Friendship,love and fitness/health are my specialities! Gimme a try!!
Member Since: February 24, 2004
Answers: 19
Last Update: March 5, 2004
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i have 2 or 3 girls that i want to date, but all of them send me mixed signals. i'm looking for a real relationship, not for another peice of a**.
does any 17-18 year old female have advice? that girls are between that age group ( 17-18 ). (link)
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Ask each of them out-and other girls too. You'll get answers. Mixed signals generally mean NO-but you won't know unless you try. And sometimes when you start dating-the others get interested-it gets their attention. So does having hobbies and other interests. Start asking these and other girls out because girls like the guy to make the first move,it'll build courage AND you'll get your answers and maybe even a girlfriend-Insight2020-
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I have a great friend named Erin. We've been best friends since 1st grade, but lately she's been deserting me for her new friends. Now, I'd normally be beaming if she made a few new friends, but I'm just so glum about it now. Her new friend, Bridget, is super mean to me! She sits there and makes fun of me for listening to Jessica Simpson, Ja Rule, Ludacris, you get the picture. She even had the nerve to make fun of my uncle's rock band (FYI my uncle's only 23)! Worst of all, Erin sits there and laughs with Bridget!!! I know that Erin isn't being the world's best friend, but she's just such a nice girl when she's away from Bridget. Bridget's also starting to talk to Erin about cutting herself... See, Bridget cuts herself in choir (I sit right next to her) & wipes her blood on a piece of paper in her planner. In fact, she has a whole page full of blood.... Nasty! She's trying to convince Erin to start doing that. Erin's also yelling at me for not going out with this kid who I don't like, but here she is hooking Bridget up with her own best guy friend, and BRIDGET HAS A BOYFRIEND who's practically in love with her! Help!!!!!! (link)
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I know it hurts but I think Erin is doing YOU a favor. It is fine to tell her how you feel about what is happening to your friendship. Add that YOU have chosen to distance YOURSELF from it partly because she has and also because you do not wish to watch her partake in destructive behavior or be any part of it. Talk to the school counselor and even your parents. If you are really concerned now or after you say what's on your mind, and you say you've been best friends for a long time, you might consider telling your parents and maybe then,with your parent's help, tell her parents. People change and grow,they sometimes change friends as often as they change clothes, especially in the school years,however,destructive behavior is NEVER acceptable. Sometimes, we have to accept these changes even if it means risking losing a friend. Distance yourself in a direct and honest, yet loving way and if you see that there's a bigger problem-(Erin obviously doesn't)-then do the next right thing and help start the ball rolling to stop it and then step back and get on with your life. Good Luck-Insight2020
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A guy I know asked me out a week ago, and I refused, nicely. I thought it was all over... Until his younger sister came up to me, and asked if it was true that I'm dating her brother. I told her that I wasn't, and I that I like someone else. She said that her brother told a bunch of people that we're dating! I didn't beleive it at first, but by the end of that day, 5 other people asked if it was true! He's spreading all these false lies about me, saying that we went to the movies & made out... Well, here's the scoop: I went to the movies, but not with him. I saw him there, and he sat behind me. I touched his arm when I was walking outta the theater, I never kissed him, let alone make out with him! What should I do? (link)
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If you cannot just let this pass, and it will,let this guy know in no uncertain terms that "it is NOT alright" what he's doing-I'd say make it public, to the point and in front of others since he's dragged your good reputation around a bit.(NOT in front of your current boyfriend tho')You must pick the time, like grab him in the hall at school or something. He's likely PO'd because you turned him down. I rarely tell anyone to do this,and often its best to take someone aside, but this guy wants that because he wants to get you alone. His crush on you is innocent, I'm sure but,hey-spreading gossip is NOT okay. It IS okay to stand up for yourself. Insight2020
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I know this guy that likes me, but I don't feel the same way. I've *nicely* turned him down, probably 3 times. But, he still keeps asking me out! He's asked for my phone number a bunch of times, and I've always refused, because A) My mom hates it when guys call my house & B) I'd only give my phone number to my boyfriend (if I had one). I feel soooo bad for this guy, but I'd never go out with him.. It's all so confusing! (link)
