Gender:
FemaleLocation:
USAAge:
28Member Since:
October 4, 2005Answers:
2093Last Update:
February 22, 2015Visitors:
129837Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
karenR
DangerNerd
SilentOne
Xenolan
theymos
Erinn_the_bamf
advicenator_admin
Brandi_S
Adviceguy158
Nallie
more...
Main Categories:
Random Weirdos
Computers
Love Life
View All
about
I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
advice
i saw you answered that other questiona nd i was wondering how dou shave down there? with what kinda creaM? anything i should watch out for ?
Shave just like you shave your legs, just be very careful because the skin is more sensitive. Make sure that the razor you use is sharp. You can get razor burn really easily if it's not. Using a small amount of soap or shaving cream helps make the shave smoother and reduces cuts just like on your legs. The first time that you shave, trim the hair a bit beforehand to make it easier. You can also use a handheld mirror in the beginning to make sure that you're getting everything. You'll get the hang of it, don't worry! I hope I helped and good luck to you!
ok so i have a myspace and i am 15 but currently it says i am 18 cus you couldnt be 15 and have one when i made mine...but if i change my age to 15 on it will it be set to private?
It's important to have the right age displayed on myspace no matter what. If it's set to private for a year who cares. It's the way it is for a reason. If you lead people to believe that you are 18, you may get some UNWANTED ATTENTION. That is all you'd be missing out on by having a private profile. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to people that really are 18 or older, yeah it's extremely irritating when younger people lie about there ages even if they say "oh I'm really only 15" in a different place in the profile. I hope that you change it to your true age.
my boyfriend didnt get me ne thing for valentines day... he forgot...
im kinda mad. should i be mad?
(we been going out almost 3 weeks)
You have every right to be irritated and upset, but I don't know if you should be mad. People forget especially if they aren't reminded. You've only been dating for 3 weeks, so I would say don't make a big deal out of it. Tell him how it made you feel to not get a gift, of course, but give him another chance to make it up to you. So, basically my advice to you is to forgive him...this time. I hope I helped you and good luck.
To be blunt, I have a ton of hair down there that goes all the way up to my anus. is it supposed to go that far back? is there anything i can do to get rid of it? f-16
It's very normal don't worry. You can either leave it, trim it, shave it, or wax it. Other stuff tends not to work too well. What you do is entirely up to you. Remember that if you shave you'll have to do a lot of upkeep and waxing requires both upkeep and money. Trimming will probably itch quite a bit at times and shaving has that effect sometimes too. Just know what you're getting into before you jump the gun and get rid of it. I hope I helped you and good luck.
I have read over your columns and for the most part i think you give pretty good advice, i am new to this whole thing and i read one of your advice statements while browsing through the advice wanted posts. I am always interested in expanding my mind and i would be interested in hearing your theory of the purpose of life and any other opinions you consider of importance. Do tell me as i am curious, and who knows you may gain from me as well. thanks
Advisor
Advisor,
Thanks! It's always good getting positive feedback. Oh boy, the meaning of life. I haven't thought about this much and never really formed an opinion on it until rather recently. For some reason I didn't think it was important. I took a "don't sit there and think about it, go out there and do it" attitude. As said in my profile, though, I've changed a lot in the past year or so and I've become more in tune with myself and more sensitive, emotional, and thoughtful. My life was so hectic in high school, run, run, run, do, do, do. I never had time to sit down and think. I spent all my free time (which I had very little of) reading or finding more things to join. I owe most of this insanity to the fact that I never had much of a social life outside of school and my many school-related activities (way to go controlling family). Anyways, when I got into college I decided that I wanted to experience my first relationship. This sparked everything. I realized how messed up and unfeeling I was and I started to, not change, but grow. My family didn't like the fact that I had a boyfriend at all and their need to control my life ("for my own good") and not let me make any "mistakes" became much more viscious and obvious. I had to sever pretty much all ties with them to be able to transfer to the college I wanted to be at, major in what I wanted to major in, be in a relationship with who I wanted to be with, and work where I wanted to work. This experience was quite horrible for me, but it did teach me a lot about life. Sorry for giving you what seems my entire life history, but I think that sometimes it's important to know where people's values and beliefs are coming from. In and amongst all of the drama with my family I came to realize that if I was living my life entirely in order to make other people happy