Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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i know you shouldnt tell what your intention is, but i dont know how to word it....
......but if youre trying to manifest lets say a friend, how do you act as if if you dont actually have that friend????
or does acting as if actually work??? becuase some people say it does while others say it doesnt. should i just let it go? should i just listen to subliminal message videos on having faith in the universe and being positive energy? should i just act as if i already have that friend, just not hanging out with them?
or acting as if not thoughts but just feelings? feeling now how i would feel if i actually had that friend? idrk....... (link)
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Im not really sure what your asking here....are you asking for help with how to make friends with someone??
If so ill tell you, i was actually popular in high school and ill tell you what i did to create LOTS and LOTS of friends.
What i did was (if the person i wanted to be friends with was popular) i would zero in on them and penetrate their social group slowly over time. OR FIND a way to speak to just them even if its for a moment. Being nice, casually maybe asking if they have a pen you can borrow, making a joke with them that you can laugh over together about, and then keeping the pen. Then LATER while their at lunch with all their friends, walk up to their lunch group and act as if your good friends, act casual, acknowledge everyone around them with a friendly hello, and say "hey i forgot to get you, your pen back the other day! thanks dude! hahaha" and then be like "see ya later!" and smile and walk away.
That persons friends will wonder how you managed to suddenly become so casually friendly "buddy buddy" with him, and they'll see you acting confident and nice and they'll WANT to get to know you. ; )
When people approach you that knows someone you want to know but DONT know, be nice to them too! be friendly, say things that you can bond over, like jokes about something or a compliment.
I was nice to EVERYONE (even friends with other people that didnt like each other) but i just didnt talk about any kind of a friendship i had with that person with the person that hated or annoyed the person i was with. whenever there was someone that alot of people in school liked or "hated" and they knew i knew them and spoke to them before, i would just say things that were neutral about that person.
Lets say you have managed to build up some people that like you but they discover that you also associate with someone that has been rumored to be "weird" or something like that, what you SAY is well i wouldnt know anything about that and thats THEM, that aint me so i dont care" and then giggle it off. DONT talk shit about that person because it may get back around to them and then youll start to get a bad rep. The goal is to just "be cool" with as many people as you can even ones that everyone MIGHT not ness. LIKE but when you need to be able to distance yourself from them and anything that people might see as wrong or questionable see?
If someone comes to YOU talking behind someones back then just simply reply with "damn, i didnt hear anything about that....wow" and then just leave it at that. Your not really giving your opinion on the person, your just stating that you hadnt heard about something they may or may not have done. You cant be caught up or "hung" or anything you didnt say see?
Now how i built my OWN rep in school was i was a match maker. People PAID me to hook them up with other people in the school they liked and alot of the times it WORKED! and i was making sometimes 20 bucks or more a WEEK. I was "the middle man" between someone who had feelings for someone else, and would approach the other person, letting them know that someone here at the school liked them but wasnt sure if they were single and didnt want to cause an "embarrassing scene" for the person and that i was trying to just discreetly help out this friend.
I arranged dates for people outside of school, meet ups, and ultimately matched some couples that turned out to be long term relationships. ; )
Just try to stay positive with people, try your best to stay away from talking behind peoples backs because that could be a set up to get you in trouble with someone, and try to act like your just cool with everyone, and doesnt let negative things get to them.
good luck ; )
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Do you think that is fair that for my parents dont give me pocket money amd i have stopped givig me anything for my birthday and christmas? Im a 15 year old girl and i do ski racing, i know its an expensive sport and i really appreciate what my parents do for me by willingly buying my equipment and my training. But the dont think I appreciate this at all, ad thats the problem. The decided to never give me pocket money to help fund my passion which i was fine with as i still got around £50 for my birthday and £100 for christmas for basic things like clothes and going out with friends, phone ect. I was hard and it takes me years to save up sometimes but i didnt mind. Now tho the stopped my money for birthday and christmas so i dont know what to do, i literally have no income. And before you say anything yes I have tried to get a job, but they all said i was too young. I tried to reason with my parents but then they would rant about how they are bending over backwards for me and how im so ungreatful and appreciate nothing. As a result of this i currently only have a broken phone and a broken laptop that i cant afford to fix, i never leave the house because i have nothing to wear and i cant affford the cinema or the bus to town or food, i literally have no social life :( am i actually being really ungrateful? (link)
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I dont think your being ungrateful i must say that as someone who does not work and doesnt have the responsibility of maintaining an entire household, it sounds like you MAY not be realizing that your little "hobbies" come last.......especially if they are expensive ones.
This Isnt about fairness its about the reality that nothing in this world is promised. Things arent always going to go your way sometimes even if youve done everything in your power to make it.
Your parents most likely have other bills to pay and then times when hard, their going to do the responsible thing and cut back where ever they can just for the time being until things pick up again and theres more money coming in to the house. As a parent myself, i know that if my son wanted to do some sort of sport or hobby for an sort of long, extended period of time that its GOING to cost and arm and a leg to maintain that for them because of the equipment and lessons that are required there. It sounds like their trying to protect you and not wanting to alarm you by just telling you the simple truth, which is probably that they cant afford to do things for you right now.
They probably feel bad enough as it is right now. The PROBLEM with this kind of "im going to shelter my child from the truth" is that whatever excuse they come up for, that involves giving up money to you for something is ALWAYS going to sound half baked, and or mean and needless and leave you feeling like they are just being fucked up (like what your feeling right now) Instead of just being straight with you and telling you how it is right now.
My mother never sheltered me from things, she told us how things were and although i wasnt happy about it, she never left me feeling like it was because something I did wrong. That in itself is the right thing to do. The more a parent shelters their child from the truth and tries to make it seem like their just "choosing" not to give you any kind of financial support, the more friction it creates within the house causing more harm then good.