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There's no way to let someone down easy. Best you tell him you're flattered yet not interested in dating him. DOn't argue the point,just be clear. Its HONEST and NONCOMMITTAL in that you're not promising him dates or friendship or anything if you don't want to. If you continue "feeling sorry" for others, you'll have lots of unwanted "baggage" in your life. Being honest gives you and him, or whomever, to grow up and move on. And it lets him save face. Wouldn't YOU appreciate being treated that way?? ANyway, if he persists, be a "broken record" with one lyric-"NO"-Insight2020
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How do I tell my my really nice friend that she wears WAAAAY too much makeup? She's pretty underneath it all, but I swear she puts on so much makeup nobody knows what her real face actually looks like anymore. I don't want to hurt her feelings, I just want to help her out. (link)
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How about going to a nice department store together and having your makeup done by one of the ladies there. Often its free and they'll give advice and tips and this will save you having to tell her,at least yet. They'll have to remove her makeup to redo it. Its a creative way to make the suggestion.-let me know how it works out-okay??-Insight2020
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I am a 21 year old female and I have been with my 26 year old boyfriend for 4 years now. We are in love (at least I think he is still in love with me.) In four years he has done more for than anyone would do for just a 'girlfriend'. I love him more than anything in the world but last year I was supposed to move in with him but the day before he told me we shouldn't which left with another year lease at my apartment. Now we are supposed to move in together this fall. Im wondering if he will change his mind again. If he does should I break it off? Another thing is that I am ready to get married and him being 26 should at least start thinking about it. He keeps telling me to be patient. But how long am i supposed to wait? I don't want to be unmarried forever. Please help. (link)
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I know, from experience, that its tempting for some of us to let others take over our lives and decisions. In the(approximate) words of Dr. Phil,"we teach others how to treat us". You are teaching this guy that its OK to wait, to change his mind, come and go at his leisure. His "violations" likely will worsen if you don't take some action and set some boundaries. Its not too late.. There are ways to gain back some of that personal power you're giving away,ways to retrain this guy. Think about it. What advice you give your very best friend if she came to you with this issue? Breaking it off is an option,but lets not be quite so hasty. Let him know that YOU have been thinking about it, and decided that YOU want YOUR OWN space until you're in a committed relationship with someone(and SAY someone) Follow through NO MATTER WHAT YOU FEEL, or HE SAYS and so on. Keep what you say short and to the point and DO NOT ARGUE!! YOU MUST START STANDING YOUR GROUND-and this is achieve thru talk and made clear thru ACTION! I know its scary and a risk, but this is the way you'll become a stronger person and find out if this guy is serious and worth any more of your precious time. Look at the ways guys act. They're mostly ACTION.. This is their "language". Give guys "guyspeak"-ACTION. You are young,however, you do not have time to waste(at any age) on insincere people. Be brave-follow through-take ACTION-then, let me know what happens-Insight2020
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hi, it's me again who wrote before, "wat do u think" well bascially i have this male friend in college and his quite older then me, the thing is we have a good times by ourself or in groups but the thing is sometimes i'm confused in what things he say's to me and why? he say's thing's like it's just like being married to you? i mean wat was tht all about?? and he also said this in a joke way before that he said "you need relationship counselling i think" as in a jokey way though, then i replied and said; well look who's talikng when you are then one had lots of breakdowns in your past relationship and being dumped ny your ex-girlgriends then he say's; i actually dumped them when only he was trying to deny himself but when i said that he had a grin on his face and went red.
As in the other hand i'm single and i havn't been out with any one for a long time even though i had lots of guy's askin me out in college and out of college but thats not the point i didnt say this to him though because he was saying to me in a joke way and saying are you trying to play hard to get? wat was he on about there! not only that he say's that he has a great sociable time with me when were alone and has called me "you'r such an sex symbol" and no wonder why older guys prefer you more is because you are so attractive and nice/very mature and loving caring person etc...
