Gender:
MaleLocation:
AustraliaOccupation:
ITAge:
30Member Since:
July 9, 2005Answers:
304Last Update:
June 15, 2019Visitors:
41908Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
Razhie
spacefem
sizzlinmandolin
Siren_Cytherea
kristamikele
ScratchesOnTheWall
Mackenzie
xXxpinky615xXx
ThugGirl041790
more...
Main Categories:
Random Weirdos
Etiquette
Love Life
View All
about
I'm an 29 year old guy.I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.
o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!
advice
I'm really active, but I weigh 113[5''2]. How can i weight this much when I'm so active?
And, I want to tone my stomach & I do a lot of crunches, but they dont seem to work best for me..any ideas?
To oversimplify, activity is only one of the numbers in weight. [What you eat] - [Activity you do] = Weight. Carbohydrates are the source of a lot of energy, they're one of the foodgroups at the bottom of the 'healthy eating pyramid', so you're apparently meant to eat a lot of them. If you substitute some of your carbohydrate intake to fruit and vegetables (which have more fibre in them), you might find the energy going in will end up less, while you still feel as full. I'm not a dietician by any means, but what you eat matters a lot, and also when (like not eating right before you go to bed).
As for toning your stomach, crunches should be relatively good, but have you ever seen a remotely pudgy person with a toned stomach?
If you're looking for abs(sp?),in general one must become so ridiculously thin before the layer of fat on your stomach disappears that it is almost unhealthy. I am the same height, male, and 55Kg, yet I only have one visibly defined line across my stomach.
Another possibility is the kind of exercise you do. For example, playing tennis for 5 hours will not make you lose as much weight as cycling for perhaps as little as one hour. I've heard walking machines do very well.
Good luck
-K
Hey. I'm 14, and I masturbate once every couple of days. Is this bad? Does this have any effect on my health?
Hi,
It's normal. My answer presumes you're a guy, you NEED to tell us things like that when you ask a question like this; More than once a day would probably make your prostate swell, which would be bad for your health. Once a day, or down to twice a week is apparently good for you, apart from the stress relief already mentioned, there was a study that showed it decreased later-life risk of prostate cancer. Also, there is the behavioural effect of becoming agressive, and generally nasty after prolonged periods without sexual activity.
Hmm, well I usually say something like "Have fun" to sign off at this point ^.-
-K
i was wondering if actions always speak louder then words. you see there is this guy, i talk to him more often then i see him, and when i talk to him, he's really sweet, he says that he loves me, so on and so forth. My dilemma is that when i see him somewhere public, like school, he acts like he doesn't want to be around me, or get to know me; but when i see him somewhere that's a little more privet he's sweet and carries on about how much he loves me, and thinks we should date. how should i take this? why is he doing it? and how can i get him to always act sweet?
Hey,
I second Sabine's answer, and I would probably lean more towards option 1, unfortunately. If he really did like you, he wouldn't try to avoid you in public, he just might not show you as much affection as he does in private. If he's acting sweet, and coming on relatively stong in private, he probably just wants to use you.
Please be careful not to let him manipulate you.
Good luck for option 2 ^_^
-K
I have Windows XP, and in my photography class at school we have iMacs. I really like the operating system a lot more than XP, and I want to know if there are any things that I can download to make it more similar, like the dock.
Thanks.
Depending on how good your computer at home is, you might be able to use http://pearpc.sourceforge.net/ to trick your computer into running OS X (which is the Mac OS with a dock). You'd want to run 10.1, 10.2, or 10.3 though. Don't try 10.4, it would be as slow as a sloth, if the earlier versions aren't anyway.
Apart from that, you could try doing google searches on utilities for Win XP. There are a lot of people out there who write programs for Windows. Careful of the lot of people who write the viruses though ^_^
Good luck
-K
This is long. Bear with me.
I'm a 14 year old boy in ninth grade.
There's a girl. I'll call her Jean. I've known Jean since the end of sixth grade, and over the years a mild "she's pretty" crush grew to what I at that point thought was genuine love. In eighth grade, Jean and I became very good friends. I was, and remain, attracted to her independence, creativity, deepness, and beauty. My major flaw would be that around her I've always had the tendency to grow quiet, becoming sort of a background lurker when her friends are around. I don't think that comes off very well -_- But anyway, back to the story.
In seventh grade we were writing a song together for our chorus, and I would often call her and talk to her online. I spent most of the day at her house once. My affections were also heightened by the fact that we were in the same musical, and the emotional level we were reduced to by the last few weeks (very, very stressful) eased things along. In those weeks of stress and difficulty, we were there for one another, and by then I felt that I was truly in love with her. Mind you, this whole time I had been a rather whiny bitch over my MySpace blog: "Oh, I'm in love with a girl but she doesn't know I love her." "Oh, being in love is so hard". Mind you, she was well aware it was her.
At the very end of the musical, one of Jean's friends (who I later found out was sent by Jean) asked me whether I liked Jean or not in private. I, being naturally paranoid and defensive, said no. This probably goes on my list for the top five mistakes I've made in my entire life, as this information was relayed back to Jean. She soon lost interest, and my guardedness and inaction proved to be my downfall. After that, everything turned sour. My feelings for her, barely changed, but she grew to find me more of an annoying background character than a friend or anything more. This hurt me deeply, and I froze myself up inside.
