AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

does anyone know how to get that special tone when you sing like pink and kelly clarkson have?

There's no such thing as obtaining a tone unless you naturally have it vocally.

If you can sing, and if your voice is the near same octaves of theirs, then listen and practice, as that is the only way to mimick it.

And I know, I was a band manager and helped write their songs for twenty years.

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okay so i took a playtex gentle guide tampon, took out the cotton and filled it with warm corn from the can. i heard it insilates ur vagina better than the actual cotton in the tampon. i tried it and it didnt exactly work. the corn was all wet with blood and dripping like a bitch. did i do anything wrong?

Where on earth did you hear such an incredibly ridiculously thing? And, how old are you?

You can NOT expect a vegetable to absorb your menustration! Cotton absorbs, that's why tampons ARE cotton.

Do not ever insert anything into yourself other than proven female hygenic products that are approved by the FDA as they are tested and proven safe and effective.

Corn? I've never heard of such an absurdity.

Does your mother know?

Not to be rude-- but this is absurd!

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Hi!

Has anyone used the Ionic Tooth Whitening System? Is it safe to use? Does it work good? Does it work better than other tooth whiteners?

If you could give me a review or some helpful advice about the Ionic Tooth Whitening System, I would really appreciate it.

EVERYBODY gets feedback! :)

Thank you!

The Ionic system is based on actual dental sucesses that dentist use at a high price.

It's slower, but cheaper.

Google it and you can read all about how it works and get reviews and information.

It is the best over-the-counter product available and the best one outside of the dentist.

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I have really really flat straight hair. It's so flat and makes my head look small. What are the best products to use on your hair to gifve it some volume? What are some good ways to style it? And finally what kind of hair cut would make my head not look as small?

You need to go to a salon an hour in advance to your scheduled appointment (or browse hair style magazines at a store) and look through hair styles.

But the one thing that you need for a fuller and fluffier style and look is a RAZORED LAYERED cut.

Short or longer, shagged or wild, is up to you and the stylist for your face shape. The razor cut and layers fluffs the hair and appears larger.

Ask the stylist for the hair products that suits you. You don't always have to buy them from the salon but get her to write them down and go shopping elsewhere, where they sell the products cheaper, or buy the same in a cheaper brand elsewhere, as that's up to you and the convenience and costs.

Usually it's a product that is used to make your hair "fuller" but depends also on dry or oily hair too.

Check out hair style mags looking for the razored layered cuts and styles!

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It says in your occupation that you are a free lance writer and author. I was wondering, as an emerging poet, what would be some good poetry magazines that would be likely to publish an emerging writer? So far I've sent some submissions to Octopus Magazine and New Yorker(which I have no chance of getting in)

Thanks.

An "emerging poet" and "emerging fiction writer" have to start more at a lower level than your mentioned magazines.

I personally recommend any poetry and fiction short stories, be submitted online to LBF BOOKS. lbfbook.com

They have three magazines. Printed magazines.

I am three time published in Writers Post Journal.

I have one poem (written and dedicated to a step-son that committed suicide) and two short fiction stories (one is flash fiction, 500 words, and the other historical literary fiction story)...

Go to lbfbooks.com, join up (it's free) and click on (left menu) the Writer's Post Journal. It will have a submission portal for you after joining,
and you can do it all online. The WPJ editors will notify online and by email IF they accept your poem(s). No payments are given by the magazine, but to be in print, a $9 magazine is fantastic start.

You also receive a contributor's copy of that issue you are in.

(You need to write yourself a bio, too. They have contributor's bios in each magazine your poems or stories are in. (Bios are written in third person)

Google poetry magazine submissions, and you'll get bunches, but beware of the scammer: Poetry.com and it's subsididaries. Read all about their scam when Googling them (unless you already know)...

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Ok well my sister had two stiches on her forward because of a cut and its been two weeks since the stitches have been removed and it still didn't heal yet! What can I do to hlep make it heal?

Please let it go away..it's all my fault she got it and if it never heals then my family will be mad at me for life and we'll always remember it since we can see it on her face everday!

And she always wanted to be a model! Most likely she won't but atleast I wanted her to have hope for it.

It's only been 2 weeks.

Scars don't fade for months and even years.

