Miranda's Advice Column :)

Ask Miranda

THeres this guy ive been dating for a while and he tells me he loves me and all that good stuff. So i went on his facebook page and and i noticed that he put on his status that he needs a wifey. No one knows that we are dating yet because its only been a month and idk if im over reacting about being mad at this or what. I feel so heart broken right now.

You could ask him about it. Maybe he's looking for "the one". You never know it could be YOU. That would make my heart break too. Don't take it too seriously. Because more than likely he could have just put that for attention. A month is too short to know if he wants to marry you. But bring it up and ask him why he put that since your his girlfriend. And hopefully he won't be rude about it. It's probably no big deal. :)

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I have been seeing this guy for 2.5 years, we both came out of a bad breakup and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time. As time past I fell in love with him, he was in financial debt so I lent him money that he promised he would pay back, took out a loan as he told me he was selling a property and would have the money to pay me back which he lost and now in shortfall.

I believed what he was saying, he manipulated me into paying his bills etc as well and promised he would pay me back but never did. I had to ask to contribute to the loan otherwise he would not have paid me anything. Total is around $18,000.

In April this year he went from single to a relationship on his facebook and said he had to do that so girls would not go after him. During that time he told me that, a girl was hassling him and he owed her money, so asked me to call her for her bank account details. After I spoke with her she told me she was in love with him and I felt like I was in the same situation, he denied sleeping with her. I broke off seeing him because I had the suspicion he was seeing other women, which he denied. After I broke it off he said he wanted to move on and meet someone that his family would approve of, they would not approve of me as I am older than he by 12 years. I am 49 and he is 37. He kept wanting to see me, didn't want me finding anyone else.

Two days before Christmas he called and said he needed money as he was in trouble. I told him I didn't have any and could not get any as he has drained me dry. I recently found out that this guy is now engaged with a baby on the way with the girl he denied being in a relationship with in April.

I know this guy is not good for me and I want to cut him off but don't know how to do it as he owes me money. I have the feeling he will not pay me back as he has lied and cheated, not only with me but with the girl he is engaged with, as he was seeing me at the same time. So do I cut my losses and run and how should I handle it??

Considering what this guy has done to you I think you shouldn't do anything for him. Just run away from him. He should be a responsible adult and both of you are at that age where responsibility should have been taken care of already. If you really want the money contact his parents. But other than that this man has already done the worst to you. You need to leave him. It seems like this guy wasn't even in love with you because he wasn't faithful and he's already engaged so fast?! Just let this guy live his life and watch how messed up his relationship with his wife will be. Because this is what he deserves.

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15/F boy is 17/M. We dated for 7 months. We've been broken up for 8 months and both dated other people. I can't get over him. I still want him and I still think about him everyday. And it hurts so bad. I look at his Facebook wall and I see other girls and him flirting and it just kills me inside, I feel like puking. He was my first boyfriend, kiss, second and third base. Long story short, we both did shitty things and he really hurt me but I miss him so much and he says were friends but he never wants to talk and he never wants to hang out. I just don't know what to do... I'm literally miserable...

Oh gosh you girl your hurting yourself. You need to make a list of all the things you hate about him first. You need to think that he isn't supposed to be your boyfriend because if he was he would have asked you out already or for a second chance. You need to accept the fact that you two are over and there's no hope in you two dating again. I know it might be painful...but you constantly looking at his Facebook and thinking about all the first things you did together is hurting yourself in the long run. Spend time with your friends. Start working out and getting a good body and try going shopping or dying your hair. Just do anything to change. If you change yourself you will eventually change your self-esteem and your confidence in a good way. You can't keep thinking about this guy. And you cannot remain friends. If he really hurt you then cry for about 3 days straight just to let your heart pour itself out. But then you need to wipe away those tears and put a smile on your face. And think to yourself what could I be doing with my life now that he's gone what can I do with my time? Moping about your ex is definitely NOT what you should be doing. I hope you the best and ask me how your doing in about a month if you aren't happy. Ok? Don't worry about it only time will make you feel better.