Luckily enough, I met a wonderful girl at camp. I'll call her Lindsay. By the end of the summer, I had nearly forgotten Jean and I was dating Lindsay. Lindsay lived 90 minutes away from me, but we talked on the phone for two hours a night and saw each other every other weekend. Things were going pretty well.
Meanwhile, the school year began and I started at my new high school. Jean was not in any of my classes (I was unsure as to whether this was good or bad), and every time I saw her there was a tremendous awkwardness between us. I could tell she no longer flat out disliked me, but how could we possibly converse as normal when she had read all of those MySpace blogs? I began to hang out with the losers and emos, while she hung out with her regular theatre crowd. But time passed...
As things between us became very, very slowly less awkward (the occasional nod or hello), I began to move away from the emos and toward the theatre crowd. I felt that the theatre crowd was where I belonged, regardless of whether Jean's being in it would make things awkward. All this time, I talked to Lindsay every night, and rarely mentioned Jean. Our relationship began to wane over time. Finally, I felt fully integrated into the theatre crowd. Although I still had my "annoying lurker" persona when around Jean, we made a lot of progress. It was soon that I realized that I had rekindled my old feelings for her.
Regardless of circumstances, I could no longer hold back my old emotions. Her beauty is captivating and almost hypnotic, and all the characteristics that I was attracted to shine bright once again. Not to fall into old patterns, but my feelings for her are and were some of the most painful in my life. Imagine standing there as an observer, standing behind a wall of ice... I think of it as one of the worst pains in existence.
Now, what happened recently was a naked picture of Jean was discovered. A junior who I am going to call Wanker traded iPods with Jean's ex-boyfriend, and proceeded to start showing people the picture. I specifically requested not to see the picture (yaaay code of honor!), and made him promise not to show it to anybody else. It was apparently sent to a couple other people... With Jean's understanding and support, I devoted the past two days (Tuesday and Wednesday) to tracking down each address the picture was sent to and then wiping it from their hard drives. I'm a bit of a techie in that sense :P
All the while, I felt bad because of my relationship with Lindsay... But I know that we will be over in the near future. We have been going for five months, and our relationship has simply run its course. It's only a matter of time now. In any event, today, Jean was called to the office. She was pulled out of last period gym, and I waited for her until the school day was over. She got out, teary-eyed, and told me she'd talk to me later. I wanted to hug her so badly... But the VP was right there.
I got on the bus to go home, and the busses began to leave. Standing there, I ultimately decided "fuck this". Tired of being the lurking bystander, I got off the bus and waited an hour and ten minutes with a couple of her friends until she got out. When she did, she was crying, and I held her. I had pretty much been needing and wanting to do that since eighth grade. It felt really good. I finally saw her off to her car... I know she appreciates what I've done for her, but I really don't know other wise. Then again, maybe I do know but don't really want to admit that she has no feelings left for me.
Long story short, the school isn't doing anything and everything is Wanker's fault. After I had him promise not to show anybody, he showed the pictures to his entire bus. But that's not really important.
My point is, my relationship with Jean is so ridiculously strained and complex, I'm wondering what I should do. Is there any hope for me/us at all? If it's any help, here's one of my old questions that tells a lot about me, my stance on things, and my life:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=465913
Thank you for reading this far. If you did, you totally deserve a cookie :)
Hi,
What I gathered to be your question;
You have a complicated situation involving two relationships, which have been developing for 3 years, and 5-ish months. You're not sure what you should do, or whether things could work between you and "Jean". You think that your other relationship is over.
Additionally (reading your other question), it seems important for you to keep the support of at least one of the girls. Perhaps you're having trouble seeing the point of anything you do, the significance, and you feel like the world is a generally nasty place. That factors in to the decisions you make regarding relationships you form, and the way they might help you.
In a nutshell, the most dangerous thing you can do for your well-being at the moment is fence-sit. As you noted from previous experience, your "guardedness and inaction proved to be [your] downfall." Not much good usually comes from sitting things out for more than a few days to get your head straight.
Part of the reason you have not yet really managed to make much of the situation with Jean is your shyness, or perhaps unwillingness to commit to being heard, seen, or known by the people around Jean. Quiet, and in the background is only occasionally a good skill to posses. For the most part, if you want to be seen, be important, or interest someone, they have to know you are there with them. You have to have some kind of opinion about stuff, rather than just a presence.
So far when it has come to people I find that Myspace, Bebo, etc. have been completely and utterly useless. I think that sometimes it is easier to try to tell somebody you like them using a keyboard, but it doesn't really translate until it has become something in person. Something they can hear, or see. When you were complaining about being in love, why were you so sure that Jean knew it was her you were talking about? Is it entirely impossible that she could have been having nightmares about it being some other girl?
