Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
Visitors: 14407
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Three of us were college friends more over good friends.As we were growing as friends I thought of having my frined as my life partner and I proposed her.Initially she said no saying that her family may not accept our relationship.Then I thought that no girl will straight away say "yes".I was waiting for her decision.I know that my other friend also likes her.As we were good frineds i thought that its natural that no one wants to miss such a girl.but still today also i can say that she was close to me and with me but some where deep i was having a thought may be my girl also likes my other friend,because of that when she said no to my proposal I asked her whether she loves anybody else and is that is the reason that she didn't saying Yes to me. She clearly told me that its only her family reasons that she is hesitating.At the same time I asked my friend in a casual talk about her,he said she dont like him. Being friend I made it sure that because of my love nobody will get hurt.Then I was waiting for her acceptance. After 5 months from my propose she accepted and said Yes.By then our friendship was 2 years old.After that we were in love for 2 more years, during this period i can say we were very close to each other and I was in a notion that we are partners and marrige is a formality.but she was having some other plans in mind. some how later point of time she came to know that my other friend also likes her, she kept this in her mind and didn't told me anything about this.but when her father started planning for her marriage she said that our marriage is not possible and the reason she gave was her father which was not true.Finally I was trying to conveince her for our marriage(by now i was too sure that ours was love coz the relationship we had am sure that only happens in love not in friendship.In this process I have discussed the things with my frined and asked him to conveince her to marry me and not to worry about her father and slowly he wll accept us.
but she didn't listen to me and she got married to some other person.
After her marriage I came to know some new things which happend before her marriage. On my request my friend asked her after a 4 years relationship why she is giving a ditch to me, then she told same old story but finaly in discussions she said the real reason is that she loves him not me. The moment my friend came to know this he immediatly started to conveince her marriage with him and not with me...he didn't even thought that it is his duty to discuss the issue with me and shud sorted out.they have forgotten about me and started plans for their marriage...but some where in her heart something was paining stopped her from marrying him and she got married to the boy whom her father selected.After her marriage i was in a noting that she is in painb to miss me...and instead of disturbing her i wanted her to settle in her new life....but that my frined was in touch with her and he was guiding her against her husband.instead of making her comfort her in life he was telling that not to worry break the marriage relationship and marry him.
What is the wrong thing that i did...even till today i can say that am her best frined and its only me who can know or feel her problems....what if she liked him but that ididn't worked out,meantime i proposed her and looking at my frinedship and caring nature she said ok and its not only ok but we moved ahead in our relationship and i was planning our after marriage life....is it correct for her saying in the last moment that because she liked somebody else she shud ditch me???
I know she was confused that moment i can forgive her....but waht should I do with my close frined ...i use to consider him more than a frined this fact he also know....because of her foolishness she and selfishness of my friend today i forgot to live.
I have no issues with my love....but what should i do with my frined who deceived me. (link)
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Hi There
Sometimes it's easier to seethe in silence when someone does something to wind you up, but that doesn't make the issue go away. If anything, bottling up your feelings like this just makes the problem seem worse. It means you risk a situation where your mate steps just slightly out of line and you explode right in front of them - which doesn't solve anything.
Whether your friend's just being annoying without realising, or he's done something terrible that's totally wound you up, it's always wise to pick a good time to talk - preferably when you're feeling calm and there's nobody else around to chip in or stir things up for you.
Your aim here is to encourage this person to see things from your point of view. If your mate can see the upset they've caused for themselves, they'll be more likely to change their behaviour towards you.
Nobody likes to feel as if they're being attacked, or that somehow they have to defend their actions, so don't lay into them - it'll only risk a fistfight (or that slappy-scrap thing girls do sometimes).
You can't expect them to change their behaviour straight away, especially if you're both feeling a bit self-conscious after getting things out in the open. Instead, give them some time and space to process the problem and act upon it. If they value your friendship, you should see a new improved mate in no time.
Best Wishes
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I've been with this guy for about 9 monthes now. we are not officially together because that is the way i want it. BUT we are exclusive and aren't supposed to be with other people.
I cheated on him friday night. This isn't the first time i did it, but i told him about the other times. After the last one, he told me if i cheated again then we'd be done.
