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Abusive relationship
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We were best friends all during high school, and thouht maybe we should give it a shot & got together. well the begining of the relationship was amazing. he made me feel like i was the only girl in the world who could ever feel like this, until one day he got so mad he hit me. not in the face or where it would show. It was on my thiegh. I tried to look past it, but he just kept hitting me. It started out only when he got mad & we were arguing, but then it started to be an everyday thing. if i was "driving wrong" he would hit me, or i "said something stupid" he would hit me. then he stopped cause my family found out. but, he started again a few months later. i always ask him why he feels like he needs to hit me, why cant he jus express his anger to me in a different way. I want to know what to do. Im so lost. I love him so much, & i know that this relationship could work, i jus dont know what to say to him. Please,, i need some help.
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If you truly want a change, you must sit him down.
You must tell him that the way he treats you is intolerable, and his choices are anger management or divorce.
Tell him that if he hits you again in anger, ever, the papers will be signed for both divorce and a restraining order.
You have to be deadly serious. Angry without yelling. You cannot back down or flinch an inch. If you want to save this relationship you are going to have to show a shit ton of backbone and not back down a single iota.
Because thats what's been happening. He can, so he does. In my personal opinion, you made a mistake, he's a selfish jackass piece of shit, and you should leave him. But if you can't face up to that yet, you have to grow and maintain a very thick, strong backbone. If you give him an inch he will continue taking that mile.
If you can't hold up to not giving him that inch, then you need to leave, because the downward spiral will only continue.
Also, when you have this confrontation, you might want to have a friend or two nearby. An abusers instinctive reaction is to continue abusing, so have a few guys you trust wait nearby in a car. You can set up a quick signal by calling them and hanging up. This lets you double tap the talk button to automatically redial the last call. They know that if the phone rings, come running.
This is serious. He shows no compunction about hitting you. If you want even the slightest chance of saving this, its going to require you standing up and him backing down and cowering in a corner. If he does anything other than admit what a shitbag he is and promise to go to counseling at the earliest opportunity (this week) you NEED to leave him, as it won't be getting any better.
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He doesn't have any right to hurt you in any way. And being angry with someone would NEVER be reason enough to afflict you with physical pain, or any other form of pain for that matter. Imagine he is just your boyfriend. What more he will do to you if you decide to marry him? RESPECT in a relationship should be constant.
Taken you care deeply for this guy and you believe you can work things out. But does he? I mean, does he care one way or another? Cause if he does, he wouldn't be treating you like this. It's alright to love and care passionately about someone but you should also love yourself. No one can take care of yourself more than you.
If you will continue to bear his abuses there's a big tendency that your self esteem will be worn down, your sense of options will evaporate, self-care is compromised, and the power of choice is eroded. I have read in an article before that partners of abusers experience denial of the abusiveness, both from their partners and internally. Do you know that this can be life-threatening? Abusers are generally very needy and controlling; the abuse escalates when they feel they may lose their partner, or when the relationship ends. REMOVE YOURSELF TOTALLY FROM THE SITUATION. This is painful, but is generally safer and ultimately better for both of you than allowing the cycle of abuse to continue.
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My Best advice is to LEAVE get out now.
But if your not going to listen to that then i advice you to threaten him with a cop call or something. Let him know that you love him but if he is going to continue to hit you that you are going to report HIM. Also hit him back let him know how it feels. Or threaten to leave him let him know that you love him but you can leave anytime if he continues to hit you. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO STAY WITH HIM NO MATTER WHAT. Because this will only make him think that no matter what he does that you will stay with him. again I SUGGEST YOU GET OUT NOW. THIS IS NOT LOVE IF SOMEONE IS HITTING YOU. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BE A STRONG WOMAN. I PERSONALLY WILL BE DANMED IF A MAN EVER PUT HIS HANDS ON ME. I WOULD RATHER DIE TRYING TO KICK HIS ASS THEN LET HIM JUST BEAT ME. BUT IM ONLY 15!:0 GOOD LOOK AND AGIAN IF ANYTHING GETS OUT OF HAND..CALL 911 AS SOON AS POSSIBLE MY FRIENDS MOTHER DIED BECAUSE HER DAD!BE CAREFUL
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I know everyone is going to tell you to get out of the relationship so you don't get hurt but suprisingly that isnt what im going to tell you. I have been in the same situation as a matter of fact i still am. I know if you love someone it is nearly impossible to leave them not matter what they do. When my boyfriend started hitting me i tried everything. First i was so nice to him even when he hit me he couldnt stand it. The first time i cried so hard and asked him how he could do such a thing to me. Unfortuently he didnt sympothize much. I think you should try being a little mean back, try back bone stand up for yourself. next time he swings at you grab his hand and say iadvise you not to do that and bend his finger back until it really hurts him or something. or be really shady towards him almost like you dont like him it will leave him on edge and adventually he will ask you whats up with you and say i was respect and since you stopped showing it to me ive stopped caring about you. I can almost gaurentee it will work.
it did for me
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