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Problem with my online relationship
Okay so I'm 19/female. Been dating a guy online for about 8 months and he's coming to visit me early 2011. The problem is I have so many insecurities and jealousy issues and it always makes us fight, a lot...I guess the reason I have them is because of past relationships, and the fact that my boyfriend used to be an online-flirt(like seriously) doesn't make things any easier seeing as he's still friends with some of those girls, who are really beautiful, and he's made it quite clear in the past just how beautiful they are. I know the past is the past and he's with me now but I can't stop thinking about it, like if he still likes them or secretly still wants them...I'm always finding something to get upset about, trying to find something he's done wrong like I'm waiting for him to mess up even though he's most likely not doing anything wrong. Before he gets here, he's staying with a friend of his because she's the only one he knows that lives close to the airport he's going to and she's giving him a lift there since he can't take his car and she's a model, a typical gorgeous blonde model and I'm worried he's going to be tempted by her. She dresses erotically almost all the time. My boyfriend says there's nothing to worry about because they've always been friends and she has a boyfriend whom lives with her, etc but it's just driving me insane. And I've looked and seen that with his other girlfriends in the past, he's shown them off to so many people online and even though he writes about me in his status' on facebook, i feel like he loved those girls more seeing as the way he wrote about them like he was obsessed with them and i just feel like i don't get as much attention as they did..
I need help. I don't want to feel this way. i want to trust him and actually be with him and enjoy his company and him enjoy mine, i don't want to fight anymore. someone help?
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Haha. The below is hilarious. That's what you need, another insecure 19 year old advising you.
He doesn't need to prove himself, you need to break up. You aren't capable of establishing a real relationship with someone you've never met, nor with someone you can't see on a fairly regular basis.
You're basing your evaluation of how much he cares about you on his facebook activity.
Facebook activity. This is not what relationships are. You're not a high schooler any more and soon you won't be a teenager, it's time to leave the kiddy shit behind you and the first step is dating someone you can interact with face to face in such a way that you establish a real relationship and are forced to deal with real relationship issues.
Also, being a guy, let me give you a tip. When a guy talks about his exes and describes how they look to you without being asked and probably convinced to talk about it (which would mean you had issues) he's trying to make you jealous to gauge your interest.
You want to not feel this way? Get a relationship with some substance, where you interact face to face and you can learn (like a normal adult human being) to judge people's actions and figure them out rather than take their words on faith and come up with little verbal mindgames to play with each other to feel each other out (which is what your fights and his bragging both are).
You'll never know if any guy you date can look you in the eye and lie until he does it and gets caught. That won't happen at distance unless he's really fucking stupid. Hence, as you're looking for him to mess up you will never trust him because you'll never really know if he did.
You won't learn to base your trust off positive actions and attributes until you have a boyfriend who is there on a regular basis for you to see and interact with and provide those positive actions and attributes with more than words.
End it. You're growing up, it's time to venture away from the computer.
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OH MY GOSH! I'm in the same problem expect I'm not online dating my boyfriend. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I'm also 19. That really sucks. I think he needs to prove himself that he loves you and only you because he's giving all these other girls so much attention and you aren't getting enough. He needs to cut back communication and closeness with them or you won't feel that you can trust him. I'm in the same situation right now. I think what you should do is spend more time with your girlfriends and guy friends if you want and he will see you slipping away from him and he will more than likely give you a lot of attention that you need. You need to feel loved and adored by your boyfriend or you might end up leaving him because you don't love him anymore. Trust me I know how your feeling it sucks. I hope this advice helps you out for when you end up seeing him next year. Good luck :)
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