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DID HE EVER LOVE ME? IS THIS POSSIBLE?? &how could i have he
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry but this might take me ages to expalin...PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!
hi, i really need some advice....
it's just when I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Ian............
It's just wnen I met Ian in primary school i grew more and more fond of him until i knew I was in love with him. However I wasn't sure whether he actually LOVED me or not altough there were times when I felt like he did.
It's just that in his final year of primary (he was a year younger than me you see) whilst I was at high school. My sister was then at his school and she told me that he said to someone 'I'm not going to some rubbish school like 'name of school' Community High school'. Now if he'd have LOVED me would't he have been more upset about not going to my school?? I am just VERY confused.
Also I found out from a source (it would take me too long to expalain how I found this out) that he had said to his friends (after I had sent him countless Valentine's cards) that Ian had said (about me)in a not particularly nice voice by the way she said it(that's if she was telling the truth) 'there's this girl who REALLY fancies me'. But then I also found out that he had apparantly turned down an invitation to go out with another girl because he had said he liked. (also i heard he had gone around saying that i was really clever!!!!...by the way this is one coment which makes me think that he wouldn't fancy me when he knows about me getting no GCSEs) But if he'd have LOVED me would he have said something like 'there's this girl that REALLY fancies me' and ''I'm not going to some rubbish school.........'??? which i didn't think were very nice things to say.
I can't tell...and would appreciate an outside opinion. Do you think he LOVED me (like I loved him) or do you think he just fancied me. is the only way to have found out/find out to have asked/to ask him. It's just I really would appreciate your opinion on this (I just need an honest answer no matter what that may be) Do you think he LOVED me or not...or only fancied me???If he loved me then why would he have chosen to go to the private school rather than my school??Or would the only way to tell be to ask him. (which I can't possibly do) It's just I loved him. can you offer me any advice on this...as I really cannot sort my head out...and cannot work it out.
Just for reference this below is simply a record of the whole situation I have included it because without it you might not understand the above question.
My Problem is this:
When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Ian.
But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.
I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.
Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.
I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.
Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Ian and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.
Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:
Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)
I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.
However this is my problem:
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Ian goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him…but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He’s going to think I am a bad person .
But the thing is he's studyiwng 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)
He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished
Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago….i just wasn’t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.
The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL. I AM 18 YEARS old now btw...and am getting severely worried about my future
THIS IS THE END OF EXPLAINING THE WHOLE SITUATION
. i JUST NEEDED TO FIND OUT THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION :
Do you think Ian ever loved me or just fancied me??? PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE COULD YOU REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM REALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING HIM!!!! can you offer me any advice?? Did he love me?? Do boys love girls in a different sort of way to what girls love boys?? Or did he simply not love me?? His comments are confusing.PLEASE HELP!!!!! Did he love me.......or not...? This is really important to me. PLEASE be honest!!!!!!!
I also have another question: it's just I have thought about asking Ian if he would consider going out with me when he comes back from University.(by which time I might have been able to catch up a bit in college and might not be so dim) What do you think about this idea?
Also I really need to ask you: What could/should i have done when I first started high school and got seperated from/lost ian? How could I have held on to him? please be honest. what things could I have tried to hold on to him? :
PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS AS IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by the way i live in England. I am so so sorry this writing is so long by the way :( but please could you help
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Hi,
Ok, well the first thing I have to say is OMG that question was so long! But at least it was more in-depth, and intelligent than "Wel ah see I luvd this guy bt then I threw up all or him nd now I dont know woit to do. Will he eva talk to me again?" ^_^
Oh, yes. To the question! (If you will excuse my ridiculously long answer)
First of all, I have to say that I had something similar (Fell in love in primary school, and then didn't see her for several years etc.), except I didn't end up out of school, and my parents have always been very supportive of me, so I don't have an education worry.
How well did you get to know Ian in Primary School?
You said that you got to like him more and more, and then you loved him. Why did you love him?
Did you know him well enough to really be in love with him, or did you just think that you did?
You said that sometimes you felt like he loved you also. Why was this?
When Ian made the comment "I'm not going to some rubbish school like 'name of school' Community High school", it doesn't sound like he was considering leaving friends, and other things like that. On the other hand, if he had love for you at that point, you would have thought maybe he would have considered it anyway, or not gone to an all boy's school.
Did Ian ever talk to you/call you/email you while you were in high school, and he was still back in primary?
When you sent him valentines cards (I also did this, but I was a little bit stupid back then, because I didn't actually know her address, so I sent "secret admirer" stuff to phonebook addresses asking people to throw it out if she didn't live there) did he ever send anything back, or phone you, or respond to you in any way? Anyone who wanted to know you, loved you, probably would have.