List of Top-5 mistakes entry confirmed. Why would you care if one of Jean's friends knew you loved her? She could have helped you! I presume that after reading your blog for some amount of time, Jean was wanting some kind of confirmation that it was her you were talking about. "she grew to find me more of an annoying background character than a friend or anything more."
When Jean sent a friend to ask if you loved her, perhaps she was feeling similar to you. Conflicted, and didn't know if it was her, or someone else you were in love with. Can you imagine if you had one of your friends ask her if she loved you and get a straight out "No" back? That would make you feel really crap, and apart from that, you would probably completely give up on her.
How you nearly forget somebody who you thought you loved in the space of a few months, after meeting somebody else, I won't even ask. Why did your relationship with Lindsay wane over time? Distance? Lack of shared interests? It's sort of important to know why things didn't work in any failed relationship, otherwise you end up living the same break up over and over again. On the other hand, if the slowing of your relationship with Lindsay has been caused by your rekindling with Jean, then you should be careful that you don't give up your relationship to something you may see as 'better', which may not even work.
Are you sure that your feelings of renewal with Jean are justified? It's a great danger when you believe you are in love with someone, that you blow them up out of proportion, and set yourself up for disappointment when you find out they are not as perfect as you believed them to be. I am sorry to have to say so, but it is best to be sure that when you "realized that [you have] rekindled [your] old feelings for [Jean]." that is was not simply you falling in love again, with who you think she is, rather than who she really is.
The naked picture of Jean is of little consequence. The school should do something about it, and if they aren't, then perhaps it's down to lack of knowledge of who was distributing it, or ability to think of a suitable punishment. Any way that it goes, further involvement from you would probably have little effect, and seem intrusive to her privacy in dealing with the matter. Not to say you shouldn't comfort her, but I'll mention that later.
You say about Lindsay "I know that we will be over in the near future. We have been going for five months, and our relationship has simply run its course. It's only a matter of time now." I read from that; the relationship is dead. As I said before, I hope this is not the pure fault of your feelings for somebody else, which might or might not be reciprocated. It is easy to give something, or someone up to take a chance for something better. But there is also the timeless "You don't know what you've got..." saying.
"She got out, teary-eyed, and told me she'd talk to me later. I wanted to hug her so badly... But the VP was right there." The only response I can possibly think of to this is "So GD hug her then!". What? Does the Vice Principal have some ISSUE with hugging?
When you were waiting for Jean to get out (from where?), did you talk with her friends? You should try to talk not just with her, or when you're alone, but talk with her friends in their group too. I'm sure you know this, but it's really important. It shows not only her friends, but also her, that you are not just a bystander, and that you have a nice personality.
"she was crying, and I held her." Kudos. This means that she doesn't hate you. Actually, I imagine that it means she must still like you at least a little.
With regard to your previous question; If you're looking for meaning and answers, then maybe you should consider the passage you wrote about problems. You obviously seem to have large issue with the way the world is going, and understandably so. "Meaning and Answers" are what you make. Unless you find something that you feel will allow you to make a contribution at least attempting to create a better future, then other people will be making the answers. Clever, yet stupid people. Most likely, the people who have created the current situation which you so dislike. You should try reading some philosophy books, you would probably do quite well as long as you didn't start talking the way the philosophers do. Then everybody would hate you :)
The way your plans fit in with your relationships is quite important. Whoever you chose to be in a relationship with must be able to understand the direction you're going in. There is no point in having a relationship hold you to what you have been, because it will simply end up blowing up, or dragging you down.
So just to make sure this makes sense at the end, I'll do my little synopsis now;
You need to decisively chose which girl you want to be with, and be kind to the other's feelings. That would mean being straight with Lindsay, if that's the way it goes. You don't have to tell her there's another girl, but you do have to have some valid reason for things not working out.
The girl you want to continue a relationship with should know that you like her. There are many ways you can do this. Friends of hers would probably be helpful/useful. How about the one who asked you before? What would happen if you were to say "You know how that time I told you I didn't love Jean, well...". If you need more help, you could either look up similar questions, or ask another one.
Whatever your decision is, you need it to be seen and heard. I think you need to try not to be so quiet, however hard that might be. Now, by seen and heard, I mean NOT "Hey everybody I love Jean *surname*" over the school P.A. Or even to a group of her friends. But you need to become interesting around her friends. You need to let her know that you're interested, without necessarily shouting it at her, or throwing pebbles at her window at 1 in the morning. But you can't be saying that you don't love her when her friends ask you. Or any time really.
From the situation you provided, it doesn't sound too off the radar to hope that something will develop with Jean. Best not to be too needy or hasty about these things though.
Hope everything goes well for you,
-K
can drinking coffe, not eating make heart palpations worse?
Yes. The items YGM listed, plus many others, including most "energy" drinks, contain stimulant chemicals (Coffee has Caffeine). Stimulants often cause the heart to beat faster, harder, or more erratically.
If you drink coffee on an empty stomach, there will be nothing in your stomach to absorb, or slow your processing of the caffeine, which will make its effects greater.
I know it takes up to two years for your period to regukate, but I've been having mine for two years already, and I haven't had my period in about two months. I couldn't be pregnant because I'm a virgin. What could be wrong?
