A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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I'm engaged to an amazing man. He's truly every girls dream. He's attentive, caring, sweet, thoughtful, gorgeous. We've been together since I was 20, I am 23 now, he's 26. Our relationship is good, we fight, no more than any other couple. We aren't too stressed about the economoy, we aren't rich by any means, but we have food on our table, and a roof over our heads. We can't complain. Sex lifes fine.
Only problem is, I'm not truly happy with him. I love him with all my heart, but I'm not in love. And, I just can't see myself marrying someone I'm not in love with. Call me old fashioned, but I want to be deeply in love with the man I'm going to marry. And, it's just not my current fiance.
I need some advice on how to break the news to him without hurting him too much. I know, I know, there is no way to do this without hurting him. Which isn't what I'm setting out to do at all. That's why I've come here, how I can get through this as gently as possible? If you need anymore information about the situation, please let me know and I'd be glad to provide it. Thank you in advanced for your help.
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As far as the breakup is concerned, give him his dignity. Do it in private, preferably at his home so that you can be the one who choses to leave and end the encounter. Be as honest as you can with him. He needs the information about whats going through your head so that he can learn any lessons there are to learn from this.
You fucked up. It sounds like you let comfort win out over love.
But theres also alot about you that I have questions about.
I don't want to get into a "Love requires maintinence" lecture here, you're an adult and you probably know that. But its not good that you let this get to the planning a wedding stage before ending it.
You need to do some serious thinking. About why you are still in this relationship, why you didn't break up sooner, etc etc. Because while you seem certain that this guy isn't what you want, I can't tell if you know IS what you want.
Do you?
You sound picky. Most people would go with what they have, you're searching for something more specific. I'm this way with girls I've dated. I've had a very large number of girls who I didn't get past three "dates" with or more than a few weeks because I search for a very specific set of personality traits.
The key there is that I don't get past the third date. If you're as picky as you sound like, why are you going this far without walking away? You know you won't be happy unless you satisfy those standards you have, yet you spend possibly years with a guy who doesn't fit what feels right to you.
You need to address that, because you're now in the position of hurting some poor guy who doesn't deserve it and wasting your own time. You could be looking for someone who fits what you need, not just some stereotypical categorization of "what a good guy is like"
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ok, my older sister Julie is letting me use her account to ask my question.
14/f
my parents are really super religious and stuff (catholic, we go to church every sunday morning at like the break of f-ing dawn) but i don't believe in God at all. i mean, he created us but who created him? he couldn't have created himself. that's impossible, it doesn't make any sense, and he couldn't have just always existed, cause, like, you have to be made first to exist at all, right? but any time i try to tell them how i feel thay flip out on me and ground me. how the hell do i make them understand that i dont believe in their stupid religion? they wont listen to me. I mean, when Julie brought it up, they listened and let her quit going to church and stuff when she was my age. but, i guess, could it be because she was always sort of...idk, i guess they just knew that if they tried to force her into somethin she wasnt into that she'd flip out on them and probably, like, run away or something. she's just always been true to herself and has never allowed anyone to control her. so what do i do to make them stop, to stop going to church when i dont believe in it, it seems kind of hypocritical and shit. so, what? do i just start acting like Julie, or maybe i could lock my bedroom door sunday mornings so they can't get in. what the hell do i do?
Carry P. (link)
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Hmm.
I understand where you're coming from. I'm trying to figure out how to explain it without insulting you.
The things you hold as true are only true from human perspective.
Think about a fly. Flies have a very short lifespan. There are literally billions of flies worldwide who were born after you were born, and died after you had died. The dinosaurs lived for MILLIONS of years compared to humans estimated fifty or sixty thousand.
You have existed for longer than entire generations of flies have been around.
Your questions have basic things wrong with them. Humans understand that everything has a beginning, and we pick points we can relate to as "the beginning"
Take the Big Bang. Humans generally consider that to be "when time began". But all the mass that was part of the big bang and became "the universe" existed before that. Before we consider time to have began.
Thats a very good example of how when humans don't know the entire truth, we'll create an arbitrary point that represents our best guess and consider it fact until we learn more.
Another point few people think about, is that scientists consider the universe to be infinite. There is no end to it.
If thats true, then everything that is possible is real. When you watch a movie, somewhere in the universe that movie actually happened. Superman lives, and Hillary Clinton is president right now. Infinite space means that there are an infinite number of worlds exactly like ours, and an infinite number that are almost like it, but with differences.
Concepts like this are the best we can do towards understanding. Humans intrinsically have difficulty wrapping their minds around the concept of infinite. Within our world everything is finite, but thats because WE are finite. We exist, and then don't exist. We live, and die, and everything we are capable of relating to is something that we can relate to.
What if there was a being that was not finite. A being with no end. Would that being have to have a beginning? We honestly cannot answer that question. Until we encounter it, theres no way to prove it.
And thats another human fallacy. Without evidence, something cannot exist.
Do you have any idea how many things we did not have evidence of until recently? For Christ's sake, we once thought the world was flat, because we had no evidence to think otherwise. People were killed for going against this belief. Now we orbit satellites around it to bring TV to people's homes.