At this point in your question you said he turned another girl down because: "he had said he liked."
I took this as missing the word "me". How did you find this out? Do you trust the person who it came from originally? It doesn't matter who it went through, if it's just a rumour that a trustworthy friend repeats to you. There is another possibility that he just didn't want to go out with the other girl, and plucked your name out of nowhere as an excuse. Sorry if that's a painful suggestion.
Why would Ian go around telling people you are really clever? Does he even know you? That sounds like a rumour to me, because he would have no reason to, and aimlessly going around telling people somebody you don't currently know are really clever is a very strange thing to do, isn't it?
Once again, if a boy likes or loves you, and you send him a valentines day card, he calls you, or emails you, or knocks on your door with a bunch of flowers. He does NOT say "There's this girl that REALLY fancies me" out loud. Guys sometimes think things like this, and that is fine. Saying someone "really fancies" you is (in my interpretation) similar to saying "gee, somebody has a crush on me *shrug*" In fact, I would take it as somewhat RUDE that he knows you really want to know him, and that he hasn't said anything to you while knowing it.
Please don't take this as mean; Why was it that you thought he fancied you back in the first place?
Asking him (which you have said you wouldn't be able to do) would be the most effective way to find out his feelings (or at least the ones he wants publicly known) about you. It also provides a massive release of all of the crap zinging around in your head telling you "this, no that, no wait, omg it's so confusing!".
When or if you talk to him, you should be prepared for him not to be the way you remember him being. People change SO MUCH from primary school to university that they can seem like (and Be) different people altogether.
The girl I thought that I loved for 8 years after I left primary school turned out to be so different from what I remembered her as that I finally decided that I didn't know her anymore, and I should probably stop being obsessive about wanting to know the girl I wanted to know in primary school, because she wasn't there anymore. Complicated. And I'm meant to be answering your question, not telling a story..
You have to be careful not to let things hurt you. I'll come back to this worry later.
I think I can relate a little to why you had trouble with school. I was bullied badly until about grade 9 so I know how that feels.
Personally, counselling never did anything for me. In fact, I believe that many of the times that I went to the school counselor about things, it made them worse.
So I'm not sure if I've got it right, but you were mostly out of school for the past 5-6 years?
I think college is important. It's something to do, and education is what allows people to be successful in today's world. I don't like it, but it seems to be getting more and more based on competition, so if you don't have higher education you're not in a good position. If you want to go to College, please try not to let Ian influence the way you think about things. If you should go, then being hung up over Ian isn't going to make any difference. On top of that, it's more likely Ian will want to know you if he sees that you are trying to fix your life, or 'fix yourself' if that is the way you feel. If you DON'T go to college, it is clearly, and definitely more likely Ian won't want to know you. That means you should go no matter what, doesn't it?
The next question that you should ask is whether he will recognise you if he sees you. If he doesn't, you have no fear of him not liking you, and you don't immediately have to explain Anything to him.
If he really is intelligent, Ian won't think you are a bad person if you explain things to him. Only somebody who didn't understand what has happened to you would think that you had done something wrong. You didn't have your parent's support while you were being brought up, you were affected by your grandmother's death, and by bullying. Once depression gets you, things less bad than that take over, and it's game over until something snaps you out of it. Been there too, don't ask.
I didn't understand when you said that the courses that you would be expected to enroll in at college would teach you things such as how to use public transport. Do they actually teach that sort of thing?? Don't you just get on the train, then get off at the right stop, etc? I really must have misunderstood. Anybody intelligent enough to have written such a long, detailed, and worried problem out, asking for help can't possibly need help with public transport.
Not understanding that... why do you have to start that low? Isn't there a way to catch up with what you missed? I know that before university, I really didn't feel like I'd been taught a whole heap. I also thought that there were a lot of older people starting at uni completely cold (no education except vocational), and doing the same courses as me.
If your dream is to know this boy, then perhaps you have the best motivation in the world to catch up very quickly? If he didn't recognise you, maybe you could catch up without him noticing you, and then try to get to know him once you're in a better position? I think you suggested this later in your question.
Like I was saying before, if he Does recognise you, and you explain things to him properly, he won't think you're a 'terrible person' unless he's dumb. Maybe if you get him in the right situation [i.e. probably alone (and you keep yourself calm enough to be coherent)] you could explain a lot to him. If you couldn't talk to him, perhaps you could print out something similar to your question (which was mostly very well put, apart from perhaps being very strong, which could freak him out a bit). NOTE - this is dangerous, if he were to take it the wrong way, or were a bad person himself without you knowing it, you may find photocopies of your letter strewn all over the college. No need to say that would be bad for you. Please explain things carefully, and if possible in a way that he can't use as a knife to hurt you.