Just to add to what everyone else has said; Athletes often don't have periods. If you're really (maybe too thin) skinny, your periods will stop, because your body doesn't continue readying itself for childbearing when you don't have enough fat reserves to support a child.
-K
i feel so weird because im 15 and i havent had my first kiss yet. is this normal?
Dw about it :P I'm almost 19 and I'm still waiting for something to happen! *note to self, must get on to that*
-K
i caught a virus from a friend and last night i threw up 5 times and the 1st time, stuff actually came out. and the other times, i couldnt stop heaving unless something came out and nothing was coming out....is that normal? well anyways, i have the grossest taste in my mouth and i cant get it to go away and i have tried ginerale and crackers to make my stomach feel better but it didnt work. is there anything else? and like that muscles in my lower back and like my abdominal muscles are soooo sore like everytime i get up and get down and wen i laugh or cough or something. i tried stretching to get it to go away but it didnt work...any other suggestions?
thanks
~~Jenna
Hi,
Milk will probably help with the bad taste. When you throw up once, you get stomach acid, and the contents of your stomach coming up. Drinking some milk straight away (if you think it will stay down well enough) will mean that you won't end up with a REALLY sore throat after throwing up for several days.
After throwing up several times, (don't ask me why) I think that some of the vomit contains bile. That's probably what tastes so awful, and is hard to get the taste from your mouth. Milk!
Ice-cream (Peppermint is best) will probably soothe your stomach a bit, and it will also act like milk, which means if you eat some, then throw up, it should help allow the bad taste to be washed out of your mouth, and prevent the acid and bile from making your throat sore.
Sorry if the language was a bit blunt ^.-
Hope you're better soon
-K
How many minutes is 3.27 GB?
Please ask this question again, and spend a little bit of time explaining the situation.
If you're talking about CD Audio, it's about 363 minutes. If you're talking about DVD video with audio, it's a minimum of 36 minutes, or if you make the DVD lower quality it will stretch to however long you want. Decent quality will probably make it 60-120 minutes.
Your question depends on WHAT kind of media you are putting into minutes, and what BIT-RATE you are incoding it.
Hope that makes sense,
-K
ok when i try to sleep at night i just keep thinking about stuff and i cant slep then the next thing i know its 3 oo in the morning- anyone have a way i can go to sleep faster or think i have a sleeping disorder? thanks
Hi,
I have a similar problem. Thinking = not sleeping...
For me, cooling myself down works wonderfully;
Try taking a cool shower (as cold as is comfortable). Don't dry your hair thoroughly, so it cools you down more. Ice-cubes are convenient too. I ice my wrists, and run it down my arms (because I figure it's the fastest way to take the most heat out), and I also melt a few in my my mouth.
Make sure your bed isn't too hot.
[You don't need to make yourself Cold, just give yourself a hand cooling down to the temperature that your body might usually fall to when you sleep]
I guess this might be different for different people.
Hope it works
-K
can your hair fall out from dyeing your hair?
Hi,
if you use a purpose-made hair dye, and you follow their instructions (They usually tell you to spot test, and leave it overnight to make sure you're not allergic to it) then nothing bad should happen to your hair. If it did, you might even be able to claim compensation from them ;)
If you use bleach, or peroxide on your hair, be ultra careful. Bleach can burn you if it's too strong (I'm not sure about peroxide, but maybe it too). On top of that, if you get them on the roots of your hair, it can fall out (Depends on the person).
I recommend NOT using bleach or peroxide on yourself. If you need a very light colour, get it professionally done, or buy one of those skull-cap dying hats so that it doesn't get onto the roots of your hair, and doublecheck your quantity calculations ^_^.
-K
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry but this might take me ages to expalin...PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!
hi, i really need some advice....
it's just when I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Ian............
It's just wnen I met Ian in primary school i grew more and more fond of him until i knew I was in love with him. However I wasn't sure whether he actually LOVED me or not altough there were times when I felt like he did.
It's just that in his final year of primary (he was a year younger than me you see) whilst I was at high school. My sister was then at his school and she told me that he said to someone 'I'm not going to some rubbish school like 'name of school' Community High school'. Now if he'd have LOVED me would't he have been more upset about not going to my school?? I am just VERY confused.
Also I found out from a source (it would take me too long to expalain how I found this out) that he had said to his friends (after I had sent him countless Valentine's cards) that Ian had said (about me)in a not particularly nice voice by the way she said it(that's if she was telling the truth) 'there's this girl who REALLY fancies me'. But then I also found out that he had apparantly turned down an invitation to go out with another girl because he had said he liked. (also i heard he had gone around saying that i was really clever!!!!...by the way this is one coment which makes me think that he wouldn't fancy me when he knows about me getting no GCSEs) But if he'd have LOVED me would he have said something like 'there's this girl that REALLY fancies me' and ''I'm not going to some rubbish school.........'??? which i didn't think were very nice things to say.
