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I am shy
Ever since I was little I couldn't talk to people I didn't know. When I became older, I started having the same problem with girls. I had a few girlfriends early in high school, but they asked me. They weren't really my type either. They always wanted to party and do drugs. I didn't. I guess that I am the last of a dying breed. My freshman dance was 2 years ago and I didn't even think about going because I was to shy to ask anyone. I always use the excuse that I have a rejection phobia. I am the person that you see at a party that is hanging out with with his friends because no one likes talks either. I can't just go up to a girl and say, hey do you want to go and see a movie this weekend or something. I used to be fat through elementary school and 7 and 8 grade. Then I went to the gym and I went from 250lbs to 180lbs. I am 6'1 so this weight is better. Even though I look better I still don't have the courage to talk to girls. I always think that if I ask them, after they turn me down that they will go off and blab to their friends and make fun of me. I have asked a couple of girls out and they say that they like me as a friend or that they don't have time for a boyfriend and then a couple days later someone else asks them out and they say yes. This year the prom is fast approaching and I didn't ask anyone. Someone tell me how to get over this. I am 17. I don't play sports, maybe thats why. Girls want sports guys. And I don't hang out with the popular crowd because they are too fake. Help.
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Don't be too shy. I know that you don't like to talk to girls too often, but if you are quiet and shy you will get more bs from girls than if you just go and talk to them. Don't try to rush relationships; make sure that you are good friends with a girl before you run into asking them out. Don't worry about getting rejected either. Dances are all about having fun. Just ask them to go as a friend and when you finally do get to the dance (or movie etc), make sure you hang around them. Don't always go running to your friends. I don't think that playing sports is really that important, but if you think that it will make girls like you then you should play in an outside sports league with friends.
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Ah, shyness...
Some girls like shy guys, so don't lose that entirely. Good for you for not playing sports. I like musicians and artists myself. I can't stand jocks. Be yourself. If the girls you go for turn you down, then you haven't run across any girls that deserve you. You sound like a really sweet and genuine guy, definitely part of a dying breed. I know the overweight thing can make a person self-conscious for life. I used to be overweight, too. As far as being shy, just strike up a conversation with someone who looks a little shy herself. Chances are, you're gonna have to talk to the girls because the girls might not come to you. Most of us are shy and afraid of rejection, too. At some point, you'll find a girl who likes you and respects who you are. Good luck. =)
-Siren
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be yourself. Someone has to like you. There are far too many in this world not to. I, though I am a female, went through this same thing as you. Heck, I've dated and I'm still going through it. I asked 3 different people to the turnaround dance and no one would go. I try not to let it get to me, I know someone likes me for who I am. If you really want to go to prom you go. Who cares if you have a date. If you're like me and can't do things alone then go with a good friend who's female. Or someone you've liked for years but never had the courage to ask. Then there's always asking the one who, like you, is shy. She could be for you. And she probably doesn't want someone in sports. Ask the nerd, the dork, the one scoffed at. Ask the one who did Juliet freshman year using an english accent. Ask the one who no one wants. I know for a fact that she will go.
If all else fails, become a monk. You get to live for free! And you can rise up to become abbot. Also, Gregor Mendel was a monk and the father of modern genetics. It's a great career and there's no pressure to talk to females because you can't!
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First of all-YOU are the in-crowd. Look at some famous folks in history. The price of being a revolutionary is putting up with the flock of sheep-the so-called "popular kids" blabbing-but,they're going to do that ANYWAY about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and even EACH OTHER. If I were you-I'd stay perched up in my tree of detached observation and enjoy the comedy of errors people call the "popular kids and what they're doing". I AM NOT pushing isolation or lonership as we all need buddies-people we DON'T have to excuse ourselves around. This is not about "settling", its about finding and being around YOUR people.
Now, look at you radar. I'll bet there's someone,maybe others quietly watching your good example. You've alot of inner strength to have taken control of aspects of your own life(style). Ask a girl from the gym out on a date or to the prom. Hook up with some guys from the gym-I use "the gym" because you say you go there and whoever else goes has similar interests in that area. That's also part of being a revolutionary,sometimes you must venture outside to other places to find your buds. I think...I KNOW you have a great future ahead of you just from what you've said in your question,and what you've already accomplished. You have alot of character and people smarts. Sometimes it takes others to believe in you to help you see this! I hope I have helped you! Now, its up to you to take action-I just answered a question from another person who was shy about asking a girl out.-look at my column and read that as well. Please keep me posted.-insight2020
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There is so much pressure for the need to date in high school which is always uncomfortable and akward. Don't worry about dating so much. Once you graduate things will get better, you won't have that feeling that people are constantly judging you. I didn't date at all in high school nor did I go to my prom. But here I am at 23 and married to a wonderful man. In the next few years you life be changing a lot. Wether you go to college or start a carreer you will find that people are a lot more accepting, you will be more confident in yourself and you won't care at all what happend back in high school.