For now if you want money then it sounds like your going to have to stop the skiing for a while and just ask if you can have an allowance for the time being instead until things are back to normal. Ask them to just be straight with you and tell you the REAL reason why they cant do it anymore. Your old enough at your age that they should be able to tell you whats really going on, so weather it was the loss of a job or just some bad choices on someone part money wise, you should be able to know about it too. Your a member of the family and you live under the same roof.
Now when you try to do this you need to remember to STAY CALM, do NOT go off on them saying childish things, and saying that "its not fair" because all your will seen as is a brat. Ask "how did this happen?" "will everything be ok?" "is there anything i can do to help?" Adults will see you as more mature if you can stop. Listen, and hear them out, and then be reasonable with your responses. Try to have sympathy if they tell you that they messed up, or that they were fired from a job because they probably already feel like shit right now and dont need you giving them more grief about it all. They will use any childish behavior against you later and say "this is why we dont tell you about shit like this" see where im going with this??
your not ungrateful, your just young and dont fully understand everything they might be going through right now. But now that your at the age your at, its ok to start asking them the tough questions, and asking for more honesty.
good luck. ; )
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Hi, known him for few months and we work together. Nice person. We joke and flirt now and then but he's like that to everyone. He sometimes sings me to when he sees me and the other day same thing happened, he sang to me getting closer and I told my colleague, he loves me jokingly and he immediately said, I do and I just looked at him, he was just looking at right at me then we just smiled. Mens opinion, please.
Cheers (link)
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Im not a man but ive had many guy friends throughout the years and he likes you...
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I'm 21, female and I feel like my whole life my parents have held me back in everything. They're never willing to do anything for me and all they do is complain about money day in and day out.
They get me into bad situations and then act like I should be thankful.
I'm just now going to college when all of my friends are graduating because my parents never put a single penny into my education because they didn't want to "ruin" their credit by taking out an educational loan for me. They aren't even willing to cosign. I made it through the first year of college with straight A's and now I'm in 7k of debt and losing my mind over how I'm going to be able to afford the rest of college. I won 20k worth of scholarships but that's not enough to complete 4 years when I have to pay to dorm too and with the 7k loan out and a car loan (I had to finance my own car too) my credit isn't high enough to get another loan.
I can't live with my parents. My dad has anger problems and lives in a disgusting house with 60 cats. My mom drives me insane when I live with her. She constantly needs to be the center of attention and will do anything to get it. She makes up fake illnesses and walks around with a fake limp, pretending there's something wrong with her. She makes up CRAZY stories daily and thinks everybody is out to get her. She's also a money leech and demands multiple hundreds of dollars every other week or else she'll threaten to kick me out. I can't ever save up money when I'm with her. She'll pretend to be really nice and sweet and then the next day she'll explode into fits of anger and has even punched me in the face over talking about how I'm going to afford college.
When I was 17, to get away from her I had to go live with my (ex) boyfriend for three years and when we lost our apartment (after he was laid off) I had to come stay with her again because I can't afford a place on my own with my current job.
I've been on my Dad's cell phone plan for a few months because I couldn't get one on my own (they do credit checks and saw I have two loans out at 21) and even though I always pay my bill on time he thinks his bill is too high and every month he threatens that he's going to stop paying it and cancel the plan and that I'll be on my own.
At one point my mom and friends told me that because I'm pretty I should pursue relationships with wealthy older men and that it might be my only way of getting anywhere in life considering my situation. So I tried that but all the men I met with were disgusting perverts and never offered me anything at all, but just wanted to have sex with me.
I'm so desperate to get away from them forever and be financially stable. I'm in a constant state of panic and anxiety and nobody else in my family can help me because they all have their own issues.
I think I can make it through one more semester of school, but after that I'm out of scholarship money and screwed unless a miracle happens.
I'm really thinking about turning back to dating older men just out of hope that I find a good one, but I hate doing that because it's so dangerous. One of them slandered my name online and online stalked me for months because I wouldn't have sex with him for $100 on a first date. I was so disgusted I ran out of the restaurant crying.
If I'm all out of options I might just end my life. I don't see the point in living if I have no chance of ever being able to get out from the hole I'm in. Nobody is willing to help me and I'm doing everything I can. I'm constantly looking for more scholarships and higher paying jobs but they're just not in abundance because everybody is fighting over every little scrap of money and 21 year old pretty girls are everywhere so I'm not the least bit important to anybody. I have some IT skills and a high GPA, but so does every other girl my age. I'm not valuable enough to make it in this world because there's always somebody a little bit better, a little smarter, a little prettier, a little more valuable than me.
Please please help me. I don't know what other choice I have than to end it all.
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Ok im gonna try to break this down for you as best i can. Just so you know i give honest answers here....one which you may not want to hear but are still important aspects that you must consider when your in the type of life situation your in......
"How to become indepenent from parents, I've tried everything?!
I'm 21, female and I feel like my whole life my parents have held me back in everything. They're never willing to do anything for me and all they do is complain about money day in and day out."
First off, when you found out that your parents didnt put any money away for you (which is very common) you should have said to yourself "ok so i might not ever be able to go to a college that costs thousands of dollars so lets see what else i can do instead" and maybe hit up a community college, and learned a trade so that you'd always have something to fall back on if you couldnt make other things work. Your parents really dont owe you anything to be honest, and theres no promises in life....all too often people will just breed and have kids irresponsibly and not consider that childs future.
"They get me into bad situations and then act like I should be thankful." I'd like to know what else (besides the things you mention here) that they got you into. Sometimes as a family, parents will make what they thought was a decision that was for your best interest and it ended up not working out. but i cant know exactly what you mean by this unless your more specific.
"I'm just now going to college when all of my friends are graduating because my parents never put a single penny into my education because they didn't want to "ruin" their credit by taking out an educational loan for me."
Well they are who they are and theres no changing that. I mean theres parents out there who are like this and seem to think that this kind of behavior will "inspire" self determination and the drive/motivation to be your own person but this isnt full proof and doesnt work with every child. Parents arent perfect either. They could have either be shamed of their choices or thought their own lives were going to go a certain way and then didnt and thats why they are the way they are now. but thats life.