I can't tell...and would appreciate an outside opinion. Do you think he LOVED me (like I loved him) or do you think he just fancied me. is the only way to have found out/find out to have asked/to ask him. It's just I really would appreciate your opinion on this (I just need an honest answer no matter what that may be) Do you think he LOVED me or not...or only fancied me???If he loved me then why would he have chosen to go to the private school rather than my school??Or would the only way to tell be to ask him. (which I can't possibly do) It's just I loved him. can you offer me any advice on this...as I really cannot sort my head out...and cannot work it out.
Just for reference this below is simply a record of the whole situation I have included it because without it you might not understand the above question.
My Problem is this:
When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Ian.
But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.
I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.
Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.
I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.
Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Ian and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.
Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:
Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)
I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.
However this is my problem:
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Ian goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him…but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He’s going to think I am a bad person .
But the thing is he's studyiwng 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)
He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished
Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago….i just wasn’t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.
The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL. I AM 18 YEARS old now btw...and am getting severely worried about my future
THIS IS THE END OF EXPLAINING THE WHOLE SITUATION
. i JUST NEEDED TO FIND OUT THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION :
Do you think Ian ever loved me or just fancied me??? PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE COULD YOU REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM REALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING HIM!!!! can you offer me any advice?? Did he love me?? Do boys love girls in a different sort of way to what girls love boys?? Or did he simply not love me?? His comments are confusing.PLEASE HELP!!!!! Did he love me.......or not...? This is really important to me. PLEASE be honest!!!!!!!
I also have another question: it's just I have thought about asking Ian if he would consider going out with me when he comes back from University.(by which time I might have been able to catch up a bit in college and might not be so dim) What do you think about this idea?
Also I really need to ask you: What could/should i have done when I first started high school and got seperated from/lost ian? How could I have held on to him? please be honest. what things could I have tried to hold on to him? :
PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS AS IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by the way i live in England. I am so so sorry this writing is so long by the way :( but please could you help
Post Points: 5
Hi,
Ok, well the first thing I have to say is OMG that question was so long! But at least it was more in-depth, and intelligent than "Wel ah see I luvd this guy bt then I threw up all or him nd now I dont know woit to do. Will he eva talk to me again?" ^_^
Oh, yes. To the question! (If you will excuse my ridiculously long answer)
First of all, I have to say that I had something similar (Fell in love in primary school, and then didn't see her for several years etc.), except I didn't end up out of school, and my parents have always been very supportive of me, so I don't have an education worry.
How well did you get to know Ian in Primary School?
You said that you got to like him more and more, and then you loved him. Why did you love him?
Did you know him well enough to really be in love with him, or did you just think that you did?
You said that sometimes you felt like he loved you also. Why was this?
When Ian made the comment "I'm not going to some rubbish school like 'name of school' Community High school", it doesn't sound like he was considering leaving friends, and other things like that. On the other hand, if he had love for you at that point, you would have thought maybe he would have considered it anyway, or not gone to an all boy's school.
Did Ian ever talk to you/call you/email you while you were in high school, and he was still back in primary?
When you sent him valentines cards (I also did this, but I was a little bit stupid back then, because I didn't actually know her address, so I sent "secret admirer" stuff to phonebook addresses asking people to throw it out if she didn't live there) did he ever send anything back, or phone you, or respond to you in any way? Anyone who wanted to know you, loved you, probably would have.
At this point in your question you said he turned another girl down because: "he had said he liked."
I took this as missing the word "me". How did you find this out? Do you trust the person who it came from originally? It doesn't matter who it went through, if it's just a rumour that a trustworthy friend repeats to you. There is another possibility that he just didn't want to go out with the other girl, and plucked your name out of nowhere as an excuse. Sorry if that's a painful suggestion.
Why would Ian go around telling people you are really clever? Does he even know you? That sounds like a rumour to me, because he would have no reason to, and aimlessly going around telling people somebody you don't currently know are really clever is a very strange thing to do, isn't it?
Once again, if a boy likes or loves you, and you send him a valentines day card, he calls you, or emails you, or knocks on your door with a bunch of flowers. He does NOT say "There's this girl that REALLY fancies me" out loud. Guys sometimes think things like this, and that is fine. Saying someone "really fancies" you is (in my interpretation) similar to saying "gee, somebody has a crush on me *shrug*" In fact, I would take it as somewhat RUDE that he knows you really want to know him, and that he hasn't said anything to you while knowing it.
Please don't take this as mean; Why was it that you thought he fancied you back in the first place?
Asking him (which you have said you wouldn't be able to do) would be the most effective way to find out his feelings (or at least the ones he wants publicly known) about you. It also provides a massive release of all of the crap zinging around in your head telling you "this, no that, no wait, omg it's so confusing!".
When or if you talk to him, you should be prepared for him not to be the way you remember him being. People change SO MUCH from primary school to university that they can seem like (and Be) different people altogether.
The girl I thought that I loved for 8 years after I left primary school turned out to be so different from what I remembered her as that I finally decided that I didn't know her anymore, and I should probably stop being obsessive about wanting to know the girl I wanted to know in primary school, because she wasn't there anymore. Complicated. And I'm meant to be answering your question, not telling a story..
You have to be careful not to let things hurt you. I'll come back to this worry later.