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Hey!
Don't worry about being in too much of a hurry to get a girlfriend. I'm 18 years old and I've never had a proper long-term-relationship before, simply because I haven't met the right person for me yet. Don't ever change yourself for a girl; if you don't like playing sports, don't force yourself to play them because you think girls will like it. A genuine person will like you for who you are, and will love you just for being yourself. Any girl that turns you down isn't worth your time.
Try and make some friends with girls. Many of my best friends are boys, and they're the most amazing friends I've ever had. Friendship is always the basis for a relationship. You can't just "get over" this -- but please, don't feel like you're alone, because loads of people feel the way you do. Strike up a conversation with some girls in your classes, just go over and say "hey". They won't bite, I promise :)
Congratulations on your weight loss, by the way. It's an amazing achievement and I hope you're proud :)
Like I said, don't try and force yourself into a relationship. Wait for it to come - you're still really young, and there's no rush yet. Just go out and enjoy yourself :)
Good luck!
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I was shy and unpopular all through school too, so I can definately relate. Being a girl, the only time I got to ask a guy out was the Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked this nice guy in my english class, and it went alright, but after that, I noticed he didn't really talk to me anymore because of peer pressure from the other kids that I was "uncool" or something. I never understood why. I thought he liked me. I was, and still am a nice person. I just didn't have confidence, and it showed. My advice is, just be yourself. Think of the things that interest you, and do them. If you're not into sports, so what?Stop thinking that you are "not good enough" for the girl. Maybe she is not good enough for you. Look for girls who are nice, and not stuck-up, and have good values, like you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't change that for anyone. Is there a club you can join where you can meet people who share your interests? For me, I enjoyed singing, and if it wasn't for my chorus group, I don't think I would've survived high school. Of course, there were snobs among them, too, but I had a few friends, and I made the best of it. I even went on a cruise with then to the Carribean Islands! We raised the money ourselves.Does your school have any clubs that interest you? If so, go for it. Perhaps a speech or drama class will help you get over some of your shyness. Is there a sport you want to play? If so, go for it! You'll never know until you try.I tried out for the drill team because I wanted to be like my sister, but I didn't make it. At least I tried. And nobody made fun of me. I think they respected that I tried my best. Have you seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" It's about a popular guy in high school who gets to know a girl that everyone makes fun of because she is religous and doesn't wear fashionable clothes, but by being in a school play with her, he gets to know her and finds out she is really a great person. It's very touching. Maybe someone just needs to get the chance to get to know you. Give them that chance. Put yourself "out there". You'll learn something about yourself as well. I hope I've helped. Good luck! :-) P.S. Where were the guys like you when I was in high school?
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wish i could help but i am kinda in that situation myself. sorry. i would say that you should get to be friends with a girl first if you can and then find out at some point in time if she likes you. then ask her out. obviously someone you can talk to.
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when you leave school you will find that you will have more confidance
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I'm just...weird. I can be shy, and then i'm really out when i'm in class groups or friends :-/. then when a male teacher looks and talks to me, i can't look at them in he eye. except for my art teachers.
but why did you need to know that?
i don't care about sporty guys, maybe it's just your school.
it doesn't matter if they are girls or not, talk to them as a person. really, you can find good looking girls, talk to them, and they end up being really...not..smart. i hate it. looks decive i tell you!
butyeah...i usually "over hear" a conversation, and babble on from there if i can.
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I am shy, and I dont hang out with the popular crowd either... I am a girl and I dont want "sporty guys" I dont care if they play sports, write poetry, or dont do anything.. as long as hes nice, caring, and funny.. I dont know what to tell you, I am too shy myself and would need help on that subject.
just keep searching and if you find the right girl go for it, you dont really have a rejection phobia, Just try to talk to her, or write a note... This isnt my best advice im really sorry, just try you best to get courage or go to therapy "Doesnt help" just a tip..
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Dear shy boy
well i have always heard it say nothing ventured nothing gained and i have heard it said if you are willing to try you have to eventually succeed so i would say at 17 we were all awkward except the popular kids but ask yourself what makes them popular clothes money that is all pretentious(fake) so i would say one day you will find the girl for you im sure there are girls who do not have dates for the prom ask one of your buddies if they have a sister that needs a date just a friendship date maybe they do make sure they dont hook you up with the school dork tho that would be mean let it be known to your buddies that you are available if they know any girls that would be right for you in the mean time hit the books and get the grades so you will not have to worry about taking a bit of time off when mrs right walks into your life do normal things like teenage things to get your mind off girls so much it will happen when it is suppose to happen and not before just make it be known to everyone that you are looking for mrs right or someone close to it well take care and i hope i have helped
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Girls are people too. Talk to them like you would with any other guy.
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