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Hi everyone, 23 and female here...
I saw the red flags, but I had just come out of an emotionally abusive relationship; I refused to believe that I had run straight into a worse situation...but I had.
I've been free of him since mid-October, when I took the day off work, gathered my things, and left. We were living together in the house he bought to share with me, talking about marriage and kids...I know it sounds bizarre, given the abuse, but in his own sick way, he loved me. I never doubted that...and I loved him. If I listed the qualities of my dream guy, I would almost describe him. I dreamed of spending my life with him until he started to physically hurt me.

So here's my problem:
When I left him, I turned off my emotions. If I had let myself feel, I knew I wouldn't have been able to do it. Until this past Saturday, I've been pleasantly numb. I'm very busy, I have a lot of responsibility at work, and I don't have time or energy to waste on being upset. All of a sudden, that logic doesn't seem to be helping, and I find myself biting back tears all the time. I realized that I know only two ways to cope with things: to suppress what I'm feeling completely, or to let it take over.
I have a therapist, but I don't think I'm getting what I need from her. I've seen seven different therapists in my short life and none of them have been able to help me. I'm also on an antidepressant, and STILL having these problems.

I know this is kind of vague, but I don't know what to ask, exactly. I just...need help...any help. Please.

Thanks to all who try.

You seem like a very strong woman. Turing off your emotions is a bad thing for girls though. Because we need to feel things we can't run away from them. Guys use logic to get through it because that's how their brains work. What I suggest is taking some time alone with yourself. You need to know who you are. Being busy is good but you need to be alone and really know who you are and what your doing and get focused with your emotions. It's ok to cry but don't cry alone cry with your girlfriends. You HAVE to let it out I don't care how bad it hurts you your a girl and it's part of your nature to feel. If you don't feel anything than you will hurt yourself more. I hope you feel better about this situation and about yourself. Once you get yourself centered. You need to put your best foot forward. Look forward to the future of dating. Be excited about dating someone new again. But make sure you are focused first.

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so I've had this friend, we met 4 years ago. I'm 24 now.. Started out as just friends (best friends) I was dating his friend... I tried a few times to leave my boyfriend, as the situation was bad, but couldn't. I ended up cheating on him with my friend. More than a few times. We had a 6 month thing going on behind my boyfriends back (please don't judge without knowing backgroud) well, he got into some trouble annd went to jail and then moved 3 hours away. I completely blocked him out of my life. A year later he messaged me and all those feelings came back. We spent 2 weeks together. I told him I could never be with him because I know the way he is (he's a womanizer) and he lashed back at me and said he couldnnnt ever be with me because of the way I am. He started dating this girl and told me he ciuldnt sleep with me anymore because he was going to be "faithful" just to proove a point. So I said screw it and stopped talking to him, even changed my phone number. He tried to contact me via myspace but I deleted my myspace shortly after. We didn't talk tor 2 years, and I called him 6 months ago, just to see how he had been... I was curious. We always had this connection as friends it was insane. Well we only talked a few times and left it at that. In the past two months he called me and was very persistant about seeing me. I told him at first it would not bea good idea, but finally gave in. I found out he has a girlfriend and we've slept tgether and fooled around in the past few months. He even sat on the phone with his girlfriend (knowing I was with him) and talked all mushy... they've been dating for 8 months now. He also said he is moving here, and moving his girlfriend here too... I really miss him, even just as friends, but he wants his cake and eat it too... I feel like I'm falling for him everytime I see him and I have to stop myself. I've obviously wanted to keep our friendship, trying to keep in contact forall theseyears.. but I don't know what he's thinking.

This is really dramatic. I think you should just cut loose with him. He has a girlfriend. Do you really want to be his rebound or whatever? I would go out searching for someone else. This is really dramatic situation. It seems like he won't leave you alone and that makes it really hard for you to get your feelings over him for good. But my advice is if you want him in your life why don't you just say hi once a month. Keep very little contact with him. And if one day you have a boyfriend you really love...he could mess it up. Just be distant with this guy he really needs to get out of your life for good. He's fooling around with your emotions. That's not what love is all about.