In explaining your Sister's situation; explain that your mother neglected both of you, and that your sister was following your lead when you were in a state of depression.
Boys don't love in a different way from Girls as far as I can tell. I think however, that it may be very uncommon for people to fall in love at such a young age, which is a problem for the one who does, if the person they fall in love with doesn't have the slightest clue of love at the time.
I don't think that there is a way for me (with the information that you gave, and even everything you know) to tell you whether Ian loved you, or will even remember who you are. He may, but you don't know, and I certainly can't tell you if you don't know.
Ah, here is your question about whether you should try to catch up, and then ask if he would 'consider going out with' you. I suggest that if you do ask him out, don't ask him to consider. Ask him out, or don't. If he turns you down, you have to accept it. Please don't let him destroy you, especially if he isn't who you thought you loved.
You ask what you should have done. I've asked myself this so many times. I think when you find someone you think you really have a connection to, you've just got to act on it at the time. If you get taken away from them, you have to try to get in touch with them. You have to find out their address, or phone number, or tell them how you feel before you are gone, and never fall away from them in the first place.
Well, that's everything from your question..
If you want my honest opinion, you should talk to the guy. You need him to know how you feel, and you need to know how he feels. You should be prepared for him to be so different from what you imagined that it will hurt. But you can't let this wreck your life. Despite how your situation may seem bad, you aren't really so far behind that you can't do anything you want if you try. I know sometimes it's difficult to believe things like that when people say them, but really, when they need to, people can come back from massive problems in their life. It's the way life goes so often. So don't let things get you down. You are who you choose to be (and all of the other inspirational crap.)
If there's anything I left out, or you need to ask anything else, please private-question me. If you don't want it public, email me at (REMOVE THE MULTIPLE CAPITAL Ws, but not the lower case one:) lacWroiWxsweWetie@hoWtmail.com
Also, email me when you feel like you've resolved things. I am interested to know how things turn out for you.
-K
p.s. 1957 words, not including references 0=)
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Hi,well what i got is that when you where in high school you loved this guy and didnt really know if he loved you and when your grandma died,your stayed back from school and didnt go for...2 years or3??Then now you want to go to college but scared of bumping into him.Ok well if i understood correct,you really need to let go of the past in order to have a future.What happened to you(dropping out of school)was a lesson that education is the most important thing ever and its a lesson youll never forget.You made that mistake years ago,dont make the same mistake again.Fear of tomorrow will not decrease it of its sorrow but will decrease today of its strenghts.You need to smile and be brave and take on a brand new start,because your future will be as good as you make it.If you sit crying bout the past your future aint getting any better.As for that guy that you loved,i think he mean the the girl fancies me as a bragging way and didnt love you at all.If he did he woulda asked you to be his girlfreind.But he didnt.I see no reason for you to be afraid of going to that college.THis is your education and life were talking about and you cant let this guy bumping into you stop you from building a future.If youre going to talk to him tell him the truth but honestly,this guy is from the past and i think you should totally forget about him.You have to be smart so everyone can see that your successfull.Dont let a guy bring you down cuz when he brings you down from your education he wont be able to bring you back up.
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Wow. Okay, go to school where you want to and if thats where Ian is so be it. GO THERE. It's been a long time it seems since you've last seen Ian so he may not ask a bunch of questions on why you didn't go to school. He might not think you are awful. I think you may be over-analyzing the situation. You were upset all of the time, so upset that it kept you in bed from going to school. Depression isn't something to be ashamed of. And to answer one of your last questions "How could I have held onto him?" Here's something..you can't hold onto someone that doesn't want to be held onto. I think over the past years you've been thinking about it too much. Stop living for Ian. There are so many men out in the world that would love to be with you, I'm sure! Ian isn't the only one. It's been a long time, Ian may have changed a lot! He may not be the same person he used to be. He could be mean now. He could be nice now. You don't know yet! So go to college. If you see Ian talk to him, get to know him again, and if he is still a good person than let him know you are interested in him. If he's not a good person stop wasting your life thinking about him. Don't let this boy ruin anymore of your life. Don't let one boy have all of the fun!
i hope things work out.
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Hey.
That was veryvery long. And it was kind of hard to understand so bare with me.
Ok so basically you've been in love with this guy ever since you were young..
Don't dwell on the past..dont ask what you should've done back in highschool, that wont help anything now.
Don't ruin your life by trying to avoid him, and akward moments with him. You will have to face him and if you really want to know the answers sit down with him, have a drink, catch up on things and talk things out.
Who knows, you might hit it off..if not..you will find someone better, just try and let go.
everything will work out for you. just dont give up, and dont dwell on the past.
Good Luck.
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