I don't know that God exists. I can't hold something in front of your eyes and say "Here! Look! This is God."
But I believe. I've had experiences in my life, close calls, moments where I felt my life was touched by something greater than myself. Life is too beautiful to be an accident, and while I was raised Catholic I don't always think that their concept of "God" is correct. But I have nothing better to relate to.
I can't describe it any better than, if nothing else, I feel that the universe desires good. There is bad, every light casts a shadow, but I feel that at all times there is some benevolence gently trying to tip the scales in favor of the kind of things that bring joy into people's lives.
Is that "God"? I don't know. Is there a single specific being behind the scenes? What if there actually is an ancient advanced civilization responsible for turning humankind into something more than beasts. Some ancient people who have passed so far out of selfishness and greed that they seek to create other races of beings who naturally strive as a group towards that point.
As if we were the children of their civilization.
We may never know as a species, we almost certainly won't in our lifetime.
You know, unless we hit the apocalypse. Or the sun Explodes. That'll be enough of an answer for us.
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Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and we're ready to have sex, he's 18 I'm 16, blah blah blah....
Anyways, I went to the store and bought a box of condoms to be prepared. I looked at all the different types and I decided to go with Trojan Spermicidal, the lubricated one. Now I already know that I do not realy need the lubricant because I get wet pretty quick but what I was wondering was how good does this kind work. I mean I know many that use it and don't get prego, but they're all on birth control and unfortunately I am not nor do I have access. My mom would flip and I don't live near free clinics.
But besides that, Can anyone maybe tell me how good these are to prevent pragnancy, maybe even what actions to take like pull out or what not? I'm only asking because the box said that they are proven to reduce the number of active sperm but scientists have not been able to figure out what percentage more.
Please help and I'm sorry it's so long. lol (link)
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VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film.
Little translucent breath strip lookin thing. Melts into spermicide when you place it inside you. Put one in, wait 15 minutes for it to dissolve, and you've got something thats quoted 80 something percent effective in preventing pregnancy on its own.
So, if the condom breaks or slips off, you've got a second line of defense. Plus, they absorb a little moisture, so the lubricated condoms will work just fine.
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okay so i asked a earlier question about my hot teacher well i have more to say. so i have had this teacher for a hole tri now and its almost over :[ like this teacher is super sexy and if i was his age i would go for him in a heart beat. well its to the point now that my teahcer knows i think he is sexy and that i have a crush on him cause i like flirt with him in class but he completly flirts back :] i seriously think about him all the time and like have dreams about him. theres times in his class i have to stare down the whole time because when i look at him i cant help but smile :] i just want to like hang out with him but i cant cause he is my teacher and he is a little older than me haha, what do i do? like is this super strange and weridd? (link)
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You know what you're flirting with?
You're flirting with his ruined life.
You're flirting with the end to his career.
You're flirting with his arrest, his trial, possibly his imprisonment.
You're flirting with the things that happen to people charged with any kind of rape happening to him if he is imprisoned.
You're flirting with the damage to his family this could cause.
You're flirting with his reputation among his friends and peers.
You're flirting with your own reputation around school.
You're flirting with the damage you could cause your parents and family if they found out about you two.
You're flirting with the damage to friendships you would cause by being this kind of person and ruining or taking the chance of ruining this guy's life.
When you flirt with him, you're flirting with all these things.
Stop. Now. If you two like each other, wait until you've graduated, THEN show interest. In the mean time, do not encourage him, put him out of your mind, and keep this to yourself. Its not uncommon for kids to have crushes with their teachers. Its a terrible, stupid, dangerous idea to do anything about it.
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Hi, I'm a 32 y/o woman and have been married to my husband for about 5 years now. I love him dearly, but he just got an obession with porn. It seems like everyday when I leave to go to work he will be on the computer pulling up porn sites. I don't really want to confront him with it, because he can get very violent at times. Plus this is not the first time that I have noticed he was doing it, and I confronted him about it before, he told me he was going to stop. I guess he just could'nt do it! So what should I do? (link)
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You've got way bigger problems than porn if you're afraid to talk to him about something because he is violent.
Methinks you should rethinks this marriage.
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23/f
Ok, you seem to know what you're talking about.
About three weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend cause he was hitting me (a lot) and trying to basically force me into something i wasn't ready for--aka, sex.
so i broke up with him. now he's stalking me. Yay. fun. try walking across a college campass in the middle of the night with a crazy ex b/f stalking you. fun.
i really don't know what my question is. i guess i'm just wondering what they hell's going on in his sick, twisted mind.
i know this may be a hard question to answer, so don't obligated to answer. i'm just kinda scared and want to know that someone is here to at least here my question i guess.
thanks for reading. (link)
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I haven't studied enough into true obsessive behaviors to give you a 100% right answer, especially not with the information given, but I can answer with a profile of the most common reasons behind this and the people who do this kind of behavior.
There are actually two different types of stalking. Theres the ninja type where he's trying not to be noticed, and theres the intimidation type where he's trying to be noticed.
Both are dangerous, in different ways.