Do you think i should tell him what i did? I really do like him a lot. I'm seeing him today and need advice asap.
thanks (link)
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Hi There,
Before you do anything be very clear where your loyalty lies. Even if you both fancy each other it doesn't mean you can ignore the affect this might have on your relationship with a good mate. You need to weigh up how much your mate's friendship means to you. Truly reliable, trustworthy friends are not easy to find and going with this guy behind her back might mean trouble in the future. It's likely he'll feel far more hurt that you were dishonest with him than about being rejected by you, so all three of you need to be straight with each other.
Think about having a chat with your him and remind him that your friendship is very important to you and explain that although you realise he fancies you, he actually came onto you that same night. Let him know how you feel about having to carry on without him knowing. he may not want to believe you initially and might phone this guy, so you also need to let him know you'll be talking to him.
You might also want to think carefully about starting a relationship with a guy. Maybe you just won him over that night but this could also be the way he behaves all the time. You should think about discussing things honestly with him.
Goodlcuk
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ok well i think i have social anxiety disorder because when ever people whisper i always thnk there talking bad about me and i always think that im getting negativly judged everywhere i go its weird then i get all self concioncion and then now i never go out and i always think my friends are mad at me and i dont know whats wrong with me...HELP!!
if you give good advice then i rate fives no smart alecs and
also im 13/f (link)
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Hi There,
Depression and anxiety can be very debilitating and isolating but please be reassured that you are not alone. This can be extremely overwhelming and affects people in a variety of ways. If it keeps on reoccurring you might want to consider getting a professional diagnosis. Your GP should be able to refer you on to an appropriate counselling service.
Opening up to family and friends about your feelings can help too. It's understandable that some people keep things from those they are close to for fear of upsetting them, but once people know the situation they are able to offer help and support. Counselling can offer you confidential, emotional support and information and give you the time and space to talk about how you are feeling, without judging you or telling you what to do.
Goodluck
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ok sorry if this is long and confusing but here it is....ok well my friend lets call her amy invited me to her house and she was also having another friend over, amy didnt go to my school at the time. well to cut the story short she said that girls at her school made out with other girls at parties house ect... and its no big deal and then they pressured me into making out with them too. well now amy now goes to my school and im afraid everyday that shes going to tell and eveyone will think im like a lesbian but im not becuase i like this guy alot like alot alot. the reason i think she is going to tell is becuase she told about a girl at her old school and everyone thought she was lesbian and stuff. o by the way im 14/f and i live in ny thanks for the help who ever is brave enough to answer this ques. i will rate a 5 for everyone who gives me a good answers thanxs. o yeah and by the way dont tell me something like go talk to her and shell understand cause shes not that kind of person (link)
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Hi,
Sometimes it's easier to seethe in silence when someone does something to wind you up, but that doesn't make the issue go away. If anything, bottling up your feelings like this just makes the problem seem worse. It means you risk a situation where your mate steps just slightly out of line and you explode right in front of them - which doesn't solve anything.
Whether your friend's just being annoying without realising, or she's done something terrible that's totally wound you up, it's always wise to pick a good time to talk - preferably when you're feeling calm and there's nobody else around to chip in or stir things up for you.
Your aim here is to encourage this person to see things from your point of view. If your mate can see the upset they've caused for themselves, they'll be more likely to change their behaviour towards you.
Nobody likes to feel as if they're being attacked, or that somehow they have to defend their actions, so don't lay into them - it'll only risk a fistfight (or that slappy-scrap thing girls do sometimes).
You can't expect them to change their behaviour straight away, especially if you're both feeling a bit self-conscious after getting things out in the open. Instead, give them some time and space to process the problem and act upon it. If they value your friendship, you should see a new improved mate in no time.
Goodluck
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Right. I was at a festival thing and I was at a workshop with a load of my mates and loads of other people were there too. Everyone knows everyone else at this fest. This guy that everyone fancies was singing a song that I knew so I joined in and I swear there were a few 'moments' when we were looking into each others eyes.
Then wen it was over we were walking back to the main site and he was like putting things down his trouseres and stuf, in a funny but slightly wierd way. He was asking me lots of questions about myself and he asked me if he could dance with me later at the dance thing.
But at the dance thing he didnt even come to talk to me let alone ask me for a dance.
Whats the deal with him?
Sorry its so long, I always rate! (link)
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Hi
Well he might be shy or there could be a genuine reason the only way you could find out is approach him try to talk to him and see what the deal is.
