D

Alright- so doing this at night is the best thing to do- it will really reduce the size and shape of the zit- and you won't know it was there in a few days.

Make sure not to touch it with your fingers after you put on the lemon juice- the oils from your fingers will stop the effect.

Relax- everyone gets zits- so you're only normal =D.

And here's a forum discussion from one of my friends on here that talks a lot about acne:

http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutmetopic.php?t=368&userboard_id=35415

From there:

Acne pretty much sucks ass and we all hate them.
I'll pretty much share what I know and my experiences.

So, I used to have really bad acne for like 2 freaking years. It sucked and I hated it. But now I'm better and here are my views on stuff:

Dermatologists are hard to get an appointment with and very pricey. They don't do much except look at you once, then they have their assistants take care of you after the dermatologist her/himself prescribes you acne medicine. It's usually Differin [sp?] and Benzaclin [sp?].

OTC Medicine:
Not all medication work effectively on all people. I've learn that it doesn't work for me or for anyone with sensitive skin. It may work for some people but as soon as they stop the use, acne comes back. Whether it's a cream, gel, or oral medication, they all suck! They dry out your skin, irritate it, increase sunburns/tans, and enlarge your pores. Not your dream skin, huh? And ironically, they sometimes make it worse. And you know what the 'best' part is? They're freakishly expensive! And once you stop the medication, acne comes back and parties like there's not tomorrow. Oral medication also makes your insides bad =/

Acne Products:
Acne face wash, gel, cream, whatever. Proactive seems to be a big one, too. Anywhos, as I've mentioned above, some work for some people while it makes everything worse for other people. It all depends. But most of the time, all those products dry your skin out, irritate it, and/or makes your acne worse. And it enlarges your pores too. Again, not very dreamy. And if they do work, as soon as you stop using them, they come back. Same line second verse.

So what the hell are you suppose to do?
Go the natural, cheap way.

Washing your face:
Wash your face gently only twice a day. Once is okay, I guess. But washing your face when you get up and before you go to bed is a good idea. More than twice a day could irritate your skin. Also, do not scrub your face, wash it gently as if you were washing a baby. Use face friendly products, too. I recommend a brand called Cetaphile. It's gentle on your skin and softens it. PAT your face dry with a clean towel.

Towels and pillow cases:
Try and change them as much as you can. Every day would be PERFECT but hard to do sometimes.

Squeezing:
Not only does that sound disgusting, it is. And it leaves nasty scars. Don't touch your face at all unless you have a slight itch. Don't rest your chin/cheeks in your hands or your arm. Just leave it alone as if it was a $10,000,000 mask that if you touch, you'll get arrested for. Oh, and try to keep your hair out of your face.

Sleeping:
Sleeping plays a big, huge role. Your body starts to renew its skin starting around 10PM and ending around 2AM. So be sure to be sleeping somewhere in between or the entire time. Sleeping early helps, and getting adequate sleep improves your skin and its tone.

Eating:
Milk makes acne worse. It's scientifically proven. Junk foods, sweet, sugars. ALL BAD FOR YOU PERIOD. Avoid/limit them along with sodas even if they're diet. Sports drink contain loads of sugar. Juices, too. Instead, eat healthy foods like veggies and fruits! I've noticed that my skin improve immensely when I turned vegetarian. So maybe give a shot to eating lots of veggies and fruits and other healthy stuff and cut down on meat? Also try and drink green tea [tea bag with no added sugar] or green tea with aloe [again, tea bag with no added sugar].

Masks:
Home made masks are probably the best. Here are few that work and softens your skin:

1. Red ginseng syrupy liquid thing mixed with warm water and a bit of all purpose flour. Make a mask thing with that.

2. Green tea [tea bag] cooled down to room temperature. Splash it on your face for 5min or so. I know it sounds weird but it helps. Or mix it with a little bit of all purpose flour and make a mask.

3. Mix warm milk, honey, and all purpose flour. Make a mask with that.

Only do the mask right after you washed your face. Make sure you don't put on any lotion and what not. Do not leave it on for more than 10-15min because bacteria will become attracted to the mask. Do not laugh, squint, whatever. Just keep your face neutral or you'll get wrinklies. Do not peel the mask off. Slowly wash it off GENTLY with LUKEWARM water. Keyword: GENTLY.

Lotions and make ups and what not:
Lotions/Sunblocks have products that won't clog pores, are fragrance and oil free. I suggest you buy from either Neutrogena or...some other renown company. I use Neutrogena's Oil Free Moisturizing Face Lotion and Neutrogena's Oil Free 55 SPF Sunblock. And Aveeno's 50 SPF Sunblcok [oil free] sometimes.