If it's a big concern, then a dermatologist can help with prescription creams to aid in the healing and fading process. Plus, when the time comes and has past for disappearing to whatever point it will, the dermatologist can erradicate the scar by freezing the area (with a spray) and buff it off with an abrasive sander. They do this because the skin replenishes and repairs itself. They've removed the raised scar area and allowed the skin to repair.

This is done successfully with acne scared faces.

Don't worry about it and in the meantime, go to the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist (or look yourself) for the best scar treatment ointment to use. Vitamin E oil is also very good. There are specials ointments and creams made for stretch marks for women to use during and after pregancy to reduce the appearance.

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people say don't JUDGE a book by it's cover then why do FIRST impressions mean so much?

Great question.

Yes, it's contradictory, isn't it?

Let's look at human nature first.

We are a selfish people, yet are taught to be unselfish and giving. We rarely are unless we can get something in return. See?

We always judge by first impression and it is important how that first impression comes off to people we meet whether it's a potential friend, a new teacher, a new neighbor, a boy, or later in life, a potential boss in a job interview then a potential customer on your job. See?

BUT, and there's always a "but" in life: The MATURE and WISE know not to judge a book by its cover because what you see is not what's inside the person.

Take a prisoner in prison. We automatically judge him as a guilty convict and low-life and a criminal.

Why? Because he is in prison therefor must be.

Not true. There are innocent men and women in prison today wrongly convicted due to bad defense attorneys and better prosecutors, bad jurys and bad judges. Maybe no dna technology at the time of conviction to prove his/her innocense, etc. whatever...

But, that doesn't mean that prisoner is a criminal or guilty or a low-life.

But we judged him because of his orange jumpsuit and bars.

Maturity teaches us to not judge by first impression, yet follow your gut instinct you get about someone right off-- it's usually the right instinct about someone's true self.

First impression: You are dressed professional, talk and response professionally, follow all the ediquette rules to a job interview. The potential new boss that's interviewing you is accessing and sizing you up. His impression of your professional appearance and attitude, the professional manner in which you speak and communicate, the level of intelligence, and your personality you've shown, ALL give him the first impression and can land you the job over someone more qualified but made a bad first impression.

He judged you by your "cover" i.e. outter appearance and demeanor.

Always put your best out there to make a good first impression regardless. Not everyone is wise.

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16/f

ohkay so... i really like this guy we`ll call him kaleb. but kaleb has a girlfriend, but yet... he talks to me more than her sometimes. he tells me that he has to break up with her for the summer. but should i wait? one more thing... i think i like this other guy, call him joe. but see joe lives to far away && i`ll only get to see him on the weekends. i`m the kind of girl that, likes to spend time with her boyfriends.

before i moved i had a HUGE crush (i mean 2 yrs) on this guy, jake. & we still talk && he told me how he feels about me now that i`m away. kinda made me feel deeper for him.

my questions
1) should i wait for kaleb or date joe?
2) is it badd that i like this many guys @ one time?
3)seeing joe only on the weekends better for the relationship?

Ask yourself "why" he has a girlfriend that he "HAS" to break up with "for summer"...and does that mean AFTER summer he'll go back to her?

What's going on here?

There's an answer in there somewhere.

Date Joe and have fun. Kaleb is attached to a girlfriend.

IF, by summer, Kaleb does break up with his girlfriend and you are not in deep with Joe and STILL like Kaleb-- then date Kaleb.

As far as the long-distance boyfriend goes, make up your mind. Don't do this to him. If you can't be faithful to him in a long-distance relationship, then tell him and set him free. Stop leading him on, that is cruel and not morally right. Would you want a guy to do that to you? Ask yourself.

Stop being selfish and immature, and make up your mind or let ALL guys know you are NOT ABLE to committ and WANT to be free to date whoever you want when you want.

Be honest with yourself and them.

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ever since i was 8 i had these little "bumps" on my arms (bicep areas) and my thighs, so it looks weird if i wear tanktops. do you know what these are, how i can get rid of them?
when i asked my doctor he said to use eucerin. BUT ITS NOT WORKING. i have bee using it since i was 9!

oh and i sometimes have thses blackish dark things along my neck it looks like DIRT! and no matter how much i try to scrub it out it doesn't work.

help please!
thank you.

Don't try to self-diagnose and don't try to self-medicate on something you aren't knowledgeable about.

