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I think she is interested...
Thank you for replying to my pervious question "should I tell her that I have a crush on her?" I completely understand what you were saying before. This is why I am asking for help with this...I really like this girl and I don't want to end up hurting each other if this didn't work out if she and I decided to become an LDR. I like our friendship but also I like to give it a try.
I told her a few days ago that I have a crush on her...
I sent her message on Facebook
I feel like I can tell you anything, you're like my best friend! I want to tell you that I have a crush on you.
She replied: Well I'm glad you've been honest. Who knows what happens in the future?!
And we still continue to talk everyday...
I'm nervous...I never had a girl that we both were interested in each other at the same time...
All I want to do is send her love lettters by mail! lol
What should I do from here?
This is new to me...I never had a serious relationship ...only been in love with my ex friend for 16 years...unrequited love.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Her line: Who knows what happens in the future, is a sign to you that she is not on the same page as you yet. You will have to be careful to not over analyze and due to the desire of your heart, see things that aren't there. I do agree that she sounds like a great friend tho.
Here's a question to ask yourself: Just what if nothing more comes of this than an long distance friendship instead of the love relationship I truly seek. Am I willing to wait around another 16 years hoping that a friend I was in love with might change and return that love. If I were you, I would change what I am doing, especially if deepest desire of your heart is to find a female to be in a long term love relationship with and perhaps even marry. The reason I feel you shouldn't be getting your hopes up with someone who right from the start doesn;t feel anything more than friendship is because it usually doesnt change. Its worse when you go for what seems like the easier safer route and go for meeting people on line long distance.
I want to clarify that I am not against using the computer to meet people. I did that. But it should be used only as a tool to get to learn of their existance and then take it out of cyber into real life ASAP. Why? I found that even in just talking with guys for a week or two before meeting in person that my mind filled in the gaps I didn't know and imagined there to be more than there was to him and its easier for the other person to hide things from you which happened to me, lies until I met and discovered they weren't who they claimed to be. I come across totally different in real life than I do on line, even here in advicenators. I may sound like I really know how to word things and teach people but in real life, tho outgoing and talkative, I ramble and get sidetracked in speech and just by looks no one would guess at who I really am by just what little they've picked up from my typing. I know that. And I know it probably happens for lots other people. Another thing hard to do is gain trust in someone you are not in real time and real life with. Then lastly, I found some guys I thought were really promising, he and I were both so excited to meet and yet when we met up at the restaurant, before we were even seated, we turned to each other and said, this isn't going to work out, is it? See, what happened is that no matter how wonderful the other is, when face to face, neither of us picked up on pheremones from the other that were enough alike or a match to feel any attraction or that sizzle and romance. I was of course older with a bad past marriage behind me and lots of experience so I knew how important it was to not only have a partner who is like one of my closest or my best friend but the romantic part and being each others sexual equal is just as important.
Now I don't recommend letting her go and forgetting her. Just keep her as a close friend right now. But I feel it's high time you got your feet wet, so to speak and experienced some real love relationships with another female, not LDR but in real life, just dating to gain experience and more of an idea of exactly what it is you are looking for in a mate. It doesnt matter whether hetero or gay, couples still need the same thing, matching pheremones, a person who loves who you are on the inside, not just the outside, unconditional love, respect, trust, a partner who supports and upholds who you are without requiring you to change anything about yourself to be a better match for them. If one of those is missing, then its not going to be a very fulfilling love relationship. I should know as thats what my first marriage was like.
In todays world, I feel it is very hard to find a person just by being out and about in your regular routine. I do know there are dating sites for whatever situation you find yourself in. Dating for senior citizens, dating for LGBT, dating sites for those with Herpes, etc. and of course some of the regular sites have options so you can list your sexual preference and only women can look you up. Nothing may come of it, but it is certainly a way to go about starting the dating process. You didn't say, but if you are bi sexual and would date either sex, then a regular site where you list yourself as such is a good way to go, and then look up both gals and guys. Important here is the fact you can list how far away a person can be where you'd still consider traveling to meet. Since my beleif is that meeting in person should happen within a couple weeks, or sooner, dont list any further than you want to drive. I only listed 50-60 miles away so I wouldn't have to drive more than an hour to get to see the person. If you hit it off with someone but because of your job schedules or school, the little times available to see each other are eaten up by travel time with no time left to be together, its not worth it. I do recommend trying a dating site, even if just to date for social reasons. The reasons too are listed as to what you are looking for. Sometimes people only list they want sexual encounters only, nothing serious, or long term or marriage. See what happens. At the least, you will gain some confidence and experience and perhaps you may still wind up with the 18 yr old for long term or life long. However she at 18, isn't likely ready to make such a permanent decision, not until people get to your age or just about 30, 31 do they really look at their lives and analyse who they are by their standards and not living up to what family or friends or society expects of them and making some of those life altering decisions that will now stay part of their life til the end. Few teens are the same then as they are as a person by lets say 40 or 50.
I was close but I still had some major things to learn so I was an exception to that. But she may not be ready for that kind of commitment for a long time and there's no guarantee she will decide that you are the one for her.
You however have learned through this experience with her of something very important to you in a partner. You want someone who will always be there for you, and be strong when you are weak, understanding, non judgemental, helpful, a good listening ear, willing to offer their perspective without demand you follow it, supportive and willing to accept you just as you are. I have all that in my mate. So it is very important and unfortunately, not all people are like that. Sometimes are to find but there's definitely more than one or two out there. Those hon, are things you need to put down on an actual list, paper or saved doc on the computer, things you require in a mate. Most people who are smart enough to make such a list update it over and over many times, as many times as they are in one relationship after another until breaking up. The things you liked about the latest person get added to the list, and the things you've learned you actually can not abide, and won't put up with go on the list of what are the deal breakers. If a person makes a mistake the first time and you advise them you will not be treated like that ever again or its over, then either it was truly an error and things improve or the person eventually repeats their offense and again and again. Either you lower your standards and accept that which doesnt make you happy, irritates 24/7, or is actually harmful to you, or you end the relationship, put that behavior on the list of deal breakers and move on. Many people who have dated since H.S. will by now have such a list that is pretty good and helpful to look at when comparing whether a person is right for you or not so you dont get distracted by just looks, their money, or their smile. You however haven't even started. But there is your age of 28, where you are more mature and the part of your brain that is responsible for good decision making wasn't fully developed in your teens and early twenties. It is finally mature by peoples mid 20s so you are at a perfect age to make some good decisions on a relationship and its not going to take you years of experience but it will take some short term dating experiences with different people, not just one. I hope I haven' confused you with sharing so much but I feel its all important stuff for you to hear and think about. Good luck and thanks for writing again.
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