Make up should be limited to only eye and lip make up. No foundation, no concealer, not blush, no powder. Get my drift? Good. If you MUST wear make up, limit it down to special occasions [School does NOT count] and take it off as soon as you can. Whatever you do, do NOT go to bed with make up on!

--Jack
(16/m)

Okay, well, me and my boyfriend had sex, but he didn't have a condom, so he just pulled out. Is there still a high chance of me getting pregnat? Any answers would help, thanks.

Penis entered the vagina unprotected.

Hmm.. whether he pulled out or not- you have a HIGH chance of pregnancy. There's something called pre-cum, and that contains a small amount of sperm and it can impregnate you.

Please, from now on, practice safe sex, and the pull-out method does not work.

--Jack
(16/m)

17/M

name: aaron
favorite music: new wave, electronic, stuff like that
i like playing soccer, skateboarding.

any ideas?

ElecticAaron17

SkateboarderAaron17

NewWaveKid17

Or basically just take an attribute or yours and then your name, kind of like how I did. Yes, they're lame, but haha..

You can add any number to the end- like your grad year or your favorite number, or your age like I did.

I also recommend taking your favorite band and then taking your favorite lyrics from that band, and make that a screenname ;].

--Jack
(16/m)

I'm really passionate about singing, but I know I have a long way to go.
Here is my YouTube account:
http://www.youtube.com/user/lisaxbexloco

If anyone could suggest some songs to sing, so that I can be more open to other music styles...I would appreciate that greatly!

I know you said to give you songs to sing, but here's a singing website that may really help you. It's my friend Amy's, who is actually on this website:

http://www.geocities.com/singingtips/sing.html

It's good and explains a lot =].

--Jack
(16/m)

Today is Friday July the eleventh. On July the fourth i was with my boyfriend at his lake house. We took the boat out, and did some stuff in the water. However it was not sex, and i was still wearing my bathing suit. He was not. Basically he rubbed his dick all over my bathing suit clad vagina. I don't know if he cummed or not, but im assuming he did. He also fingered me right before that. I was supposed to get my period yesterday, and it hasnt come. My boyfriend thinks im overreacting, but im a bit concerned. He says that there is no way i could be pregnant, but im still unsure. I am regular with my period, Im a junior in highschool now, and i was regular since the day i got it in fifth grade. Can somebody please tell me whether i am overreacting or is there really a possibility of me being pregnant. I have decided that if i dont get my period in the next week i will take a pregnancy test and decide what to do from there.

I would really appreciate help.

Anytime stuff like this happens, you run the risk of becoming pregnant. Obviously the only way to make sure you don't become pregnant is to not do things like this ;].

There is a very small chance you are pregnant, but I would, like the other people said, take a pregnancy test next week.

Until then, ease your mind about it. The more you think about how you've missed your period by one day, the more you'll stress yourself out, and you can actually miss it from the stress.

--Jack
(16/m)

About two weeks ago I asked a girl out who I was very close with. She said she didn't know yet and that she would like to hang out more first. We have been hanging out ever since almost every day even though we both work and have other responsibilities, we have made time in the day. For the past few days all of our friends have been telling me to ask her out again. I'm not sure what to do. Is the a certain period of time to wait before asking again? Since the first time I asked in kind of an extravagant way should i do something better this time? Is there anything she will do to let me know she's ready now?

Talk with her. I know that can be uncomfortable at times, but it can really help you understand what she's thinking. Ask her if she's ready to date, and if she's not, give her a little more time.

If she means something to you, waiting a little longer should be worth it ;].

If in a month or two she doesn't want to date yet, I guess then it would be too much time to wait, you know. But I guess by then, going out every day or so for a month would mean you're dating whether you make it official or not.

Just talk with her- that's the solution to most problems like this. =].

--Jack
(16/m)

I went to camp this summer and the girls who were preps and shopped at like holister and american eagle got most of the guy is it the way they dress or something are guys attracted to girls who wear girly clothes like that???

Some teenage guys only like girls for what they wear and whatnot, but most don't.

I myself like any type of girl. I honestly don't judge looks as much as I do personality. If a girl is absolutely stunningly beautiful, but she's a bitch- why would I like her? What would our relationship be? What would we talk about? Her latest hair extensions? Yeah- that would be REALLY nice *Sarcasm: Party of one!*...
If a girl has a really nice personality- and she's really outgoing and sweet and nice and smart- and she's not necessarily the best looking girl- but she's not super unattractive- then I'll most likely want to date her over the beautiful bitch.

Do you get what I'm saying? If you let guys see your personality more than your looks- you'll end up with someone great. Trust me- most guys prefer personality over looks- they just don't know it yet =].

--Jack
(16/m)

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