I'm guessing from the hitting that its the second one. I'll go with that.
First off, he WANTS you scared. He wants you to be worried about whats going to happen to you. He's angry, and petty, and vindictive, and the only way he feels better about the way you "hurt" him is to hurt you back.
He feels a compulsion to win, and to 1 up you in whatever situations. I'm sure you saw this alot during your relationship. He'd always have to do you one better, tell a better story, get angrier than you did, react more strongly, and never ever let you have the last word/shot/whatever.
This is an extension of that, more than likely. He hit you because he wanted to hurt you in a way you couldn't hurt him back. By breaking up with him, you hurt him in a way that he now cannot hurt you back. He can't now break up with you and fuck you up in the head. He's both hurt about the break up AND angry that you hurt him in a way he can't duplicate and 1 up you in.
So he's doing what he's doing. He knows you can't fuck with him (or at least probably won't go far enough to) in the way he's now fucking with you. Basic logic (fucked as it is) is that his 1-up cancels yours out, and if he fucks with you more than he was upset by the break up, he "wins" because you're worse off than he is.
This is the profile I spoke of, this is what these people are generally like, but everyone has differing levels of motivation. Its possible that he's also still in love with you and a bit obsessed. He could be both of these things, and have other motivations aside.
The common point I'm coming to here, is none of these are obviously good, and not something you should allow.
Its time to call the cops and tell people you know about this. Tell your friends about it, tell your parents about it, hell if your neighbors would recognize him, tell a few of them about it.
If he continues, file a restraining order and consider filing charges of harassment/assault/whatever.
There are two ways to get this guy off your back.
One is to let him win somehow. The other is to face him with consequences even he can't ignore. You aren't going to show up at his house with a baseball bat and cave in his skull, and he knows this about you, plus you probably would have done it already. So I think legal repercussions and documentation are the way to go.
Also, start making sure people know where you go, make sure your cell phone is on you at all times and assign 911 to a speed dial number so you can just hold down 9 and get the cops if you have to. And something like pepper spray would be a good investment. I don't want to alarm you, but people who hit and then start stalking you should be taken deadly serious. He _is_ dangerous. Not might be, _is_.
Get your family involved and get the cops involved after that.
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15/f
Hello. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months and we do fool around (hand job, blow job, fingering) but I refuse to have sex at such a young age. Even though he's 18, he agrees me for my own good :) We're both virgins by the way. But, that's not what I need to talk about, I just thought I would give some background information. When is an appropriate time to start going to the gyno? A lot of girls my age already go to one. Do you think I should start talking to my mom about it? (link)
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First off, the blatant statement "I am not sexually active, nor am I planning to be" will disarm most things your parents might protest about.
Second, you can throw out some good reasons.
1) You want to get on birth control now, so that you can get used to it, its affects on your body, and so that you are protected no matter what might happen in the future.
2) You want to go to a gyno so that you can likewise get used to this being a part of your life
3) You want to educate yourself about things you would learn from a gyno. You want to be able to ask him questions that come up that you wouldn't be comfortable asking your mom and that you want correct information on.
These three reasons usually work pretty well, and you can mention as well that alot of girls you know go to a gyno, and that you think its just a good all around idea for establishing habits of keeping yourself informed and safe.
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I've had sex before.. and I guess I wasn't so nervous about this issue because I was with my boyfriend for two years.. and comfortable around him...
but anyways, I'm single now.. and I'm about to hook up with a friend this weekend. I don't want to completely shave and seem like I haven't been through puberty because I hear shaving all the way freaks some guys out... but at the same time I don't want a lot of pubic hair..
I shaved a couple days ago, and I'm seeing him Thursday night, I mean.. I wanna make sure I have no stubble . . but I don't know how to exactly groom myself to make it look nice.. should I just let it grow in, shave my bikini line?
That way it's not too hairy.. but there's no stubble.
I don't know.. any advice would be appreciated.
(link)
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I have never heard of a guy who had a negative reaction to shaving it off. I know guys who like a full bush exist, I've just never met any of them.
Most guys don't mind a hair above the actual vag that much, but hairless lips both feel better and are more fun to play with.
As to shaving, invest in a beard trimmer. They're cheap, effective, and let you get a very close trim to the point that the hairs practically not there without the problems of ingrown hairs and such.
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okay so does anyone know how old you have to be to get into emo's alternative lounge in austin texas? or if there is an age limit or anything? because im 15 and i want to go to the 3oh!3 concert but i dont know if they will let me in. and also, does anyone know why there website doesnt have that there playing on the schedule? thanks! (link)
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I'm pretty sure you have to be 18. Call them to make sure though.
[tear]
I miss Austin...