"They aren't even willing to cosign. I made it through the first year of college with straight A's and now I'm in 7k of debt and losing my mind over how I'm going to be able to afford the rest of college. I won 20k worth of scholarships but that's not enough to complete 4 years when I have to pay to dorm too and with the 7k loan out and a car loan (I had to finance my own car too) my credit isn't high enough to get another loan."
Ok this relates to your OWN money management issues. If you dont have enough money to buy and make the long term payments and the commitment to a brand new car, then you cant afford one and you should have opted for a used car. Thats no one elses fault right there. Had you thought of the long term, you wouldnt be in this predicament. Most students dont go out and buy new cars unless the future payments are going to be guaranteed through a job where you either make enough to pay for the car and whatever else you need but other expenses. This is like buying a house and then forgetting that you need to LIVE in it, so now that you have this pretty new house how will you afford gas, electricity, cable?? see?
"I can't live with my parents. My dad has anger problems and lives in a disgusting house with 60 cats. My mom drives me insane when I live with her. She constantly needs to be the center of attention and will do anything to get it. She makes up fake illnesses and walks around with a fake limp, pretending there's something wrong with her. She makes up CRAZY stories daily and thinks everybody is out to get her. She's also a money leech and demands multiple hundreds of dollars every other week or else she'll threaten to kick me out. I can't ever save up money when I'm with her. She'll pretend to be really nice and sweet and then the next day she'll explode into fits of anger and has even punched me in the face over talking about how I'm going to afford college."
Shes clearly delusional and angry about where her life has gone. You need to move out and get a room mate. get a small place that doesnt care about credit, if you have to, get a one bedroom place where you have the bedroom and the other person has the living room but you both pay bills. Then get an obama free phone and get off your dads plan. Then get a job at a department or clothing store and slowly save up little by little until you can do what needs to be done. Sure life will suck for a while but at least you wont be on the streets, or living with your parents and youll be independent.
"When I was 17, to get away from her I had to go live with my (ex) boyfriend for three years and when we lost our apartment (after he was laid off) I had to come stay with her again because I can't afford a place on my own with my current job."
the reason for a room mate.....
"I've been on my Dad's cell phone plan for a few months because I couldn't get one on my own (they do credit checks and saw I have two loans out at 21) and even though I always pay my bill on time he thinks his bill is too high and every month he threatens that he's going to stop paying it and cancel the plan and that I'll be on my own."
get off the plan and get a free phone.
"At one point my mom and friends told me that because I'm pretty I should pursue relationships with wealthy older men and that it might be my only way of getting anywhere in life considering my situation. So I tried that but all the men I met with were disgusting perverts and never offered me anything at all, but just wanted to have sex with me."
just ignore that kinda shit. They were probably just jealous because your younger and prettier then they are and catty n shit.
"I think I can make it through one more semester of school, but after that I'm out of scholarship money and screwed unless a miracle happens."
so start working now and saving up whatever you can. Either that or sell your car to someone else who can make the payments and take the bus. you need to start cutting back and making changes now while you can. Get off your dads plan, get the free phone, tell him it will save HIM money and that you thought he'd be happy about that. Start making better choices money wise is you can and NOT buying things you dont REALLY REALLY need.
If I'm all out of options I might just end my life. I don't see the point in living if I have no chance of ever being able to get out from the hole I'm in. Nobody is willing to help me and I'm doing everything I can. I'm constantly looking for more scholarships and higher paying jobs but they're just not in abundance because everybody is fighting over every little scrap of money and 21 year old pretty girls are everywhere so I'm not the least bit important to anybody. I have some IT skills and a high GPA, but so does every other girl my age. I'm not valuable enough to make it in this world because there's always somebody a little bit better, a little smarter, a little prettier, a little more valuable than me.
Well first off, how do you think everyone thats already older then YOU feels?? YOUR the next generation of pretty young desired things! lol. So this whole "there will always be someone prettier and smarter thing is something your going to HAVE to get past ok. Nothing in life is promised and the only thing your parents gave you from the sounds if it was life. The world doesnt owe any of us anything and its our jobs to make our own destiny. Life is what you MAKE it, life doesnt just hand shit over to people without having to put in some hard time first.
It sounds like you were on the right path when you moved out of your parents with your boyfriend, so why dont you just try doing that again except THIS TIME, find a roomy on craigslist or a room mate finder website and then interview them and pick the one that sounds liek they will best fit you. Best to find someone that says their hardly ever home because their working alot. ; )
This says "i have money and youll have the place to yourself most the time"
try to manage your money better: dont buy things you dont need, dont pay for expensive repairs, learn how to fix things on your own or ask if someone you know can help you.
Listen, at the end of the day we are all accountable for only ourselves. Your parents may have brought you up in a shitty family but at the end of the day only you are responsible for your own actions, and you cant blame it all on your parents. (not that i think you are) but things arent hopeless. No ones life EVER goes the way they want it too, not even famous people because there are certain things you cant buy in this life. Everyone faces their own sets of problems, your job is to find a way to come out of those issues and grow from them in a positive way.
We're all a constant work in progress and i realize that your not where "the rest of your friends" are but that doesnt mean your life is over, it just means its taking a different path now then everyone elses and that doesnt have to be a bad thing. not unless you want to see it that way and refuse to see it any other.
make your own happiness, find people who genuinely care about you and who are there for you when no one else is, then see what happens. Dont close your self off to opportunities. where one door closes, another opens.....
good luck ; )
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what is the most painless and effective way to commit suicide qickly and painlessly (link)
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we dont help people kill themselves so this will not be answered. If you have any questions with help regarding anything else, please ask away. You may not be aware of the power other people who WANT to help you can have.....