I think I can relate a little to why you had trouble with school. I was bullied badly until about grade 9 so I know how that feels.
Personally, counselling never did anything for me. In fact, I believe that many of the times that I went to the school counselor about things, it made them worse.
So I'm not sure if I've got it right, but you were mostly out of school for the past 5-6 years?
I think college is important. It's something to do, and education is what allows people to be successful in today's world. I don't like it, but it seems to be getting more and more based on competition, so if you don't have higher education you're not in a good position. If you want to go to College, please try not to let Ian influence the way you think about things. If you should go, then being hung up over Ian isn't going to make any difference. On top of that, it's more likely Ian will want to know you if he sees that you are trying to fix your life, or 'fix yourself' if that is the way you feel. If you DON'T go to college, it is clearly, and definitely more likely Ian won't want to know you. That means you should go no matter what, doesn't it?
The next question that you should ask is whether he will recognise you if he sees you. If he doesn't, you have no fear of him not liking you, and you don't immediately have to explain Anything to him.
If he really is intelligent, Ian won't think you are a bad person if you explain things to him. Only somebody who didn't understand what has happened to you would think that you had done something wrong. You didn't have your parent's support while you were being brought up, you were affected by your grandmother's death, and by bullying. Once depression gets you, things less bad than that take over, and it's game over until something snaps you out of it. Been there too, don't ask.
I didn't understand when you said that the courses that you would be expected to enroll in at college would teach you things such as how to use public transport. Do they actually teach that sort of thing?? Don't you just get on the train, then get off at the right stop, etc? I really must have misunderstood. Anybody intelligent enough to have written such a long, detailed, and worried problem out, asking for help can't possibly need help with public transport.
Not understanding that... why do you have to start that low? Isn't there a way to catch up with what you missed? I know that before university, I really didn't feel like I'd been taught a whole heap. I also thought that there were a lot of older people starting at uni completely cold (no education except vocational), and doing the same courses as me.
If your dream is to know this boy, then perhaps you have the best motivation in the world to catch up very quickly? If he didn't recognise you, maybe you could catch up without him noticing you, and then try to get to know him once you're in a better position? I think you suggested this later in your question.
Like I was saying before, if he Does recognise you, and you explain things to him properly, he won't think you're a 'terrible person' unless he's dumb. Maybe if you get him in the right situation [i.e. probably alone (and you keep yourself calm enough to be coherent)] you could explain a lot to him. If you couldn't talk to him, perhaps you could print out something similar to your question (which was mostly very well put, apart from perhaps being very strong, which could freak him out a bit). NOTE - this is dangerous, if he were to take it the wrong way, or were a bad person himself without you knowing it, you may find photocopies of your letter strewn all over the college. No need to say that would be bad for you. Please explain things carefully, and if possible in a way that he can't use as a knife to hurt you.
In explaining your Sister's situation; explain that your mother neglected both of you, and that your sister was following your lead when you were in a state of depression.
Boys don't love in a different way from Girls as far as I can tell. I think however, that it may be very uncommon for people to fall in love at such a young age, which is a problem for the one who does, if the person they fall in love with doesn't have the slightest clue of love at the time.
I don't think that there is a way for me (with the information that you gave, and even everything you know) to tell you whether Ian loved you, or will even remember who you are. He may, but you don't know, and I certainly can't tell you if you don't know.
Ah, here is your question about whether you should try to catch up, and then ask if he would 'consider going out with' you. I suggest that if you do ask him out, don't ask him to consider. Ask him out, or don't. If he turns you down, you have to accept it. Please don't let him destroy you, especially if he isn't who you thought you loved.
You ask what you should have done. I've asked myself this so many times. I think when you find someone you think you really have a connection to, you've just got to act on it at the time. If you get taken away from them, you have to try to get in touch with them. You have to find out their address, or phone number, or tell them how you feel before you are gone, and never fall away from them in the first place.
Well, that's everything from your question..
If you want my honest opinion, you should talk to the guy. You need him to know how you feel, and you need to know how he feels. You should be prepared for him to be so different from what you imagined that it will hurt. But you can't let this wreck your life. Despite how your situation may seem bad, you aren't really so far behind that you can't do anything you want if you try. I know sometimes it's difficult to believe things like that when people say them, but really, when they need to, people can come back from massive problems in their life. It's the way life goes so often. So don't let things get you down. You are who you choose to be (and all of the other inspirational crap.)
If there's anything I left out, or you need to ask anything else, please private-question me. If you don't want it public, email me at (REMOVE THE MULTIPLE CAPITAL Ws, but not the lower case one:) lacWroiWxsweWetie@hoWtmail.com
Also, email me when you feel like you've resolved things. I am interested to know how things turn out for you.
-K
p.s. 1957 words, not including references 0=)
Usualy when my boyfriend comes over we just end up watching movies but i want him to have fun when he is at my house! I dont have much things me and him could do around here so I would really apriciate it if you guys could give me some ideas!
Hi,
Doesn't your boyfriend find watching movies fun?? The way you put your question..."just end up", makes it sound like perhaps there is a lack of immediate ideas on what to do, and so one of you suggests watching a movie. Or maybe by now it's become a bad routine.
