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Bad guy to date?
I'm going to a new school this year she I don't have a lot of friends. There's a guy that talks to me, whose name is Alex. He has been nice to me unlike anyone else and he's fun. I think he's wanting to take things past friendship, but i'm not sure if he's a good person to get involved with. He's (from what he's said) probably not a virgin and he cusses a lot. I'm a Christian. Is he just going to drag me down? Should I even continue our frienship? I'm afraid of being all alone again without any friends. I'm not good at starting conversations or getting to know people.
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Well, I'm not sure if you should stop being friends with him, but let him know you're a Christian, and ask him if he could please try his best not to use cuss words around you and stuff. [ unless you don't mind, idk. ] But at one point in eigth grade, I had a best friend and that's the only person I hung out with, and pretty soon, I started to mimick his actions I guess you'd say. No, I didn't do anything bad or anything, but I started to wear the same brand names as they did and talked like them, etc. They probably would've dragged me down more if I hadn't controlled myself after awhile and realized. But like I said, I would try and continue the friendship, you just need to ask him to control his language and actions whenever he hangs out around you. And if he starts trying to get you to do/say stuff you're not comfortable with, then I suggest ending the friendship, cause it could just go downhill from there. Also, for more friends, try joining a club or event and participating in it. So then you can meet alot of people who have the same interest in you in SOMETHING so there's already a conversation starter right from the beginning. You could also try joining the areas church youth-group if they have any and try meeting people there. Whenever I went to my friend's with her, I met alot of nice people there because they have you go in groups right away and talk and ask you questions. I hope I helped. <3
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Hi,
A lot of people start at new schools without many friends. Only people who follow their group to the school they go to, or go through school with someone they're really close friends with don't feel at all afraid about going to a new school. I think it could be a lot worse in America than where I live, because the schools might tend to be bigger, but it's the same fear of being invisible, and not knowing anybody.
And there is Alex. What grade is Alex in? Is he at your current school? Or going to your new school? (sounds like he is). When it comes to guys, I always tell girls to be cautious. Most of the time, guys look cleaner than they are. What has he said that makes you think he's probably not a virgin? Was it a rude thing to say?
Also, what gave you the impression he would like to be more than friends?
By all means be friends with him, but don't make any sudden moves, and don't allow him to either, or you could end up like a lot of other girls who've been 'used and dumped'. Sorry to put it negatively, but I find it's easier to be careful, and end up happy, than to be carefree, and end up broken.
And lastly, you say you're not good at starting conversations, and getting to know people.
Not many people are. There are several ways you can try to get around it. Societies and clubs, or sporting teams provide social opportunities. I used to find 'self help' books (although you won't want to read them at school) to actually be reasonably Good at solving problems. Although if you get a book you just can't believe, then it won't have any effect on you.
A third thing you can try, is small challenges. Find somebody who is eating alone at lunch - perhaps another girl (I presume you're a girl) would be less intimidating, and ask if you can sit with them. Start a conversation with things that are unimportant, or impersonal if you like, for instance, ask them what they're doing at school this year. If you don't start off with names, you might want to introduce yourself somewhere along the way if it's convenient.. At the end of the break you might find that you've met somebody new.
Another thought; perhaps there's a christian student society.
Apart from that, I'm sure that there are a lot of suggestions given on here to people who asked questions about socialising that you can look up if my suggestions haven't sounded good for you.
I'm not sure if I'm overstepping what you said in your question, but if the real reason you like Alex is because he's one of the only people you know, or think you know, that's not a reason on its own to go out with him. Don't let being afraid of being alone make you do something you'd regret to keep a friend who might not be genuine.
Good luck starting school!
-K
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You should want someone to lift you up and help you along the way in your Christian walk and your everyday life. If he already does things as a friend that may show signs of him draggin you down. Then I definitely wouldn't go with him. But its okay to be his friend. Who knows, maybe you can help him out.
There is a simple little secret to making friends and that is to be friendly.
-Smile
-Hold your head up
-be yourself
-laugh and be happy
You said your not good with conversation starters so here are a few that should help you.
-hi mi name is...what's yours
-are you from around here
-so what classes do you have
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Here's the question...are you going to let his friendship interfere with your relationship with Jesus?
2 verses in the Bible which might interest you are:
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
I personally take that verse to me that we shouldn't date/marry people people who are non-Christians. And that's not saying you can't be their friend, though. It's like this...we are to be IN this world, but not of it.
“Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
Again - I'm not saying don't be friends with them because I say go for it. But as far as a more deep relationship, I'd say hold off on that for now. Maybe witness to him, see what his views on Christ are. But most importantly...pray about it.
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