Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: My bf loves me so much and he says he wont make me have sex with him, but he says it all the time. Is it just me or should I feel like I'm a bad girlfriend for not haveing sex with him... I mean Hes saying I dont have to but in his mind i know hes saying 'i want sex, i mean we've been together for 3 month,.. havent you kept me waiting'. I guess my question is, what should i do,.. should i do what my heart says and not have sex with him because i'll be breaking my religous promise, or have sex with him so I can keep him? I know I'm making it sound like hes a bad guy bad hes not hes a sweet heart....

If he really loves you, he won't push you into doing anything you don't want to do. You are not a bad girlfriend, and don't let him make you feel that way.
As for the what he's saying in his mind thing, all guys think that way. Plus, three months really isn't too long a time. Give it awhile.
Do what your heart/intuition says. They are usually right. Women have naturally strong intuition. Plus, intuition comes from the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is altogether more powerful and always knows things before the conscious mind does.
Never do anything just to keep a guy. I'm glad you found a sweetheart, but you need to follow your instincts on this one. Again, if he really loves you, he'll wait. Good luck. =)
-Siren

Q: hello siren
you say you can analyze things well here it goes analyze this guy one i live with he is good to me but no sex, guy two i think of often but dont stand much of a chance with him as far as anything goes guy three appeared on the scene today he asked me out he seems nice and giving and caring guy one is caring too i want to have guy one and three i want to date both of them im older than 21 so all is legal so are they but if guy 2 asked i would jump him in a new york minute but in the mean time i think i am going to date guy 3 behind guy one;s back see anythng wrong as long as no one gets hurt

Okay, you can't date both guys. That qualifies as cheating, which isn't nice to anyone. I see everything wrong with this. It appears that you have some decisions you need to make.
Sex is not everything in a relationship. Have you spoken to guy one about your feelings, and maybe asked him about the lack of sex, if it bothers you so much?
I don't care if you think no one will get hurt, because everyone could. If guy one finds out about guy three, he could get pissed and dump you. If they find out about each other, you could be left with no one, and that would suck, wouldn't it?
Why risk hurting everyone just to get sex? How long have you been with guy one? It could be a time issue, but I am not psychic, as much as I'd like to be, so I can't tell you.
This could also be a communication thing. Talk to guy one before you go out with guy three, get some info, and come back to me with what you have if you still don't know what to do. Good luck!
-Siren

Also, you may have misinterpreted what I said, which was that I analyze dreams. I do this advice stuff, obviously, but I don't consider that analyzation. =)

Q: I have a boyfriend that i love alot but he hits me.But he say he sorry and he won't do it again but he keeps doing it. He said if I leave him then he will kill me.I'm so scared that he's telling the truth .He's already put me in the hospital 2 times I don't know what to do.So I need help ASAP if anyone can help me please.My life is on the line!

Love Apple

I'm with Sp4rklingr4in. Get the police and your parents involved asap. This guy is dangerous. Get out of this relationship. You can't possibly love a guy who hurts you like that. Him threatening to kill you might be just a bluff, but I wouldn't be too sure. Feel free to contact me if you need more help. My AIM is SirenCytherea.
-Siren

Q: I have a boyfriend that i've been going out with for almost 3 months now, and he is slowly making him way to making me feel comfortable with him "sexualy". I love my boyfriend, and i would hate to lose him, and I want to but I was taught to wait until you have sex. What should I do?

I'm in a similar situation, so I understand your thinking. I think you should wait awhile. If he loves you, he'll wait. =)
-Siren

Q: i want a lion 4 a pet
how do i get it without joinin the circus

I never say this to anyone, but you can't. It's both illegal and dangerous.
-Siren

Q: i hate school...how do i not hate it?