Medicines can stop working on people after long period use. We become immune to it. That's why too much use of antibiotics is bad and doctors change the antibiotic around. If you had penicillin the last time, then they prescribe a different antibiotic the next time so you don't become immune to them.

Go see a DERMATOLOGISTS. He will know immediately the problem and prescribe a different medicine, and might take skin scrapings to check under a microscope to verify the problem/illness/disease/disorder.

But your medicine is no longer effective on you and needs to be changed. Plus, you might have been misdiagnosed in the beginning-- who knows? Doctors can be wrong you know.

Medical science has changed and advanced alot since you were 8 years old.

See a DERMATOLOGIST. He's a specialist.

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How can I not think of someone who makes me very upset all the time? What can I do to take away the time I have to think about him? Also, will not talking to him/not seeing him make him want to talk to more? Because I'd rather not see/talk to him anymore once I get him out of my head.

You answered your own question.

"I'd rather not see/talk to him once you get him out of your head."

To get him out of your head is to NOT see him. NOT talk to him. AVOID him.

Time goes by and that "out of sight-- out of mind" kicks in.

Date other people-- have fun, hang with friends, get involved in other things WHILE avoiding contact with him.

Wait two minutes and everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Everything is in the past a minute later, and everything becomes "history" if not completely forgotten about.

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hey im m/14 and in grade 9 shes 15 and in grade 10. so anyway i really like this girl at my school and today we went out for lunch together and talked and stuff and when i msg her on msn and asked her if she wanted to go out with me than she said that she liked this other guy but had asked him out and he said maybe so i msg her again and we talked for a bit and we have alot in common and talked a bit more and she said she really did like me and thinks im hot but she is confusing me so can somebody help me?.
this might not make sense so do what you can to help me.

Don't rush it. Give it time.

If she's seeing another guy, but likes you too, she'll figure out who she wants to see: you or him.

She's talking to you and chatting with you, so the signs are out there she doesn't really like the other guy all that much or she wouldn't be talking to you.

Time. That's the solution. Let the friendship and getting to know each other grow. Be patient. All good things come to those who are patient.

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About a week ago i got a new kitten and it is only about 3-4 weeks old well this kitten has a stuffy nose, sneezes all the time and its eyes get really watery so they get crusty and she cant open them. She eats and drinks (alot) goes to the bathroom normal sleeps, and plays all the time. I called the vet and they said all i need to do is just keep washing her face. For a couple of days she started getting better and then it started to get hot and yucky out and now she is getting really bad again. I just want to know if she is going to be ok and if there is anything i can do besides taking her to the vet. If I have to i will but i want that to be the last thing i do because it is so expensive. If you know anything please let me know. THANK you .

She has allergies. It could be the area you live in.

Animals are as prone to seasonal allergies, and also environmental allergies as people.

Ask the vet if Benedryl can be used on a kitten that age, and the dosage amount. Dogs can take Benefryl (I don't know about cats, let alone kittens) for allergies.

If all else, take the kitten TO THE VET'S and voice your concerns about allergies.

It might be the kitten food you feed her. A food allergy. Try a better and healthier brand of kitten food for sensitive and allergy-prone cats.

Ask your vet. There are plenty of special cat foods.

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ok well i have this x boyfriend miguel...he means so much to me but and he wants to get back with me but i told him dat i dont know if i still like him or what because it was kind of fucked up wat he did b4...so then now he cuts himself and today he saw me walking with my guy friend and my guy friend touched my shoulder and i was playing with him and i said "dont touch me dork!" and then miguel lost control and was like"yeah only i could touch her" and he hugged me all hard and pushed me into the lockers and tried to kiss me...the thing is he smelled like liquor and i asked wat was wrong with him and he said he had been drinking. then he couldnt keep his balance and was still trying to kiss me and since i kept pushing him back he started crying telling me how bad i made him feel and all this crap! i was actually gonna give him the 2nd chance but he treated me like shit in front of all those people and then some guy saw that i was pushing him away and was about to go do something about it. the thing is that i dont know what to do!! what could i do to stop him from doing all dis b/s? i know hes a great guy but hes depending his life on me and my actions and thats just to much for me to handle you know!!
so what do i do so he could stop?
should i go back with him and try to make him realise how bad hes handling things or do i stay away from him?
keep in mind that i want to have fun with people and not have to worry about "cheating" but i would be able to give up my freedom for him because i know how much i can help his situation but.......idk what about my life?=//
help!