Goodluck
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do those FREE IPOD offers really work? and at what cost? hundreds of soliciters and pop-ups? has anyone ever tried the offer? all fives (link)
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Hi There,
I'm always tempted to try it as its says free Ipod but i think there is always a catch to it nothing ever comes for free.
You can try it if you want but make sure you've read the terms and conditions thoroughly before signing up with anything
Takecare
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does anyone know how to make icons?? especially the flashing ones....like on iconator.com with using paint or microsoft picture it! photo premium 9?? will rate 5s for everything!! (link)
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Hi,
I'm not gonna br of any help to you, however i'm just acknowledging your question, but no I don't know much about icons so sorry i am unable to help you there.
Goodluck
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I want to go get my hair dyed all back to one color tonight cuz my highlights are all grown out. My hair is pretty long and the place said that it costs $34.99 and up. Obviously this means for longer hair its gonna cost more....so if my hair is down to almost the middle of my back...about how much is this going to run me? If you just got your hair dyed could you guys tell me about how much it cost. Thanks a ton :) (link)
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hi
Well all hair salons charge a different rate you should ask around and see what is with in your budget and then take it from there I'm from UK so over here it costs about £25 or maybe more
Goodluck
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Well I like my bff (im m/14 my bestfriend is also m/14) and well he's unfourtunealtley strait, well i want to be able to go out with him. But i odn't want ppl knowing i'm Bi, anyways I found a way to get him to like me... well my friend used to do wicca stuff(spells) and she's finding me a love spell. I've seen stuff like this work before(she's done it) so i want to do it on him but i don't know if i should because I don't want to force him into this but i want to have him love me... what should i do should i use it or not?
I rate high...unlesss youre ignorant (link)
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Hi,
Well you can't force a person to love you by putting a love spell on him, if he likes he likes you if not then move on, be honest with yourself first talk to him and see what reaction you get from him if its positive then its great all round if not then at least you've made a friend
Goodluck
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Theres this guy that I'm friends with, and I've heard him talk to other woman and his guy friends about sex. His friends are pretty wild and I heard that at one of his birthday parties they were giving him gifts from the porn shop.
Anyways, when he is just alone with me he gets really shy whenever I talk about sex(which is very rare). This one time we started talking about masturbation (because I guy that had a crush on me aluded to it), and when I told my friend he said "oh he probably does it every night", and then his face went beet red.
I don't understand why he can be such a perve around other people , but so shy when he's alone with me. Do you think he is just putting on an act around his friends, and that he may have feelings for me? (link)
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Hi There,
The only way to find out is ask him, maybe he is being him self with you and then acting all cool with his friends to fit in you know what can be like.
Goodluck
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Is the independent variable the one that changes or does change? (link)
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Hi There,
I don't have a clue,
Sorry I can't be of much help
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13/f. I'm so depressed. I feel like everything is declining. All I can do is remember "the good ol' days." My best friend just broke up with me that I had since kindergarten. Now at school, I'm completely friendless since she moved to Chile.
My choir used to be so great, but now, everyone has lost commitment, and all the best pieces have been "pulled." The younger choirs are now much more recognized, since the older choirs won't practice. This is a very prestigious choir...we performed at St. Peter's Basilica, and Carnegie Hall! But now, it has gone to dust. :( My mother is not the way she used to be, ever since she was framed at work. She has major depression. she's not fun anymore. Even the United States isn't in good shape right now, with troops in Iraq and forests being sliced apart for firewood and mountains tabletopped for coal. All I do is just remember what life was like a couple years ago, when everything was at its peak, and I just feel terrible. Can someone help me? Sorry that this is so long, but I'm lonely and need someone to talk to.
Thanks
*Luna* (link)
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Dear Luna,
Feeling depressed, lonely and isolated is probably one of the worst feelings teenagers ever face but you have to remember that it's all physiological...if you don't let it get to you, it won't. But this is definitely easier said than done, but it's worth a try right?When you say you felt depressed a year ago, you didn’t mention what caused it, maybe it's come back. Maybe not
the exact same problem...but bad memories or maybe just the sudden change. Something's obviously on your mind, and if you don't know what it is then why not tell a friend? You'd be surprised at how much discussing your feelings
helps. Maybe if you just start with talking about what's on your mind, or what's happening in your life, I’m sure you'll pin point the problem. If you feel as if this is just a minor situation which doesn't need a councillor then just try a friend. Look around, you'd be surprised at how many people are there for you... you just need to notice.Don't hate yourself for anything. It won't achieve anything, and can make matters worse. Another way to try and solve this is to write your feelings down... a diary. Once you get into it, it's as if you have your own councillor in you.