then it wasn't my life. All my decisions were made for me because my parents had complete psycological and physical control. I'd never really done anything because I wanted to do it before. I wasn't that I was a people pleaser, it was that I got used by everyone (I still do, as said before I haven't changed, just grown). I let it happen and I wanted it to happen. That was my life and I was happy in it. Or so I thought. Happiness like I feel today, was foreign to me. I honestly didn't believe in love outside of family. Once my belief and understanding of love grew, I got a better sense of what love was and what happiness was. So far, I've left out probably the most important part. I am a Christian, have been since I was 2, and I attend church regularly. Christianity shapes most of my values, but, unlike what some believe, I believe that Christian values, morals, and the definition of sin are open to personal interpretation. I believe that what's in the Bible should be interpreted personally with the help of discussion with others. That kind of ties in with my being a Democrat, but that's a different topic entirely. So, through religion and personal experience, I believe that for me, the meaning of life is to find happiness within my values. Creating a family of my own with someone I love is a big part of this. What makes it tough is that sometimes values conflict with one another and it takes a lifetime to completely define them. I look to God to help me make the correct choices and I try to follow the path that He has laid out for me. God wants us to be happy and He can and will lead us to our happiness if we choose to believe and trust.
Now finally, I believe that the meaning of life is to find a meaning in life. It's probably not going to happen until you're in your 20's or maybe even later, depending on what and how much you've experienced, and it can change at any time. Likely it will need quite a bit of tweaking throughout your life due to its' being based in a large part by your experiences and values. Mine, currently, is quite vague due to the fact that I'm only 19 years old. Once you decide your purpose, no matter what it is, you'll have something to live for, work towards, and acheive. If everyone were the same, the world would be a pretty boring place. Anyways, I hope that you find meaning in life if you haven't already and I wish you the best of luck in everything. Thanks for asking such a deep question and trusting me to answer it somewhat intelligently especially at my age. I really enjoy thinking about this kind of stuff and the more you think about it the more you understand it.
what type of things do you study in collage?
specific examples PLEASE.
The same stuff you study in high school pretty much. The only difference is that it's more specific. For example, instead of taking History, you might take Early American History, or a class all about the Holocaust. Instead of Earth Science, you might take Astronomy or Meteorology. Once you choose the program you want to be in you don't get to decide so much what you want to take, just when to take it. There is a set of usually around 5 core curriculum classes that you are required to take sometime throughout the 4 years you are there. They usually include a science class, a history class, a writing class, a fine arts class, and a sociology/philosophy/literature class. Once you pick a major, there are certain requirements that you need to fulfill for that too. If you want to find out more information just talk to your guidance counselor or look up a specific college online. I hope that I helped you and good luck!
do you guys think lockin arms with a guy would be considered as cheating on your boyfriend. when the guy you are locking arms with is only a friend?
It depends slightly on your feelings for him and your reasons for locking arms with him, but I would say if you're just friends messing around then it's not even close to cheating. If you have a bf that thinks that it is, he's way to territorial and you should talk about it with him. That's not something you need to put up with. I hope I helped and good luck!
I am a 16f. I'm concerned about my older brother. He is 27 and he still lives at home with me and my parents. He lives in the basement. He is unemployed and extremely lazy. He usually sleeps in until 1 in the afternoon, then for the rest of the day he'll either watch MTV or play on his X box. He doesnt have to pay rent as he is unemployed. He also doesnt do any chores, and never washes his own laundry. I am angry at my parents, and feel like they are just enabling him. He can never get a gf because as soon as they find out what a lazy mooch he is they want nothing to do with him. How can I convince my brother that he needs to get a job, and get his own place? If I don't do anything my parents will probably let him live in the basement until he's 50. He's also really depressed and unsatified with his life.
Your parents need to do something about this. It is their fault. They need to make him leave. Nicely of course, but he definitely needs to go. They can take away his xbox like he's a ten year old if they have to. It's their house and they can't let him take advantage of them like that. There was an episode on Dr. Phil about this very thing. See if you can get a copy of it. I hope everything turns out okay and good luck!