He also said the other day i can imagine already bumping into you in 8yrs time having lunch with you while you tell me everything about your life.
i mean he does talk to me alot and has a happy smile when i say something to him or make him laugh alot and sometimes he goes red, i'm just confused when he says things tome and why does he say it and what does he mean about it's like being married to you. Recently he has been in a funny mood blanking me then talking to me and sayin is everything ok and how r u etc.. but then agian he makes me be the last perosn to be looked at while he takes his time talking to other girls but i don't mind it's just that why doe she keep me the last one to be listned to is it because he is trying to get my attention or what? and when he talks he looks deep down m eye even thogh my hair is in the way it's like he is trying to serach them and when he talks to teh other girls he always try to glance at me every now and then if i'm looikn or not or wat am i doing? also he does tease me alot and jokes with me alot and winks at me when ever he see's me and say's frount of people it's like being married to you, and he does say hi all the time or if i don't reply he will say it continously and tells me at least you can smile back at me or say hello! and not only that he said i remind him soo much of his ex-girlfriend as he was laughing but he used to say nice thing about her, even though it's his x and he said i also remind him of somebody else with a happy face but why does he mention these peculiar things to me or says it to me then somebody else and he always takes me as a game or a joke and somtimes not taking me seriously or listening to me apart from mirroing me with his face expression or when i say something he is trying to make laugh and always pull his eye-brow up and down but why it's really annoying and embrassing, but we are only gd frineds though we only known each other for 6/7 months. SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT I'M REAL CONFUSED LIKE HOW THIS PERSON IS ACTING AND SAYING THESE THINGS HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY OR WHAT IS THIS PERSON TRYING TO SAY? ansd i never know what he means it's like being married to you he was realy laughing and having a grin on his face when he said that. well srry about this long essay and thanx ever soo much 4 ur reply tke care! bye sweet facex (link)
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I've been thru this and on both sides of it-not fun. You gotta be your own best friend here. What would you tell a best friend who you really cared about if she had the same problem and asked you what to do ? This guy is sucking you into HIS confusion . He runs hot, he runs cold,he treats you like a little sister sometimes and other times like a "friend". Doesn't sound like he's over the last girl yet. The most and best you'll get from this guy is more of what you're getting Girlfriend!! These are some of the unhealthy ways we can get hooked on someone-thru confusion. It sounds like being taken seriously is very important to you and I'm sure there are many things that matter to you. Now, read that last sentence over again. Look on your radar and see if there aren't other guys looking to get to know you and that you might like to date. Your friends who know you well may have guyfriends to set you up with. ASK THEM-no harm done there. Even if you don't like some of the guys who ask you out,try to go out with them and spend time and talk back and forth and see what VALUES YOU SHARE and HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF after spending time with them!! You are worthy of getting your needs met. You just need to know how. I've given you 2 starting steps-- START DATING& LISTEN,LISTEN,LISTEN TO WHAT THEY'RE SAYING AND HOW YOU FEEL. You will know and there will be much less confusion. Look, you're still confused after 6-7 months trying to get to know this guy. He's shutting you out with confusion tactics. And yes, it is a little bit of work. Or even trying on clothes or buying a car-you don't buy the first thing you try on or drive. YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME TO FIND THE FIT!! It doesn't sound like you're having much fun with this. You don't really like this guy-he's just f'n with your mind--and even if this means he likes you-what a messed up way of showing it-eh?? Tell him you'll see him in 8 years and get outta there!! Don't be where your not wanted!! PLEASE-- Keep me posted-insight2020
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Ummm....yeah.... i wanna know what the withdrawal symptoms are like if you just stop taking certain antidepressants. cos i have to get off mine sometime this year. and i dont wanna. im SCARED!!!!
People have been saying that ill get DT type shakes, nausea and bad mood swings.
Anyone with experience in this feild...i would muchly appreciate your advice.
Spankyou.
