A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Im 25 and my ex is 24. She has a child that is not by me but never else I loved them both as if he was mine. We were together for close to two years. I proposed to her. After a week proposing to her she wanted to go and get eloped. I told her that I wanted to get a place and a vehicle before we got married. I didn't want to live 10 miles away from my wife. After i told her that she broke up with me and told me that i was too slow for her. I bought over 6 thousand dollars of diamonds and jewelry on her and she bought me a ring. When we broke up she told me that she wanted the ring back. I asked why. She told me that it was a symbol of her love and she didn't want me to have it. So i asked her for the stuff i bought her and she told me no because it was a gift. When we had sex I always gave her more than she ever gave. Did i do something wrong or what. Please help. (link)
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Be thankful. Be very, very thankful.
Had you married this girl, your financial losses would total alot more than the cost of some decent jewelry.
As stated below, you ran into a user. Thats what you did wrong. You let yourself be a doormat just a bit too much and got a leech on you.
As far as the ring, give it back if you want. If she wants it back she owes you anything you ever bought her. Move on. Go try to find a girl who doesn't have a kid or two. You didn't list anything about her behavior but there MUST have been signs prior to this of her temperament with a reaction like this.
Figure out what they were so you can watch for them in the future.
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i smoke weed, i drink, and i snort pills.i dont get affected, why??and i dont need anyone saying anythings about, oh its not good for you.just answer my question please :) (link)
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I'm guessing sub 16. The most likely cause is that people are selling you bullshit. It is not entirely uncommon to sell generic pills and crappy weed to teenagers who don't know the difference.
I severely doubt that you are immune to the intoxicating effects of alcohol, THC, and various pill form narcotics all at the same time. Either you're getting shafted or you're doing it wrong.
And for the record, you really shouldn't be drinking, smoking weed, and snorting pills. There are more important things you should be focusing on.
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So I moved to this school in my senior year of high school.
At the beginning, I didn't have a single friend and didn't make an effort at all. I was trying to improve my grades, so I was instead really focused on that because I had to make up for how poorly I did the previous year. So, I worked really hard and got all A's. I still don't have a single friend at the school, and it's mid-year. So, because grades improved and I got my counselor to write a 'glowing' recommendation for the colleges I'm applying to about my turn-around in grades and everything. She sent them, then today...she called my 1st period teacher to call me out of class so I could pick them up to overnight the letters.
Lately, my attendance has gotten worse. I was late today, so when my counselor called my 1st period teacher to ask if she could send me down, my 1st period teacher blasted her about how I'm never in her class, and I'm always late yadda yaddda. Then when I arrived late, my teacher told me my counselor wanted to see me.
When I went down and talked to my counselor after she sent for me, I got the letters & I was about to leave and she's like, "What's up with your attendance" and I'm like, "This quarter its been pretty bad"...and she's like, "It's HORRIBLE!" And I'm like, 'Yeah, I know...". I put the letters down and tell her how I'm usually late first period and stuff like that, but that I'd try to fix my attendance and make it better...so she's like, "*in sweet tone* Yes, you fix it! I wrote these lovely letters for you for your college applications - don't make me look stupid" And I'm like, "No, definitely not, I'll make an improvement..." "*in sweet tone* Yes, you do that! For the next quarter, fix your attendance. I'll be checking! And remember don't make me look stupid! Byeee!!"
Okay, so, what is wrong with me exactly? I'm so depressed, but I haven't really allowed myself to admit it until recently. Like, I literally have no friends. I know it's more so my own fault for not trying but I put so much pressure on myself to improve my grades at the beginning of the year. It's not so easy to make friends senior year, and especially when your grades matter so much. It was my last shot to get into a somewhat good college. I've given up trying on the friends thing. Make friends for what? There are only 3 months left. I'm not going to prom, and I'm even (sadly) fearing my own graduation (who am I going to hang with?).
My sister goes to Princeton, so my parents have expected sooo much for me, but I'm never as good/smart as her. She is GORGEOUS and PERFECT. It is so annoying. I am the ugly duckling, I have so much acne that never goes away and I feel like I can never face anyone because of it. I feel really, just... not pretty. And it doesn't help that she is so damn competitive with me and superficial. "Doesn't this totally accentuate my bone structure". GAH. And I feed her ego every.single.time. "Yeah, it does".