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well me and my boyfriend broke up 4 or 5 days ago, and I talked to him today and I mentioned that I am talking to a x bf of mine,and he didnt sound very happy, I asked him if he was ok he said yea....but he didnt sound like he wanted me to date another guy, when he broke up with me he told me from his heart that I was the hardest girl to break up with cause he really cared for me, and he barely has emotional feelings for girls but he was CRYING on the phone when he told me that he just wanted to be close friends.... can ya please give me some advice on if he still cares for me... (link)
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Hi There,
If you have been behaving yourself perfectly well, but he is being a bit jealous, they might just need a bit of affection and reassurance.
Signs that their jealousy is starting to get out of hand include the following; calling to your mobile phone while you are apart to check up on you, listening in on your phone conversations, banning you from wearing clothes you look good in, and going through your bags looking for evidence of an affair.
Someone who flies into possessive rages for no good reason needs professional help.
Goodluck
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well see my best friend is moving and All my old friends still HATE!!! me dont ask why...but I dont want to be around them and she is the only one that I can commuicate with when the others are around, and I want to move cause I am sick of there FAT mouths and they always want to ruin a relationship that I would be in... what do I do??? (link)
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Hi,
If she's moving to another part of the country, or even overseas, it isn't the end of the world. You can still stay in touch by phone, email, letter and so on, no matter how far away you are from one another. Yes, you will probably miss those regular nights out, but that doesn't mean you can't meet up for weekends or holidays.
Who knows, maybe she'll end up somewhere interesting or exotic and it'll be an excellent excuse for a trip to see them. As a goodbye present, you could get them a phonecard or some stationery with stamps and your address already on them, to show that you want to stay friends. Even if they're out of contact for a while, they'll get back to you eventually if the friendship is still strong.
If you make the effort, and have realistic expectations, then you'll probably stay in touch with your friend for years and years. It's just that the dynamics of the relationship might be a little different, that's all. Unless they're slack as hell, going off to join a monastery that has no contact with the outside world, or they've changed their number and address and told you to stop calling, you'll still be mates for a long time to come.
Try and start making an effort with your other friends you may not like them but who else will you have then?
Takecare
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Well see about 8 months ago I wouldnt care for you know like when My mom yells at me and then I met this guy that feels like he changed my life....but then we broke up and now my friends are worried that I will go back to being my oldself....they like the kinda new me... what do I do??? (link)
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Hi There,
Everyone has boyfriends and breaks up with them to thats part of life you have to try and let go and move on I know its easier said than done but honestly give it some time and start socialising and meeting other people thats the only way you'll be able to overcome this.
Best of luck
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Ok I REALLY!!! like this one guy, every time he looks at me I MELT!!! and my heart pounds very fast... I can barely get words out of my mouth and that never happened before... he told my friends that he really likes me as well and the thing is he lives in IN and I like in KY!!! what do I do??? (link)
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Hi There,
If you know that he likes you then its simple go out with him, if your not going to make the effort of speaking and becoming shy then its not gonna get you anywhere in life, so just try and start the conversation and i'm sure he'll do the rest go for it
Goodluck and don't get too nervous
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Hi
i was wonderin if these types of bows would look weird in your hair
http://babygiftsupply.com/prodimg/bow-colors2.jpg
because some people wear bows like that but their like..different and i don't know where to get them!! do any of you know? and where can you get those little hair clips that are plastic and sparkly and they have them in different colors and their like little birds and flowers and stuff like that..if you please let me know where to buy the 1)bows 2) the hair clips ..please i really want them they are soo cute!! ♥ thanks a lot! (link)
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Hi There,
You could try a local hair and beauty supplier i'm sure they have all the essentials you are looking for or the other option is just speak to people who might be able to assist you. If the bow looks nice on you then yes I think its cute.
