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college... give up?
Alright. This will be long. Brace yourselves. I started seeing this guy over the summer and it started out as a fling. I am a senior in high school and he is a senior in college. He lives 10 minutes away from me, but he goes to college across the country. When we first started seeing each other, both of us thought it would be just a fun hook-up thing, and nothing more, especially because of our 4-year age difference. We both thought when summer was over, that would be that, and we'd never see each other again.
Turns out, we liked each other more then we expected. We texted and messaged daily for the past few months while he was away at college, and we told each other how we couldn't wait to see each other again. A couple of weeks ago he came home for winter break. We hung out almost every day, and he even met each other's families. Plus, he wanted to introduce me to his brother and friends which I see as a good sign. We admitted to each other that we like each other a lot. He isn't one to say cheesy or corny things and he is always honest, so when he says he likes me, I know he means it. I love seeing him and he loves seeing me. The age thing doesn't phase us anymore, either.
We'd go out and have fun and we'd stay in and have fun too. We basically can't get enough of each other. He left a few days ago to go back to school and it made me sad. I even cried a little, but not in front of him. Neither of us like saying goodbye. We're still contacting and I assume we will every day just like before when he was away. He will come back in a few months for spring break and then again for summer vacation not long after. I'm assuming we will still be seeing each other throughout all of that time.
Don't get me wrong, though, we are not technically dating, like boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess you would say we are seeing each other. Maybe dating. Just not "officially". Because of this, I don't know if he is hooking up with other girls or not. He doesn't know if I'm hooking up with guys either. I wouldn't, though, and I don't think he would either. It's kind of an unspoken thing. I just... trust him. And since we're not technically dating, I guess I couldn't get mad if he hooks up with some girl anyways.
Sorry, I'm getting a little off track. The thing is, I really think I am falling for him. I have learned from experience not to put my heart on the line and jump into things, so for me to say that I am falling for him is a pretty big thing. I look at guys at my high school and i just have absolutely no interest. However, I'm going to college next year, and I want to have fun. I'm not saying I want to go and hook up with guys nonstop, but I want to have the fun college experience that everybody should have. But, at the same time, I don't want to ruin my chances with him. I'm worried that I'll decide to forget about him and have fun in college and then realize that he is the only one I want to be with. I don't think I could forget about him, though.
Also, I don't know what he is going to think when I go to college. I don't know if he will assume it is over or what. I want to stay with him but i don't want to miss out on college experiences. It's so hard! I need help. I know it may have seemed unnecessary for me to include all of that text, but I think background info. is important. Thanks so much. I appreciate it!
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Jesus Christ.
You're going off to college. You're an adult. Adults talk to people.
...
He introduced you to his family. I think its time you sat down and had the "I've been having some feelings and I think you have them too" conversations. It sounds like youre both falling for each other, and SOMEONE is going to have to break the taboo on speaking about getting serious at some point before you both try not to make a move too soon yourselves to death.
I'm going to spell out a chain of events. A series of logical interactions that will lead inevitably to an endpoint.
You go over to his house. You walk into the room, grab him, and give him the longest most passionate kiss you've ever given him. This will begin a series of reactions causing neurological impulses to be sent out from the testes signaling compliance and affection. You then pull back and tell him something cute yet serious like "I want to introduce you to people as my boyfriend" and smile at him.
The compliance and affection we mentioned earlier will come into play as his penis leads him squarely in whatever direction you want him to go.
After that, talk to him. Ask him what he wants, what he thinks. Put it to him in an "are you interested" kind of way.
Because theres a serious flaw in your current logic. You like him as more than a fuck buddy. You don't want to find out that he only thinks of you in those terms. Its making you completely ignore obvious signs like introducing you to his family and brothers for approval. You probably ought to realize that the quicker you pull this issue to the surface and get it behind the quicker you can stop tip toeing around each other like a couple of scared 13 year olds.
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You definately need to talk to this guy, and make sure you both know where you stand with eachother.
It is very possible to have awesome college experiences, and still have a boyfriend who isnt there with you. I'm doing it - and it is hard sometimes, but it can be done.
However, you need to make sure that this is what you both want - because if one or both of you doesnt, then it will cause problems in your relationship.
It sounds like you have amazing chemistry with this guy, and I know how hard it is to decide whether or not you think it'll last through a big change like going to college. Sometimes it is better to have a clean break, and start afresh when youre meeting new people, but it is also really great to keep other people in your life.
You ultimately need to talk to him and see where you both stand...and go from there.
Good luck! xoxo
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Hi,
I completely understand your dilemma. That's a tough situation to be in. For me, I think the first thing you should do is to get clear with each other. You can't do or assume anything until you find out where you stand. Sure, it's fun and exciting to keep doing what you are doing. However, you are right when you say that you would have no voice if he were to start seeing someone else. You wouldn't have a leg to stand on. On the other hand, neither would he if it were reversed.
You could always agree to have an open relationship, where you see other people. There could be a number of different ways to play it.
If you want to enjoy the college experience, you should; especially if that includes seeing other guys. If you really want that and don't do it, you will regret it and you can't get it back.
If it's meant to be, maybe the two of you will hook up at another time.
Like I said, whatever you decide, you have to find out if and what kind of relationship the two of you have. You can't decide anything on assumptions. You need to make an educated decision. I hope this helped you.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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