So not going to class/staying at home sort of gives me this high that I didn't expect. I tell my parents that I need an extra day to study for a test, and they're like, "Okay, fine..". I've always been the goody-two shoes, always second best to my sister, but whose only job has been to come home and receive straight A's.
My parents never ask me why I never go out with anyone or have a social life. My parents also don't have any social life as well, and they are workaholics so I feel like some of that has rubbed off on me. As long as I'm getting good grades, it's all okay, and the fact that they don't care hurts me even more. And even those are slipping now (from A's to B's and C's) because of my attendance, lack of focus, and depression I'm pretty sure. I just don't feel happy at all, and everyday I find myself randomly crying.
It sounds stupid, but skipping really does give me a high...it makes me feel a little free, as if I don't have to be so perfect all the time for my parents and everyone else. I can be a little 'rebellious' and 'bad'.
And I wish I could get myself out of my rut. I feel like absolute crap in every way possible. I'm ashamed of myself. Worst of all, while my sister is at Princeton, I'll be stuck at the local state university. Yeah, nothing wrong with that, but my sister thinks she 'has beat me'. (link)
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Go Tubing. Go play lazertag. Go walk up to a boy you've always liked, kiss him, and walk away. Go shave your head into a mohawk and color it acid green. Go do SOMETHING.
Your rut is because you aren't allowing yourself to have fun. Fun doesn't find you, you find it. And theres a limited amount of fun to be found in schoolwork and staying at home all the time.
You need to get a hobby, to find some fun in life. You're taking things way too seriously, and that can actually hurt more than it can help. I don't like alot of what I do. I work shit jobs to make ends meet and help pay for what school I can afford. But I'm not depressed during these absolutely horribly terrible jobs, I'm merely bored. Bored because I'm not doing what I'd LIKE to be doing. Because I have to wait a few more hours to get off work to do it.
You're rebelling against school because thats all you've got right now. Add a few other things to the equation and it will give you a few more options to go nuts in. A few more outlets so that school doesn't have to be where you get your thrills and laughter for the day.
Oh, and go find someone to hang out with. You don't seem socially retarded, so go talk to someone.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We were best friends all during high school, and thouht maybe we should give it a shot & got together. well the begining of the relationship was amazing. he made me feel like i was the only girl in the world who could ever feel like this, until one day he got so mad he hit me. not in the face or where it would show. It was on my thiegh. I tried to look past it, but he just kept hitting me. It started out only when he got mad & we were arguing, but then it started to be an everyday thing. if i was "driving wrong" he would hit me, or i "said something stupid" he would hit me. then he stopped cause my family found out. but, he started again a few months later. i always ask him why he feels like he needs to hit me, why cant he jus express his anger to me in a different way. I want to know what to do. Im so lost. I love him so much, & i know that this relationship could work, i jus dont know what to say to him. Please,, i need some help. (link)
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If you truly want a change, you must sit him down.
You must tell him that the way he treats you is intolerable, and his choices are anger management or divorce.
Tell him that if he hits you again in anger, ever, the papers will be signed for both divorce and a restraining order.
You have to be deadly serious. Angry without yelling. You cannot back down or flinch an inch. If you want to save this relationship you are going to have to show a shit ton of backbone and not back down a single iota.
Because thats what's been happening. He can, so he does. In my personal opinion, you made a mistake, he's a selfish jackass piece of shit, and you should leave him. But if you can't face up to that yet, you have to grow and maintain a very thick, strong backbone. If you give him an inch he will continue taking that mile.
If you can't hold up to not giving him that inch, then you need to leave, because the downward spiral will only continue.
Also, when you have this confrontation, you might want to have a friend or two nearby. An abusers instinctive reaction is to continue abusing, so have a few guys you trust wait nearby in a car. You can set up a quick signal by calling them and hanging up. This lets you double tap the talk button to automatically redial the last call. They know that if the phone rings, come running.
