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How to become indepenent from parents, I've tried everything?!
I'm 21, female and I feel like my whole life my parents have held me back in everything. They're never willing to do anything for me and all they do is complain about money day in and day out.
They get me into bad situations and then act like I should be thankful.
I'm just now going to college when all of my friends are graduating because my parents never put a single penny into my education because they didn't want to "ruin" their credit by taking out an educational loan for me. They aren't even willing to cosign. I made it through the first year of college with straight A's and now I'm in 7k of debt and losing my mind over how I'm going to be able to afford the rest of college. I won 20k worth of scholarships but that's not enough to complete 4 years when I have to pay to dorm too and with the 7k loan out and a car loan (I had to finance my own car too) my credit isn't high enough to get another loan.
I can't live with my parents. My dad has anger problems and lives in a disgusting house with 60 cats. My mom drives me insane when I live with her. She constantly needs to be the center of attention and will do anything to get it. She makes up fake illnesses and walks around with a fake limp, pretending there's something wrong with her. She makes up CRAZY stories daily and thinks everybody is out to get her. She's also a money leech and demands multiple hundreds of dollars every other week or else she'll threaten to kick me out. I can't ever save up money when I'm with her. She'll pretend to be really nice and sweet and then the next day she'll explode into fits of anger and has even punched me in the face over talking about how I'm going to afford college.
When I was 17, to get away from her I had to go live with my (ex) boyfriend for three years and when we lost our apartment (after he was laid off) I had to come stay with her again because I can't afford a place on my own with my current job.
I've been on my Dad's cell phone plan for a few months because I couldn't get one on my own (they do credit checks and saw I have two loans out at 21) and even though I always pay my bill on time he thinks his bill is too high and every month he threatens that he's going to stop paying it and cancel the plan and that I'll be on my own.
At one point my mom and friends told me that because I'm pretty I should pursue relationships with wealthy older men and that it might be my only way of getting anywhere in life considering my situation. So I tried that but all the men I met with were disgusting perverts and never offered me anything at all, but just wanted to have sex with me.
I'm so desperate to get away from them forever and be financially stable. I'm in a constant state of panic and anxiety and nobody else in my family can help me because they all have their own issues.
I think I can make it through one more semester of school, but after that I'm out of scholarship money and screwed unless a miracle happens.
I'm really thinking about turning back to dating older men just out of hope that I find a good one, but I hate doing that because it's so dangerous. One of them slandered my name online and online stalked me for months because I wouldn't have sex with him for $100 on a first date. I was so disgusted I ran out of the restaurant crying.
If I'm all out of options I might just end my life. I don't see the point in living if I have no chance of ever being able to get out from the hole I'm in. Nobody is willing to help me and I'm doing everything I can. I'm constantly looking for more scholarships and higher paying jobs but they're just not in abundance because everybody is fighting over every little scrap of money and 21 year old pretty girls are everywhere so I'm not the least bit important to anybody. I have some IT skills and a high GPA, but so does every other girl my age. I'm not valuable enough to make it in this world because there's always somebody a little bit better, a little smarter, a little prettier, a little more valuable than me.
Please please help me. I don't know what other choice I have than to end it all.
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Ok im gonna try to break this down for you as best i can. Just so you know i give honest answers here....one which you may not want to hear but are still important aspects that you must consider when your in the type of life situation your in......
"How to become indepenent from parents, I've tried everything?!
I'm 21, female and I feel like my whole life my parents have held me back in everything. They're never willing to do anything for me and all they do is complain about money day in and day out."
First off, when you found out that your parents didnt put any money away for you (which is very common) you should have said to yourself "ok so i might not ever be able to go to a college that costs thousands of dollars so lets see what else i can do instead" and maybe hit up a community college, and learned a trade so that you'd always have something to fall back on if you couldnt make other things work. Your parents really dont owe you anything to be honest, and theres no promises in life....all too often people will just breed and have kids irresponsibly and not consider that childs future.
"They get me into bad situations and then act like I should be thankful." I'd like to know what else (besides the things you mention here) that they got you into. Sometimes as a family, parents will make what they thought was a decision that was for your best interest and it ended up not working out. but i cant know exactly what you mean by this unless your more specific.
"I'm just now going to college when all of my friends are graduating because my parents never put a single penny into my education because they didn't want to "ruin" their credit by taking out an educational loan for me."
Well they are who they are and theres no changing that. I mean theres parents out there who are like this and seem to think that this kind of behavior will "inspire" self determination and the drive/motivation to be your own person but this isnt full proof and doesnt work with every child. Parents arent perfect either. They could have either be shamed of their choices or thought their own lives were going to go a certain way and then didnt and thats why they are the way they are now. but thats life.
"They aren't even willing to cosign. I made it through the first year of college with straight A's and now I'm in 7k of debt and losing my mind over how I'm going to be able to afford the rest of college. I won 20k worth of scholarships but that's not enough to complete 4 years when I have to pay to dorm too and with the 7k loan out and a car loan (I had to finance my own car too) my credit isn't high enough to get another loan."