I could ask the same question. That really depends on what you hate about it and why you hate it. I hate the overcrowdedness in my high school, and the low intelligence level. I hate it because I'm going into music, not academics. Because of this, it makes my classes pointless. Find your reasons, then figure out how to fix it. You'll be able to. =)
-Siren

Q: My husband and I are in a dissagreement about this one. I think that there are a lot of phonies out there passing themselves off as psychics, but that are actually a few that are for real. But I don't know which ones. My husband thinks all psychics are phonies, and nobody could possibly have these abilities. He is very cynical and closed-minded, in my opinion, but he thinks I am gulible. I was watching this talk show the other day with psychic Sylvia Browne, and she was picking people out of the audience and describing their dead relatives and friends, and even explaining things about them that she couldn't possibly know. I saw people nodding their heads, and looking amazed and relieved to finally know what happened to their loved ones. Are all these people paid actors? I belive it was the Montel Williams show. He seems pretty decent out of all the talk show hosts, and they seemed like just regular people. They gave her very little info to go on. If this is fake, how is it done? If anybody has had an experience with a psychic, please tell me about it. Thanks!

Well I've never had an experience with a psychic, but I have a few abilities of my own. I can analyze symbols in dreams to predict things. I believe that the subconscious mind always knows things before the conscious mind does. This is a subject I have researched well and dealt with several times in difference situations. Because I have these...different abilities, I'm inclined to believe that some psychics may be real.
-Siren

Q: Can anyone give me a free reading or know anyone who can, I want to know things.

I can analyze your dreams for you and predict things if you want. I'd probably have to talk to you through AIM so I can ask you quetions, though. SirenCytherea, if you want. Or just ask me a question in my advice column. =)
-Siren

Q: You still haven't answered my question, will you suck it????

This is a site for advice. My advice to you is this - stop bothering people with such moronic questions.

Q: I want a dog, but my 'rents say i cant...WHY NOT

I couldn't answer that for you. Have you asked your parents?

Q: I'm gay, is that bad?

Why on earth would it be bad? It's a matter of preference. Go you for admitting it!

Q: There is this boy in school that I live.He loves me back,but here's the problem.There is another girl in school he loves(she loves him back,too).Even though he said he loves me more,I am still worried that he will dump me 4 her.What do i do?I can't help but 2 love him!!

Alright, this boy evidently doesn't know the meaning of the word "love". He cannot love two people in the same way. It's not physically, emotionally or mentally possible. How much can he really love you if he loves the other girl too? This sounds like a breakup waiting to happen, and/or a huge mistake. I'd rethink my love for this guy, as hard as it may be to do that.
-Siren

Q: Well see this one day i ahd my friend call my boyfriend up (i know not the best idea) and i had her ask him this one question on a scale from 1-10 1 being you hate her and 10 being you love her and he rated me a five thats like he thinks im ok well i donno if i should dump him or not i mean we have only been dating like 2 weeks and gone out on one date but only in a group of friends should i give him time or push him away?

Lots Of LOve,
Very Confused Girl

Only 2 weeks? Damn, girl. You gotta give it time. I mean, the first date my boyfriend and I went on wasn't even supposed to be a date, but now we're talking about getting hitched later in life. You two need to spend some time alone with each other and get to know each other better. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: Ever since I was little I couldn't talk to people I didn't know. When I became older, I started having the same problem with girls. I had a few girlfriends early in high school, but they asked me. They weren't really my type either. They always wanted to party and do drugs. I didn't. I guess that I am the last of a dying breed. My freshman dance was 2 years ago and I didn't even think about going because I was to shy to ask anyone. I always use the excuse that I have a rejection phobia. I am the person that you see at a party that is hanging out with with his friends because no one likes talks either. I can't just go up to a girl and say, hey do you want to go and see a movie this weekend or something. I used to be fat through elementary school and 7 and 8 grade. Then I went to the gym and I went from 250lbs to 180lbs. I am 6'1 so this weight is better. Even though I look better I still don't have the courage to talk to girls. I always think that if I ask them, after they turn me down that they will go off and blab to their friends and make fun of me. I have asked a couple of girls out and they say that they like me as a friend or that they don't have time for a boyfriend and then a couple days later someone else asks them out and they say yes. This year the prom is fast approaching and I didn't ask anyone. Someone tell me how to get over this. I am 17. I don't play sports, maybe thats why. Girls want sports guys. And I don't hang out with the popular crowd because they are too fake. Help.