This is serious. He shows no compunction about hitting you. If you want even the slightest chance of saving this, its going to require you standing up and him backing down and cowering in a corner. If he does anything other than admit what a shitbag he is and promise to go to counseling at the earliest opportunity (this week) you NEED to leave him, as it won't be getting any better.
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so theres this guy that i met at my friends house about a month ago, he is friends with my friends brother. hes one year younger than me but whatever. we met about a month ago at her house, it was fun we all just watched movies in the basement and slept over. I found out he liked me a week later, i liked him too. we talked online and then a month later which was last weekend i saw him at her house again, before i went though he told me he wanted to do stuff with me. we didnt end up doing anything because we were never alone. he likes this girl who lives an hour away who is a junior..its kind of weird.. but anyways,
on wednesday i got an IM from him and we were just kidding around about how it was funny that he took my phone and i kept on trying to get it from him. then he told me that i "wanted it" and he was being serious. and then he told me i should of given him a handjob and he was going to feel me up. and i said he could feel me up because i dont know, i still like him. so then he said, okay next time ill feel you up and you give me a handjob k? and okay i know this is really bad but i said okay. only because..i dont know..i want him to still like me..and i feel like if i said no he wouldnt be talking to me anymore..so i just okay. without even thinking about it..:[ and then all he wanted to talk about was getting his handjob and feeling me up and how i was going to do it and all of this stuff. and where we would do it. and then he asked what my bra size was and i dont know. it was getting annoying..he asked me if i would suck it and i told him no im sorry but i dont want to. and he said, okay im fine with a handjob:] ugh..i dont think i want to do that. first of all, we arent even going out. second of all, ive only seen him twice. third of all, he likes someone else. fourth of all, he told me he doesnt know if he likes me and he is split between me and someone else and that if i do these things with him he might be with me. fifth of all, my worst fear, is him telling all of his friends about it. and he used to go to my school, so im afraid word would get out that i did that to him and people would think im a slut...i told him not to tell ANYONE and he said yeah i promise dont worry. but for some reason i just dont believe that..at all..i sort of want to give him one because i like him and i just dont know..im also really afraid that now if i dont, hell be really let down and mad and never talk to me again. im stuck. he thinks im going to give him one..and i dont know if i want to..its a lose lose situation i mean if i dont, ill be let down by him and he wont talk to me..if i do, im afraid hell tell people..but then again maybe he wont? i have no idea. and also, thursday night he was litterally begging me for a half hour for me to send a picture of my upper chest for him. i said no i dont think its a good idea incase people find out and he just kept on saying no please im trustworthy please come on i promise i wont please. and then after i said no in the nicest way possible at least 20 times, he asked me if he could use his mouth feeling me up and i just said yeah i mean i guess and he said he would. then he texted me and told me how big he was and asked if i liked it. ugh i just feel like such a slut if i gave him a handjob. its gonna end badly, i just know it. and also this would be my first time giving one..and he knows that too..ugh i dont know what to do..i like him, a lot, and im afraid...ugh im just so afraid. someone please help me. (link)
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Sweetheart...
You gotta say no. You need to figure out how, because you SHOULDN'T be saying yes to stupid ass little boys who want sexual pleasure from girls they don't know.
Alright. Lesson 1. Any guy who asks for naked pictures of you doesn't deserve them. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE NAKED PICTURES OF YOU!
Lesson 2. TRUST YOURSELF. Have you noticed how you don't want to do this? Have you noticed how you have bad feelings? Thats because you are actually intelligent enough to realize this is a bad idea. Why in Gods name are you not listening to yourself more?
Lesson 3. This guy is creepy. Learn from his behavior. Normal guys do not act like this. He only does it because other girls are stupid enough to let him get away with it. You are not these other girls. You are better than that, and you realize it somewhere deep down.
Guys are supposed to have to work to get laid. There are many reasons for this.
If a guy doesn't have to show himself to be a decent guy in order to get with you, often he won't be a decent guy. Guys don't mature as quickly and being hard to get forces them to grow up just a little bit (which is a very good thing)
Its also because guys don't value what comes too easily. All your friends, all the stupid teenagers who think "hooking up" and one night stands are the vogue are teaching stupid young boys that you don't have to do anything or be anything special to get sex. Which also teaches them that sex isn't anything special.
