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hes hurting himself because of me
ok well i have this x boyfriend miguel...he means so much to me but and he wants to get back with me but i told him dat i dont know if i still like him or what because it was kind of fucked up wat he did b4...so then now he cuts himself and today he saw me walking with my guy friend and my guy friend touched my shoulder and i was playing with him and i said "dont touch me dork!" and then miguel lost control and was like"yeah only i could touch her" and he hugged me all hard and pushed me into the lockers and tried to kiss me...the thing is he smelled like liquor and i asked wat was wrong with him and he said he had been drinking. then he couldnt keep his balance and was still trying to kiss me and since i kept pushing him back he started crying telling me how bad i made him feel and all this crap! i was actually gonna give him the 2nd chance but he treated me like shit in front of all those people and then some guy saw that i was pushing him away and was about to go do something about it. the thing is that i dont know what to do!! what could i do to stop him from doing all dis b/s? i know hes a great guy but hes depending his life on me and my actions and thats just to much for me to handle you know!!
so what do i do so he could stop?
should i go back with him and try to make him realise how bad hes handling things or do i stay away from him?
keep in mind that i want to have fun with people and not have to worry about "cheating" but i would be able to give up my freedom for him because i know how much i can help his situation but.......idk what about my life?=//
help!
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You ARE NOT RESPONSIBILE FOR HIM.
You CAN NOT SAVE HIM.
You CAN NOT FIX HIM
The cutting, drinking, bad acting behavior is his problem and is OBSESSIVE behavior and is dangerous to you and self-defeating to you.
He is doing all this to lay a GUILT TRIP and PITY ME routine on you to get you back.
There are different "relationships"....the co-dependant relationship which is how he is, needing you to complete him (he thinks) and enable his bad behavior, and there are healthy relationships where two people enjoy each other and bring the best out of each other. (there are more kinds of relationships, but these two are targeted to you)
IGNORE HIM.
Stay away from him, ignore him, don't engage in small talk, and if and when you have to, tell him it is over and you don't like his drinking, cutting, bad behavior, etc. and it is not healthy for you and that you can not "fix" him and are not "responsible" for him or his happiness.
Move on, enjoy YOUR life. (And if needed, if he stalks you and shows more obsessive behavior-- get a restraining order)
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Hey. You need to tell someone. Cutting yourself is not okay, and neither is drinking. How old is this kid, old enough to be drinking? Doesn't sound it..
You NEED to tell someone, becuase this kid seems like he's not just one of those people who are cutting to get attention and could stop if they wanted to. I know from experience, that shit's addicting. As for drinking, you need to tell someone for that, too. He could grow up and become an alchoholic, and do bad things with his life.
You need to tell a guidence councelor, or a parent, or even a teacher. But do NOT get back with this kid. I know you feel very bad for him, but if you go back with him, it's going to make things worse, please don't do it. You could talk to him, tell him you care about him, but this will not continue if he wants you to keep talking to him, he has to stop with the cutting and the drinking. He could do something really stupid if it continues, that may cost his life.
Some important questions I need to ask...
1. how old are you? and how old is he?
2. where exactly on himself is he cutting? (shoulders, wrists, forearms ect.)
3. are his cuts deep, or surface cuts that are a cry for attention?
Bottom line, tell someone, and DO NOT go back with this kid, he's trouble.. and MAKE SURE you tell someone, ANYONE. If you care about him, you'll get him help. He's obviously got some sort of disease, such as depression, or bipolar disorder.. and they're serious and can lead to serious things including suicide. So, TELL SOMEONE.
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DO NOT get back with this guy. He has some mental problems obviously if he's cutting himself and drinking. Don't let him guilt you into getting back together with him. If you want to help him out, tell his parents you're concerned about him. Tell a teacher or counselor what has been going on. But DON'T try to handle it yourself or he'll just ruin your life.
It's best to just put him out of your life. He needs to realize that you weren't put on earth to deal with his problems. If he really wanted to be with you, he would stop all the bas things he was doing because they bother you so much.
He's not worth it. Just stay away.
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Going by what YOU really want, no, I don't think you should go out with him. Mosr so that it would sacrifice what you really want and last thing you need to do is cheat on him because that would just make things worse.
Firstly, him treating you in the way he did, regardless that he was drunk at the time, is wrong. You can't do stuff like that and I can understand why your friend wanted to do something about it becuase when someone doesn't want to do something but someones forcing themselves on them even I would do something about it - whether I know them or not.
This ex seems to think his life is nothing without you but, and I mean no offence to you or anyone, but that's just not true. The thing is he needs to realise that himself instead of you having to mother him and be with him just for him to realise that. It almost seems he is doing all of this in the hopes you will come running back to him like some kind of mind game of emotional blackmail. One of my friends had this exact same thing happen to her and she stayed with her bf at the time for well over 3 years before she finally just cracked. Another guy put a gun to his kids mother and then when he was arrested (and faced a jail sentence) he called her up and let the water works pour out saying how much he loves her etc, etc and through emotional blackmail managed to get her to drop the charges. :/ What he's doing with you seems no different. I think you need to tell him to sort his stuff out and make it clear that grabbing you whenever he wants and then trying to kiss you isn't behaviour you will put up with. No one should have to put up with that.
Simply staying away from him may not work because is he sees you again it may just happen again so you may need to talk it out with him and make it clear where you stand and that he needs to sort himself out. By all means help him but by going out with him just to help him will in my opinion just hurt him more in the long term especially when he finds out it was the only reason you went out with him and it wasn't because you actually want a relationship with him or if you love him. It may do more harm that good.
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