|
I really don't know
23/f
Ok, you seem to know what you're talking about.
About three weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend cause he was hitting me (a lot) and trying to basically force me into something i wasn't ready for--aka, sex.
so i broke up with him. now he's stalking me. Yay. fun. try walking across a college campass in the middle of the night with a crazy ex b/f stalking you. fun.
i really don't know what my question is. i guess i'm just wondering what they hell's going on in his sick, twisted mind.
i know this may be a hard question to answer, so don't obligated to answer. i'm just kinda scared and want to know that someone is here to at least here my question i guess.
thanks for reading.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I haven't studied enough into true obsessive behaviors to give you a 100% right answer, especially not with the information given, but I can answer with a profile of the most common reasons behind this and the people who do this kind of behavior.
There are actually two different types of stalking. Theres the ninja type where he's trying not to be noticed, and theres the intimidation type where he's trying to be noticed.
Both are dangerous, in different ways.
I'm guessing from the hitting that its the second one. I'll go with that.
First off, he WANTS you scared. He wants you to be worried about whats going to happen to you. He's angry, and petty, and vindictive, and the only way he feels better about the way you "hurt" him is to hurt you back.
He feels a compulsion to win, and to 1 up you in whatever situations. I'm sure you saw this alot during your relationship. He'd always have to do you one better, tell a better story, get angrier than you did, react more strongly, and never ever let you have the last word/shot/whatever.
This is an extension of that, more than likely. He hit you because he wanted to hurt you in a way you couldn't hurt him back. By breaking up with him, you hurt him in a way that he now cannot hurt you back. He can't now break up with you and fuck you up in the head. He's both hurt about the break up AND angry that you hurt him in a way he can't duplicate and 1 up you in.
So he's doing what he's doing. He knows you can't fuck with him (or at least probably won't go far enough to) in the way he's now fucking with you. Basic logic (fucked as it is) is that his 1-up cancels yours out, and if he fucks with you more than he was upset by the break up, he "wins" because you're worse off than he is.
This is the profile I spoke of, this is what these people are generally like, but everyone has differing levels of motivation. Its possible that he's also still in love with you and a bit obsessed. He could be both of these things, and have other motivations aside.
The common point I'm coming to here, is none of these are obviously good, and not something you should allow.
Its time to call the cops and tell people you know about this. Tell your friends about it, tell your parents about it, hell if your neighbors would recognize him, tell a few of them about it.
If he continues, file a restraining order and consider filing charges of harassment/assault/whatever.
There are two ways to get this guy off your back.
One is to let him win somehow. The other is to face him with consequences even he can't ignore. You aren't going to show up at his house with a baseball bat and cave in his skull, and he knows this about you, plus you probably would have done it already. So I think legal repercussions and documentation are the way to go.
Also, start making sure people know where you go, make sure your cell phone is on you at all times and assign 911 to a speed dial number so you can just hold down 9 and get the cops if you have to. And something like pepper spray would be a good investment. I don't want to alarm you, but people who hit and then start stalking you should be taken deadly serious. He _is_ dangerous. Not might be, _is_.
Get your family involved and get the cops involved after that.
]
More Questions: |