~Mordak (link)
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You will be "weaned"off your antidepressents so as NOT to have ill side effects. You must not go off of them yourself. Get instructions from your Doctor?Psychiatrist. The idea of antidepressants and other such drugs is to get you to a place where you are feeling better, can talk about your stuff, try new behaviors, become more functional. Its called a "therapeutic intervention". Some people are able to go off of them after sometime because the problem has been corrected. Others stay on longer and even for life because of brain chemistry. Apparently, your doctor wants to see how you function AFTER being on them. Let the expert,your doctor, help you with this process. These drugs have to be monitored in this way when you start them all the way to the steps to "wean" off of them. Ask about side effects too and tell the doc you're scared--I don't think there's going to be ANY problem!! insight2020
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Ever since I was little I couldn't talk to people I didn't know. When I became older, I started having the same problem with girls. I had a few girlfriends early in high school, but they asked me. They weren't really my type either. They always wanted to party and do drugs. I didn't. I guess that I am the last of a dying breed. My freshman dance was 2 years ago and I didn't even think about going because I was to shy to ask anyone. I always use the excuse that I have a rejection phobia. I am the person that you see at a party that is hanging out with with his friends because no one likes talks either. I can't just go up to a girl and say, hey do you want to go and see a movie this weekend or something. I used to be fat through elementary school and 7 and 8 grade. Then I went to the gym and I went from 250lbs to 180lbs. I am 6'1 so this weight is better. Even though I look better I still don't have the courage to talk to girls. I always think that if I ask them, after they turn me down that they will go off and blab to their friends and make fun of me. I have asked a couple of girls out and they say that they like me as a friend or that they don't have time for a boyfriend and then a couple days later someone else asks them out and they say yes. This year the prom is fast approaching and I didn't ask anyone. Someone tell me how to get over this. I am 17. I don't play sports, maybe thats why. Girls want sports guys. And I don't hang out with the popular crowd because they are too fake. Help.
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First of all-YOU are the in-crowd. Look at some famous folks in history. The price of being a revolutionary is putting up with the flock of sheep-the so-called "popular kids" blabbing-but,they're going to do that ANYWAY about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and even EACH OTHER. If I were you-I'd stay perched up in my tree of detached observation and enjoy the comedy of errors people call the "popular kids and what they're doing". I AM NOT pushing isolation or lonership as we all need buddies-people we DON'T have to excuse ourselves around. This is not about "settling", its about finding and being around YOUR people.
Now, look at you radar. I'll bet there's someone,maybe others quietly watching your good example. You've alot of inner strength to have taken control of aspects of your own life(style). Ask a girl from the gym out on a date or to the prom. Hook up with some guys from the gym-I use "the gym" because you say you go there and whoever else goes has similar interests in that area. That's also part of being a revolutionary,sometimes you must venture outside to other places to find your buds. I think...I KNOW you have a great future ahead of you just from what you've said in your question,and what you've already accomplished. You have alot of character and people smarts. Sometimes it takes others to believe in you to help you see this! I hope I have helped you! Now, its up to you to take action-I just answered a question from another person who was shy about asking a girl out.-look at my column and read that as well. Please keep me posted.-insight2020
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Hey man can u tell me how to get this chick I really like her and shes got a great personality we probably share the same interests and stuff but I dont know if she likes im da same guy who said I dont have the guts to ask her out and all so e-mail me at Robin2312@aol.com k bye (link)
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I just read your question(s),thanks! Sounds like you'd like to and need to get better aquainted with her. A few things here good buddy-(and I'm starting at the end of this question and proceeding from there)in my experience,most girls like the guy to initiate-so, that's in your favor. What you fear is the unknown and the possibility of rejection-well, success is the other possiblity-either way,you feel the fear,you do it anyway and you tackle the next life challenge-there's just too much for you to gain from asserting yourself not to. Whether or not you get the date YOU WIN for just stepping up to the plate! Think about other times you've been afraid and proceeded anyway,no matter the outcome. Even if it turned out bad,well,who doesn't learn from their mistakes?? This is one of the many ways people grow. And, you'll develop POISE which is VERY ATTRACTIVE to the ladies! YOU WILL "get the girl"--if not this one,the next-just enjoy the process.