When a guy asks you to send a picture of yourself naked, you say "No". If he asks again, you tell him that if he asks you that again you will never speak to him again. If he continues, actually never speak to him again, he isn't worth your time. If a guy asks you after barely having talked to him for sexual favors like blowjobs, hand jobs, or anything involving taking off your clothes and proceeds to ask about it alot, you should likewise not talk to him anymore.
If this is his focus, he isn't someone you want to know. Even if you dated this guy, started having sex with him, you'd be pressured. At the very least he'd probably try to still get naked pictures to show his friends (which is what guys in high school do). I don't care how much or what he promises, his friends will see the pictures.
I did it. I had a distance relationship and she sent me nudes. My best friend saw them. I didn't think about how she'd feel if she knew or how I was betraying trust, I was just so stoked that I had naked pictures of a girl I actually knew that I felt I had to share with someone who would understand how awesome it was (which means another guy). Yeah, I was an idiot and a selfish jerk when I was a teen too. Most guys are/were.
Thats one example, but even if its not naked pictures its still going to be exploiting you, because if a guys first and only focus is sex his willingness to go through the motions of dating won't mean he's any more invested in you. The guy you spoke of, if you went out on dates with him you'd still be constantly pressured and you'd either break up or give in within a month, I'd bet.
Don't let guys take advantage of you (as this one is obviously trying to do). You are better than that, and you shouldn't be shy or hesitant about saying no to people who act this way. Its your body and your right to say who gets to do what to it. The next time someone asks you to give them a handjob and you aren't dating him and already want to, say "No" and back it up. Stand up for yourself more.
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what should i claim on my w-4 for my allowances? 0 or 1? i use to claim 1 and i got more money but my mom said i should put 0 but now it seems like they take a looot more money out and i dont like it? i work around 18 hours a week and im just a teenager working as a hostess at a restaurant. but i dont know which is better to claim? (link)
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You should claim an allowance.
If you were making more money, you might want to let them take out more because you will belong in a higher tax bracket (and lose a larger percentage)
But with your job, 1 allowance will still put in more than you'll be paying, so you'll get a piddly little refund come tax season.
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Best two things ever invented in the history of EVER, I know, but my question is actually about grenades. For any of you familiar with the series and film, or for people with grenade experience, there are parts in both where people pull the trigger on hand grenades and then either put it in another person's hands or mouth. Basically, the person holding it has to press down on it so it won't blow up. How the hell does that work out? I mean, how do they get rid of the grenade later without it blowing up in their face? This has been bugging me for weeks, months actually, so I'd appreciate your feedback. (link)
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Pretty much as said below. If the arming lever isn't released, the grenade doesn't explode. The pin hole exists and almost anything that will fit in there would work. All grenades are designed to explode after several seconds, so in a worst case scenario you could throw the grenade somewhere and take cover.
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okay so like im usually like insanely comfortable with guys. like i can kiss them and hook up and whatever but like its weird when it comes to like anything more. im usually up for anything, like i always feel fine saying ill do stuff with a guy and ill be so comfortable with him and totally game for doing stuff but then literally at the last second i stop him and i dont know why. like i always get mad at myself for not letting it happen. how do like i get over that? (link)
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Oi.
That little voice, that last second feeling of "NO"
Thats called common sense. And the knowledge that you're being stupid. Thats that little corner of your brain trying to stop you from being a complete idiot.
Just because you're comfy with touching and being touched doesn't mean you should be indiscriminately indulging. You don't need to get over it, you need to start dating and stop trying to get laid.
::Edit::
Then perhaps you should say so instead of using euphamisms like "Hooking up" and "anything more"
Hooking up begain as a collegiate expression meaning a one night stand. Then teens adopted it and it doesn't really have a meaning any more, its used to cover anything you don't want to talk about.
Regardless, the voice is still common sense telling you not to be stupid. Sex vs fingering is an argument of degree. And regardless of you having a boyfriend, you talk about "guys" so it sounds like he's one boyfriend of many and still like you are somewhat indiscriminate.
So, be clear next time, though regardless of how many guys there have been, you aren't ready and need to listen to yourself more.