Ok this relates to your OWN money management issues. If you dont have enough money to buy and make the long term payments and the commitment to a brand new car, then you cant afford one and you should have opted for a used car. Thats no one elses fault right there. Had you thought of the long term, you wouldnt be in this predicament. Most students dont go out and buy new cars unless the future payments are going to be guaranteed through a job where you either make enough to pay for the car and whatever else you need but other expenses. This is like buying a house and then forgetting that you need to LIVE in it, so now that you have this pretty new house how will you afford gas, electricity, cable?? see?
"I can't live with my parents. My dad has anger problems and lives in a disgusting house with 60 cats. My mom drives me insane when I live with her. She constantly needs to be the center of attention and will do anything to get it. She makes up fake illnesses and walks around with a fake limp, pretending there's something wrong with her. She makes up CRAZY stories daily and thinks everybody is out to get her. She's also a money leech and demands multiple hundreds of dollars every other week or else she'll threaten to kick me out. I can't ever save up money when I'm with her. She'll pretend to be really nice and sweet and then the next day she'll explode into fits of anger and has even punched me in the face over talking about how I'm going to afford college."
Shes clearly delusional and angry about where her life has gone. You need to move out and get a room mate. get a small place that doesnt care about credit, if you have to, get a one bedroom place where you have the bedroom and the other person has the living room but you both pay bills. Then get an obama free phone and get off your dads plan. Then get a job at a department or clothing store and slowly save up little by little until you can do what needs to be done. Sure life will suck for a while but at least you wont be on the streets, or living with your parents and youll be independent.
"When I was 17, to get away from her I had to go live with my (ex) boyfriend for three years and when we lost our apartment (after he was laid off) I had to come stay with her again because I can't afford a place on my own with my current job."
the reason for a room mate.....
"I've been on my Dad's cell phone plan for a few months because I couldn't get one on my own (they do credit checks and saw I have two loans out at 21) and even though I always pay my bill on time he thinks his bill is too high and every month he threatens that he's going to stop paying it and cancel the plan and that I'll be on my own."
get off the plan and get a free phone.
"At one point my mom and friends told me that because I'm pretty I should pursue relationships with wealthy older men and that it might be my only way of getting anywhere in life considering my situation. So I tried that but all the men I met with were disgusting perverts and never offered me anything at all, but just wanted to have sex with me."
just ignore that kinda shit. They were probably just jealous because your younger and prettier then they are and catty n shit.
"I think I can make it through one more semester of school, but after that I'm out of scholarship money and screwed unless a miracle happens."
so start working now and saving up whatever you can. Either that or sell your car to someone else who can make the payments and take the bus. you need to start cutting back and making changes now while you can. Get off your dads plan, get the free phone, tell him it will save HIM money and that you thought he'd be happy about that. Start making better choices money wise is you can and NOT buying things you dont REALLY REALLY need.
If I'm all out of options I might just end my life. I don't see the point in living if I have no chance of ever being able to get out from the hole I'm in. Nobody is willing to help me and I'm doing everything I can. I'm constantly looking for more scholarships and higher paying jobs but they're just not in abundance because everybody is fighting over every little scrap of money and 21 year old pretty girls are everywhere so I'm not the least bit important to anybody. I have some IT skills and a high GPA, but so does every other girl my age. I'm not valuable enough to make it in this world because there's always somebody a little bit better, a little smarter, a little prettier, a little more valuable than me.
Well first off, how do you think everyone thats already older then YOU feels?? YOUR the next generation of pretty young desired things! lol. So this whole "there will always be someone prettier and smarter thing is something your going to HAVE to get past ok. Nothing in life is promised and the only thing your parents gave you from the sounds if it was life. The world doesnt owe any of us anything and its our jobs to make our own destiny. Life is what you MAKE it, life doesnt just hand shit over to people without having to put in some hard time first.
It sounds like you were on the right path when you moved out of your parents with your boyfriend, so why dont you just try doing that again except THIS TIME, find a roomy on craigslist or a room mate finder website and then interview them and pick the one that sounds liek they will best fit you. Best to find someone that says their hardly ever home because their working alot. ; )
This says "i have money and youll have the place to yourself most the time"
try to manage your money better: dont buy things you dont need, dont pay for expensive repairs, learn how to fix things on your own or ask if someone you know can help you.
Listen, at the end of the day we are all accountable for only ourselves. Your parents may have brought you up in a shitty family but at the end of the day only you are responsible for your own actions, and you cant blame it all on your parents. (not that i think you are) but things arent hopeless. No ones life EVER goes the way they want it too, not even famous people because there are certain things you cant buy in this life. Everyone faces their own sets of problems, your job is to find a way to come out of those issues and grow from them in a positive way.
We're all a constant work in progress and i realize that your not where "the rest of your friends" are but that doesnt mean your life is over, it just means its taking a different path now then everyone elses and that doesnt have to be a bad thing. not unless you want to see it that way and refuse to see it any other.
make your own happiness, find people who genuinely care about you and who are there for you when no one else is, then see what happens. Dont close your self off to opportunities. where one door closes, another opens.....
good luck ; )
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