I like why you like her. Its refreshing. Another possibility to get to know her is to go out as a group with friends if possible or have a party and invite her. Plan an event that you know you both would like as you said she probably shares many interests with-be creative and ASSERTIVE-remember,girls like and often expect the guy to make the move and have the plan. Go For It!!
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I got a job at a pizza restaurant. I've worked for the same chain several years ago (a different location). I filled out the application online, made some nice customer comments about that particular location because it's my favorite place, and the owner called me last night! I was feeling really down when he called, so I look at this as a good sign, because it really made me feel better. This may sound totally lame or corny to you, but I'd much rather being doing something, even if it's just making pizzas, or taking orders for them, then sitting around at home being broke. I need to help out my family, but I also feel better about myself when I'm working, like I'm "contributing to society " by having a job. Ok, so I'm not curing cancer, but treating people nice can really make the difference in somebody's day, and I will be working with the public, which I know I can do. It's been a long time since I've worked a cash register, but it didn't look hard, I'm planning to stay there as long as I need to to save money and go back to school to finish my child development credits, but I didn't tell the boss that. I think I conviced this new boss that I can handle it, so why am I so nervous? Any suggestions? I start my training friday. (link)
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Your heart is in the right place and you have an action plan. You don't need to lay you future out to anyone yet,especially to a job that has no future for you. Besides, bosses want to think their staff is staying forever. When it is time to move on,give them 2 weeks notice. Just show up for work,have fun make people smile!! Much of your question is actually the ansewer. Go with your gut!
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my auntie died 2 years ago of cancer and i grew to know just as she was dieing and every time i see things of hers or i photo of her i start crying because i reminds me of the day she died i saw her dead on the bed i did not know she died and i walked into the room and everyone else was there please help how can i get the picture out of my head i hate the picture please help me (link)
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You need to substitute a different image in your head. Pick something more pleasant and practice it until you're less sensitive to it. If the impulse is to pick up a photo each time you pass it,go the other way. Put memos away and replace them with other things until some time has passed. We need to have healthy "substitutions" to go to to help change thoughts and patterns. Sounds like you knew her only a short time and under sad circumstances,and we don't want this sadnes to color your life now or forever. And remember,its OK to talk about it-maybe with your parents or a brother or sister. No sense in pretending to others that you're Ok with this or ANYTHING else if you're not. Maybe you could talk about some good memories of your aunt-and it will make everyone feel better. Or,if need be, a counselor since this has been a problem for you for a couple of years already. Make the move to heal! But try not to hang in the past-the past is a place to visit and reflect upon from time to time but NOT a place to live.-Insight2020(formerly tommytony)
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My hair looks good when I first wash and dry it, but over the course of the day it just goes really flat and looses all its sexy waviness and body. I've tried switching shampoos, using mouse or gel, all sorts of things, but nothing seems to work. What's the trick here? (link)
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how about rewetting your hair with a spritzer periodically during the day to reactivate the body and the styling aids????????