There aren't many things to do? Well, as the first person suggested, ice-skating and bowling are prime out of the house activities to do with someone else. But I think there are a lot of things you can do around the house. Does your boyfriend talk? Play a game of 20 questions with him, or perhaps truth or dare. Dare him to kiss you if you want him to. Turn on some music and make him dance with you, or teach him. He's got no excuse, as there's nobody else watching...
Cook things together (Parents tend to like this one, as long as the results are ok).
Ask him to help you redecorate your room (Or force him to tidy it up with you!) I guess that one depends on how you think it would turn out (if it would be more fun than watching movies), but it would teach your boyfriend where you put stuff in your room.
If he picked up something which had a history, you could turn it into story-time.
The sense that I get from your question is that your boyfriend isn't really bothered by watching movies, but you would like it better (and feel like it was more fun for both of you) if you were doing something else. In that case, if you end up watching a movie again, press pause, and ask him if there's anything He would rather do. Maybe he's got some ideas.
Have fun~
-K.
Do you guys know any recipes or something for home made facial masks to clear pores ? You know every day objects like milk eggs or something. Something that works & wont like make you break out as much. Id appreciate it if you gave me some ideas so I can clear my skin more so i dont have to buy as much products. Thanks for the help
Hi,
One word : Water
No, I'm not being an idiot and telling you to wash your face.. 0=)
Get a large glass bowl, and a heat-proof surface that you can put on a table which you can sit at.
Pour boiling water into the bowl (depending on how tolerant your skin is to heat, dilute it with cool water).
Drape a towel, or clean tea-towel (a corner from a thick sheet will do if you're desperate) over your head, around the edges of the bowl so that the steam from the bowl is concentrated on your skin.
DO NOT let the towel get into the water, because it will wick water, and could end up burning you.
If you're too hot, cool the water down, but the idea is sort of like a facial-sauna, so your face should get reasonably hot, and may be flushed afterwards for a while.
If you have trouble breathing steam, you might want to use a straw to breath
After 10 minutes or so, with clean hands you can gently clear any blackheads that are really bothering you, and after that finish by splashing your face with cool (cold is enjoyable if you like a bit of a shock) water.
Also, if you want a dis-infectant for your skin, try finding 'Witch-hazel', and putting it in a spraybottle. It's refreshingly cool, and you can just spray it on and leave it.
If you've got really bad skin, see a dermatologist, they have some good ways of treating things these days, especially if you're female.
-K
I dye my hair champagne/platinum blonde quite frequently and it looks great the first week or two. But after that, it slowly fades into a really dull color. I use John Frieda Sheer Blonde (for champagne and plantinum highlighted hair), but that doesn't hold the color too well. Has anyone personally used a specific brand of shampoo and conditioner that they could suggest for my shade? Thanks.
Hi,
Go to a dedicated hair-product shop, and ask them to show you the 'colour shampoo' products.
There are shampoo products designed specifically to counter your exact problem, which incorporate dye into the shampoo to keep/re-enforce colour in your hair.
On top of that, they're usually a lot better quality shampoos than you find in supermarkets. I suggest if you just want maintain the after-dyed look, (depending on the strength of the colour shampoo) that you would only need to shampoo with it a few times a week.
-K
16/f. please help im addicted to ice cream! whenever i see it, i have to have it. and im always eating it. i could eat a whole carton at once and its really bad because i dont think i would be the weight i am now if i wasnt so obsessed. how can i stop my craving/obsession with it? please dont say take it out of the home because i have 6 other family member who still want it.
Hi,
When you DO eat icecream, use a small bowl and a teaspoon (a small spoon) to eat it. There's a psychological difference that will make you think you've eaten more. You'll be more likely to feel bad about eating a second helping, etc.
Find an alternative obsession, or something to think about when you see Icecream that either takes your mind off it, or repulses you.
Maybe if you were really worried about it, you could try to condition yourself to hate ice-cream through a very nasty experience - such as mixing a disgusting salty sandwhich spread with a portion of ice-cream, then forcing yourself to eat it.
You could ask your family members to hide the ice-cream behind the bread in the freezer or something?
If you're worried about your weight, maybe you can discourage yourself from eating ice-cream, and try to ease a little of it off by making a comittment to walk around the block (or somewhere a sizeable walk wherever you live) 5 times every time you eat ice-cream.
If you have problems when you see ice-cream in shops, try saving up to buy something you'd really like (which isn't icecream 0=). Think about it any time you want to spend money on ice-cream.
Hope one of those helps. Just keep trying to think of ways to make ice-cream a true enemy!
-K
I've had my iPod mini for about eleven months and it's always worked fine. However, recently I've noticed a problem with playing music on it. There are certain songs that just won't play. If the iPod randomly selects one of these songs then it will just skip past it until it finds a song that will play. I've tried going to the albums that the songs are on and selecting them and trying to play them that way, but that doesn't work either.
Has anyone had this problem with their iPod mini or know how to solve it?
Hi,
Do you buy music from the iTunes music store? If you do, then I think those songs only play a certain number of times (5? I'm not sure). If you had those songs on your iPod, it's possible you've run out of plays.