I recently read a few pages of my gf's journal (I know, I know, I shouldn't have) and she mentioned another guy that she is interested in. She writes about how happy she is when she sees this guy. Should I confront her about it or just see what happens?
She shouldn't have left her journal where you could find it. If she doesn't want you to find out she shouldn't write it down or tell anyone. Things like this happen. Yes you need to do something about this. I know a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him through e-mails to another guy. She told him to go into her e-mail account to get something for her and while he was in there he found out. His friend convinced him to keep checking her e-mail. This isn't wrong. It's called curiosity and knowing the truth. Don't tell her that you read her diary, but confront her about what you learned in a indirect way. Say things like "how do you feel our relationship is going?" or "you've been acting different lately, are you having doubts?". Things like that. If she doesn't tell you anything, let it go and try to get a peek at her diary again after awhile to see if it was just a phase or not. If it's not a phase ask her directly. "Do you like so and so?". If at any time she asks you if you read her diary, don't lie, but try to avoid the question.
Trust needs to go both ways. She's talking about another guy so you have every right to check up on her even if it may have been wrong in the beginning. I hope I helped you and I hope everything gets worked out between you and your girlfriend. Good luck!
I really like this guy, my really good friend, who is taken but he doesn't know it. I got him something for Valentine's Day, but obviously, I haven't given it to him yet... I'm wondering if I still should. I'm giving things to other people (both ladies and guys). It's nothing big, I mean what I got for him. Maybe I shouldn't give it to him... or? I don't know... I really want to but it might seem a little wrong. Should I? Or I shouldn't?
Sure give it to him. If you are giving things to other friends it's perfectly okay. Something you should do though, is give something to his girlfriend too. If you just get something for him she may get jealous or something. I hope I helped and good luck.
Everytime I makeout with my boyfriend I try to go further, so I start with kissing his neck. Everytime I do this he is like "Wow you really like my neck" and then just starts making out with me. Why doesn't he get what I'm tryint to do? What does he mean when hes is like "Wow you really like my neck?"
I think it means that you're doing a good job kissing his neck and that he really likes it. It's possible that he thinks that you don't want to go farther since you haven't talked about it or tried anything but kiss his neck. OR it could even be a hint from him for you to do a little more. Your hint isn't strong enough. My suggestion would be to obviously hint that you want to go a little further. For example, when you're making out say something like "hey, do you wanna try something new?". Then tell him what you have in mind and ask him if it's okay or if he's ready to try it. It doesn't look like he's going to initiate anything, so it's up to you at this point. You take control of the makeout session, don't surrender it to him every time if you want to do something different. Don't do anything he doesn't want to, and remember to be safe about whatever happens. I hope that I helped you and good luck!
how would you define cheating??
kissing, sex, multiple relationships, etc etc??
i was juss curious.
thanks!!
I would say that cheating is sharing the "passion" part of the relationship with someone outside of the relationship without your partner's permission. Examples would be holding hands, touching, kissing, sharing nude pictures, etc. Emotional cheating can occur at times too. This is less clear cut. You can go on a date with someone as a friend, you can have long deep conversations with someone and have it mean nothing, but things like this sometimes do mean something. All of it depends on your attitude. Sometimes, a partner will let you cheat to a certain extent. For example, maybe a girl will let her boyfriend kiss another girl. This kind of stuff can cause lots of problems and very specific rules and limiations need to be set. I hope I helped and didn't further confuse you.
ok so my boyfriend always asks me what i like about him and why i like him. but come to think of it i can't really put it into works like hes always there for me hes caring.. but i cant put it into words its actually really hard. i know this probably sounds corney but do u have any reasons why u like your bf or whatever just to sum it up?
I like my bf because I always have fun when I'm around him. He can always make me laugh no matter what the situation and he makes me feel really good about myself all the time. He's awesome with kids, he's sensitive, and he's really great at reading people. He has an excellent and very defined set of morals and because of all this, he's my role model. Plus he's cute haha. Explaining why you like someone can get really hard. What you can do is try to think of what makes him different from other people. Some more personal reasons why I like my boyfriend include his passion and his competitiveness. He's very passionate about things because he puts his all into everything he does. This also makes him quite competitive and I love having someone to challege me in everything because of my own competitive streak. I hope that some of my reasons spark some ideas in you. Remember though, don't just take things you get from your responses to this question if you don't mean them or they're not exactly true to you and your relationship! Another suggestion I have for you is to listen to songs and try to get things out of them. I hope I helped you and good luck.