Ah, shyness...
Some girls like shy guys, so don't lose that entirely. Good for you for not playing sports. I like musicians and artists myself. I can't stand jocks. Be yourself. If the girls you go for turn you down, then you haven't run across any girls that deserve you. You sound like a really sweet and genuine guy, definitely part of a dying breed. I know the overweight thing can make a person self-conscious for life. I used to be overweight, too. As far as being shy, just strike up a conversation with someone who looks a little shy herself. Chances are, you're gonna have to talk to the girls because the girls might not come to you. Most of us are shy and afraid of rejection, too. At some point, you'll find a girl who likes you and respects who you are. Good luck. =)
-Siren

Q: i have dis friend dat likes dis otha friend but i waz talkin 2 d phone wit dis friens which it a boy n he waz z lyk sweet talkin me n said he is no worrin bout m otha friend so y d next day he was like i like ya otha friend dat kinda hurt me cuz on d phone he was like we sound like a couple and ya betta gurl den ya otha friend so dat reallu hurt me what should i say 2 dis friend dat is a boy without him tellin all his friendz wha i told him!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????

You're confused? I'M confused, and I'm good at deciphering codes. This is way beyond me, so...um, english much?

Q: I'm 13 years old and I have a 2.5 inch long penis when it gets a boner. If I asked any of you women out there, would you suck it?

Okay, comparison...13 VS 17; 2.5 VS 7. Gee, I wonder...*laughs* Now I'm just amused. The answer is HELL NO.

Q: What is the meaning of life?

The meaning of life is really debateable. It's an interesting question. One to which I'd actually like to know the answer. I honestly don't think we're supposed to know. But for now, make your own meaning. Life is what you make of it. Just have fun living it. =)
-Siren

Q: Ok well see i started my period like a monthe or two ago and now im on my third mothe but i havent had my period since the frtst month even though my first period went two days into the 2nd month is somehting wrong(i didnt have sex either)

Don't worry too much about it. Your periods will be irregular for awhile. I've had my period for four years and it's still not totally regular. =)
-Siren

Q: I was with my partner for 11 years. We then married and 5 months later he met someone else and left two months later, without discussion. We had a very good relationship, and I believed we were together for life. Our respective faults did not adversersly affect the relationship and we got on very well together. He is a very independant/selfish person, but I belive he was not unfaithful to me before this occasion. He tells me he has not left because he met someone else, but becaused I nagged, and that he no longer loved me. Being a woman, yes I did nag, but far from excessivly.
We have been apart for 5 months, and I would still have him back, as I feel our relationship is worth fighting for. I was unaware that he was unhappy, and he made no indication of this. I have written a couple of letters and tried to talk to him, but he is,and always has been,reluctant, or incapable of talking about his feelings in any detail. The most I have got out of him is that he 'loves me, but not as he should'. He has remained in touch, and when I see him, he treats me like an old friend, and acts as though nothing has happened/that we did not have the past that we had.I do belive we could be happy together, despite this, and am prepared to try and put what has happened behind us. Some advice on how to 'play' all this would be gratefully received - what steps do I take to try and rebuild our relationship?. I am 42, and he is 41.
Regards
Anne Wilson.

*cracks knuckles* alright, this is an interesting situation, and a perfect example of relationship-killing miscommunication.
First of all, know that men are, in general, idiots. You say you nagged far from excessively. He, however, may feel as though you nagged a bit too much.
My general rule is - once a relationship is dead, it's dead. I'm sure you feel your relationship is worth fighting for, and maybe it is. The trick would be to get HIM to see that, which would probably be a rather difficult task, as men are generally oblivious.
If he's so reluctant to talk about his feelings in detail, you may not be able to get him back. If it's once thing I've learned from talking to my parents, it's that you cannot change a person. They will remain who they are and the way they are, and there's nothing you can do about it.
If you absolutely must try to rebuild your relationsip, though, try to talk to him when you see him. Ask him your quetions casually, and try to engage him in a conversation centering around the topic of your relationship. Blame your questions on curiosity. (That's what I always do. That way the guy doesn't think you have an ulterior motive, even if you do. Works every time.)
Try reminding him of the good times you had together.
These are just suggestions. I've never been in this situation. If you need more help, feel free to e-mail me at DemonIre1024@hotmail.com. Good luck. =)
-Siren

Q: am i weird? i masterbate with anything and everything i can. ( and electric toothbrush, stuffed animals, my dog, ext.) heve i crossed the line?

Well...I wouldn't use your dog. Masturbation is perfectly normal, and it's okay to explore. Just don't use things that aren't yours...
-Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren