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talking it out
ok so what are some ways for me to open up to my boyfriend more. im not really shy but it comes of that way to him and i want to prove to him that im not like that. we kind of got into a fight about it. we then talked it out and hes like well lets talk about this in person. im like ok. its his first relationshipa and its my first relationship where the guy isnt an asshole. im just looking for ways to talk to him without putting him on his defense
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You said, quote: "....talk to him without putting him on the defense."
That means you have something unpleasant to say or tell him that will cause him to become defensive.
You said you aren't shy, and you've argued once over this "talking" so what was that all about?
IF you have something to complain about that concerns him and something he does or that you dislike, etc. (to cause him to be defensive) then there IS a way to talk and NOT put him on that horrid, DEFENSIVE.
First, prepare yourself for this talk. Practice it in front of a mirror in privacy. The reason for this is to HEAR yourself.
If someone said that to you would you get defensive hearing it?
Okay, you would.
Now, no matter what you have to say to him, DO NOT use words like: you, you do, you said, you say, you did this or you did that.
The word "you" puts everyone on the defensive unless followed by a compliment or praise.
Instead, say: I feel..... Because of this or that, it made me feel....I got the impression....I took that as......I misunderstood and got emotional....
Put the text you have to say to him in the context that whatever causes the problem, it makes you "feel".....
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well can you talk to him about anything? do you talk to him about everything? If you are open to him then i dont know why he would think that you were shy. Unless hes talking about doing things with him my boyfriend thought i was shy because i didnt have sex with him or wouldnt do anything. So im not sure wat hes thinking but did you ask him why he thinks that i mean there has to be something your doing to make him think your shy. I would just tlak to him more and stuff like that. Kiss him in public and stuff so he wont think your shy do things that you havent done yet so he doenst think that. i would open up more to him if you guys havent really talked about eachother then i think you should and tell him things. Tell him that your not shy and that you want to talk but you dont want to fight with him just talk normal to eachother because if one of you guys start having an attitude than that leads to a big fight. Ok well i hope i helped?!?!? let me know how everything goes if ya wnat to.
-katelyn
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