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It's nothing to worry about, right?
Last night, I went out clubbing with my best friend and some other people, including a guy friend of mine, I'll call him "Brian". Brian has always told me that he's bisexual and I'm cool with that and we get along great. He's always treated me like one of the guys, but last night, he got pretty drunk and he started touching me inappropriately. It wasn't anything particularly sexual, just holding my hand and putting his hands on my waist, but I was really confused. I'm not attracted to him or anything, but it's got me really confused. It was just the alcohol talking wasn't it? My best friend also said he held her hand as well.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
His "bisexual" thing might be a lie to make girls believe that they don't have to be afraid of him doing anything to/with them.
He's probably just a player, out looking for sex.
Stay away unless you want to get hurt, is my advice.
♥
~**~Kalada Leigh~**~
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it's said that when a man is scared or drunk the real self comes out of the shadows. keep that in mind hun
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Alcohol does make people bolder when it comes to romance, so it could have been a case of dutch-courage allowing him to be that bit 'friendlier' with you. Alcohol however also often makes people friendlier and more touchy-feely, so his behaviour by no means necessarily indicates he likes you as anything more than a friend. The fact that he behaved similarly to your other friend would also support this theory. If there's no other evidence that he's romantically interested in you, I'd just put it down to how he responds to alcohol and not worry about it.
If he's always treated you as 'one of the guys', there's a chance that he assumes you wouldn't intepret this behaviour as romantic, just as if one of your female friends put her arm round your waist whilst drunk you wouldn't assume it was because they were romantically interested. If this is the case you might need to gently explain to him that though you do have a great platonic relationship, he is a guy and as such can't expect you not to be slightly confused when he sends mixed signals.
I think however you choose to intepret his behaviour, it's worth talking to him. It's worth eliminating the possibility that he has romantic feelings for you and dealing with any other issues about him crossing boundraries early on. You've said you find his behaviour confusing, but it isn't clear whether it really bothers you independanlty of confusing you about his intentions. If it does, it's best to just politely say to him that you know he gets a little touchy-feely when he's been drinking, but it makes you a bit uncomfortable - and it's best to say this before there's a chance for the behaviour to escalate. It really doesn't sound like this guy is trying to make you uncomfortably or acting in a predatory fashion, but if it makes you uncomfortable then it's best to nip it in the bud. All the best.
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Well before you said that he did the same thing to your best friend I was going to say that he probably had feelings for you and that the alhohol just brought it out, but now I think that he was just being a flirt. A lot of guys do things at the clubs that they would never normally do in every day life, like at school or jobs. I went clubbing once with my friend, and we both had the same guy grab our breast! Then we found out afterwords that his girlfriend was waiting outside for him!! Some guys, after having consumed a lot of alhohol act like complete pigs. I have seen the nicest, sweetest guys when they're sober turn into the biggest, perverted creeps when drunk.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You said he just held your hand and put his hands on your waist, right? I don't think from what you've described that he's crossed any lines sexually. If he had tried kissing you or touching your breasts, buttucks, or private parts then you would have reason to be upset. But if it really bothers you and your best friend, definately pull him aside and voice your concerns.
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Alcohol makes people lose control of themselves to an extent. It doesn't change people, it just makes them do things they wouldn't normally do. So, if someone is abusive when they are drunk, the alcohol is NOT an excuse. In your situation, I think everything's cool. Your friend just got really loosened up by the alcohol and since he wasn't making advances solely towards you, I doubt there's anything you have to worry about. Think of it this way. Lets say you're drunk and you're around a bunch of people of the opposite sex. You might hug them and try to hold their hands, but that doesn't mean that you like them in any way shape or form. You'd just be a happy drunk. Same concept with your friend. Maybe he thinks you're cute or something, but you're not going to have to worry about him making advances towards you. The only advice I have for you is to not let your friend drink so much. It made you feel uncomfortable, that's what's important here. Whether it meant anything or not, it bothered you. I hope I helped you and good luck.
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The truth is that alchohol gives people an excuse to do things they are to scared to the right way...sober. So if your friend 'Brian' is to scared to ask you out he can just get drunk and make a bold move. If you brush him off...he can say he was drunk. Pathetic
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It probably was just the alcohol, since he held your friend's hand as well.
There is the possibility of him having secret feelings for you and unkowingly letting them show while he was drunk, but I think it was the alcohol, since he treats you like one of the guys (and he held your best friend's hand, like I mentioned before).
You could ask him. Tell him calmly what he did and ask if it was really him or the alcohol.
Say something like this: "Hey, Brian. You know when we went clubbing last night? Well, you put your hands around my waist and held my hand, and _____ (your friend's name) said that you held her hand. That was just because you were drunk, right?".
I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders
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