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so my younger sister never spends any time (out of school) with her friends. she is in 8th grade, and i would think that at least some girls her age are hanging out on weekends, i mean i remember having sleepovers with my friends when i was that age. anyways, i was wondering if this was normal? the last time she did anything with her friends was when she went to the movies one time in the summer...
she's not in fights with any of them either... (link)
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She is shy and needs encouragement.
You are an extrovert. It means that you extend outside yourself constantly, its where you are comfy. Being alone probably bothers you just a bit if you could be with people you like at any given moment.
Your sister is an introvert. It means she is more comfy alone and has trouble stepping outside herself to be around others, even when she wants to.
You should encourage her a little. Try to ask her why she doesn't go out, why she doesn't try to make plans with her friends. Talk to her about it sibling to sibling and try to figure out whats going on in her head, and give her some advice based on it.
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its been four months since I've been with my boyfriend .I lost my virginity to him Im 17 and his 20 years old.we started dating in september 20,2008 and had sex for the first time on november 11,2008.
we were at his house in his room around october of 2008 and we were making out and he tried to take my shirt off and i said no he was upset and kept asking me what am i waiting for this happened twice . the third time i told him i was ready for his own sake and he went to get a condom and we were ready to go and i told him that i wasnt ready so he was like its okay im not going to pressure you a month later which was november 11,2008 we were making out and i felt like i was ready for me this time and we did it.thinking back im wondering did he force me im still with him and i really care about him he treats me right and im happy . (link)
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Why are you questing for victim status?
From your question, it sounds almost like you want to hear that yes, you were.
You weren't, for the record. You made a decision. Whether it was a good one for you or not you still aren't sure, which is why you're asking this I think.
He sounds like a normal, horny guy. Eager but willing to wait (only as long as he has to).
Why do you feel like you were pressured? Where was the pressure coming from? You?
That is a possibility. How much were you pressuring yourself because you wanted to make him happy?
You need to think it over a bit. Figure out what went wrong there (if something did). Because you did in fact make a decision, and if its a decision you regret you need to figure out why you made it in the first place.
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is it ok to have sex with more then 3 poeole at the same time? (link)
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If you're asking on this website, the answer is most definitely and emphatically no.
If you weren't asking on this website, the answer would merely be most definitely no.
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All I would like to know is, what is your opinion on finding love online? It could be an actual dating site or just random falling in love, didnt see it coming. Do you believe it can be true love if you have never even met or talked to the person besides online? Or do you think that there is no possible way?
One more question...
Do you believe you can fall in love at any age?
Thanks!! (link)
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No, you cannot fall in love online.
Why? Because no one is completely real online. Almost anyone would at least try to hide their insecurities and issues online. You don't really know a person until you know them in person.
Theres more to knowing a person than listening to them talk about themselves.
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I love my boyfriend to death, but there's just a few problems... He's completely disrespecful. He takes me out to eat and doesn't even say thank you to the waiter for bringing us our food and drinks. And it's not just that. He works at the local grocery store and my parents went in there to get something and they asked him to help them look for something. He was just like "Duh it's right behind you." He may have been trying to be funny but it's not and it offended my parents very much. I don't want to dump him because I've never had feelings like this for any guy I've ever dated. I've spoken about it with him a million times. I don't know what else to do. I feel like that's my only option. Please Help me! (link)
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Its not going to work out in the end.
People don't realize it, but how you were raised changes alot about you. I'm like you, I was raised with thank you being a reflex, and politeness was something that was hammered into me by parents who led by example in that area.
Consequently, its what I'm used to and what I like now. I don't date women who are overly vulgar or unable to express themselves. I am not attracted to people with no concept of social grace or gratitude.
This will become a more serious problem the longer you are together. He isn't going to change quickly, and if he doesn't want to he won't at all. I've ended things on this point before, I can't get serious with someone who doesn't behave in a manner I can respect.
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okay, so I am a 17 year old girl and a virgin. I've been in two relationships, only one of which I made out with the guy. Whenever we talked about sex he said that the fact that I was a virgin attracted him. I don't understand why he would say that. Do guys really think being with a virgin is attractive, it seems to me like it would be worse because, well... we have no experience. (link)
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Partly, its a feeling of accomplishment. If a girl gives you her virginity that puts you above the ranks of "normal" guys because you got to be first.