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A couple weeks ago I posted how my brother was spying on my room from his closet and i didn't know what to do. Since I posted this alot has happened. I tried to close the hole with a poster. A few days later, I walked into my room and it was pitch black (the lights were off and the shades were closed) except for a thin beam of light coming from my brother's clost through the well disguised hole my brother put in the poster. That's when I decided to do something. I wrote him a note telling him I know about the hole and he better stop. I wrote that I don't want to discuss it with him ever and that if he doesn't stop, I'll tell our dad. I put up a different poster, and the little perv did it again. He put a hole in it. I was so pissed, I showed my dad. Sure enough my dad, after hearing my brother's "side of it" (he tried to deny knowing anything but the chair and he tissues sorta gave it away) did what I knew he would do. He made my brother strip naked and then beat the crap out of him with his belt. He didn't just hit his bottom. My brother kept moving around and the belt hit him in his belly and even "down there" a few times. My brother shrieked and screamed so much he lost his voice and he's still hoarse. This all happened on a Friday night so by Monday he was able to go to school, but he was in alot of pain. A teacher saw him walking really funny and asked him what happened and my brother told her the whole story. The school called the police and my dad was arrested for child abuse. He's out of the house. My mom and brother blame me for everything. He told my mom about me having guys over, and now my mom thinks I'm a whore. I don't know what's worse, being spied on or this..
(link)
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First, you can testify on behalf of your father. Stand up for him, he is a good man whatever his temper led him to do, and being willing to stand up in a courtroom saying "nothing like this has happened before, and I told my dad how much this fucked with me and it really upset him" will be both true and sympathetic to the jury should this go to trial.
This is a difficult issue for a jury, because while your father did go overboard (the fact that he forced your brother to strip naked before punishing him will be used against him) this also is an issue where a father felt like his little girl was violated, and is something the majority of people can empathize with.
Second, you can stand up for yourself. If your brother says anything, respond with anger and disgust and tell him that he got exactly what he deserved for exploiting a woman like that, much less his sister. Do not back down from him one iota, you were not wrong in ANYTHING you did.
Your mother is going to be angry with you, because she cannot blame her husband for his reaction. Deal with that, accept it, but again stand up for yourself and meet anything she says with anger and disgust, and ask her why she is mad at you for being the victim of sexual exploitation with incestuous overtones. Ask her point blank if she thinks its ok for your brother to masturbate to you to the point of voyuerism.
You are not a whore for having normal teenaged sexual desires, nor for acting on them. Your choices are your right to make, and you can and should tell her that the ONLY thing she has a right to be angry with you for is the fact that you violated the rules by bringing guys over. Beyond that, its none of her damn business.
Doing whats right is never easy, and sometimes you have only the knowledge that you are doing whats right to comfort you, but remember this.
YOU ARE RIGHT!
You should never tolerate having your sexuality exploited for someone else's gain. EVER! Your brother disgusted me when I answered your first post and your mother disgusts me now too.
Support your father. Visit him if you can, call him, thank him for being willing to protect you and being willing to take the burden of showing your little shit of a sibling what happens to people who think what he does is OK. Tell him that you support him 100% and tell him you are sorry for whats happened and you will help in any way you can. He is a good man, and a good father, and make sure he knows that you know that, it will help him in the times coming.
My personal opinion is that your brother got whats coming to him for his actions. The fact that your father had to break a law to do it doesn't diminish that fact. There are some things that people deserve to get the shit beaten out of them for, this is one of them. Its sad that this wasn't left alone as a family matter, but in today's "we have to protect our precious snowflakes no matter what sick and twisted decisions they make" environment that just doesn't happen.
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this isnt your normall boyfriend girlfriend type question that your used to, no no no..
this about advicenators on love and sex related questions. some of your answers annoy me slightly, dont get me wrong when you get down to it you guys and gals have saved my ass countless times, but i was just browsing through the answers from the Sex Section and love Section and most answers to certain questions are all "Guys that age do NOT want girls your age for anything more than sex" to be really fair the question was about a 15 year old wanting to date a much older guy. but thats not the point, what gets me goin is how they'r so sure that all guys my age or at that age are all hormonal sex addicted sluts... which is far from it with me and most other people i know, i havent had a girlfriend in 4 years or so, but there have been a few people i have really liked during that time. all of them with beautiful personalities and endless qualities that i could dream of for days, but nothing ever sexual has ever come to mind in all those 4 years (no matter how harrasingly frustrated i became). so why is it that decent "guys my age" who have just been condemmed with so easily with the title of "Wanting nothing more than sex". granted to you that there really are some guys out there who want nothing more than that, but they will soon be shamed and come to thier senses. whos to say girls dont do this either? is the reason you post this degrading sentance because you'v had some painfull expiriences in your life that make that decsion for you? "All guys want it sex" goes against everything i have allways thought, the last thing on my mind ever whilst being with a girl is sex. just having some one besides me who i know loves me back as much as i love her is a much better feeling than the short burst of Adrenaline.
iv been thinking about posting this qustion for about 2 weeks now and i'v finnaly done it
So i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind.
all i wanna do now is wait for what your reaction is, dont get me wrong... im not pickin fights nor am i trying to start one. debate my point and help me understand your side(s). So now i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind. (link)
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Haha
Because I'm a guy, a student of psychology, and have a bunch of evidence, both anecdotal and statistical that I've studied.
Lets make an example using the word "you"
Lets say you were 27 and she was 14, there was a question like this earlier.