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I'm italian, I look like most my family, olive skin, brown hair, and hazel eyes. My mom will fight people to her last breath Italians aren't white. I did a google search and found some article about how Romans were tan and stuff, and in the south italians were considered black and were segregated and couldn't marry "whites" Italy is in Europe, so I think Caucasian I just want other ppl's opinion. Are Italians white? (link)
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this is laughable at best for the simple fact that the world (when it comes to race) is very black and white. If your not black AKA african, or mixed, your WHITE. theres no way around it. If your skin is light, you white. now where you HAIL from is totally irrelevant these days. Im half hawaiian and and half white. i LOOK like a tall white female with dark hair so automatically i MUST be white. But the truth is you have to dig deeper and actually ask someone where their from in order to know their true race. So you see where you come from and what you look like these days ((unless like i said you so dark that its undeniable that your a certain race)) then you are labelled whatever you appear to the world to be.
i have a friend whos also Italian, and also looks like a tall white girl with hazel eyes so 99 percent of people just assume shes white because THATS what she looks like see?? when we're together people actually assume we're sisters! even though i have olive skin, black stick straight hair and she has brown wavy hair with white skin.
All people see and usually will label you as is the most watered down version of what you appear to be. my "white" side is german, and canadian. both of those races are white but do people care? no. both of those races have light skin right? lol.
No one cares anymore. you are what you appear to be until you either SAY where your family is from or someone takes the time to ask. People tend to simplify what they see and put it into the simplest "basket" in their mind because thats just easier.
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I'm a female who is 15 years old and having vaginal discharge. I am wondering if this is normal, because I have had vaginal discharge every day since I was 11 years old.
However, it has gotten to the point where I am constantly wet all the time and the smell can become horrendous. The discharge starts off white but becomes crusty and yellow as the day passes. It isn't chunky and my vulva isn't itchy.
Is this normal? I know you're not a doctor but I appreciate your help nevertheless.
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id say go to the doctor and really try to push for an examination and emphasize how much fluid really IS coming out. I had this problem before and they literally did not listen and told me it was totally normal and to basically deal with it.
theres a difference between normal discharge, and something being "off" during a normal cycle, your also supposed to have "wet days" and "dry days" where nothing comes out at all....so if your not having those dry or DRIER days then something sounds wrong to me.
see a doctor
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Hi, I'm 13 and my bf is 12. Him and I were fooling around one day and I let him put his had down in that area like in side my underwear, but the thing is him and I don't know if he had a Little bit of cum on his finger/hand. And if he did he had VERY little like barly anything, I didn't let him finger me that day I only let him just rub down their. My period is about 3 days late and I'm kinda worried. Could I be pregnant?! (link)
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well semen can only live for a short period of time outside of the body, and unless he immediately put his fingers in you down there RIGHT after he ejaculated and there was enough of it then i would worry but i doubt thats what happened.
Also make sure he washes his hands often and keeps his finger nails trimmed.....im sure you can connect the dots in your head as to why im saying this.
Also stress, hormone embalance or any number of things could cause your period to be off by a few days. Do you have any girl friends who you hang around alot?? if so your periods could be trying to sync with each other and yours mind be the one thats delaying its self to do that. lol. you could ask your friends when their periods are and let them know that yours is "off" by a day or two now and that your trying t find out if your periods are trying to match up with each other. Your body can do this without you even realizing it when you hang around other females alot.
good luck ; )
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so currently I found out that my friend likes. I never thought of him as boyfriend, just a close friend. At the same time, I've been having a crush on this other guy, and we are friends too. And the thing is that after my crush broke up with his girlfriend, he told me that he used to like me, but didn't tell me because he don't think I'll like him back. Now the ideal thing is to be in a relationship with my crush, but he didn't make any moves to show he wants to date me but maybe it is because he just ended a relationship?? I want to be in a relationship with my crush (obviously) more than my friend who said he likes me. I've never been in a relationship before but I want to try it, but I don't want my first relationship to be with my friend, but I'm afraid that if I wait any longer, the chances would be left and i'll regret it. my friend really wants me to be his girlfriend as he kept calling and messaging me, but when i asked him why he likes me he said "idk". i think its kind of weird of him saying these stuff to me and I've also asked if hes hackedor something but i know he is not. So should I give a chance to my friend or wait for my crush?
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i say if your long time crush is ope (even though he just got out of a relationship) the tell him how you feel right now but ALSO mention that because you know that he just got out of a relationship that you dont want to rush him into nything hes not ready for yet but that you do have the same feelings back.
About your friend that likes you, if you DONT want to be with him then just tell him that you really value the FRIENDSHIP you have with him and you dont want to put that at risk by taking things to the next level and potentially ruining what is already a really good friendship later. If hes one of those friends you feel like you really connect with with and you can go to when your going thru alot then TELL him that and that your afraid that if things went to the next level that if things ended badly, the friendship might never be the same again because once you go forward, it can be very hard to go back to just being friends again. It works for some but not all, and alot of times ONE of them still ends up with hurt feelings even tho they refuse to openly admit it.....= /
good luck ; )
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I am a girl, currently in Grade 12, and I have had a crush on this guy in my grade since halfway through first semester grade 9.
He is really cute, and he loves singing and history. He is really funny, but can also be quite serious. He tends to be quite loud in class(he is in no way shy), but he is so sweet and kind and honest that the teachers rarely get mad at him.
I am quite(extremely...) shy when in a group setting, but one on one I tend to open up a bit. However, I only ever see this guy in class, in choir, and when our two friend groups (occasionally) hang out together.
He is always hanging around with this one group of girls, but he would never date any of them, so I know that's not an issue. The problem is that he's always with them. I get along well with all of them, a couple are even sort of my friends, but it would be awkward for me to just join their group when they are talking or whatever. I have in the past, like if they are in my class and my regular friends aren't but its just a little awkward...anyways yeah I feel too awkward to get closer to him that way.
He jokes around a lot, and when we are in a small group of people together, he sometimes/often teases me more than the other people in the group. In class the other day, he came over to talk to me, and he asked me about why I had been late for class that morning. He has done similar things a number of times in the past.