Ok, today I got my ears pierced and the woman the did it apparently wasn't trained well. She told me that I need to take them out every night and clean them. So I took them out and she hadn't evened the hole where you put the earring in. So I can't get either of my earrings in and my mom is now mad at me. I have worked with it for about 20 minutes and still can't get it in. Any Ideas?
Once you get them back in leave them in and clean them while they are in your ears. Turn them a lot so they don't get stuck, that's important. My suggestion to you for getting them back in may sound strange to you, but I've done it in the past and I know a lot of girls that used to do it too. Put it in backwards. If the piercing wasn't done evenly it should slide right in from the back. Think of it as having your ear pierced halfway through and then all the way through right next to it. There is a little hole that goes from the front to the center that is the wrong one. Since that hole doesn't reach the back, there is only one hole in the back, thus making the earring go in quite easily. Leave it in backwards for awhile until the swelling goes down and then you can try getting it in again from the front. You can ice it to get the swelling to go down. It may look somewhat silly having your earring in backwards, but it's better than the hole closing up. Once you get it in right, again, don't take it out for awhile. I hope my suggestion works and good luck. Don't worry about your mom. She's just excited, upset, and frustrated, not really mad at you.
I am 17 years old and have never had a bf. People in my senior class make fun of me behind my back because of this. I even heard one rumour that I was a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian, I do like guys but I'm really shy and most of the guys in my class are really immature and just want sex, not a meaningful relationship. I've also made the decision not to have sex, or make love until I get married. Some of the girls in my class have slept with over 14 guys, and act like it's no big deal. Sometimes I get so depressed I feel like crying. The fact that tomorrows Valentines day is just going to make me feel worse. Do things ever get any easier for girls like me? Or does it just get worse when I go to college and into the work force? I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only person left with values.
It will get much easier. I was very much like you in high school. I didn't have a bf until I was 18 and a half. I never even got asked out until then. My own family thought I was a lesbian. Stick to your values. You'll find a great guy eventually that will respect your choice to save sex for marriage, just like I did. Remember that the people that pick on you are also the ones that lost their virginity to losers, dated jerks, and cried night after night over a guy they thought they loved. Most of the time when people pick on others it's because they're jealous of you or insecure with themselves. You have a very mature view of love and relationships, unlike other people your age. In the next few years, people should mature some, but you are also going to have to open up a little. Accept the fact that you're not going to find "the perfect guy". Try to change your attitude a little. You may be losing out on opportunities with great guys because you have the wrong attitude, like I did. Open up to the opportunities around you and give guys a chance.
A breakup or rejection doesn't hurt much more than the pain you're feeling now from not being a part of the dating world. Be smart about who you date, but don't be so picky. Get out there and have some fun! You can learn things from relationships that don't work. In no way am I saying that this will happen to you, and don't let this comment make you desperate, but what would happen to someone who was in their 20's and had never dated anyone before? They might have a hard time. If they don't know how to kiss or communicate or anything like that they might get dumped quite quickly. The person they're dating isn't going to have the patience or want to spend the time teaching them what someone else they can date already knows. A few more things...Valentine's day is about the dumbest holiday ever created. It's turns love into something materialistic and if you don't have a "valentine" you feel left out. The best thing you can do about that is know that you aren't alone. Also, once you get into college and start working, more opportunities will present themselves. You won't be stuck around the same kids you've known since Kindergarden anymore. You can start anew. It's a good idea though, to let the first person you date that it is your first relationship early on in the relationship. If you tell them before it might scare them away, and if you don't tell them at all, they won't be patient with you at all. Don't worry about it so much! You will find a great guy. You have a wonderful set of morals and I'll bet you're pretty attractive too :)
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you feel better.
what can a girl who doesnt have a bf do to feel better on valentines day? Every valentines day I get really depressed because I never have a bf. I only had one bf and when it was valentines day he could ask me if he could borrow 10 dollars from me so he could buy me a gift!! When I see all my friends get excited about what their bf's will get for them it just further plummets me into depression. Does anyone have any ideas to make me feel better?