If you are 27 and she is 14, you are either a pedophile, extremely emotionally immature, or both.
This is a fact, not a contention. Normal adults seek people similar to their own maturity levels in order to form normal relationships. This is a basic human drive.
Given this, we can assert that a guy in his mid to late 20s who wants to date a freshman or sophmore in high school is either
a) At a 14 year old emotional level making him compatible with her
b) Above a 14 year old emotional level making him someone who uses his experience and age to manipulate people because he cannot handle or does not desire a relationship with someone who is on equal footing with him relationship wise.
Additionally, all guys want sex. This is not the same as "all guys want is sex". Men are biologically driven to reproduce, and are designed to be capable both emotionally and physically to reproduce with more than one woman at a time. This is a biological imperative based in the concept that when there is mate competition, the best mates win out and pass their genes along. This perpetuates evolutionary and biological development and progress.
What does all this gibberish mean?
It means that some guys accept this, and are normal function adults who control their behavior.
It means that some guys either don't notice this or know it and don't bother controlling it, making them the assholes everyone warns girls away from.
It means that a third category of guys tries to hide this aspect of themselves, for various reasons that are almost universally negative.
You want us to believe that you have not had a sexual thought about girls while mentioning sexual frustrations. Offhand, that implies that theres a good possibility that you have sexual desires that you want to hide for one reason or another, which in turn implies that you aren't a normal well adjusted male.
The other outside possibility is that you have an abnormally low sex drive, in which case you are making the mistake of assuming your own experiences are somehow statistically significant. They aren't, and if you do indeed have a lower sex drive than average your desires and wants don't define the average guy any more than my abnormally high sex drive defines them.
When I am with a girl I am dating or interested in I am ALWAYS thinking about sex. That doesn't mean its my only desire, or even the strongest desire at any particular point in time, but it IS always there. Again, this is not universal, but few guys go out with a girl without considering sexual possibilities at some point before, during, or after the interaction. It doesn't mean that you sit there fantasizing about what she will look like on her knees blowing you, but it does mean that the idea probably occurs and has definite appeal.
This fact is not degrading, its simply a fact.
As a sidenote, studies have also shown that when an immature relationship intersects with sex (immature being defined as a relationship not based on a knowing, comfortable love being shared that has developed through a process of getting to know your partner well) that quite often the relationship becomes about sex. Both parties are thinking about how to best facillitate sexual desires rather than simply getting to know each other and form a functioning mutual relationship)
This is especially prevalent in teens and young adults who get caught up in the excitement of sex and are too inexperienced to understand the other parts of a relationship to the point that they seek and desire that more than the excitement of the sex present in the relationship.
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Hey so im pretty sure that you have answered some of my questions before about this situation, i am asking you for more advice on it because you have been extremely helpful at getting me to understand this. thank you so much.
SORRY FOR THE LENGTH:[
so im not sure if you remember, but if you dont, i will refresh your memory. About december 6, i met this guy who is a freshman, at my best friend's house. he slept over because he is friends with my best friend's brother. we really hit it off and had a lot of fun all 5 of us. a week later he messaged me and asked for my number [he liked me] then a day later he told me he didnt want a girlfriend but wanted my body and to have good times with me..whatever. we didnt talk for two weeks. he said he liked someone else. [girl who lives an hour away] and i guess i didnt care too much. then he randomly started talking to me again, it was weird. we decided to go to our friends' house january 3 and sleepover. the night before, he was IMing me but saying it was his friend talking. then his "friend" [it was him but he didnt want me to know] was asking if i would do stuff with him. and if he could make a move. and i said yeah sure. so i show up at their house, he barely talks to me. we flirted a little but i could tell he didnt rly wanna talk to me. i went home the next day crying. he IMs me again three days later. and asks if next time i would give him a handjob. as an expiriment i said yeah probobly. idontknowhwy i did that. but ever since then hes been gradually getting worse. and worse. he has gotten completely perverted and disgusting with me. he treats me like a hooker. he once asked if he gave me $20 if i would give him a bj.[no! ] thats pathetic. and on my birthday which was january 30 [he knew it was my bday..] he texted me and didnt even say happy bday, but instead said, so are we still doin those things? and i just said, yeah why do you ask haha and he goes, ok good so send me a picture of you in your panties . i said my friends were over and he said he was hanging out with some people. he obviously wanted to show it off to his friends. i got annoyed and of course didnt send it. then the next night, he IMs me and says so how come you never sent it and i told him it would be a bad idea and he goes, um no it is a good idea so send it. i was feeling under so much pressure and i was like would you be mad if i didnt send it..and he said, um yeah kinda. so of course..i was under so much pressure i asked , what would be acceptable for you. [i was so pissed] and he said really tight pants and cleavage so i just took a picture of my butt in jeans and then one of my chest in a tank top. he was like an animal. he asked every minute, yeah so did you send it yet? did you send it? send it baby i want you on me now send it! and as if i didnt feel uncomfortable already. so i did send them and then i just felt gross after what he said. he was like yes so nice baby i love you haha you have such nice tits can i just never stop playing with them? ugh i felt so gross. i seriously felt like a hoe. anyways, a few days later i IMed him and the first thing he says to me is hey i your rack and i just said haha thanks. and he was like, no your supposed to say i want your dick in my mouth.