Its also kind of a possession thing, because guys like knowing only they have had you.
Its very, very common in younger guys because of reasons mentioned before. A girl who is a virgin has no clue what she's doing. Its easier to be confident around a girl who knows nothing, because you don't have to know much to beat her. You can screw something up or just generally not be that great and she probably won't know.
Older guys and guys with more confidence in bed will skew towards the same. People generally like being with inexperienced people when they themselves feel inexperienced. As you get to know what you're doing, it matters alot less.
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This questions for the girls and guys, mainly guys though.
Well, i was having sex with this guy and its not the first time ive been with him, but we didnt have a condom. He said he didnt mind and he would just go in me, and i am not on any birth control or anything and he knows that. He said it was up to me, and he said he really wants to. Other times when we've had sex, he would always hint it, or say something like, "I just want to go in you so bad" or something along those lines.
What does this mean exactly? Is there something he is trying to tell me? Were any of you in this situation before? Or guys, did you do something like this? Why did you?
Thanks everyone :] (link)
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Apologies then.
Given other questions on this site, its easy to make certain assumptions.
Also, you phrased it "I was having sex with this guy and its not the first time I've been with him, but we didn't have a condom"
That sounds like "Last night we had sex and didn't have a condom, what does it mean"
And my answer remains, it sounds like he's trying to get you pregnant, I can't think of any other reason he'd want to.
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15 / F
With the first black president in office and all this stuff going on, my family started talking about this date.
My family has a very strong spiritual background as Christians, but mine isn't as strong. I have accepted the Lord as my savior, been baptised, yadda yadda, but still. I have doubts about religion. What if it all really DID just start out from dust and particles and stuff?
I'm almost sixteen and I'm worried that IF anything significant should happen on that date, I won't be ready. When the signs show, I'm scared that everyone will be raptured up to heaven and I'll be left behind :[
I lie, I lust, I *ahem* pleasure myself. And I feel TERRIBLE for it. I don't read any of the books on young girls and God that I get for Christmas. They all seem kinda boring. But I don't have the time to read the bible cover to cover, even though God doesn't care. He wants us to MAKE time for him!
I just don't know where to start. HELP! (link)
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The book of revelation was written by a man who had rabies.
Also, the rapture is complete BS. Even if you put stock in revelation, there is not a single mention of anything like the rapture in it. Like many aspects of christian faith (ever heard of purgatory?) its something that was made up by religious leaders.
Just be the best person you can be and ask forgiveness for your shortcomings.
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Ok here it goes...I have a boyfriend but I'm not supposed to have one but I really like him and it feels like love....he says it too...it's been about 3 months since we were girlfriend and boyfriend. He says that i'm the one for him and he says it so serious. I want to be with him for the rest of my life too. There's only one problem right now,,,actually there is several.
We barely see eachother and we don't go to the same school either because he's homeschooled. Anyways he is also 16 and i am just 13 and I need to know a way to tell my parents about this because eventually they're going to find out. My boyfriend and I want to tell them, but we're also scared of what my parents would say because i'm not allowed to date and because he's 3 years older than me. The main thing is I need to know how to tell my parents about this. (link)
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Don't. Not yet.
Whats the point? They aren't going to help you see him more, they might make it so you see him less, and you aren't going to be with him for the rest of your life.
I know, its hard to believe. You won't. Don't freak them out yet.
Just don't take off clothes yet. Not for a few years at least.
