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What should i do with my friend


Question Posted Sunday October 23 2005, 6:58 am

Three of us were college friends more over good friends.As we were growing as friends I thought of having my frined as my life partner and I proposed her.Initially she said no saying that her family may not accept our relationship.Then I thought that no girl will straight away say "yes".I was waiting for her decision.I know that my other friend also likes her.As we were good frineds i thought that its natural that no one wants to miss such a girl.but still today also i can say that she was close to me and with me but some where deep i was having a thought may be my girl also likes my other friend,because of that when she said no to my proposal I asked her whether she loves anybody else and is that is the reason that she didn't saying Yes to me. She clearly told me that its only her family reasons that she is hesitating.At the same time I asked my friend in a casual talk about her,he said she dont like him. Being friend I made it sure that because of my love nobody will get hurt.Then I was waiting for her acceptance. After 5 months from my propose she accepted and said Yes.By then our friendship was 2 years old.After that we were in love for 2 more years, during this period i can say we were very close to each other and I was in a notion that we are partners and marrige is a formality.but she was having some other plans in mind. some how later point of time she came to know that my other friend also likes her, she kept this in her mind and didn't told me anything about this.but when her father started planning for her marriage she said that our marriage is not possible and the reason she gave was her father which was not true.Finally I was trying to conveince her for our marriage(by now i was too sure that ours was love coz the relationship we had am sure that only happens in love not in friendship.In this process I have discussed the things with my frined and asked him to conveince her to marry me and not to worry about her father and slowly he wll accept us.
but she didn't listen to me and she got married to some other person.
After her marriage I came to know some new things which happend before her marriage. On my request my friend asked her after a 4 years relationship why she is giving a ditch to me, then she told same old story but finaly in discussions she said the real reason is that she loves him not me. The moment my friend came to know this he immediatly started to conveince her marriage with him and not with me...he didn't even thought that it is his duty to discuss the issue with me and shud sorted out.they have forgotten about me and started plans for their marriage...but some where in her heart something was paining stopped her from marrying him and she got married to the boy whom her father selected.After her marriage i was in a noting that she is in painb to miss me...and instead of disturbing her i wanted her to settle in her new life....but that my frined was in touch with her and he was guiding her against her husband.instead of making her comfort her in life he was telling that not to worry break the marriage relationship and marry him.

What is the wrong thing that i did...even till today i can say that am her best frined and its only me who can know or feel her problems....what if she liked him but that ididn't worked out,meantime i proposed her and looking at my frinedship and caring nature she said ok and its not only ok but we moved ahead in our relationship and i was planning our after marriage life....is it correct for her saying in the last moment that because she liked somebody else she shud ditch me???
I know she was confused that moment i can forgive her....but waht should I do with my close frined ...i use to consider him more than a frined this fact he also know....because of her foolishness she and selfishness of my friend today i forgot to live.
I have no issues with my love....but what should i do with my frined who deceived me.


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xomegaroni answered Monday October 24 2005, 3:07 pm:
that's a really tough situation. she did seemed confused about the whole thing, but she also probably lied a lot of the time, which isn't too good for a relationship anyway. no one can really say if she truly loved you er not, but if she did she'd stay with you no matter what. your friend shouldn't have gotten inbetween you guys & it seemed like he did. that isn't good for the friendship & you can totally forgive him, but don't forget it. i think you should sort out your feelings about him. don't be friends with someone you don't trust. maybe you'll become more aquiantences than friends, which sometimes is good, but sometimes is bad. it's really up to you on who you want to be your friend & who you think shouldn't be your friend. i mean, he was wrong about doing that to you & your real friends wouldn't really do that, unless it's a different story. talk to him about it. if you guys talk through it, then you'll realize how you feel so you can let him know if you guys want to be friends er not.

good luck!♥

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dhrutts answered Sunday October 23 2005, 10:49 am:
Hi There

Sometimes it's easier to seethe in silence when someone does something to wind you up, but that doesn't make the issue go away. If anything, bottling up your feelings like this just makes the problem seem worse. It means you risk a situation where your mate steps just slightly out of line and you explode right in front of them - which doesn't solve anything.

Whether your friend's just being annoying without realising, or he's done something terrible that's totally wound you up, it's always wise to pick a good time to talk - preferably when you're feeling calm and there's nobody else around to chip in or stir things up for you.

Your aim here is to encourage this person to see things from your point of view. If your mate can see the upset they've caused for themselves, they'll be more likely to change their behaviour towards you.

Nobody likes to feel as if they're being attacked, or that somehow they have to defend their actions, so don't lay into them - it'll only risk a fistfight (or that slappy-scrap thing girls do sometimes).

You can't expect them to change their behaviour straight away, especially if you're both feeling a bit self-conscious after getting things out in the open. Instead, give them some time and space to process the problem and act upon it. If they value your friendship, you should see a new improved mate in no time.

Best Wishes

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