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My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months and I can't get over him. Last month he was saying he still loves me n misses me loads and wants nothing more than to have me back but he never mentioned getting back together so I stopped speaking to him n we haven't spoken for over a month now

I feel like I will never do better than him and he was perfect for me :( I dunno what to do I thought I'd be over it by now. I have to see him at least twice a week which make it worse :(

Oh that really sucks. The best way to get over someone is to destroy everything they gave you. Don't read his texts, don't look at your last conversations. Don't look at his pictures. Nothing!

If you really want him back though I suggest giving him a phone call when you know he won't be home and leave him a voicemail so he can call you when he has time for you. On his home phone Just say "Hi this is ______ I I just wanted to see how you are doing. Ok well give me a call back bye."

If he doesn't call you back you need to move on. He could be seeing someone else. If he does call you don't talk on the phone longer than 10 mins. Ok? He could ask you out, or he could plan a day to see you.

This should help. Tell me how it goes... :)

5 ♥

ok so ive kind of come to conclusion that the kiss is gunna come natural (hopefully) but my propblem is leading up to the kiss im gunna freak out and be nervouse i just know it! please help! give me some ideas to get over it! THANKYOUU

Well you could take deep breaths and feel the magic when you get your first kiss. Just enjoy it because your first kiss is really amazing and you will remember it forever. You really want to be happy about it :). Don't be nervous. I'm sure the guy feels the same way. Who knows you could just have a quick one on the lips and you'll be like....that's what I was so nervous about?! Remember to smile and look him in the eyes. Good luck!

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20-f Ry -19

So I really like this kid Ryan. Hes so sweet, respectful, everything you would want in a guy. The last time we hung out, we kissed and made out. I wanted to kiss him but oh my gosh was it the worst thing ever ..he basically ate my face. It was horrible. And he kept wanting to do it. I felt like I didn't even know what to do because I could barely do anything since he was so sloppy. I didn't know what to do!! I can't tell him he's not a good kisser. And sometimes you just want those cute peck kisses. So we were laying down watching a movie and I had to leave and he was like okay come on one more time, so he started making out with me again. All I wanted was a cute peck kiss to say goodbye. Finally I said, just give me a kiss and then I have to go. So he did and then he tried making out with me again! I definitely would not mind making out with him more if it wasn't so awkward and horrible for me. I actually feel bad. What can I do without hurting his feelings by saying he's not a good kisser?? And he just goes so fast and rough -I like it when you make out slow and passionate but I don't think he really gets it. I don't know how many girls he's made out with before but I just don't know how to fix this. Could this be a problem?

Yea that's a problem. You could give him suggestions on how to kiss you. Be like "I really like it when you give me a soft kiss" or "I love when you kiss me like this" and kiss him passionately and maybe he will FOLLOW YOUR LEAD, something like that. Don't tell him he's a bad kisser or he might get offended. Just give him really good suggestions on what you want from him. Maybe that's just his kissing style and yours is completely different. After you tell him how you want it I'm sure he will kiss you more passionately and less aggressive. Show him how it's done!

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so there's this guy I'm kinda crushin on but he doesn't really know me. I'm pretty sure he knows OF me, but I think he's so good looking and from what I know about him, I like. we graduated from the same high school only he's 2 years ahead of me. he works at this place really close to where I live. I've never even talked to him and I'm way too scared to make the first move and just randomly talk to him. we're facebook friends but I don't just wanna randomly message him, that might come on as a little creepy. what can I do to kinda get him to notice me?

You could show up at his work at least 3 times a week. Or give him a nice flirting line when he's at work. Maybe he will notice you and talk to you. Or you could workout and get some nice clothes to wear so he will come up and talk to you. If he still doesn't make the first move find out who he's friends with and talk to his friends. It should help since you have never talked to him. Hope this helped!