When I was in high school, the single girls in my class got together and we did something we called "secret valentine". Everybody's name and locker combo went into a hat and you had to get a valentine's day gift or gifts for the person you picked. There was a $20 limit so the gifts were pretty even. At the end of the day on Valentine's day if the person hadn't guessed that it was you, you told them. It was really simple and made for a lot of fun on Valentine's day. You can do this with a sports team, a club, a class, a group of friends, or anything else you can think of. If you decide to do this, make sure that you don't pressure anyone into it that doesn't want to do it. Some people don't want to spend money or don't have any to spend. If you have problems with this you can make up a "it has to be homemade" rule or something like that. Don't get so down in the dumps on Valentine's day. Try to have fun with it and keep in mind that it's a really dumb holiday for so many reasons. I hope I helped you and good luck :)
Last night, I went out clubbing with my best friend and some other people, including a guy friend of mine, I'll call him "Brian". Brian has always told me that he's bisexual and I'm cool with that and we get along great. He's always treated me like one of the guys, but last night, he got pretty drunk and he started touching me inappropriately. It wasn't anything particularly sexual, just holding my hand and putting his hands on my waist, but I was really confused. I'm not attracted to him or anything, but it's got me really confused. It was just the alcohol talking wasn't it? My best friend also said he held her hand as well.
Alcohol makes people lose control of themselves to an extent. It doesn't change people, it just makes them do things they wouldn't normally do. So, if someone is abusive when they are drunk, the alcohol is NOT an excuse. In your situation, I think everything's cool. Your friend just got really loosened up by the alcohol and since he wasn't making advances solely towards you, I doubt there's anything you have to worry about. Think of it this way. Lets say you're drunk and you're around a bunch of people of the opposite sex. You might hug them and try to hold their hands, but that doesn't mean that you like them in any way shape or form. You'd just be a happy drunk. Same concept with your friend. Maybe he thinks you're cute or something, but you're not going to have to worry about him making advances towards you. The only advice I have for you is to not let your friend drink so much. It made you feel uncomfortable, that's what's important here. Whether it meant anything or not, it bothered you. I hope I helped you and good luck.
ok, so without disclosing my age, we'll say im over the age of 18, I recently started babysitting an infant that is teething. I babysit him from 5am to 5pm, so I've got my hands full. I've never had children of my own but I have always loved kids and yes, I know how to take care of him as far as feeding, burping and such ok so my question is, he's fine and dandy as long as I am holding him 24 hours a day, but I cant hold him all the time, i need both my hands to fix his bottles and such, but if I put him down, he screams his head off and will NOT stop. What is his deal? I think he is just spoiled a couple of ppl have told me to just put him down and let him cry it out but that makes me feel like a bad person for doing that. any advice? p.s. he's 4 months old.
Babies are smarter than you think. After awhile they realize that crying gets them exactly what they want. If you don't give it to him, eventually he'll stop. Spoiling him makes you a worse person than teaching him about life and how he can't have what he wants all the time. He needs to develop an attitude not entirely centered around himself. Sometimes babies will do this only for certain people too. For example, he may not do it for his parents, just for you because his parents don't give in to him and you do. Since he's teething he probably has toys to chew on, but if not, that would help a lot. There are special toys meant especially for teething out there. I know it's hard to listen to a baby cry and it can get quite irritating, but just because the baby is crying doesn't mean that he's sad. He's taking advantage of you big time. Don't ever let anybody do that to you! I wish you lots of luck.
Do you believe in Palmistry?
Of course not, but it can be a fun experience to have your palm read. :)
What is something i can do to calm down. I am so worked up about everything all i can do is cry. Is there something else i can do besides cry?
please help me
I've found that listening to music, taking a walk, taking a shower, or a combination of those can help. Another thing thing that you can do is find a "special place" for yourself. As silly as this sounds it works. Before I went to college, whenever I got upset I'd go outside and climb up to a particular spot in a particular tree and sit there for awhile. Life can get tough at times and I hope that you feel better soon. Good luck.