You ARE NOT RESPONSIBILE FOR HIM.

You CAN NOT SAVE HIM.

You CAN NOT FIX HIM

The cutting, drinking, bad acting behavior is his problem and is OBSESSIVE behavior and is dangerous to you and self-defeating to you.

He is doing all this to lay a GUILT TRIP and PITY ME routine on you to get you back.

There are different "relationships"....the co-dependant relationship which is how he is, needing you to complete him (he thinks) and enable his bad behavior, and there are healthy relationships where two people enjoy each other and bring the best out of each other. (there are more kinds of relationships, but these two are targeted to you)

IGNORE HIM.

Stay away from him, ignore him, don't engage in small talk, and if and when you have to, tell him it is over and you don't like his drinking, cutting, bad behavior, etc. and it is not healthy for you and that you can not "fix" him and are not "responsible" for him or his happiness.

Move on, enjoy YOUR life. (And if needed, if he stalks you and shows more obsessive behavior-- get a restraining order)

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for the past five months i liked my best friend but he let me down time and time again saying that he only wanted to be friends but at the same time led me to believe he liked me as more. and it gave me hope, i always hoped that maybe even a small fraction of him would feel what i felt but no such luck. he did all the kinds of things that any boyfriend would do- note that we never went out- he would tell me ho much he loved me and hold my hand and hug me and just make me feel like the most important girl in the world. a few days ago a friend of mine suggested that he ask me out and so he was going to. he told me that it might not be a good idea because my friends dont exactly like him but i said that it didnt matter to me. the next day he gave me a ring and everyone knew he was gonna ask me out. well then he and i had a talk and he said that he couldnt hurt me anymore and that he only liked me as a friend. so yea it was pretty much the worst pain ive ever felt and its the second time its happened with him.

and yet something inside of me has allowed me to let go and i cant describe what it is or why i feel it. i feel relived and there isnt a worry on my mind. it seems like these five months of depression never existed because im just so happy for no reason i cant explain it. i dont understand how this is posssible. now when i see him i dont wish he felt differently. im not hoping that he lied to me when he said he only sees me as a friend. and today i met this really cute and funny guy that im starting to like now. how can this happen? ive never felt so happy in my life before and its just so amazing. i wanted to let go of him for so long and when i wasnt even trying to it just happened. i cried about him so much and now its just like poof i dont like him anymore. it feels like i just pulled off a mask that i was hiding behind for these past five months. i can be myself and go crazy and be free and happy. can anyone explain this? or am i just going crazy?!? hahahah thanx

Sounds to me as though the second talk you both had was the trigger that brought you to acceptance.

Your friend is either a non-committal guy or gay. Non-committal guys like a girl but can't commit by a regular, dating relationship, let alone marriage.

Maybe he was confused too, depending on your age, being good friends and both attracted is confusing. With adults, it makes a good combination to fall in love, but younger teens get confused over the feelings.

But the point is, you subconsciously accepted that last conversation and got "closure."

That subconsciously freed you to "see" other guys in the right light-- and you found this new boyfriend and are happy.

Don't worry. It was normal feelings for you.

You got closure. You accepted it. Now you are free.

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im sprung over this guy and i just cant get him out my head. Gosh!! how can i get him out of my system!

You didn't give us any history to this-- did you date and go out, have a relationship?

The only way to get over someone is to find someone new.

Date and get out there. Be open-minded and not intentionally search for a "relationship" but just have fun and sooner or later, the right guy will appear and presto-- you've forgotten about that other guy.

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ok so what are some ways for me to open up to my boyfriend more. im not really shy but it comes of that way to him and i want to prove to him that im not like that. we kind of got into a fight about it. we then talked it out and hes like well lets talk about this in person. im like ok. its his first relationshipa and its my first relationship where the guy isnt an asshole. im just looking for ways to talk to him without putting him on his defense

You said, quote: "....talk to him without putting him on the defense."

That means you have something unpleasant to say or tell him that will cause him to become defensive.

You said you aren't shy, and you've argued once over this "talking" so what was that all about?

IF you have something to complain about that concerns him and something he does or that you dislike, etc. (to cause him to be defensive) then there IS a way to talk and NOT put him on that horrid, DEFENSIVE.

First, prepare yourself for this talk. Practice it in front of a mirror in privacy. The reason for this is to HEAR yourself.