can u believe that?! WE ARE NOT EVEN DATING. I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM IN OVER A MONTH. he is crazy!
and then our whole conversation was him begging for a bj and i kept saying sorry no i dont think so and then he just told me he wanted a deepthroat. and i kept saying that would make no sense since we arent even dating. and then he made me feel all bad and said oh yeah your a good girl who only gives handjobs and no bjs i forgot. ..you do not say that to a girl. you just dont. ugh he is such a tool.
anyways. after that day we didnt talk for about two weeks..he just never contacted me again. so last sunday i decided to IM him. i was SO confused. so i say, hey and all i get from him is a hi. then i ask, whatsup and he never answered. clearly, he did not want to talk to me. i felt stupid and just signed off of facebook. then just now when im finally started to get over him, he IMs me and asks about my status which was, happyy. he asks, why are you happy? and i said, cause today was a good day haha
then he says, and your thinkin bout me and your vag were doin it sooon
and then i said haha yeahh im just wondering how come we havent talked in like two weeks? and he just says, i dont know
..so then i say and when are we doing this cause we always talk about it but it hasnt happened. then he never answered. ten minutes later i asked, did you like not get that ? and he still just ignored it. and i KNOW he saw it cause he changed his facebook status during the time he didnt answer. this is so sketchy of him. why do you think he would IM me and ask why im happy.. and then just think its okay for him to not answer when i ask about something that he clearly still wants to do?! i dont get it! does he still want me? i sort of thought maybe, he is with that girl who lives an hour away and just wants to make sure that i dont like anyone else and am still up for doing those things. cause i feel like thats why he asked, why are you happy? i think he wanted to see if it was if i liked someone else or something. then once he realized it wasnt about me liking anyone else, he said and ur thinkin about me were doin it soon
im not sure though..im really confused..please tell me why he did that and just stopped taking to me weirdly..thank you so much (link)
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I'm wondering after reading all of this why you bother with this guy.
Does he want you? NO!
He wants sex. He doesn't give a shit about you in the least degree. He is only interested in sexual favors, reading this has made me kinda sad for him because he is apparently really, really stupid.
You need to block every access you have to talk to him. Aim, e-mail, facebook, myspace, etc. Remove friendings, delete contact info, and forget he ever existed.
He stopped talking to you because you aren't the worthless slut he wishes you were. Its that simple. He wants you to be his sex toy and is willing to talk to you enough to try to make that happen. Beyond that, he doesn't care about you at all. Not even the least little bit.
Understand something about guys. We can be tenacious. Guys will put up with alot of shit for sex, especially young inexperienced guys like this one. He would be willing to talk to you for hours and hours at a time if he was actually getting laid. Not because he cared, but because he is willing to give you what you want to get the sex.
He's willing to pretend that he likes you and is interested in you to get what he wants. Thats what he's doing, and you need to stop wondering about it.
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I was wondering, AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?
Well, I've been noticing my weird behavior this days. And i really wanna know if i have a problem.
I love partying and drinking.
I love jack daniel and black label. I also drink wine sometimes but i drink beer more often.
I miss school sometimes because of my hangovers and for not sleeping well.
I don't communicate with people like before, i barely answer my phone, it's weird that i have new friends i don't talk to anyone.
I sometimes drink alone in my room, and sometimes i pass out.
i drink literally everyday, not drunk but even having at least 3 or 4 beers.
I do homework while drinking. I drink at school sometimes.
Sometimes i'm dying to get home from school to take a drink.
I hang out with friends more often than before, like i never stay home if i dont need to.
And when i say hang out, i mean chilling at a friend's house just drinking, and others smoking up hash.
I spend all my money on drinks. I would drink and not buy food.
And i've noticed that i drink more everyday to get my head fixed like the night before.
It's bothering me, the need for my drinks and everyday i woke up and go like "CRAP i did not do that yesterday" , or sometimes i just don;t remember some parts.
I got kicked out of a concert for picking a fight with a girl (im a girl), IT WAS embaressing
I made out with zillion of guys when im drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING, i love it's advantages but i can't deal with it's disadvantages, and my lifestyle is shit right now so i can't ask for help from doctor/parents, and if you're gonna suggest a close friend, EVERYONE DRINKS but not as much as me and my close friends.
Any kind of help. (link)
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Yeah, you have a problem.
One thing you can do is set rules for yourself. I consume intoxicants (not alcohol, my tolerance is too high, a few drinks is like no drinks at all) but only when I don't have anything it will interfere with. Never before work, not when I have things to do that I need motivation for, not during school or while doing schoolwork.
I partake almost every day, but usually when I'm done with my day relaxing at home watching a movie or two, or surfing the net. I love being intoxicated, but its something that always has to be regulated and done in moderation.
Set rules for yourself, and don't violate them at all. No excuses. Its a challenge to yourself. If you can be alright cutting down to the point that most of what you said above is not true, you're fine.