I guess what I want to know is: do I have any chance with him? and how do I got about getting that chance? (link)
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Ok i have some questions....
is he straight? sometimes when guys hang out with alot of girls but wont date any of them, that could be a sign that hes not interested in girls period and would just prefer to be friends with them all because he identifies with them more then guys. This would mean that your setting yourself up for rejection and that would suck so just make sure he IS infact straight first.
IF HE IS.....
Tell one of your friends that you all should hang out with him outside of school. Find a way to get his number and then invite him to go to the movies as a smaller group. do this often so that you become comfortable with him and the two or three people that are there as well.
If you get a moment or two alone with him for ay reason, and your talking, you could invite him to something with just to two of you, or lie and say that someone else is coming that he also knows then just say they never showed up. ; )
so then you get as much alone time together as possible, then go do something fun!
If you have some money, ask him if you can treat him to a drink at starbucks! then you can sit down and talk more one on one.
If you dont, invite him over to your house to bake cookies! or make something, or walk your dog together, just anything you can come up with to call him and say "hey i have to walk my dog you wanna come? i didnt wanna go alone" and just see what he says.
anything can be a potential mini date once you can get him comfortable with you outside of school.
good luck
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okay i know the situation im in is pretty fucked up.
so im a 14 year old girl and i have this crush on a dude who is 10 years older than me. he tends to be really sweet, we met on a school trip and hes a trip leader. since its a trip, its just a temporary stay but we still kept in touch via fb. hes really sweet and will say he misses me. someone said that i shouldnt be liking him since we are so different nut i dont know. apparently i am developing a love for him which i know i shouldnt.
on the same hand, theres a close friend (boy) that confessed to me. i never thought of liking him in that way, but ive never been in a relationship and i want to try. but i dont know should i reject my friend because i dont want anything to be weird.
pls tell me should i date my friend or just wait for that old dude. (link)
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Well if you want to try to be in a relationship with the guy thats your age and just tell him that your really value your friendship with him and that your afraid things will get weird if it doesnt work out and just see what he says? Maybe he has a different take on all this that you dont but you really dont know unless you talk to him.
Now the other guy: its understandable and totally common for younger girls to admire older males, however the reality of it is, they are in a different place in life then your are. They need an older woman who is (at least much closer) to their age, has a job, a place of their own, and much much more that you dont have yet. This isnt mean, its just at the age your at right now, how can you compete with that?
This is a sign that he is meant for someone else and he just hasnt found her yet. Dont be selfish and try to keep him from true potential happiness with someone who can give to a relationship more or at least as much as he would be giving to it. Theres big differences between an adult relationship and a teenage one because younger people dont even really know what they wnt or DONT want in a partner yet where as your older male most likely already does. Whats going to happen if your WERE to be with that older guy and he finds out that you cant give, or dont have the things he needs in a partner because of the fact that your not old enough yet? things could end badly even if your both tried to make sure it didnt happen.
I married my older boyfriend ok....we have a 7 year difference between us, and let me tell you now, that even though they SAY and act like age doesnt matter, theres still little things that they want and will try t get you to do maybe without even knowing it fully and YOU end up with hurt feelings because your always thinking that someone else might be better for him that DOES have it all together and DOES have the things he wants. Ill give you an example or two of what im talking about ok?
1: i was 14 and he was 21 when we first met and started dating. He had his drivers lic. a car, and job, and was in school and pursuing a GOOD carrier.
Now without him "trying" to put any of that pressure on me, he little by little started pushing me to get a job and a drivers lic. and a car ASAP weather i was ready for it or NOT. My family LIKED him and liked the idea of someone like him in my life pushing me to go for the right goals in life, and LUCKILY for me i wanted the same things. but what if you didnt? what if you wernt ready yet? how would you feel?
(this isnt just with THOSE specific things either, this could be with anything else as well))
see where im going with this?? he'll be trying to bring you to his level in life and it will be at warp speed because hes already ready for a partner that DOES have those things.
Theres not problem with keeping in touch, and maybe when your older and he still is into you and your free they whos to say that things cant work out....
good luck ; )
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So I really like this guy and I think he might like me too bc he lets me keep his hoodie and treats me different than other girls. So I told my friend to tell him I like him. She said to him "I need to tell you something. " he said if it was abt me than he didn't want to know. What does that mean?! (link)
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maybe thats because he wants to hear it from YOU directly....did you think of that?? ; )
idk how old you are but he might ALREADY know you both like each other but might ALSO know thats hes scared to actually be in a relationship with you and is scare of his own feelings and isnt ready to even hear that you have feelings for him. Im sure though that he likes you back (i used to get this at school alot with guys when i was young) It means they have strong feelings for you but are very scared.
I say dont rush it, he may not treat you the same way if you try to push him to show you feelings he isnt ready to confront yet. You might be his first real crush and boys dont develop emotionally as early as girls do. They arent ready to show feelings about girls without being shamed by other boys, they dont know what all their friends will think and sometimes arent ready to risk the chance of being shamed or tanted by them.
he likes you ; )
good luck, dont rush him.