If someone said that to you would you get defensive hearing it?

Okay, you would.

Now, no matter what you have to say to him, DO NOT use words like: you, you do, you said, you say, you did this or you did that.

The word "you" puts everyone on the defensive unless followed by a compliment or praise.

Instead, say: I feel..... Because of this or that, it made me feel....I got the impression....I took that as......I misunderstood and got emotional....

Put the text you have to say to him in the context that whatever causes the problem, it makes you "feel".....

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okay this might be a little bit long.
but there was a guy called ryan who is a major jock and kept iming me and saying how hott i was and kept hitting on me. He staretd to text me too. 2 days ago, i found out that it wasn't really him, and that someone else made a fake screen name of him.

I really want to find out who really was texting and iming me. I have his Cell phone number. I tried going online and doing reverse cell phone, but it would only give me the City.
My friend tried calling him but wont answer.


How can i find out who it really was?

You can't get the identity of a cell phone owner yet-- only the city or the cell phone carrier.

You have the number, call it, call it, call it.

Try the *67 before the cell number when dialing, this blocks the number that is calling so he won't know who it is.

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how do i get rid of the dark circles under my eyes?

If these are dark circles that have been there all your life, it's inherited and doesn't have any method to rid yourself of them.

If it appeared recently, it's a sign of not enough sleep, diet, and other things, etc.

But, if you are female, find an eye concealer that is close to your skin color and use it, powder over that to seal it on, (translucent powder is best) and use (my personal trick) a powdered eye shadow over that -- under the eye. Color: lightest lilac-pinkish (light pinkish color) not a white.

Emphasis the upper eye lid with color to distract from the under eye. Mascara, mascara, mascara.

If your a guy-- then use the skin toned concealer of your choice and hope no one notices it. Sorry.

However, both guy or girl-- good for bags under eyes and dark circles... COLD TEA BAGS! Yes, instead of the cold cucumber treatment that can be expensive, take your used tea bags and refrigerate them in a sealed container.

Place tea bags on shut eyes, lying down, for 15 minutes (10 minimum) and this helps reduce swelling and bleach darkness away and also increase blood circulation to the eye area.

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How do you get rid of a bulge or lump or whatever its called in your stomach??

And how do we even get them anyways??

Thankss

Do you mean a "pot belly" type bulge, a flabby tummy, a poochy stomach? Or do you mean a lump like a growth, a tumor?

If you're talking about a pot belly bulge, all you can do is good, old-fashioned sit-up crunches and side bends and any exercise desgined to target the abs.

Eat healthier: no junk foods, no fast foods, no breads and no pasta, no butter, oils, fried food, no salad dessings, no sodas, no sugars, no wasted calorie foods, etc.

Eat skinned chicken baked or broiled, veggies, salads with low-cal dressing, fruits, drink plenty of water and milk, and zero calorie drinks.

Calories and fats in foods settle in our abs and thighs first before anywhere else.

Eat, drink healthy and do your ab exercises.

It'll take 30 days max if you dedicate yourself to this.

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I went through this huge fiasco with this guy and if was really strange. We were sort of going out when we weren't, and when we actually were going out, we weren't. I realized that I didn't like him anymore when he asked me out. My best friend likes him too (she has since she met him, like, 3 1/2 years ago) and she always has. We had a huge fight about that last year. And now I haven't been with him for about 2 1/2 months and I'm starting to question whether I like him still or not. When I broke up with him, I pretty much hated him. Then he got all cocky and whatnot so I REALLY started to hate him. Not, we're back to normal and I might like him again. And my friend still likes him a lot. But I kind of don't want them to go out, her and my ex, it seems so weird. I'm not quite sure what I'm asking, but I do need some help. Can you see something here?

All's free in love and he IS YOUR EX.

You obviously had a love/hate relationship with him and this is toxic for you. Let it go.

Hanging onto him (in this perverse way) is a signal of you being afraid to move on and find another boyfriend and being insecure with yourself.

Don't transfer your insecurities onto your friend who has liked him for 3 1/2 years. She is obviously the girl for him if he feels the same about her because that's along time to like someone.

You had your shot(s) and blew it, or it didn't work out cause it wasn't right.

Let them have each other with no ill feelings toward them, and let nature take its course.

Move on dearie, and replace the toxic with the healthy love relationship-- a new guy.

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