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confident, not cocky?
so i'm 18 years old, female!
so around guys, i'm usually funny yet sarcastic. i think i'm pretty and i know other guys think i'm pretty because when i'm with them they always stare at me and touch me which gives me confidence but i think i get too cocky. i've never had an actual boyfriend, call me a tease? maybe. still a virgin, and when guys hear i've never had a boyfriend and am still a virgin, they're always like yeah right! get out of here, i think its funny though. i think that around guys i say stupid things that pushes them away. like this boy i like right now, i'm trying to keep his attention but i tend to try and make him jealous by saying like "oh so and so is texting me ;)" and he will be like, sweet? and then he makes me feel stupid. how can i be confident but not cocky, and not come off as somewhat of a bitch and like i dont care about others. i tell the truth, and most people think i'm a bitch because of it. they're always like "oh my god, thats so mean" and it makes me feel stupid. and i just say, well its the truth? or someone will be talking about a guy and i'll be like, ew not for me. for instance last weekend i was with my guy cousin and a friend. this guy texted me asking what i was doing that night and i was talking out loud and was like oh josh wants to know what i'm doing? well obviously not hanging out with him, ha. and my cousin is like maybe you could actually get a boyfriend if you were nicer! it just comes out of my mouth. i'm really a sweet girl, but i have high standards. i'm nice to people i'm still not attracted to though, but when they flirt with me i back off because i'm not into them. i hope i don't lead guys on. how can i actually keep a guy without pushing them away? does it even help to make a guy jealous, or does it really push them away? how can i get a guys attention without them just using me for my looks. i feel like guys just want to get with me because they think i'm pretty, which does suck. i don't do anything with guys though. this does give me problems and major trust issues because i'm afraid to let any guy in because i feel like they only want me for one thing, and that they're just trying to use me and if they tell me thats not true, i still cant believe them which makes them mad.
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Oi.
Stop with the mind games.
You came right out and said it. You purposefully made him feel a negative emotion (jealousy) because it showed you that he liked you, and that made you feel good. You push people's buttons on purpose to get a rise out of them basically because it makes you feel good about yourself.
Thats fucked up.
You might have a bit of insecurity in there, but this seems mostly like out and out emotional manipulation. If you're intelligent and perceptive enough to screw with people like this you should be intelligent and perceptive enough to pick up on things without it.
Theres a bit of fear of rejection there too. You screw with people because it means you don't have to put yourself out there. You don't have to suffer the indignity of telling someone you like them and not having them like you back. You screw with them to find out if its safe, their reactions let you gauge how into you they are.
Again, its kinda fucked up. You're sacrificing other people's mental peace and comfort for your own.
Basically, stop doing these things. You know talking about someone else texting you will make him jealous. Don't. Just don't screw with his head, and maybe be a little more honest when the situation calls for it. Relationships don't have to be full of screwed up mind games that leave both people emotionally scarred.
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You don't have to try to make any guy jealous. If other guys are checking you out, he is going to notice, too. If so and so is texting you, be honest, but don't make up stories. There is nothing wrong with being confident, and even cocky as long as you don't hurt anyone else's feelings. When you dump on another person to advance your own status it will backfire and make you look bad. Also, I hate to say it, but how can you worry about some guy only liking you for your looks? It seems as if looks are pretty important to you, too. You can't expect any person to look any deeper into you than you are willing to look into them.
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