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Okay after I left Georgia I lived with ivory for nine months during that time I got close to all of her family but felt like an out cast during the first few months ivory caught me talking to a chick not in any sort of way bad but she freaked during my stay I did a fake fundraiser because the family forced me to to get money for her parents habits I did what I did for them but about three months into living there (we dated three months long distance before) I had a habit of making small not even rational lies to look better like saying I wasn't asleep and such we had large arguments over this eventually she got pregnant and I did cater to her every whim and got a job but when she was three months pregnant her parents who had been doing this a long time finally got caught using fraud to get prescription meds from hospitals and were arrested and all six children were taken by foster care including ivory I kissed her while tears silently tolled down my face as she walked out of the door the last time I had ever seen her till date I had gone to hospitals and have a large set of medical bills to try and provide for her parents' I spent two long months with no food power or water in a full time job I slept in that house with two pits and a cat feeling fleas crawl my entire body every day went to work with sink washed clothing people could see the bits from fleas all over my body eventually I saved up the money for a bus ticket and went home at this point two months ivory was finally aloud to contact me she wanted to be with me so we tried but we eventually drifted and rumors about me being high and such came to her and she got enraged I ended up long distance dating another girl who contacted her to ask about me and after days of arguing she blocked me and told me I couldn't sign the birth certificate but a week before Katherine was born she told me I could but it was then to late to do anything about it and she holds that against me I worked many jobs and got my GED till date but never had the money to move to Louisiana she still says I'm a dead beat because of it I got into a gay relationship so she and her foster Christian family all got extremely enraged I soon found out it wasn't for me but it was to late and her regular brothers 12&14 got uncomfortable and thought I was gay back when I lived with them now. Ivory has lost all trust in all people thinking nobody but herself is worth trusting because I cannot provide enough my daughter is about to turn one in January and she has been gone for two years I still love her but she has moved on and has a new boyfriend recently and has even said he was a better father I don't have any real options and with my daughter being in foster care I can't legally see her or send presents and ivory only recently turned 18 and got out of foster care but lives with then still and takes care of our daughter whil working got her GED and going to college I now have a job but no car please help me get her back (link)
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This girl doesnt sound like she deserves your love. If she had been accountable for herself, and knew how to treat people then (unless theres something here your not telling us) then she sounds selfish and immature.
As for your child, keep working your job, save up everything you can, take care of yourself and as soon as you can get your own place to live, you can have the system approve your living situation and allow you to see your child.
I honestly, dont know why you would want to still be involved with someone who has put you through so much, then blamed YOU for shit. Plus her family hates you from what you said....so im not really sure why you would throw yourself back into a family that sounds like their low level scumbags that try to cheat the system, there by endangering their own children and exposing them to that kind of shit.
Its ok to miss someone, it ok to miss the better times you had with them, but as long as her family is involved in her life real heavily then i just dont think thats a good idea.
Think about this ok, these parents (if you could even call them that) got YOU into this scam they were doing and didnt have a single issue with it.
This girl also sounds very jealous. Just because you were talking to another female doesnt automatically mean you MUST be cheating....
Find a new girl, better yourself, and then work on getting your daughter back. Shes still a baby pretty much so you still have plenty of time to pick yourself up, get it together, and then fight for her.
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24/f
I seem to always have had a hard time making and keeping friends. Im 24 now and it just feels like if I try to make friends with other girls Its forced. The few friends I do have have kids or their always busy. I have a coworker whose said she wanted to hangout, but she never texts me. And if I text her she doesn't answer. She has a daughter as well. And then there was this other girl around the corner from where I work and I gave her my number and I never heard from her. And this one girl at the gym who works there gave me her number and it didn't seem like she wanted to. Whenever we talk it's always me texting her. The last time we talked I texted her and she said she was going to the gym, and I said that i might go but I didn't because I was with my mom and we planned to have dinner together. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to have friends but they weren't very good people. They were into drugs and I started doing that but i eventually stopped, because I didn't want to get int trouble And i don't have facebook or any other social media because I got into trouble recently. Some idiot emailed my mom at work telling her the very personal details of my sex life, and how i cheated on my last boyfriend (which I truly regret) so she got upset of course and made stay off social media and I had to get a basic phone as well. I've tried to make her understand that I need friends and I want to be on social media, but she just doesn't get it. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I mean I want for once to hangout with someone on the weekend and not parents. It just seems like everyone already has their own friends and they don't need me in their group or even their life. So what should I do? What am i doing wrong? Thanks. (link)
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Im going to back up what the first poster said, Usually people make friends based on mutual hobbies or places of work, where they live (because you have to see these people often) and things that are located in your city.
People with kids ARE and still CAN be friends if you want them to, you just cant ask them to come hang out at all hours, and you have to plan things where the kids can come along if need be. If you miss those people as friends and want to remain in good standing with them then you need to make sure that you can show your good with kids, can be trusted if your friend has to turn away for moment, and be ok with having to go your separate ways after a lunch and a trip to the park because they most likely have a house hold to run ow and cant stay with you all day anymore.
I too am a young mom that still tries as much as i can to maintain a social life (although its hard with a child) luckily for me all my friends are having kids now and are settling down) but that doesnt mean that all adult fun ends just because theyve had kids or are married. That is a preference if they choose to be all about family and are no longer interested in maintaining friendships with people who may not have kids or be in the exact same place/phase in life that you are. Your not a bad person and dont feel guilty or like your not as good as them if your treated like your not a "member of the club" and if your ARE treated like that then those people arent worth being friends with because they cant put themselves in someone elses shoes.
NEXT, get your social media back when yo0u can and reach out to people you miss! take up hobbies like photography! get yourself a nice camera maybe and then go out (you can do this alone) and take pictures, and show those friends that you have hobbies that are cool, and make you WORTH knowing and being around! Try to get creative and when you do, post it on fb so people can see it. when i started to feel like i didnt have many friends anymore, i paid to take a class in learning how to do nails!
Not only did i make friends there (because we all were there for the same reason) but i got certified to do nails professionally! now although i never ended up actually working in a nail salon like alot of my friends that were there did, i now have friends who LOVE to come over and hang out, see my nail designs and newest supplies, and we get to sit around and they get their nails done, we talk and get to know each other, and by the end of their visit to my house (or me to their house) they just got their nails done from someone who knows how to do them PROPERLY! ; )
see? you cant go wrong.
Now thats just one example, but try your hand at something that will build your social circle and show people that you are interesting and worth wanting to know deeper.
good luck!
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In a few days I have to see an old friend who I've been crazy about for years but we never ended up being a thing. I've gone about a year now since seeing him last and have become a new person and don't want to fall back into the sense of admiration and respect and I used to have for him. He's overall a nice guy and a really good friend but also kind of an asshole and I'm SURE I still have feelings for him and they will all come rushing back once I see him and I'll be back to square one, trapped in this unrequited love I dealt with for years. I'm DREADING seeing him.