Apart from that, I think earlier iPods may have had trouble with some 'configurations' of sound file. Apart from songs having to be in mp3, aac, apple lossless, or perhaps something else, there are particular ways of making these formats. Here's a short explanation:
You can have CBR, or VBR. The C stands for Constant. The V stands for Variable. The BR stands for bit-rate. Depending on how old the software, "Firmware" on your iPod is, perhaps it doesn't like VBR files.
You get different bitrates also, but I think Apple's always supported high bitrates so that shouldn't be your problem.
Also, if you have iTunes, it could be an idea to use the option of converting the "ID3 tags" on all of your music to the version it suggests. Sometimes files have the wrong version of 'tag', and won't play because of that.
Before you check any of these things out though, I suggest that you check what version of Firmware you have on your iPod, and update if there's an update available. If you've got a mac, do this through the apple menu at the top left of your screen (select "Software Update..." and look for an iPod firmware update/er). If you have a windows computer, I think you might have to go to the apple website and download it as a .exe or something.
Hope those help!
-K
well my one friend is having like a party and she invited me to go tommorrow night and sleep over afterwards. i asked my mom and she said yes as long as the parents are home. well today i found out no parents will be there and itll be like an open house. I really really want to go. but now the guilt is coming to me. What should i do? I mean i don't always wanna be such a goody good. please help i really wanna go?! whats your advice. thanks
Hey,
I don't know what time it is wherever you live, so Am I'm answering this on time?
What's your mother like? Is the reason she said that you could go 'as long as the parents are home' because she's worried about your safety? Is she worried about your responsiblity levels, or does she trust you well?
Depending on who's throwing them, open house parties can be dangerous. You didn't mention if you were male or female, but if you're female, you have to be cautious about things like "who knows where you are, when", and mind anything that you drink. Spiking happens, and it's got a purpose, a bad one.
If you do go, without telling your mother, make sure someone you trust very well knows where you are, and tell your mother when you should be back home the next day by.
You know how responsible you can be. If you're under 16, I don't recommend going without asking your mother on the new terms.
I think you probably think your mother wouldn't want you going if she knew what the party was. What you have to decide is whether it will be safe, and you can go without a lot of risk to yourself. If you decide that you can, then you shouldn't be worried about having lied. You can tell her the next day "Well, I went, but when I got there there were heaps of people, and I didn't know where her parents were...". This serves the purpose of enhancing your ability to look after yourself in your mother's perspective. Unless of course you think she would just freak out on you.
Sorry to be long about it :)
-K
I'm going to a new school this year she I don't have a lot of friends. There's a guy that talks to me, whose name is Alex. He has been nice to me unlike anyone else and he's fun. I think he's wanting to take things past friendship, but i'm not sure if he's a good person to get involved with. He's (from what he's said) probably not a virgin and he cusses a lot. I'm a Christian. Is he just going to drag me down? Should I even continue our frienship? I'm afraid of being all alone again without any friends. I'm not good at starting conversations or getting to know people.
Hi,
A lot of people start at new schools without many friends. Only people who follow their group to the school they go to, or go through school with someone they're really close friends with don't feel at all afraid about going to a new school. I think it could be a lot worse in America than where I live, because the schools might tend to be bigger, but it's the same fear of being invisible, and not knowing anybody.
And there is Alex. What grade is Alex in? Is he at your current school? Or going to your new school? (sounds like he is). When it comes to guys, I always tell girls to be cautious. Most of the time, guys look cleaner than they are. What has he said that makes you think he's probably not a virgin? Was it a rude thing to say?
Also, what gave you the impression he would like to be more than friends?
By all means be friends with him, but don't make any sudden moves, and don't allow him to either, or you could end up like a lot of other girls who've been 'used and dumped'. Sorry to put it negatively, but I find it's easier to be careful, and end up happy, than to be carefree, and end up broken.
And lastly, you say you're not good at starting conversations, and getting to know people.
Not many people are. There are several ways you can try to get around it. Societies and clubs, or sporting teams provide social opportunities. I used to find 'self help' books (although you won't want to read them at school) to actually be reasonably Good at solving problems. Although if you get a book you just can't believe, then it won't have any effect on you.
A third thing you can try, is small challenges. Find somebody who is eating alone at lunch - perhaps another girl (I presume you're a girl) would be less intimidating, and ask if you can sit with them. Start a conversation with things that are unimportant, or impersonal if you like, for instance, ask them what they're doing at school this year. If you don't start off with names, you might want to introduce yourself somewhere along the way if it's convenient.. At the end of the break you might find that you've met somebody new.
Another thought; perhaps there's a christian student society.
Apart from that, I'm sure that there are a lot of suggestions given on here to people who asked questions about socialising that you can look up if my suggestions haven't sounded good for you.
I'm not sure if I'm overstepping what you said in your question, but if the real reason you like Alex is because he's one of the only people you know, or think you know, that's not a reason on its own to go out with him. Don't let being afraid of being alone make you do something you'd regret to keep a friend who might not be genuine.
Good luck starting school!
-K