More than likely, that won't work. If that is the case, seek some help. Counseling, friends, anything. The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second is actually taking a step to do something about it.
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Can anyone explain to me what McDonaldization theory is? Like what is the concept of it? I would prefer someone to answer this on previous knowledge & to not just google this, thanks. 5* (link)
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Pretty much what was said below.
Its when you take a goal and reduce each job to the most basic form you possibly can so that anyone can do it. You destroy competition through efficiency and size rather than through quality of product. McDonalds is hands down the shittiest hamburger you can buy anywhere, but its also everywhere, and its open late, and its cheap.
How does it work? Wal Mart provides a better example for practical application.
Wal mart is huge. This means that they can operate some stores at a loss while still making large profits as a company.
Lets say theres a small town called Podunk. Podunk has less than 50,000 people and no chains of any kind. All the grocery stores are privately owned, and provide quality product for a fair expense.
Then they open Wal Mart down the road. This wal mart undercuts the prices of the grocery stores, the clothing stores, the electronics stores, etc. You can get EVERYTHING cheaper there.
Now, at these prices and without an established customer base, this wal mart is actually losing money. But Wal Mart has plenty of cash to pay for this loss. Because they buy in bulk their expenses are lower per item sold than the competition, so they can stock alot more stuff alot cheaper.
More selection at lower prices lures in business. Eventually Wal-Mart starts shutting down other businesses because they are taking the sales the other stores had, and the other stores can't stay in business.
So now Wal Mart is a staple with a stable customer base, and has little to no competition. Instead of the local place where the owner works every day and the staff knows who you are, you have a faceless shopping megaplex where there are forty managers on duty to tell you to fuck off when you have a problem.
Thats what McDonald/Walmartization is. Its chains crushing competition by using the size of their business to move themselves into new markets even when they can't immediately make a profit in those markets. Things a normal business simply doesn't have the resources to pull off. Joe blow who owns three stores can't open a fourth thats losing as much money as one of his other stores is making, but Wal Mart can suffer a hundred stores that lose money when they have several thousand world wide that make a great profit for them.
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ok.. so i'm 19 and am in my first relationship ever, its been six months now, and just last week my boyfriend left for a job in another country. he says he wants to stay together and be together when he comes back in a year but it dosen't even seem like he cares at all.. he dosen't write me emails or anything, he can't call me because he said that he can't use his cell over there and it would cost way to much to call, however i looked it up and he could have used his cell over there if he paid a little extra.. and he tells me that he loves me a lot, he had an ex who did the same thing (take a job in another country) and so he knows how it feels but if he does and he loves me as much as he says why would he want to put me through that? anyways, i don't know what to do because this is my first boyfriend maybe i'm not really supposed to end up with him and i don't know.. i've just been such a mess lately and don't know if i can last a year feeling like this. anyways if anyone has any advice whatsoever please let me know, thanks in advance and thanks for actually taking the time to read this, i didn't mean for it to be this long (link)
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Its time to move on.
Part of being in a relationship is tending to your partners needs. His avoidance of this, and treating contact with you like a chore isn't a good thing and says alot about him.
Its not about if hes the right guy or not. Thats not how it works. At any point in your life there are people you are compatible with. With enough work two people can forge a relationship that will endure.
I don't think you want to forge with this guy. You've got years to work out the right guy for you, and you shouldn't cling to this one because he's your first.
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okay well me and this boy used to be bestfriends. like sooo close he wuld come over all the time and talk on the phone with me and everything bestfriends shuld do. and then it became more than that for a while now. we just recently broke up and i have a feeling things wont ever be the same. he keeps trying to make a move on me even though we just broke up. i want to be his bestfriend like we used to be but that cant happen if he thinks we're more than freinds...i dont want to be mean and say i dont like you..but it seems like i have to....what do i do, what do i say? (link)
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They wont. He likes you, and he won't ever not like you. Get back together or break it off entirely, anything else won't work, because guys can't be friends with girls they like alot.
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do guys think about other girls sexually even though there in love? (link)
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Yes.
We're logical, which means that while we can be emotionally attached and loyal to one woman, we are still looking at other women.
I've been genuinely attracted to a number of women since I started dating my current. I'm loyal and honest, and have no interest in trading my girl for anyone else, but she knows that I notice figures and is ok with that. I don't do stupid shit like pointing out hot girls on the street, and she knows that I belong to her, so theres no jealousy.
Most guys are biologically set to look at everyone. Doesn't mean we DO anything about it, but I definitely take notice of girls whom I would ask out in a heartbeat were I single.
Fantasies depend, honestly. On the guy and the relationship. I don't actively fantasize about anyone but my girl for the honest reason that she excites me more than anyone else. Why would I waste time thinking about the hot sex I could have with that girl I know when I can think about the hot sex I'll have when I get home with MY girl.
My perspective, anyway.
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Please answer the following...
1. Name of the show. Please don't limit yourself to only 1 favorite anime show! :D
2. What would you rate it on a scale 1 to 10
3. What makes this one of your favorites?
Here are my answers....