I just got out of another situation in which I experienced heartache with this other sleaze ball and I just feel really delicate and insecure and like this feeling is never going to end. Ugh what should I do to deal with this mentally? (link)
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Honestly if it were ME i would avoid him. If you really feel like you have no self control and his personality is too overwhelming for you then DONT see him. simple.
Your not in a good place right now, your trying to heal from this other guy and maybe his comments and jokes and what not would be too much for you to handle. i can understand that.
You DO also like the other poster said, think you need to take some time to work on yourself. The bottom line here is that only YOU really know yourself and if you think you can stand to be around him right now and can tell him that you just got out of a bad relationship then if hes smart at all he will pick up the hints and NOT try to make a moe on you.
Theres plenty of people that have a secret sort of "crush" on someone else but that doesnt mean its RIGHT to run with your feelings and get yourself into something your not ready for either.
Theres going to be times where the heart wants what the heart wants but it doesnt mean your a good fit, or that its the right time in both of your lives either.....so idk....something to think about there...
I also GET the "hes kind of an asshole" thing. I know plenty of guys who have personalities like that and all i can say is their cool as friends and provide interesting entertainment value but they dont usually make for a good potential partner. The way that they can sometimes view the world is a narrow minded one and thats not the kind of person i would want to be with anyway. These types of guys usually over time live unstable life styles and job hop, and can only really keep themselves afloat. (((ive known some for over ten years))) and because of that overly strong "assholeish" personality, they just dont know when to stop at times and end up losing opportunities in life because they refuse to adapt to a changing environment. Of course not thinking it was their fault at all. lol
if you have to Cancel plans, say you cant, or tell whoever else your with who might be his friends that you wish to spend time with them this time and that you havent spent enough time with some other friend but "maybe next time"??
good luck
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This may be a long story and I'm sorry but there really isn't a way to cut this short. I had previously posted a question about a condom breaking during sex with my boyfriend. This incident was December 1st, the condom broke the second time we had sex and it broke before he finished so when it did break, the only possible semen that was in the condom was excess from the first time. I am on birth control but at the time of the condom breaking, I was only on my third official day of ever being on it so I was not protected from that when this happened. However, like I said he didn't finish and he pulled out as soon as he heard it and that was only when he was about half way in. He also went to get Plan B for me to take because I was a bit apprehensive. So, December 1st was when this happened and my period is expected to begin Christmas Eve so I was to ovulate December 7th. Like I said in my previous question that if anything was to get in me and stay in there, if my expected ovulation was correct then I should be safe about pregnancy.
However, I am just a naturally nervous person. It's getting closer to when I should be getting my period and I'm questioning if I'm pregnant or not. I'm nineteen days in on my birth control so I'm pretty protected with that so I'm not really worried about anything that happens now. But, one thing I noticed was that I've been getting a frequent irritation that makes me think I have to pee but when I sit, I don't have to pee and I read somewhere that a lot of other girls experience this after they have sex and I've noticed that when I experience it, it's the entire day after I have sex as well. So, I'm freaking out that this frequent feeling of having to pee is evident of pregnancy or something weird happening after intercourse. I also had some spotting today and my period is supposed to be in six days so I'm also freaking out that this spotting was implantation bleeding that I read about but it could also be a side effect to my birth control "premature bleeding." I'm also factoring in that taking the Plan B may also make my period come late so that is also something to think about.
My boyfriend keeps telling me to not worry. He said that even if there was any in the condom when it broke, it wasn't enough to crawl all the way up and get me pregnant. I guess I'm just looking for advice, anything would help; thanks!
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Yeah again it sounds like your over thinking things.
To add to this, my husband and i have actually used "the cheap condoms" for 14 years and we buy them "down i the ghetto" of where we live and have never had a problem like this. Our first child was planned as well and i wasnt on birth control.
The thing about buying condoms from 99 cent store or places that are in questionable parts of town is that they are usually stocked up on MORE of them and their the same quality their just not all fancy like the "textured" or "ripped" kind. It doesnt make them of lesser quality, their just basic which has worked for us for years SO LONG AS you buy some extra lube (which is also 99 cents usually) and breakage is much less likely to occur.
People have a tendency to think they "dont need lube because they naturally are wet down there" but once you guys start to "get going" theres no way to guarantee youll STAY proportionally lubricated down there. Just do yourself and your man a favor next time and buy lube when your buying condoms, theres no shame in it and if you can buy condoms you can also walk further down the same isle and pick up a tube.
It also sounds like you have a slight urine canal or out right bladder thing going on thats unrelated to being pregnant. You dont get the feeling of constantly needing to pee until your uterus actually starts to expand because your pregnant which wouldnt be this soon. It takes longer then the timeline you speak of here.
If your all irritated down there after sex then lube is the answer, and condoms usually dont just brake if their lubed up enough.
you should be fine...
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Okay so I am 17 (obviously female). I have a bunch of questions, so I'll number them to make it easier:
1. When I first started at age 14, my mom did not take me to the doctor. In fact I haven't been to the doctor since I was 12. My friends say they all went to the doctor when they started their periods. Was I supposed to go to the doctor? Also my doctor is male and I don't like him much, can I just talk to the nurse instead? (ps I live in Canada if that makes any difference).
2. When I get my period, for the first couple of days I get mild cramps, but I also get quite bad pains in my lower back and the tops of my thighs. At times if I sit for any length of time it becomes nearly unbearable. Is this normal? My family doesn't really believe in taking medication; I haven't even taken advil/tylenol since I was 13. One of my friends has a similar experience with her period and takes Midol. Should I ask my mom to get me some Midol?
3. When I'm not on my period, I tend to sleep on my back. When I'm on my period this doesn't work because there are no pads that cover the back, and they wouldn't be good enough to prevent any leak from such a concentrated flow anyways. How can I train myself to sleep on my side for that week?