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My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. He seemed like he regretted it afterwards, he made the decision quite abruptly and didn't actually think it through.

We spoke here and there a while afterwards but then I cut contact. He still text me now and then saying he still loved me, missed me etc. I asked him whether that meant he wanted to get back together and he said he wasn't sure.

I haven't spoken to him for over a month, but I do check his facebook (bad I know) and he puts lyrics to our favourite songs all of the time. I know he isn't seeing anyone else and he always puts things like I wanna make you mine..or lyrics to songs we used to sing to eachother. Does this just mean he misses me?

I believe so. Every ex boyfriend misses their girl it's just hard for them to show it. Maybe he's just afraid of committing with you. He might still love you and never think of you any different. Just give him more time because it's only been a month imagine what would happen 2 months or 3? He could be crawling back to you. I know you miss him. But that's part of breaking up. You always miss the other person no matter how long you dated because they were special to you. Also he might not know that you miss him or love him because you didn't mention that in your problem. Just give him another month and see what happens time changes everything.

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Okay so I'm 19/female. Been dating a guy online for about 8 months and he's coming to visit me early 2011. The problem is I have so many insecurities and jealousy issues and it always makes us fight, a lot...I guess the reason I have them is because of past relationships, and the fact that my boyfriend used to be an online-flirt(like seriously) doesn't make things any easier seeing as he's still friends with some of those girls, who are really beautiful, and he's made it quite clear in the past just how beautiful they are. I know the past is the past and he's with me now but I can't stop thinking about it, like if he still likes them or secretly still wants them...I'm always finding something to get upset about, trying to find something he's done wrong like I'm waiting for him to mess up even though he's most likely not doing anything wrong. Before he gets here, he's staying with a friend of his because she's the only one he knows that lives close to the airport he's going to and she's giving him a lift there since he can't take his car and she's a model, a typical gorgeous blonde model and I'm worried he's going to be tempted by her. She dresses erotically almost all the time. My boyfriend says there's nothing to worry about because they've always been friends and she has a boyfriend whom lives with her, etc but it's just driving me insane. And I've looked and seen that with his other girlfriends in the past, he's shown them off to so many people online and even though he writes about me in his status' on facebook, i feel like he loved those girls more seeing as the way he wrote about them like he was obsessed with them and i just feel like i don't get as much attention as they did..

I need help. I don't want to feel this way. i want to trust him and actually be with him and enjoy his company and him enjoy mine, i don't want to fight anymore. someone help?

OH MY GOSH! I'm in the same problem expect I'm not online dating my boyfriend. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I'm also 19. That really sucks. I think he needs to prove himself that he loves you and only you because he's giving all these other girls so much attention and you aren't getting enough. He needs to cut back communication and closeness with them or you won't feel that you can trust him. I'm in the same situation right now. I think what you should do is spend more time with your girlfriends and guy friends if you want and he will see you slipping away from him and he will more than likely give you a lot of attention that you need. You need to feel loved and adored by your boyfriend or you might end up leaving him because you don't love him anymore. Trust me I know how your feeling it sucks. I hope this advice helps you out for when you end up seeing him next year. Good luck :)

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So I have this guy , and we have been seeing eachother for a month or two and he always makes these rude comments like ''oh if my ex was alive id marry he ri know you dont like hearing it'' or ''you have the same wasteline like amanada'' or makes jokes ''i would pick a 20 year old model instead of you '' and so lately.. i just ignored all the rudeness.. but i took him to a work party , and he made a joke saying '' oh i can make my imagination make you pretty'' and laughed and then made another rude joke of ugly jokes and put a cloth on my head and then looked around at all the girls adn then turned to me oh you look good too.. and its so frustrating because i do everythingn for him and he treats me like this... and he says he is a bit cruel but he didnt mean to hurt anyone , also he said that hes at his primetime of life 23 and he needs sex because he doesnt want to waste it as he heard on the base... and so , he said he wont wait years for me , but 6 months is enough and then later that night at work , he said he is happy with what i give him... does this make sense?


help
thank you so much
Betty

Yea that's very immature. I wouldn't date someone like that or even consider it a thought. It's not normal. Maybe he's just using you or something, for sex. Don't give him what he wants do what you want and maybe his attitude will change towards you for good. He's a weird guy.