Goodluck
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As dumb as this may sound, I didn't actually realize how horrible it is, when you eat chicken & hamburgers. I didn't actually understand the concept that for me to eat a hamburger, is for an innocent cow to just die. My friend sent me an e-mail with a video about fur trade in China, and how dogs & cats are skinned and killed everyday just for fur. But, it got me to thinking how horrible that actually is. I really have been thinking about it today, and I think just eating hamburgers & chicken is disgusting especially knowing that an animal died for that. I'm really considering turning into a vegetarian. Do you believe that this is a good enough reason to want to turn vegetarian? Thanks so much. ♥ (link)
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Hi There,
If you feel your ready to give up meat etc. then yes go for it. I've always been a vegetarian and I don't feel i'm missing out on a great deal veges are just as well healthy, have a think about it and if and when you feel ready try it and see how you feel.
Goodluck
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I was just wondering..
Ive heard gross things about mcdonalds hamburger meat. Like I heard that they used to the cheeks of a cow for some of the meat. ew.
But does anyone know for sure what the meat is made of? ♥ Thanks! (link)
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Hi There,
I'm a vegetarian myself, however all I can suggest to you is go to McDonalds and ask a member of staff, i'm sure they'll be more than happy to put your mind at rest.
Takecare
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Ok. 13/m. I don't know if this question goes under Families or Work/School Relationships. Sorry it's so long. I'm really worried for my sister (14/f). She just found her first date at school this year. They went to the movies and all. My sister was just sitting there waiting for him to do something. She had her arm on the armrest the whole time waiting for him to hold it or something. She bought Junior Mints "just in case"---didn't use a single one. She could've talked to me. I've been asking and answering Advicenator questions for months now. I pretty much know what's going to happen and the pains she's going to feel. But no. She doesn't like to tell me stuff. Instead, she tells our cousin, who has serious boy problems. Boys rule her life. Her Bat Mitzvah was ruined because her newest ex was there. She couldn't enjoy Avenue Q because one of her exes liked it. She has serious issues. I know that. My parents know that. My sister just doesn't seem to get it, so she talks to her for advice.
My cousin is saying things like "Well, if he doesn't want to hold your hand, he must not be right. Dump him." or "Try rushing him, that usually works for me." I eavesdrop on their conversations because I'm concerned. I want her to listen to me. I've gotten chances to talk to her which I of course took advantage of, but she refuses to understand. She doesn't believe that she'll face hate, jealousy, rejection, etc. I felt most of it first-hand, but as for the parts actually IN the dating, I couldn't get that far. She doesn't think I know enough. Just because I'm younger and haven't actually dated doesn't mean that I haven't felt jealousy and rejection, I haven't been extremely depressed, etc.
How can I get her to listen to me? Thanks.
By the way, don't say to write in a diary. I'm already doing that, but my parents confiscated it last night for writing after dark. (link)
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Hi,
Your sister isn't the only person who's beenthrough alot, you have too. Infact you've been through mostof what she has, even though you may not realise it. It'sreally good you got that out, I’m sure after you wrote that
letter to us felt relieved and don't worry you can trustus. Remember, she has been through all that, you knowthat, and keeping that in mind why don't you make YOURdecision, when ever she did something "bad" or "mean" didshe have a reason? Didn't she explain her actions after?did you two not cry and talk everything over? Consider
everything,she had enough, she had her boyfriend and she didn't want toloose him...even though he didn't seem that good for heranyway, she really like him and she probably thought she
deserved some fun obviously not thinking how far she went.It seems as if you definitely did your part then so yes,she should be grateful it
probably wouldn't have been possible with out you since youoffered her comfort, a shoulder to cry on and a whole lotof forgiveness - and that's the main thing, don't everforget it.tell her and give her a chance to prove you wrong.You are doing the only thing that you can do for your sister and that is being there for her. She will keep trying to push you away, and she is probably doing this to test the 'waters' to see if things really do get bad if you are going to stick by her. What you should do is talk to her about it and tell her how you feel and the things that you have been hearing from others. But also let her know
that no matter how hard she pushes you away or no matter what she says about you, that you are not going to walk away. Let her know that you know she is hurting.As for her problems, all you can do is be there for her. You can't change her. She is going to have to want to change herself. And if you feel that sometime she is really going to hurt herself badly, then you need to tell
someone. eventually learn to forgive you. I do have to commend you because you truly are a good
sister to her. Be strong and follow your heart, not what others tell you to do. I wish you and your sister the best
of luck.
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