4.I don't like using tampons, because they are uncomfortable, but I recently learned that might be because I don't put them in far enough. However, a couple of years ago I was able to put tampons in so that they were comfortable. However, I still had issues. Once I put in a super-heavy tampon, and swam for 1/2 hour, and when I got out and sat on the bench in the shower room, I left blood on the bench. Why is that?
5.Is it true that your cycle can be affected by the hormones of other women around you? Like can being around my best friend a lot affect when my period will be?
Thanks! (link)
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ok number 1: you dont always have to go to the doctor just because you started your period. Parents can sometimes do that as just a measure to make sure everything is working ok and theres nothing odd going on. Its not a requirement. I didnt go and i dont remember any of my friends going either.
2: this happens because your organs in your pelvis are swelling and moving because your uterus is swelled up and cramping. This is why people ANTI-inflamitories in order to ease the swelling and the back pain etc. and yes you should ask your mom to get you some pain killersif your that uncomfortable. Also (because ive always had extremely painful and heavy periods) ive learned that if your tracking your period and you drink a glass of milk a day or two before your period stars, it can ease the cramping. Im not sure why, its something about the calcium in the milk and you DO lose alot of much needed minerals and vitamins during your period. its worked for me.
3: you dont have the extra long period pads? theres over night heavy ones you should be able to find in the pads section?? "over night" pads ARE for helping this issue and if they arent quite long enough then kinda swimmy the pad up into your buttcrack and place it further back on your underwear if you know you sleep on your back so it will cover that.
ALSO, you can place a pillow behind your back to keep you from rolling back, then get another one for your front so you stay on your side if need be. then just try to remember NOT to move the pillow thats behind you during the night.
4:A tampon should only be uncomfortable if your not putting it in right or if your flow isnt as heavy as your putting in one thats too big for what you need. pain will come this way if you pull the tampon out before its soaked all the way thru. Tampons are MEANT to last you for hours so pulling one out while its still very absorbent could result in some pain yes. Sounds like you wernt supposed to pull it out yet and you did it too soon.
You know its time to pull out a tampon because youll feel it inside you that its heavier and when you check yourself in the bathroom, the string should have blood on it and the tampon will usually sink lower down because its absorbed everything it can now. Just think or it like a tiny diaper. you wouldnt change a babies diaper thats not ready to be changed right?? same theory.
Also, when it comes to putting it far up enough....theres a wall or a point in the back of your vaginal canal where the tampon hits and cant go any further. Its a good idea to be able to reach that wall BEFORE you eject the tampon in you.
At THAT point you want to eject and pull the applicator the tampon is in and make sure not to try to continue to push the tampon up inside your further then that. then make sure the string isnt hanging anywhere thats going to make you uncomfy while your walking around.
you probably left blood on the bench you were sitting on because water got up inside you and took what the tampon had left to aborb, so your period just passed right through it and leaked.
5: yes, it is true. females can effect other females cycles for some reason. Its annoying. usually im the one that effects others but i have a good friend who effects mine and my period will move during the month gradually at times in order to synch up with hers. lol.
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Hey thanks for your advice. I would really love to talk further with you about my situation. Could we? taisaka14@yahoo.com here's my email. If you ever have time to mail me, please do so. Thanks. (link)
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i absolutely can do that. give me a moment....
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I am 15 years of age and I have an enquiry. I know that during puberty your face changes but to what extent? Do you change dramatically from certain ages? When does your face reach full maturity? Does your eye shape change? What changed the most? Also, do you lose a lot of fat or a little? (link)
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This sometimes depends on genetics. No your face doesnt change s much that your damn near unrecognizable lol.
you basically still stay the same looking just older.....theres not really any other way to answer this besides that.
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Two years ago, I was in a very bad relationship. It was long distance, with a huge age gap, and we definitely should not have been together. For whatever reason, I just could not cope with the thought of breaking up. Two weeks before finally ending it, I cheated on him whilst drunk; I made out with another guy at a bar. I had to be carried out of the bar crying from how guilty I felt, and I told my then boyfriend right away. He forgave me immediately, and I broke up with him two weeks later.
My current romantic interest was cheated on once in the past. He HATES cheaters and whenever infidelity is brought up he mentions how awful cheating is. I have casually brought up my past infidelity before and he didn't really seem bothered by it, but we are not officially dating so maybe that's why. He also is kind of forgetful so I think maybe he has forgotten since. I really get anxious whenever cheating is brought up and I don't know if I should remind him.
Should I mention it again if he brings up cheating? Should I just let it go since I told him once? (link)
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Yeah i'd say if he brings it up then you can say that YOU did it once but your situation was a unique situation. It wasnt a committed relationship, it was long distance, and we are all only human and have needs and when those needs cant be met, sometimes people are really just pushing their needs to the side and trying not to think about them because they are in a relationship like your was and you mix drinking in with that and inhibitions are let loose and you really needed a lovers touch at the time and someone was giving you what you so obviously desperately needed and were deprived of at the time so you fell victim it.
Then explain to him that this is WHY long distance relationships DONT work out half the time. Its just too hard. We're all human, we all have needs even sexually and people ACTUALLY think they can live without that special someone for long periods of time. Well guess again.
You dont have to try to cover it up, you were in a bad relationship and he needs to understand that not every situation is the same. Not all couples are the same, and its not fair to "blanket" such a topic so generally like that.
If he tries to say "well what if i had to go away for a long time like that would you be over here cheating on me? and you then can say "well are we in a bad relationship?? are you way older than me, and are we not in the same place i life??"
see?
you hold more cards when someone calls you on cheating or brings up cheating then you think. Its not something to be proud of but you got yourself into a situation with a person that you wernt prepared to deal with and it resulted in it ending badly. So long as you make it known that you ARE capable of learning for your mistakes then there should be no question of your decency, here or your integrity.
I would say be willing to have that discussion with him should him if it comes up and dont be ashamed to defend yourself. he needs to except you for who you are and the mistakes you made in the past and if he cant do that then hes not the kind of person who deserves you.
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