1. itazura na kiss
2. 10/10
3. its very romantic and very enjoyble to watch! e-mail me if you want to know more about it! if you have not seen it, i recomend it!
1. skip beat!
2. 10/10
3. Not only hilarious to watch, its dramatic and good for any audiences! (link)
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In no particular order.
Fair warning, alot of these are short. Most of my favorite anime series are somewhere between 13 episodes (hellsing) and 50 (gundam series). Because these aren't designed to be ongoing stories they are often much better laid out.
Naruto (Cannon Episodes only)
8/10
Its a great show, fun story, and I've read every page of the Manga so seeing it in action is great. I've got something of a softspot for special powers and huge explosions.
The problem is the filler. Some of the most horrific excuses for episodes have been put out when they stop following the manga storyline because they are too close to where the manga currently is.
Basically, because the manga author is the actual "writer" of the series, they have no one on staff who can write well. So when they aren't making manga episodes its like they let a high school senior english class write the stories. Terrible.
Bleach
9/10
Less filler, and just a great story. I like pretty much all of the characters, and the story is really well developed.
Daiguard(26 episodes if I remember)
9/10
Awesome series. Cross giant robots similar to Gundam with real life. This giant robot gets broken and screwed up and has to be fixed every fight, but still takes down giant monsters and saves the earth. Its a really entertaining and more realistic take on the giant robots fighting monsters concept.
Hellsing (13 episodes)
10/10
Dark, ominious, sadly short, but otherwise absolutely amazing. Alucard is without a doubt the most bad-ass vampire ever to be written into fiction.
Trigun (26 episodes)
9/10
Irreverent and funny with the appropriate bad-ass fight scenes, trigun is greatly entertaining. One of the few series I actually own on DVD, worth every penny.
Gungrave (26 episodes? I honestly don't remember, but its not that long)
10/10
One of the things I love more than anything is character depth and a complex story. Gungrave gives this in spades, it starts out showing you this badass with giant guns slaughtering zombies, then pulls a bait and switch where you don't see him for like 15 episodes, instead they explain this convoluted backstory involving organized crime, betrayal, friendship, and everything in between. Eventually getting back to the zombie bashing present we saw in the first episode.
Cowboy Bebop (26 eps plus a movie)
10/10
Great story, beautiful visuals, amazing music, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this series in any way. Start to finish wonderful, the movie was just an amazing topper to it all.
Gundam Wing/Gundam Seed (50 eps each)
7/10
I was never able to get into Gundam Wing. Its a great series, and is very entertaining, but the politics lost me after a while. Its not for everyone, but it IS the most beloved of the Gundam Series.
Gundam seed I liked alot more. More emphasis on personal storytelling than big picture focus, instead of a series about the plight of mankind where the gundams are pretty important, its a story about the people behind it, and the politics are a background to the story of the characters rather than the characters being a part of the background of the story. Seed gets an 8/10.
Dragon Ball
9/10
DBZ was great. I have a huge soft spot for people being ridiculously powerful and shooting beams that lay waste to half a square mile worth of land. I love seeing things like this in other series (an example being this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9aVFDiIeVQ )
Dragonball though, is what started it all. Its more about the story than the fights compared to DBZ, and is absolutely hilarious to boot. I highly recommend either a completely unedited English or just Japanese sub for this, you lose alot of the best parts of the series to editing to make it appropriate for kids. Theres alot of sexual innuendo jokes that got cut that are absolutely great.
Full Metal Panic
9/10
Another giant robots story, also wonderful. Completely unrelated to Full Metal Alchemist (someone else mentioned that one, its also very much worth the watching) its a story about a guy assigned to protect a girl, and this guy is a mech pilot. I'd own this one if I could find it unedited, but I can't, so I download.
Death Note
10/10
I can't believe I almost forgot this one.
Death note is insidiously entertaining. No fight scenes, rather a play of genius against genius. Dramatic, twisted, and an absolute blast. Watched from start to finish in one sitting.
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so i gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time last weekend. i gagged a little bit. but then when i did it again last night, i gagged a lot more and couldn't breathe at some point. i'm not grossed out or anything, i'm just gagging because of my reflex. are there any ways to stop doing this? should he just not go as deep in my mouth/throat or what? please help! thanks
jen (link)
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It is a medical fact that all of the most sensitive parts of the penis are around the head. The shaft doesn't have the nerves to sense anything other than a vauge sense of pleasurable contact.
Think about that.
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okay so my boyfriend of 5 months bought me a $250.00 necklace for christmas, but about 2 weeks later I broke it off. He told me to keep the necklace and said that it was mine. Except now hes asking for it back. I would give back because I really dont want it but I kinda lost it. :S So,I just ignore his myspace messages and his texts. I dont know what to do. I have no clue where the necklace is! Ive looked everywhere, and I dont want to tell him or talk to him or anything. I completely HATE him! I dont want anything to do with him! What do I do?? (link)
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You're both stupid.
Answer his messages, tell him you can't find it and don't plan on looking, and that you don't want to hear from him again.
You shouldn't have accepted a 250 dollar gift 5 months in if things were bad enough that you broke it off two weeks later. Thats just me.
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