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Hello. This is the first time I have looked for help on this subject. Long story short: my mom met a guy, we moved in eith him, I was an asshole before this happened, I saw what he was like to her, we moved out, and I was the perfect son for three years, then something went wrong. This is what my mom said and I agree. We have fought constantly on and off since then. My mom has chronic headaches and a sleeping disease. I usually make light of the situation by making fun of the problem and I started making fun of my mom. She got pissed which I can understand but she knows how I deal with things. We have gotten into fights many times and she has packed up my stuff and taken me to my aunts, said she was going to leave, or said she was going to kill herself. I make fun of her for crying, and for her diseases because everyone else's life seems to be like the brady bunch. I understand I have been ignorant and I need to change. We just had a fight tonight because last friday I told her that the only person that sleeps more than her is a dead person. I guess that and all the names I have called her finally built up again. She has raised me well but insists that she is a bad mother and I deserve better. And that better is for her to leave and for me to live with my aunt and to never see her again. I told her that I don't need all of this confusion along with all of my school work. Then she atarted making fun of me for saying that. I told her that she isn't me, she isn't in my head, and doesn't know what is best for me(by her leaving)I actually think that she is going ot leave this time. Please write back at------slayer512@earthlink.net
I don't know what else to do please help I am a 17 year old guy (link)
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Handling the problems you and your mother have together,and as separate individuals is TOO MUCH for either of you to handle without outside help,at ANY AGE. And, you are not expected to be the adult. You DON'T need the confusion-You DO need an outside professional to help unravel the knots though. You are unable to solve this together. They say "the sick mind that created the problem is NOT the mind that can solve it"-GET HELP. A good solution is for YOU to set up an appointment with the school counselor or a minister or therapist and ask your mom to join you. If she refuses,tell her that's fine and that you're going to go anyway...AND GO!!! Get the help YOU need!!! This is one of the ways we grow and a good step towards a healthy adulthood FOR YOU!! And, stop the chiding. It just makes both of you more upset-that YOU can control. Her behavior,and anyone else's for that matter is up to them to change. Thus, another important life lesson to help you on your way. Then,and in the meantime-enjoy your teen years 'cause the rest is adulthood(:!!- Please keep me posted-Insight2020(formerly tommytony)
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all my pets have died and my mom says i cant get anymore because she thinks i am not responsible. what do i do? (link)
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Maybe sit down with your mom and discuss both sides and then come to a decision about a future pet. I emphasize FUTURE so you can get over some of your pet losses and think about what you and your mom talk about and do some research,together,on types of pets and how to care for them. When you decide on a pet,find out all you can about it from other sources including others who might have the pet you want. Remember-your mom took care of you and so she knows how caring for another being can be. And, I'm certain she had to ask alot of questions along the way-even before having kids to help prepare herself. Listen and learn and then go forth.-insight2020(formerly known as tommytony)
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"I Dream Therefore I Am What Dreams May Come" (link)
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All I know is that "as a man Thinketh,So He Is". Dream big ,dream positive,take action!-insight2020(formerly known as tommytony)
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i need more friends. it sux. i have friends online and all but i need more. and more in real life. if u wanna chat email me at gods_gal_90@yahoo.com ok well im gonna submit this so u guys can see it and email me or respond or whatever (link)
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I've been in the desert a few times in my life and the dry spells do suck--that is, if you have no other hobbies and interests. What else do you do? Getting a job,volunteering,joining interest groups,school are the ways many meet potential friends. Step away from the computer a little more often and go out and meet these people in real time! You sound depressed and in isolation-been there too-so,I give you advice from experience. And, being gods_gal-well, asking God in prayer is helpful as long as you take action too! insight2020(formerly called tommytony)
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why do guys tease girls alot even though there good mates and respects each other and why does he jokes alot and why does he always winks at you and says hello u ? in an akward way!and why does he say its like if i talk to u its like havin a cup of tea? i mean wat does this mean and if i say something he goes red and laughs really funny way but in a good way i think and he says tht i am soooo nice why or how comes?
please reply bck (link)
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Methinks this guy LIKES YOU. Still, take your time getting to know him even better so you know if his intentions are noble and true and that he's not just a flirt! Do you go out as friends or in groups together? Ask him out and call his bluff. In the meantime-keep your eyes open for other interesting chaps and KEEP MY POSTED ON WHAT HAPPENS!! Really!!!-insight2020(formerly called tommytony)
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I am a 25 year old female, and the other night my boyfriend accidentally (he says) called me his ex-girlfriends (mother of his childs) name, while giving me a compliment. Is this a big deal, I can't help but be bothered by it. He says it was an accident, and that it's me he loves, and he doesn't know why he said it. What should I do? (link)
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Maybe provide a wee bit more info. How long have you a)known each other b)been together? c)when did they separate and under what circumstances? What is your history in relationships? Any trust issues? I will say that since he has children with this woman,she's(and they) bound to be a part of his life for the rest of his life. Please,provide me more info so that I can better help you-insight2020(formerly known as tommytony)
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