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I am 17/f(18 in june) years old. i have been dating a boy on and off for 3 years.. he is turning 20 in February. and i hate him o so bad these days... we fight about the stupidest things and we never go anywhere. he hates my friends and its not fair.. its just not right, i treat him like he is my son. i get him up and off to school because he is still in high school for the 3rd time in a row! he is a senior(as am i). i cant stand anything he does anymore and i never wanna be around him.. i always think of some excuse on why i don't wanna have sex with him and i just don't want to deal with it.. but i feel that it is my mission in life to get him to graduate finally. and i am going to do that. and he is graduating on Jan 15 and leaving Jan 16 to go to Las Vegas to see his best friend in the air force. i know i want to break up with him, i just don't know when and how to do it.. he has been my life for the past 3 years. i don't know how i could do that to him. i have hurt him so many times before but because of things that happened when we were not together for a moment. he is just always yelling at me and thinking i am cheating on him. he blames me for losing all his friends and not graduating his first year being a senior. he works sleeps and goes to school and sees me... that is his whole week. he is so stressed and i cant be with him anymore.. we remind me of my mom and dad who had been together since they were seventeen. and they fought and eventually got physical and my dad cheated on my mom and all this shit was going on and they started doing coke and my mom became a crackhead.(she is now 1 year and 4 months clean) i mean i have had a hard life. and i do not plan on reliving it.......** but about 6 months ago i met this girl she instantly became my best friend (shes 20)... she is amazing. i mean her personality is amazing. shes beautiful and she treats me better than anyone has treated me before. i care about her so much. i cant stop thinking about her. i missed her so much when she left for Maine. she was gone for a week and she told me she was pretty sure she loves me. and im pretty sure i feel the same. is it a bad thing that i like her? i never liked a girl before. any advice on how i should act on all this? sorry its really long but i feel a lot better now that its all out. (link)
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Wow.
That was one hell of a rambling tangenting diatribe.
You two sound like you're both terrible for each other, and terrible at dealing with stress. If the second problem were fixed maybe the first wouldn't be so bad, but as it stands if you actively don't want this relationship anymore its time to break it off. Nothing is going to get better if you don't want it to and it will most definitely get worse.
As to everything else... I have no real advice on how to handle your sexual identity crisis and familial issues. Try not to let it drive you insane.
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Alright. This will be long. Brace yourselves. I started seeing this guy over the summer and it started out as a fling. I am a senior in high school and he is a senior in college. He lives 10 minutes away from me, but he goes to college across the country. When we first started seeing each other, both of us thought it would be just a fun hook-up thing, and nothing more, especially because of our 4-year age difference. We both thought when summer was over, that would be that, and we'd never see each other again.
Turns out, we liked each other more then we expected. We texted and messaged daily for the past few months while he was away at college, and we told each other how we couldn't wait to see each other again. A couple of weeks ago he came home for winter break. We hung out almost every day, and he even met each other's families. Plus, he wanted to introduce me to his brother and friends which I see as a good sign. We admitted to each other that we like each other a lot. He isn't one to say cheesy or corny things and he is always honest, so when he says he likes me, I know he means it. I love seeing him and he loves seeing me. The age thing doesn't phase us anymore, either.
We'd go out and have fun and we'd stay in and have fun too. We basically can't get enough of each other. He left a few days ago to go back to school and it made me sad. I even cried a little, but not in front of him. Neither of us like saying goodbye. We're still contacting and I assume we will every day just like before when he was away. He will come back in a few months for spring break and then again for summer vacation not long after. I'm assuming we will still be seeing each other throughout all of that time.
Don't get me wrong, though, we are not technically dating, like boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess you would say we are seeing each other. Maybe dating. Just not "officially". Because of this, I don't know if he is hooking up with other girls or not. He doesn't know if I'm hooking up with guys either. I wouldn't, though, and I don't think he would either. It's kind of an unspoken thing. I just... trust him. And since we're not technically dating, I guess I couldn't get mad if he hooks up with some girl anyways.
Sorry, I'm getting a little off track. The thing is, I really think I am falling for him. I have learned from experience not to put my heart on the line and jump into things, so for me to say that I am falling for him is a pretty big thing. I look at guys at my high school and i just have absolutely no interest. However, I'm going to college next year, and I want to have fun. I'm not saying I want to go and hook up with guys nonstop, but I want to have the fun college experience that everybody should have. But, at the same time, I don't want to ruin my chances with him. I'm worried that I'll decide to forget about him and have fun in college and then realize that he is the only one I want to be with. I don't think I could forget about him, though.
Also, I don't know what he is going to think when I go to college. I don't know if he will assume it is over or what. I want to stay with him but i don't want to miss out on college experiences. It's so hard! I need help. I know it may have seemed unnecessary for me to include all of that text, but I think background info. is important. Thanks so much. I appreciate it! (link)
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Jesus Christ.