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This won't be to long but anyway I have made mistakes in the past with guys and I am not going to go there but lets say I know good methods that work to get a guy but I just was wondering if anyone had anymore because I really need some help. I know everyone says be be yourself I know that its just do you have any like fun ways or you know what I mean haha?(:! see I am trying to get back my ex boyfriend and I can't really use the same approach anyone have any ideas?? -ThAnks(: Happy Holidays(:

Yep i know what your talking about.

Dont talk to a guy first.

Don't call him. Rarely return his calls.

Dont talk too much, don't stare at them.

Play hard to get

Read the Rules book it will help you get the guy to be in love with you forever and possibly marry you!

:)

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i like him, but what do i say when he asks me out?

Say yes and smile so he feels good about asking you out. :)

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I spent Thanksgiving alone, eating leftover spaghetti. I'm spending Christmas alone. I plan to spend New Year's alone. Both of my parents have passed away (car accident when I was 18) and I grew up as the only child. I don't have a lot of friends and I live by myself. I'm not really into big parties or clubs, but I feel bad when everybody talks about how great their Christmas (or whatever holiday) was and how they spent with with their family/friends and ate delicious foods.

What can I do on the holidays so that when somebody asks me at work about them it doesn't sound so dull and boring? All I ever say is, "Oh, it was fine. I spent the day alone and just relaxed," but everybody always makes a sad face and I know they feel sorry for me then. I wish I had something more to say so I could say something like, "...it was really fun!" or something. :\

So, any ideas for things I can start doing on the holidays so my life isn't so lifeless? I'm not really very social so it's not like I can somehow get invited to a special party, and I don't have family to get together and celebrate with. How can I change things so I don't have to be so embarrassed when people ask?

26/f

I'm really sorry. Well you can start saying yes to social events or anything people bring up to you. It will help you feel less depressed about your holidays. If you watched the movie YES Jim Carrey's life changed because he said yes to every opportunity that came his way and he felt more happy making other people happy. So just try doing that. If you want more just invite people over to give you some company. Or go visit your close friends. I know how lonely that can be. But just say yes next time someone asks you to go somewhere with them it can change your life for the better only if you want to.

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My mom got me a hamster for Christmas. He's really cute and I'm happy because I wanted a new pet for a long time. The hamster is kind of big and is black and white colored with a pink nose. I was wondering if anybody had some sort of cute Christmas names I could name him since I got him today (Christmas)? I'm not coming up with anything, and my mom is like, "Name him Santa!" so...any other ideas? Thanx

Boy names: Chedder, chow-chow, chub chub, chip, boo, batman, blackie, bear, buddy, cooper, doc, dusty, eddy, gilbert, hammie

Hope that helped they're really random names haha.

2 ♥

hi so i am a sophomore in college and i need to get a laptop for school, to take notes, write papers etc. next semester i am taking chemistry, psychology, and history. i know for sure I'll be using it for psych. and history. so what kind of laptop would i need? i want one with lots of space, a good hard drive, doesn't weigh a lot, etc. so if you could give me some ideas that would be great. thanks!

You should get a MacBook Pro Laptop. It never crashes and I got it my first year in college. And then after that my whole family became MAC people. It's light too and has a lot of space. And college students get a free ipod touch if they buy a MAC only if they're a full time student. I totally suggest a macbook pro. It's worth the money.

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Is it worth it? Will we turn out the same if I make the first move?

How am I supposed to approach him about taking this relationship further. We're best friends and we're like a couple, such as cuddling, holding hands, and talking about our personal lives, but excluding the title of boyfriend/girlfriend or any kissing/making out. I'm 50% sure he likes me and 50% he knows that I like him. But how do I tell him that I'm ready to START being able to kiss him, and call him my boyfriend.

We're both 18 by the way, freshman in college, and on Winter Break, and won't see each other for another 2 weeks.

I think you should just wait for him to make the first move because then you will know how he really feels about you. But usually the people that wait are the ones that get the best. Because trust me if a guy really wants to change the relationship he would do it already. Just wait, the best things happen to people who have patience.

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Okay this may be kinda long , well i was dating this guy for almost 3 years off and on, we have literally been thru hell in back because of our ex's, friends and family, basically we were stupid and insecure. Anywho we found out that he was moving out of state with his fam and he wanted me to come but his family didnt like me that much because they thought i was taking him away and that i wasnt in love with him like i said which was a lie. Well i went to visit him after he left for bout a month and everything went good family loved me and everything but then we started fight alot over lil old stuff that i found out he lied about and i told him that if we break up we are done for good, he told me he loved me and needed me so we was on the same note but he decided to come back with me to our home town so i left him with his fam for the weekend next time i see him he was different he had a nervous break down which they tried to blame on me but it happen with them NOT me. Well i stayed by his side NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED. I was yelled at cussed at feeling hurt heart broken and i still stayed by him everyday but he broke up with me. They finally went back and i started kinda talkin to another guy and when he seen it on my page he blew up and said i cheated and we were together and crap even tho i didnt talk to him in a week. I apologized but then my friend wrote me and made it worse so he deleted me FOR GOOD and because he knew that it would hurt he tried to flirt with my best friend over the internet knowin i was probably right there. I wrote him and wrote him, NOTHING! So outta know where he wrote me asking if i was pregnant months later and even had his ma ask but after that i heard nothing. Its been a year now and i jus seen his pictures on his sister page and start crying. His was my first love and i was his plus i took his virginity. Even tho he hurt me and i hurt him my feeling are still STRONG and it hurts , idk if he's with somebody or not but i miss him soooooo bad it hurts. So what do i do? Everyone say let go but i been trying for a year no luck and he still lives in another state but im moving there wit my sister this summer. Someone please help idk what to do im lost without him. Oh by the way 19/f and sorry so long. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas! I know how you feel....and I'm 19 too. If you want to be in a long distant relationship with this guy you need to really think about this long and hard. You've went out with this guy for 3 years, maybe your feelings for him are getting old and so are his. But whatever the case, you can either find a new guy start fresh with someone. Or date him. It's your choice. I wouldn't do a long distant relationship because it's just too hard and I love seeing the guy I'm in love with a lot. I understand that you've had a lot of history together but I think you need to either live near him or break it off completely. Be strong and move on. He may not be the one for you and another guy might want to date someone as special as you. Don't talk to him first, let him make the decision. Good luck girl :)

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My bf is really controlling. He always has to know where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, and everything. He controls like everything. If I end up being like 10 minutes late from when he told me to call him (like if I go out shopping and was suppose to call him at noon, but I call him at like 12:10) then he gets all angry and yells and screams and tells me I'm a really, really bad gf. I know this isn't healthy but I LOVE HIM. When he isn't mad at me then we have a really good time together. Is there something I can do to make him not controling and better understanding? Do I HAVE to dump him, because all my friends say he's just abusive and it'll get worse but he's everything to me. Help, please! What do I do?

Awwwww he's just crazy about you. Don't think he's just too controlling. But in your case, I would tell him what I'm doing, who I'm with. And where I am. So he knows and can trust you better. He's just worried about losing you. I know it may get annoying at times. But you have to tell him or give him a heads up on what your day is. He will feel closer to you and he won't ask you questions like What are you doing? Why can't you answer me? And all of that. Be completely honest with him. And don't lie to him or he will find out. If it gets to out of hand and you did everything I told you to do...then your best chance would be to find a new boyfriend. But this guy seems to really care about you. Make sure your giving him the time of day and showing that you care about him too!

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