You're going off to college. You're an adult. Adults talk to people.
...
He introduced you to his family. I think its time you sat down and had the "I've been having some feelings and I think you have them too" conversations. It sounds like youre both falling for each other, and SOMEONE is going to have to break the taboo on speaking about getting serious at some point before you both try not to make a move too soon yourselves to death.
I'm going to spell out a chain of events. A series of logical interactions that will lead inevitably to an endpoint.
You go over to his house. You walk into the room, grab him, and give him the longest most passionate kiss you've ever given him. This will begin a series of reactions causing neurological impulses to be sent out from the testes signaling compliance and affection. You then pull back and tell him something cute yet serious like "I want to introduce you to people as my boyfriend" and smile at him.
The compliance and affection we mentioned earlier will come into play as his penis leads him squarely in whatever direction you want him to go.
After that, talk to him. Ask him what he wants, what he thinks. Put it to him in an "are you interested" kind of way.
Because theres a serious flaw in your current logic. You like him as more than a fuck buddy. You don't want to find out that he only thinks of you in those terms. Its making you completely ignore obvious signs like introducing you to his family and brothers for approval. You probably ought to realize that the quicker you pull this issue to the surface and get it behind the quicker you can stop tip toeing around each other like a couple of scared 13 year olds.
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so i'm 18 years old, female!
so around guys, i'm usually funny yet sarcastic. i think i'm pretty and i know other guys think i'm pretty because when i'm with them they always stare at me and touch me which gives me confidence but i think i get too cocky. i've never had an actual boyfriend, call me a tease? maybe. still a virgin, and when guys hear i've never had a boyfriend and am still a virgin, they're always like yeah right! get out of here, i think its funny though. i think that around guys i say stupid things that pushes them away. like this boy i like right now, i'm trying to keep his attention but i tend to try and make him jealous by saying like "oh so and so is texting me ;)" and he will be like, sweet? and then he makes me feel stupid. how can i be confident but not cocky, and not come off as somewhat of a bitch and like i dont care about others. i tell the truth, and most people think i'm a bitch because of it. they're always like "oh my god, thats so mean" and it makes me feel stupid. and i just say, well its the truth? or someone will be talking about a guy and i'll be like, ew not for me. for instance last weekend i was with my guy cousin and a friend. this guy texted me asking what i was doing that night and i was talking out loud and was like oh josh wants to know what i'm doing? well obviously not hanging out with him, ha. and my cousin is like maybe you could actually get a boyfriend if you were nicer! it just comes out of my mouth. i'm really a sweet girl, but i have high standards. i'm nice to people i'm still not attracted to though, but when they flirt with me i back off because i'm not into them. i hope i don't lead guys on. how can i actually keep a guy without pushing them away? does it even help to make a guy jealous, or does it really push them away? how can i get a guys attention without them just using me for my looks. i feel like guys just want to get with me because they think i'm pretty, which does suck. i don't do anything with guys though. this does give me problems and major trust issues because i'm afraid to let any guy in because i feel like they only want me for one thing, and that they're just trying to use me and if they tell me thats not true, i still cant believe them which makes them mad. (link)
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Oi.
Stop with the mind games.
You came right out and said it. You purposefully made him feel a negative emotion (jealousy) because it showed you that he liked you, and that made you feel good. You push people's buttons on purpose to get a rise out of them basically because it makes you feel good about yourself.
Thats fucked up.
You might have a bit of insecurity in there, but this seems mostly like out and out emotional manipulation. If you're intelligent and perceptive enough to screw with people like this you should be intelligent and perceptive enough to pick up on things without it.
Theres a bit of fear of rejection there too. You screw with people because it means you don't have to put yourself out there. You don't have to suffer the indignity of telling someone you like them and not having them like you back. You screw with them to find out if its safe, their reactions let you gauge how into you they are.
Again, its kinda fucked up. You're sacrificing other people's mental peace and comfort for your own.
Basically, stop doing these things. You know talking about someone else texting you will make him jealous. Don't. Just don't screw with his head, and maybe be a little more honest when the situation calls for it. Relationships don't have to be full of screwed up mind games that leave both people emotionally scarred.
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